The Questionnaire
by books4evah
Summary: I have found out how little we wizards know about each other. In attempt to modify this, I, Romilda Vane, have created a godsend. The Questionnaire.
1. Introduction By Romilda Vane

Disclaimer: I own nothing, other than the questionnaire.

AN: Here is my new story. Very random, I just felt like doing it, after Leanne did the questionnaire in Reality Quidditch. Yeah, it's going to be very long, and you'll understand that after reading this chapter, hopefully. So, enjoy!

**The Questionnaire**

_Hello my good friends (and enemies, though there's only one of those, Hermione Granger, the stealer of my man. Grr….). This is Romilda Vane speaking to you, through my new book, The Questionnaire. I have found out how little we wizards know about our fellows. So, I decided it was in order to compile a questionnaire, to be taken by every single wizard known to man (yes, even those who have already died, thanks to my trusty time turner), and collect them all for the means of this book. The questionnaires all focus on the same things, but the questions vary. I mean, how boring would it get if I asked everyone who their crush was? I mean, reading my name over and over and over again isn't that interesting, is it? So, don't worry if the questions vary every few questionnaires; there are several different versions. My questionnaire will come first, and through it, I will explain how the questionnaire works. That is it, and I wish you a happy and learning reading!_

_-Romilda C. Vane_

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Romilda Carter (it is not a boy's name! It is a family name!) Vane, and I'm currently twenty seven. This question will always be on the questionnaire.

**Describe yourself.**

This question also stays on the questionnaire. And, I'm a smart, spunky, beautiful, courageous young girl, who is awaiting her proposal from a certain Ronald Bilius Weasley any day now. So watch out Granger!

**Where are you right now?**

In my house. This will be on all questionnaires.

**What are your likes?**

Again, this is on all questionnaires. I like Ronald Bilius Weasley. Or Ronnie-poo, Ronniekins, Won-won, and a variety of other his aliases. He's super mega hot. Now, I know most of you think I like his best friend, Harry Potter. Those who think that are crazy, and need immediate psychiatric help. Who would change a raven for a dove? That's Shakespeare for who would want a wimpy, ugly Harry Potter, when they could have the mega macho, so hot you want to pout syrup all over him and do stuff that would make fully grown adults turn away in fear and disgust, sweet Ron Weasley? Yeah, I thought that. None of you. Besides, Harry hated me. I know for a fact that on Ron's birthday in his sixth year, he fell madly in love with me. So madly in love, that he broke up with his girlfriend. Now that's what I'm talking about. Well, better get on with things, I suppose.

**What are your dislikes?**

HERMIONE GRANGER! SHE THINKS SHE CAN STEAL WON-WON FROM ME! AARGHHHH! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! Oh, yeah, and this question will also be on all questionnaires.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

This is the last question that will be on all questionnaires. And I'm planning our Hermione Granger's death. I'd explain further, but I don't want to cause permanent mental trauma.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Actually, this is the last question here that is on all questionnaires. I really don't know what I was thinking when I included it. But, ah well. And my saying is Ron Weasley is hot. Which is a saying, by the way. I created it, after all!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Ronald Weasley! This question will always be a 'who' question. Like 'who do you currently miss?' or 'who makes your bed in the mornings?' and so on.

**How pretty do you think you are?**

Very. Everyone in my year swore I was the prettiest. But, for some odd reason, they crossed their fingers behind their backs while doing it. Strange, huh? Well, these questions all say the exact same thing, but the adjective will be different. I might use smart or arrogant, or gullible.

**Would you rather spend a hundred galleons or save them?**

Spend. On very high heeled shoes to make Ron drool over me! And maybe a tight fitting set of robes too… This question is always a 'would you rather' one. Like 'would you rather eat eight spiders, or wear green for the rest of your life?' or 'would you rather get lots of small gifts on Christmas, or one large one?' pretty much.

**If you were shipwrecked and had only thing with you (no people), what would it be?**

A hairbrush. My hair needs to stay perfect! And this is a 'what if' question. I highly doubt that you don't know what they are (like 'if a large spider was in the room, what would you do?').

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

Thank the lord for creating Ron Weasley. And this is the question about personal routine. There will always be one of those. Like 'what do you wear to bed?', 'how do you usually wear your hair?', 'where do you usually eat dinner?'. Get it?

**What color do you wish your hair was?**

Black. It's always been black, and I like it that way. Though, it can look very good on some people, like Ron Weasley, for instance. And this is one of the wishes questions, asking about stuff you wish. Like 'where do you wish you where?', 'what job do you wish you could have?', 'who do you wish you could meet?' and on.

**Have you ever been overly obsessive?**

Psh. Yeah right. Obviously no. Though, some of my friends are idiotic and say I have been obsessive over Ron. Let me set you all straight. Ron is not an obsession. He is a passion, like Monet had a passion for art. See? Difference! And this is a question on stuff you have been. Like for instance, it might ask if you've ever made balloon animals, or swum with a mermaid, and on.

**Brush or comb?**

Both. Combing gets out tangles, and brushing smoothes all the hair down. But, if I had to pick, I'd choose brush. So this just mentions two things (like the aforementioned brush and comb), just pick the one you like best, or the one you do. So, it might say 'Canada or Caribbean' and you might prefer Canada, and therefore say Canada. Or, it might be 'floo or apparate', and you floo places, so you'd say floo.

_And that is the end of my example questionnaire. I hope you all understood! I had fun taking the questionnaire (and I assume the others did also), and I hope you have fun reading this!_

_-Romilda Vane_

AN: Yes, if you're confused, ask in a review. The rest will be shorter, as I'm not partially explaining what the questions mean. Romilda Vane will also never be saying anything here every again (unless someone is complaining about her, then I'll mention her). I plan to tell small stories through the questionnaires, so I'd welcome any advice or suggestions for people to write (other than Harry and the marauders and Lily, I have something special planned for them). Review!


	2. Harry Potter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

**What is your name and age?**

Harry Potter, fifteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I have jet-black messy hair, and green eyes (they say their my mother's). I also have a lightning bolt scar. Currently, I'm in mourning.

**Where are you?**

At the ministry. I was just possessed by Voldemort. I'm not any more, but I just learned that I have to kill him. Joy.

**What are your likes?**

Uh… Quidditch, I s'pose. And my friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley, my godfather, Sirius Black, and Cho Chang. Though, I'm not really sure I like her. She's was cheating on me, wasn't she? And she's a horrible kisser. I guess she's off my like list. So forget I ever said her. So, I guess I like Ginny, now.

**What are your dislikes?**

Voldemort, obviously. And Malfoy (both of them), Bellatrix Lestrange, and Cho Chang. I think I also don't like how Sirius just died. Yeah, I don't like that.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I have to kill Voldemort. I'm in serious mourning about it. I mean, if he kills me first, what will become of this fabulous body? That's right! It'll decompose, and then what heartthrob will the girls have to stare at? And don't mention Ron, Dean, Seamus, Malfoy, Wood, a picture of Diggory, Neville, Luna, Dumbledore, Snape, Flitwick, Crabbe, Goyle, Terry Boot, Ernie Macmillan, my dead father, any of the Dursleys, Mad-eye Moody, or Filch. THEY ARE NOT HOTTER THAN ME, NO MATTER WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAYS!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Er- I really don't have a favorite saying. Er, I'll just say 'er'.

**Who is the ugliest person you have ever met?**

Definitely Umbridge. I really don't know how Fudge can stand having an affair with her. Ew.

**How ugly do you think you are?**

Not at all. I mean, all those girls asked me to the Yule Ball! I have to be the hottest man on earth!

**Would you rather be ugly, or stuck in a standard sized broom closet with seven Slytherins for the rest of your life?**

NOT THE UGLY! NOT THE UGLY! NOOOOOOOOOOO! I mean; I chose the Slytherins.

**What if you were ugly?**

I would jump off the Astronomy tower into a large pool of acid, with mutant sharks with laser beams attached to their foreheads, and the pool is shallow, with lots of jagged rocks at the bottom. Except more painful.

**What do you do in the mornings, to keep yourself from looking ugly?**

Moi? Ugly? Psh, in your dreams!

**What do you wish you could change about yourself?**

Nothing! I mean, even though the scar hurts like hell, it's a total chick magnet!

**Have you ever been ugly?**

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE UGLY QUESTIONS? NO MORE UGLY! IT MAKES ME BECOME FEARFUL, THINKING ABOUT ME BEING UGLY! I ALMOST- NEVERMIND, I ALREADY PEED MY PANTS THINKING ABOUT IT!

**AKF or Death Eaters?**

AKF? Isn't that the Australian Koala Foundation? They save koalas. WHY IS THERE AN ORGANIZATION SAVING KOALAS? THEY SHOULD BE SAVING _ME_! DIE AKF, DIEEEEEEEEEE! Take that as death eaters. I would sooner join their ranks than the ranks of those who chose not to save me!

-&-

AN: Like it? Is Harry a bit over the top? Yeah, no insults to those who actually like Harry as a character. I was doing this in the name of humor.


	3. Ron Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Ronald Bilius Weasley. But I go by Ron. And I'm sixteen. Just barely, though.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm kind of clumsy. And not that smart. Nothing like Hermione. I'm in the end of my fifth year at Hogwarts. I'm also pretty bruised because of those brains, seeing as I just got out of the ministry, after me, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, and Luna defeated the Death Eaters. That was cool.

**Where are you?**

Uh, well, back in the lobby of the ministry. Dumbledore's arranging for us to get back to Hogwarts.

**What are your likes?**

I like my friends, and my family (but don't tell the twins that). And I like the Chudley Cannons. And, well, this following sentence is top secret. Don't tell _anyone._ I like Hermione (Granger).

**What are your dislikes?**

Krum. That bon-bon of a Bulgarian thinks he can maraud around Hogwarts and steal my girl. I'll show him. And remember, not a word of this to anyone! The twins would mock me for life…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How idiotic Krum is. I hope I never see him again. Don't want to be sent to Azkaban, do I?

**What's your favorite saying?**

The good guy always wins (and gets the girl). See, Krum is the enemy, he is bad. And if he's my enemy, then I'm the good guy. So therefore I'll win. And get the girl (cough-Hermione-cough).

**Who means the most to you?**

My friends. But if I must pick and choose, I'd say Hermione. I mean, c'mon. Hermione helps me with studying and my homework. I'd never pass the OWLs without her. All Harry does is whine about how unfair his life is. And _he's_ the rich one. And it doesn't help that Hermione's the one I have a crush on.

**How worthless do you think you are?**

Very. Seriously. I'm only the sidekick. Hermione's the smart one; Harry's the courageous one, and what does that leave me? The one who's good at chess? Very uplifting. And in my family? Let's see; mum and dad are the head, and care about everyone (other than Slytherins); Bill's the cool curse breaker; Charlie's the dragon worker, who's an amazing seeker; Percy's the head boy; the twins are the pranksters and great beaters; and Ginny's the only girl for several generations. What does that leave me? The kid who introduced Harry Potter to the family. Wow. That's all I'm good for. See? I'm worthless. Kill me, and see who'll notice. Yeah, no one. Except Harry. He'll ask (after several months), 'Hey? Where's that annoying kid with the red hair?"

**Would you rather eat eight spiders or wear green for the rest of your life?**

GREEN.

**What if there was a large spider in the room?**

I'D RUN OUT AND GET GINNY TO SQUASH IT. RUN AWAY! RUN AWAAAAAY!

**Where is the first place you go on a regular day?**

My first class….?

**What is your second biggest wish?**

Well, my first is for Hermione to like me back. I s'pose my second is to rid the world of all spiders.

**Have you ever worn a hideously ugly outfit in front of a huge group of people?**

Yes, and I don't feel like saying anything more than the Yule Ball made me do it.

**Washington D.C. or Katmandu?**

Don't know either. But, Katmandu sounds funnier. I say Katmandu.

-&-

AN: Poor Ron, and his horrible self-esteem. And I know Ron isn't insane, but I love him, and can't make him that insane. I tried to make him humble/modest. Review!


	4. Hermione Granger

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Remember, this is pure character bashing. I do not mean to insult any of your favorite characters. A lot of them will be OOC. Sorry.

**The Questionnaire**

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Hermione Jane Granger, sixteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm in sixth year. I'm a wizard, though a muggle born. I have this horrid bushy hair, and I'm a know-it-all, and proud of it!

**Where are you?**

In an abandoned classroom, because I saw Ron snogging Lavender. It's quite sick, really, it is. I mean, poor Seamus, he's had a crush on Lavender since who knows when! When will that stupid little blonde realize she's missing out on the man of her dreams? It definitely isn't Ron. He's a pathetic, gangly, annoying, frustrating, sexy, idiotic jerk. Wait, did I call him sexy? Ugh…

**What are your likes?**

Reading. Learning. The wizarding world. If it weren't for wizards, my parents would probably stick me in the field of dentistry. I'd quite rather work at the ministry.

**What are your dislikes?**

Ron. Well, I love him, cause he's my friend, but, he can get so _annoying_! I mean, what does he think he was doing, kissing Lavender like that? In front of me! Not that I like him or anything…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Ron. And his stupid, kissing Lavender-ness. Ugh. The nerve of that, that, that _thing_!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Don't put of till tomorrow what you can do today. I'm a total anti-procrastination freak. I mean, seriously, if you do it when you first have the chance, you have more time later, and won't worry about anything. Unlike Ron. He never does anything before the night previous the due date! Though, I suppose it is sort of endearing…. NO! I DO NOT LIKE RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY! ARGHH!

**Who is currently one of your friends (of the opposite gender) and will most likely become more than just a friend?**

What the bloody hell does that mean? Oh, excuse my language, I guess that Ron's growing on me. But, if I had to choose between Harry and Ron for my boyfriend, I'd choose Ron. Harry may be a lot more preferable, but that'd be sick. I mean; Harry's my pseudo-brother. And dating him would be incest. And I do NOT believe in incest.

**How smart do you think you are?**

Is that rhetorical?

**Would you rather date your best friend (of the opposite gender) or kiss the giant squid?**

Uh, I really don't want to kiss the squid. But, I don't want to date Harry (as I don't believe in incest). So, which friend are you talking about? I choose dating the best friend, but only if the friend is Ron. But under no circumstances does that actually mean I like him. Hell no.

**What if you were the last person on earth, other than your best friend (of the opposite gender)?**

Which friend of the opposite gender? Harry, or Ron? Ron, and I will sacrifice the ickiness to repopulate the world. Harry, and sorry, the human race will have to die out.

**About how much time do you spend with your friends (of the opposite gender)?**

Most of the day (not at night, to you perverted idiots!).

**Do you ever wish there was something more between you and your friend (of the opposite gender)?**

Er, well, you see, there's this, um, uh, just, NO?

**Have you ever been more than just friends with your friend (of the opposite gender)?**

Alright, are you trying to hint something here?

**Harry Potter or Ron Weasley?**

What the bloody hell? You know what? I give in! DAMNIT! I LOVE RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF! AND I WILL JINX HIM SO LITTLE YELLOS BIRDIES ATTACK HIM WHEN I NEXT SEE HIM WITH THAT GIGGLING LITTLE MOTHER F-

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane. I shouldn't be interrupting the questionnaire, but I would like to say that the following part is censored. Which would be about eleven lines of curse words, and gory planning. I'm sorry for the inconvenience._

_-Romilda Vane_

_**CENSORED**_

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OF A WITCH, LAVENDER BROWN! DIE, DIE, DIEEEEEEEEE! AIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! Hm, I really should start practicing my battle cry.

-&-

AN: Yeah, that's the most OOC Hermione I've ever written (or seen for that matter). I suppose Hermione needs to let of steam somehow. Remember, those of you who like Hermione, it's all for the sake of humor. In the books, I love Hermione too. I just hate her with an undying passion in the movies. Emma Watson makes Hermione seem like a _**CENSORED**_! I mean, in the fifth movie, Hermione pretty much takes over Ron's part, and becomes pretty much as big of a character as Harry. I mean, seriously, Ron had a smaller part than _Neville_ in that movie. I swear! Sorry, I really needed to rant about that.


	5. Ginny Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Ginerva Molly Weasley, and I'm 15.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm totally in love with Harry Potter. He may not be the hottest person in the school (I hear it's really Ron, but as he's my brother, I think Seamus is hotter). So, I decided to make him jealous. And now, I am with Dean, my new boyfriend. I would have gotten Seamus, but he was in a never-ending pursuit of Lavender Brown.

**Where are you?**

In the Gryffindor common room, sitting hand in hand with Dean, trying to make Harry jealous.

**What are your likes?**

Harry, and Quidditch.

**What are your dislikes?**

Slytherins and Charms (Charms is the devil. How the bloody hell are you supposed to get a _pineapple_ to dance across a desk? I'm not bloody Merlin here!).

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, the pineapple thing has me thinking. So, do you think Merlin ever had to make a pineapple dance across a table? I know, I know, silly question. Merlin probably did it millions of times. In fact, he probably had it doing ballet! And I asked Professor Flitwick, who said that ballet was the hardest of the dances a pineapple could do. Much worse then the flamingo or the Macarena. In fact, Flitwick can't make the pineapple do ballet himself! Bloody hypocrite! Why is he teaching us to make pineapples tap dance across a desk when he can't make them do ballet himself! I bet Hermione could master the art of pineapple ballet. You know what the worst part is? Next week, we have to make grapes do the waltz. And, the incantations and wand movements are utterly different. And, apparently, we have to do this for _every single bloody __**CENSORED**__ fruit known to man. _URGHH!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Once a pineapple, always a pineapple. Hm… Mutant giant bloody evil pineapples must be taking over my brain. Well… I s'pose I should get rid of them. Sigh…

**Who is most important to you?**

Either Harry or Chuck, mutant giant bloody evil dictator of the mutant giant bloody evil pineapples. Darn. I really must have my head checked. But, then again, I always do go haywire when Harry's near, and the closer, the more haywire. AND HARRY'S TEN YARD AWAY! HYPERVENTILATE! HYPERVENTILATE! ARGH! THIS IS GREAT! HARRY MUST REALLY LOVE ME TO BE SO CLOSE!

**How great of a swimmer do you think you are?**

Well, I'd go test my theory (which I'm very unstable about), but then I'd be stripping and jumping out the window. And then Harry might decide I'd be a waste of his time.

**Would you rather eat squid for the rest of your life, or get a free Firebolt?**

Hm… I say the squid. Calamari is yummy…

**What if you were stuck on a deserted island?**

I'd- wait, what would I do? I really don't know. I suppose the first thing I'd do would be use my wand to make a fire, and then plan out a colorful stereotypical "island" way of life that'd I follows till I die. Then I'd train the native animals to talk and sing, and produce a musical! Called 'Barbie and the Island Princess', staring me! Hm… In that case, I better go sign up for some acting/singing lessons in case this happens. I don't want that musical to be a flop.

**What is your most prized accessory?**

My, er, post-it-parchments. I can easily pull one off the pad, scribble down 'Avada Kedavra me' and place it on someone's back! Yeah, good times, good times. Last time I did it, I never saw Cedric Diggory again. I had a good reason, before you stick an accusing finger at me! He was stealing all the good guys!

**What do you wish you had never done?**

Use that time turner. I ended up in this place where people were dressed really weird. The guys had these vests, and tights and like high heels. A few women were there, wearing these all out dresses and bonnets. But, these other guys had on strange long red coats, and long skinny metal things, with sharper skinny metal things on the end. And I was thinking 'fire', because of the red, and so I yelled fire, and the red coats (which is what I'll call the guys with red coats) started pulling a trigger on the long metal skinny things, and small round metal things came out, going towards the other people, who started throwing rocks at them. It was scary, and I barely made it out.

**Have you ever started a war?**

Well, when I talked to Percy about what happened above, he launched into great detail about the muggle history of the U.S.A. (does he spend spare time memorizing this stuff or what?). And apparently, that was the Boston Massacre I started. Which led to the Boston Tea Party (those Americans are weird, with their tea parties involving the whole city. Where would they get a large enough table?), which led to the Intolerable Acts (you know, I always thought that acting was a tolerable profession. Maybe I'm wrong…), and those finally led to the American Revolution. I asked Percy what the American Revolution was, and he said it was a war between America and Britain, where the Americans were fighting from independence from Britain. So, if you think hard enough, you can come to the conclusion that I have in fact started a war.

**Pie or cake?**

Got to say pie. See, mum lets us eat pie for breakfast (if it's fruit pie). So I can have dessert for breakfast! Yay!

-&-

AN: Sorry to those of you who don't know squat about American history. So, basically, the British had America as colonies, and soldiers were placed in the colonies. No one liked it terribly much. So, some Americans decided to throw stones at the soldiers in Boston, and apparently someone unknown yelled fire, and the British began shooting. Yeah, it's complicated. Don't worry about it. Review!


	6. Neville Longbottom

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Neville Longbottom, and I'm sixteen years old.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm not as stupid as I look, but I think I just prove that wrong.

**Where are you?**

In my dorm room, griping about my stupidity.

**What are your likes?**

DON'T USE THIS AGAINST ME! But, I like Luna… moment of embarrassment here…

**What are your dislikes?**

How I can have some blonde moments, WHEN I'M NOT BLONDE.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

My idiocy. I just ruined my life, and relationship with her.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I don't know! Maybe think before you speak, or, in my case, act. That would have saved me a lot of aggravation.

**Who is your closet friend?**

I don't have too many close friends. My closet friends are probably Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Luna. And I bet they don't consider me a close friend. Eurgh.

**How unstructured do you think you are?**

Very. I'm an idiot for doing that. I need to find something nice and hard to hit myself over the head with several trillion times. Meh.

**Would you rather declare your love for someone in the middle of a crowded hallway, in the loudest voice you're able to muster, or eat only snails for the rest of your life?**

After what I just did, and the reaction I got, I'll take the snails.

**What if a toad suddenly spazed out in front of you, and dropped to the floor, freezing cold, and motionless?**

First, I'd check to make sure it wasn't Trevor. Then, if it was, I'd kill Malfoy. If it wasn't, I'd hand it to that group of messed up second years who like to dissect everything they come in contact with.

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

It used to that I'd brush my teeth. But, from now on, I think I'll hit myself over the head with a beater's bat several times. Maybe I'll die. That'd be a step up from the agony and embarrassment I'm feeling now.

**What was your biggest wish when you were ten?**

It was that I wouldn't have to go to muggle school (cause I would have, if I wasn't magical). The high school I would go to is called Loveit. I can jut imagine the conversations…

'What school do you go to?'

'Loveit.'

'That's great, but what's the name of the school?'

'Loveit.'

'I SAID; WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR SCHOOL?'

'I SAID; LOVEIT!'

Yes, it's actually pronounced as 'love-it'. Seriously. There's also this one:

'What school do you go to?'

'I go to Loveit.'

'You go to school to _what_?'

'Loveit. I go to learn.'

'Subliminal messaging...'

'I go to Loveit.'

'That's improper grammar.'

'No it isn't!'

And on and on…. Ugh. I hated that name. Not to mention that the schools in Kent are _horrible_.

**Have you ever talked to yourself?**

What sane person doesn't? I'm talking to myself right now, on what an idiot I am, aren't I?

**Kiss or snog?**

I don't know what you're talking about… hehe… HEAR ME? NOTHING HAPPENED! I just, there's this thing, and I, well, I didn't mean to, don't blame me, please, but, um, er, well, the…. ALRIGHT, I ADMIT IT! I KISSED HER! I KISSED LUNA LOVEGOOD!

-&-

AN: Ooooooh… Cliffhanger! There is a second part to this, no worries. And that part about Loveit, well, my friend and I heard some kid in our grade was going to a school called Loveit next year, and we faked those conversations, yes. You're lucky, I was planning to use that on Dean (Thomas), but I guess you got it early, huh?


	7. Luna Lovegood

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Luna Lovegood, fifteen years of age.

**Describe yourself.**

In love.

**Where are you?**

In the corridor, where I just had my first kiss.

**What are your likes?**

Neville.

**What are your dislikes?**

Everything not Neville.

**What are you thinking about?**

NEVILLE JUST KISSED ME! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! You see, I've been crushing on Neville since I met him at the beginning of last year. He may be a clumsy, Gryffindor, whose a year above me, but I don't care. He's cute and caring. And my dream man. But, I never thought he'd go for me. So, I tried setting him up. Heaven knows that guy needs a boyfriend. I tried Hannah Abbott, Padma Patil, Cho Chang, Susan Bones, and a variety of other girls. But, he never went for them. In fact, we started blowing up about it. And I finally asked him why he didn't go for any of the girls I set him up with. He didn't sya anything, but he kissed me. On the lips. SQUEAL!

**What's your favorite saying?**

The Nargles are coming! The Nargles live in mistletoe, and I can only hope that's where Neville and I are headed.

**Who's your best friend?**

Er, it's Padma Patil. She isn't as fashion obsessed as her sister, and she's really nice. We're really good friends.

**How insane do you think you are?**

Not as insane as I seem. My dad brought me up that way. I mean, you try not repeating the stuff you lived and breathed for like centuries!

**Would you rather join the death eaters or star in the Seussical?**

Death Eaters. The Seussical makes fun of Nargles and Crumple Horned Schnacks.

**What is the first thing you do when you wake up?**

Go back to sleep.

**Do you ever wish you hadn't done something?**

If I do, it certainly wasn't kissing Neville.

**Have you ever seen a muggle 'movie'?**

Yeah, 'Star Wars'. Daddy said it represented an early magical community of a different planet. I can't help but thinking how much it's like life today (Han Solo and Leia's relationship is so much like a certain Weasley and Granger's).

**Potions or Herbology?**

Herbology. It's Neville's best subject. And speaking of Neville, I think I'll go ask him out…

-&-


	8. Lily Evans

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

Lily Marie Pot- I mean Evans. Yeah, I'm Lily Marie Evans. Not a Potter. Yet. I MEAN NEVER! Oh, I'm seventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

I've got auburn hair, green eyes, and a stalker (Potter). I do _not_ have a crush on Potter.

**Where are you?**

In my dormitories. Though I probably shouldn't be telling you this. You could tell Potter. He's probably looking for me now.

**What are your likes?**

Not Potter. In fact, I like embarrassing, hexing, and over all hurting James Potter.

**What are your dislikes?**

Potter, and his stupid Potter-ness.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

It's sort of complicated. See, I like hurting Potter, right? Well, I decided it'd be fun to knee him where the sun don't shine. If I do it right, he might never be able to have children again, and what a blessing that'd be for the world. But, I'd have to be close to do that. So, I kissed him. Like hot steamy snogging. The plan was that I'd knee him in the midst of the snogging, and run off cackling. But I didn't. He kissed back, and he's a great snogger, and I just, like, _melted_ in his arms, and URGH! He thinks I like him now!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Well, it used to be 'what goes around comes around'. I thought that meant that Potter would end up getting his just reward for being the annoying arrogant prick he is. But nooooo. Now I'll probably get pretty banged up for this. Darn. My back up plan is failing.

**Who bugs you the most in the world?**

Easy. Potter. He's a bloody prick. Though, at least he doesn't go around calling me mudblood, like my ex-friend Snape. Now that I think about it, he always stands up for me when that happens. Even when I don't need it. It is kind of sweet…. Bugger. My reasons for hating him are dwindling. He's still the person who bugs me the most. Even if it is because I need an answer…

**How mature do you think you are?**

Even if I'm not Dumbledore, I'm still a lot more mature than Potter, Black, and Pettigrew combined.

**Would you rather admit to liking your sworn enemy in front of his face, or never like someone again?**

Second option. In my opinion, the world would be better off without love. Or Potter. Either one, take your pick.

**What if you kissed your sworn enemy?**

Seeing as I just did that, I'd be safe to say take this questionnaire. But other than that, I'd jump off the astronomy tower. Which I think I'll do after I finish this.

**How do you usually wear your hair?**

In a high ponytail. Which it isn't currently in, as Potter undid it so he could run his fingers through my hair while kissing me. He had no right to do that! Just because I was relishing the fact that I was running my fingers through his hair at that moment of time doesn't mean he's allowed to do it! His hair was really soft…

**What qualities does your dream significant other have?**

Uh… Well, dark hair. Blond hair makes me want to gag for some reason. I kind of like it messy, like Potter's hair. And he's sweet. Like Potter' poetry for me is on Valentines day. Though I'm fairly sure Lupin writes it for him. I like mischievous guys too. They're fun. And he has to care for me. Like I guess Potter does, as he hasn't given up on me after six and a half years of slaps. Heck with it!

**Have you ever fallen in love with your sworn enemy?**

I think I just have… I guess there's no point in hiding it now. I love James Potter! And will not jump off the astronomy tower. I'll find Pot-James. And maybe kiss him. He _is_ a bloody good snogger.

**Sworn enemy or no one?**

Where were you the last five minutes?

-&-

AN: Review!


	9. James Potter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

James David Potter, seventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm happily married to Lily Evans. I wish.

**Where are you?**

In a corridor where LILY JUST KISSED ME.

**What are your likes?**

Lily.

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that Lily just ran away from me. And Slytherins.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How Lily just kissed me, and ran away. And how good she is at kissing. And how I love her. And how I wished she'd marry me.

**What's your favorite saying?**

The course of true love never did run smooth. Doesn't that capture my relationship with Lily perfectly, or what?

**Who is the most insane person you have ever met?**

Not Lily. She's probably the sanest. After Remus of course. It's probably Sirius.

**How lovable do you think you are?**

Well, I used to think I was very lovable. But then why won't Lily love me? I probably reflect love or something like that. Which would mean I'm definitely not lovable. So, there's your answer.

**Would you rather eat ten pounds of flobberworms, or be stuck in the Sahara desert for a month?**

Neither. I'd rather kiss Lily. But, I'd choose the Sahara, if Lily came with me.

**What if you never saw the love of your life again?**

Easy. I'd brutally murder myself.

**Is there a special thing you do in the morning to look presentable for your significant other?**

Yeah, I try to make my hair lie flat. Lily hates it messy. But, sigh, it's always in vain.

**Where do you wish you were right now?**

With Lily. Hopefully snogging her.

**Have you ever done the Macarena?**

What's that? It's a muggle thing, isn't it? Oh! It's that dance with the arm motions and the hip waving thing! Mmmmm… I' love to watch Lily dance that. And I'd dance that if Lily taught me. But, I have not danced it before.

**Best friend or girlfriend?**

Girlfriend! But only if the girlfriend is Lily. I'd rather have her than Sirius. Sirius can get a little annoying at points. Wait, is that Lily calling me? Must go!

-&-

AN: You'll find out what happens next chapter. Review!


	10. Remus Lupin

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

Remus John Lupin, and I'm seventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

I go to Hogwarts School for Witch Craft and Wizardry (as I'm a wizard), and am in seventh year. I have three best friends, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew. I am also on good terms with Lily Evans, and her friends, Alice Prewett and Frank Longbottom.

**Where are you?**

In my dormitory, trying to get to sleep (well, I was before I began to do this questionnaire) as James (or Prongs) rants about the perfection that is Lily Evans.

**What are your likes?**

Chocolate and books. They make such a good combination. It's a pity chocolate isn't allowed in the library.

**What are your dislikes?**

James ranting at one o'clock in the morning (on a Thursday, might I add) about how perfect Lily is.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'm quite surprised, actually. James got Lily to agree to go on a date with him. She kissed him yesterday, and then ran away. Then she ran back to him, apologizing, and admitting that she liked him. James grinned like a mad man, and kissed her. That kiss went on too long, and in front of us, their friends! I am scarred for life.

**What is your favorite saying?**

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. That's from Emerson. It means a lot to me, as a lycanthropic and all.

**Who makes fun of you the most?**

Sirius. I swear! Like once, we all went to see his favorite (and only good) cousin. Andromeda. Well, she had a daughter, named Nymphadora, I think (poor kid, I think I'd kill myself if I was stuck with a name like that). And she cried whenever I wasn't holding her! Eurgh. And Sirius never forgot it! He's still mocking me over it, when it was three years ago!

**How modest do you think you are?**

Modest? Of course I am. I'm a werewolf for Pete's sake!

**Would you rather be stuck in a broom closet with a death eater, or the person who annoys me the most?**

Well, last time I was that close to Sirius, he decided he was a vampire, and bit my neck. I had a hickey for a week. Of course, I got a lot of praise from various girls, but Lily and Alice mocked me for weeks afterwards. Yeah, I think I'll take the death eater.

**What if you were locked in a closet for a week without food?**

That's why I carry a shrunken stash of chocolate with me at all times. You never know, with Sirius in your dorm room.

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

Silence Sirius because of his yelling in my ear, and hex him for jumping on my bed/me.

**What job do you wish you had?**

Any job with a suitable income. I am a werewolf, after all. But, I'd really love to be able to create a cure for lycanthropy.

**Have you ever woken up to be completely buried in meatballs?**

Yes, and too many times for my liking. Again, this is what happens with Sirius in your dorm. Though, one time for a birthday, I woke up buried in chocolate. Now, _that_ was fun.

**Meatballs or oysters?**

Which do I like to eat more? Neither, Sirius has an unhealthy obsession with both. Once, he decided to (and I quote) 'Mix 'em all together and you know that it's the best of both worlds!" Except he sang it. And all the while he sang he created an oyster ball. Just don't ask.

-&-

AN: Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. What are we going to do with him? I personally vote for the straight jacket and 'happy' room. Which is where you'll go if you don't review. Review!


	11. Peter Pettigrew

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

Peter Peyton Pettigrew. And I'm seventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

Angry. Resentful. Mad. At Lily Evans.

**Where are you?**

At a Death Eater initiation program.

**What are your likes?**

Not being a death eater.

**What are your dislikes?**

Lily Evans.

**What are you thinking right now?**

Well, you see, I really wanted Lily to get together with James. And one of her faorite phrases was 'when hell freezes over, Potter.' So, I decided to make hell freeze over. I've been working on the plan since fourth year. First, I learned a good freezing charm. I'm awesome at it! I could freeze over the entirety of Asia if I wanted to! But, then again, learning that might be why I only passed two OWLs (muggle studies and charms). Still, all for the sake of the plan, right? So, then I needed to get down to hell. Which is why I'm becoming a death eater. That grants you a one-way ticket to hell, it does. But, she already got with James, so my plan was in vain! And I'm a death eater! I don't want to be a death eater!

**What's your favorite saying?**

It at first you don't succeed, try, try again. I'll try until I die, to get out of this prison that is being a death eater. Ah, who am I kidding? I'll never get out. After this, I'm getting a large vat of butterbeer to drown my sorrows in. Maybe I'll even die from overdose! That'd be great! But, that's highly unlikely as butterbeer is non-alcoholic. But, Madam Rosmerta won't sell me firewhiskey, even though I'm of age! For some reason, she thinks I'm only a third year. Wonder why that is…

**Who underestimates you the most?**

More like you doesn't underestimate me. But, I'd have to say Madam Rosmerta. She underestimates my ability to be old enough to buy an drink firewhiskey.

**How much do you think you look like a child?**

Is this because I'm pudgy, short, and look like I just graduated from first year? No! I don't look like a child!

**Would you rather date your best friend, or kiss the giant squid?**

My best friends are all guys. THE SQUID! DEFINITELY!

**What if you were stuck on an island all alone, and could have one wish granted, what would it be?**

I'd wish for a hoagie. I mean an eternity of being alone on a deserted island? I'd get hungry and lonely, and that's where the hoagie comes in. My best friend as a little kid was Mr. Hoagie. He was a turkey hoagie, with mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, and whipping cream (don't ask, my mum was having cravings). He was with us for a total of one hour, and my best friend _ever_, even better than James, Sirius, and Remus! But, he mysteriously disappeared after the hour was up. I never knew what happened to him, but my mum put me to bed that night with a yellow moustache. I only realized she ate him in fifth year. I was devastated; I thought she was bleaching her upper lip hairs, and it had gone awry! It was horrible. You try finding out that your mum is a cannibal! I still can't sleep with her in the house!

**What does your usual breakfast consist of?**

Everything Sirius doesn't eat. Which is usually a burnt up crisp of toast, and a bowl of oatmeal, with no sugar to drench it in.

**Do you ever wish that you had different friends?**

Nah. Remus is really nice, and helps with my homework. James is also nice, and is so _cool_! Sirius, well… he is partially insane, and treats me horribly, but I wouldn't have it any other way. It's not like the whole getting stuck unwillingly as a death eater business will make me betray them or something. Psh. Yeah right.

**Have you ever befriended a kappa?**

Yeah. Sirius decided it'd be fun to have a pet kappa. Turns out, kappas are dangerous. I was the only one able to befriend it, which kept us all from dying. I think it's still under Sirius's bed somewhere. It occasionally leaves me gifts. Nothing too big. Just gold watches, valuable paintings, house elves, and the rare diamond brooch. But, like I said, nothing too fancy.

**Gold or silver?**

My Gryffindor heart is telling me gold! Even though gold is horrible for my complexion, and looks tacky on me, but ah well! I will always prefer gold to silver. Unless, of course, a big, mean Slytherin reads this. Then I will always love silver.

-&-

AN: I LOVE this chapter! Lily's chapter was the first I came up with in my head, and I resolved to build others off it, and I thought of this one, and fell in love with the idea of a Peter who just made a good-hearted mistake. Yeah… So, review!


	12. Sirius Black

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

Sirius Orion Black (how do I hate that name, let me count the ways). I'm seventeen raises hands holding up ten fingers, and then looking down and realizing I don't have enough, so I take off my shoes and socks, causing those around me to pinch their noses in disgust, and I try to hold up seven toes, but it's useless, so I start sulking

**Describe yourself. **

I am friend to Count Prince Charming, overlord of the meatballs, and Lord Tikimalaluluwaaaakibrilohalahallatutusimekquekawenohaaaaaaai! (the exclamation point is necessary), ruler of the oysters. Oh, and I share a dorm with a few acquaintances, all of whom are serfs. I forget their given names, so I shall call them Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail.

**Where are you?**

Conferencing with Count Prince Charming and Lord, er, and the lord of the oysters. The serfs are acting strangely, by sending me weird looks. One would think they didn't know the two most famous lords on the face of the earth!

**What are your likes?**

Girls, protesting against the horrors of cannibalism (Count Prince Charming and the lord of the oysters always scare me with tales of us humans eating their vassals), and more girls.

**What are your dislikes?**

Cannibalism.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Pie, and its yummy deliciousness.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Some are born great (Count Prince Charming and the lord of the oysters); some achieve greatness (Prongs and Moony. Sorry Wormtail, but you and great don't belong in the same sentence, unless there's a not in between you and the great); and some have greatness thrust upon them (me!)!

**Who makes your bed?**

What's 'making your bed'? If it's manual labor, then the vassals do it!

**How regal do you think you are?**

Very! Just look at the amount of vassals I have! A whole castle full!

**Would you rather eat ten brussel sprout pies, or step on a tack?**

The pies. That Wormtail kid likes brussel spout pies, I'll make him eat them, he is my vassal, after all.

**What if you were pregnant?**

Pregnant? I do not get pregnant! Whatever it is. I would give my pregnancy over to Prongs, and he can share the burden with his newly acquired girlfriend, a lass named Lily.

**What do you wear to bed?**

A strappy and short number, in pink silk!

**What is your second biggest wish?**

I do not wish! My vassals get me anything I want! Which reminds me, Moony hasn't yet gotten me a pie. I must have him in the guillotine!

**Have you ever kissed an oyster?**

More like when haven't I been kissing an oyster? I am currently kissing one, using my wonderful talents in multitasking.

**Oysters or meatballs?**

I cannot choose between my two friends! They will wage war on each other, and me! And they've already waged war on the vegetables! You had to have seen what happened! The vegetables were all flung over to the Slytherin table. The horror!

_This is Remus Lupin. Sirius asked me to check hi grammar (I quote "Checketh mine grammareth, noweth, vassal!"). Sorry, Sirius is just going through a phase. Next week should be his Hawaiian phase if I predicted right._

_-Remus Lupin_

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AN: Like it? And I know, I know, it's a bit over the top, so deal with it! Review!


	13. Severus Snape

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**The Questionnaire**

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**What is your full name and age?**

Severus Snape, and I'm seventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

Deeply, totally, and madly in love with Lily Evans.

**Where are you?**

Stalking Lily and Potter during their first date at the Three Broomsticks. I mean, uh, er…. Ah hell with it! I stalk Lily Evans, all right?

**What are your likes?**

Lily Evans. I could only wish it was me she was dating, not Potter.

**What are your dislikes?**

Potter. And how he's the one dating Lily.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How beautiful Lily and her auburn hair and emerald eyes are. Which Potter is now complimenting her on. And she smiled. And how I hate Potter.

**What's your favorite saying?**

All Potters are idiots. Man, that has never let me done. Never been false.

**Who is your biggest crush?**

Lily… sigh….

**How likable do you think you are?**

Well, I do have this gorgeous hair. With it's wonderful hair gel. And my cold black eyes that could give Bobby, from the Hippogriffs, a run for his money- Ah, who am I kidding? I'm Snivellus Snape, the greasy haired kid (you know as well as I do that isn't hair gel), with his nose always stuck in a book, and obsessed with the dark arts. Does that even remotely sound _likable_ to you?

**Would you rather lose a girl to your arch nemesis, or wash your hair?**

WASH MY HAIR? WHAT! I CAN'T! You see; Lily Evans has plenty of admirers, me, Potter, and some other random people. But, I have more. Avery, Mulciber, Malfoy, Slughorn, Millicent, Zabini, and a few others. And they're all male. What part of me says guy magnet? Seriously! Before I stopped washing my hair, they were all over me, like no personal space. Then I stopped, and they at least gave me a radius of three feet. Thank god. I will NOT go back to being orally raped by Slughorn. No way.

**What if your best friend/crush started dating your arch nemesis?**

Were you there when I went into detail describing where I was? And I suppose the best answer would be to stalk them.

**What shampoo do you use when washing your hair?**

NEVER! YOU WILL NOT USE SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING TO MAKE ME WASH MY HAIR? ARE YOU LUCIUS, OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT?

**Do you ever wish you could kiss a particular person real bad? Who?**

Lily. I can just imagine kissing her right now, tongues and everything. Which leads me to glance up at her, and OH, MY, GOD! LILY'S KISSING JAMES, TONGUE AND EVERYTHING! AND YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART IS? _SHE_ KISSED_ HIM_!! I want to kiss her!

**Have you ever kissed your best friend?**

No. I wish I had. BUT NOOOO! POTTER GETS TO KISS HER!

**Kiss or snog?**

What the hell type of question is that? And I'd do either if it was Lily. Wait, what are they saying? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHE'S AGREED TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND! Excuse me while I go find a nice hole to curl up in and die. Oh no, is that Avery waving me down? _**CENSORED**_! Got to go, before he tries to seduce me again!

-&-

AN: Short, sweet, simple, and to the point. And that was for those of you who wanted to see Lily and James' date. I know that was really just the bare skeleton of the date, but I'm sure you can imagine the rest. Now, I want to make something clear, I have someone answer a questionnaire, and that is the _only_ questionnaire they will do. They won't show up in another questionnaire (unless mentioned). I am also planning to do everyone mentioned in the books, so you don't need to bother suggesting people to do the questionnaires. But, I would be glad to accept ideas for people to write about. So far, I think Seamus, Dean, Parvati, and Lavender are playing spin the bottle or truth or dare. Review!


	14. Albus Dumbledore

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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**What is your name and age?**

I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. And as for my age, I'm as old as my tongue, and a little bit older than my teeth.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a talented wizard, and have learned secrets I hope no one else shall ever learn. I also completely love seeing children happy. It is why I became a teacher in the first place.

**Where are you?**

In my office.

**What are your likes?**

Children, and seeing them happy, as I have already written.

**What are your dislikes?**

Dark magic, and those who use the dark arts freely.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, it's December 23rd, and I'm a bit anxious about tomorrow night, as I am every year. No big worries, though.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Good things arrive to those who wait. I am, of course, referring to all the good little boys and girls of the world who are currently very anxious and excited for Christmas.

**Whose opinions and feelings matter most to you?**

The children of the world, I suppose. After what happened to my sister, Arianna, I have felt quite guilty, and I suppose this Christmas ritual makes me feel much better about myself. I'm sure Arianna would have appreciated it.

**How giving do you think you are?**

Well, I'd hate to brag, and I'd love to stay modest, but, with what I do every year, I would consider myself very giving.

**Would you rather suffer a very great deal of emotional, physical, and financial pain, or watch children all over the world suffer?**

I must go with suffering myself.

**What if the ministry decided that muggleborn children couldn't learn magic?**

I'd give the ministry a piece of my mind! And, even if it was illegal, I would go and teach those children anyway, even if behind their backs.

**What do you spend most of the day doing?**

Well, not very much, as I'm the Headmaster, who just sits in his office all day, until a student has to see me. And, quite honestly, students are respectful enough not to be sent up. Harry Potter comes up the most, but mostly for our meetings. So, I have all this time, which has led to…other hobbies.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That we could forget all differences, and let children grow up in peaceful environments.

**Have you ever visited many homes all in one night?**

Yes, in fact, I do it every year.

**Santa Claus or Kris Kringle?**

Either, really. I don't care. I can also go by Father Christmas, Saint Nick, and a variety of other names. I'll admit it, I'm Santa Claus. I have a sleigh, with thestrals pulling it and all. Magic is great for sliding down chimneys, and other entrances. And I may not regularly be fat, but adding fake fat helps protect my identity. And as for the toys, the house elves help me make them during the day. That's why there're so many. And a few first years help too.

-&-

AN: What do you think? I personally love the idea of Dumbledore as Santa. Don't you? Review!


	15. Minerva McGonagall

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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**What is your name and age?**

Minerva McGonagall, and I don't tell students my age. The teacher guidebook says I don't have to, and I have taught all of you at one point or another.

**Describe yourself.**

I can't believe I'm wasting time doing this. But, as I suppose there is a good cause behind this, I'm glad to help. Anything is better than having to be around those complaining associates of mine.

**Where are you?**

In my office, admiring the newly gained Quidditch Cup, thanks to Mr. Harry Potter. Although, it is quite annoying that he was not present during the game.

**What are your likes?**

Having the Quidditch Cup trophy in my office, and winning all that money from the teacher's betting pool.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those teachers who seem to think there is no better way to spend time than complain to me that I beat them in the teacher's betting pool. Those, and excuse me for the language, idiots can't seem to realize that they should be grading papers, or reprimanding students, or something more useful. Just because I happen to be good at predicting student relationships does not mean the world revolves around me.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Does it matter?

**What is your favorite saying?**

SLYTHERINS MUST DIE! Sorry, just an outburst. I am after all, only a Gryffindor. That's something I can't suppress all the time.

**Who impresses you the most?**

I must say that those Slytherins, Crabbe and Goyle do. I didn't know humans could be so stupid. A snail can get to Hong Kong from London before their brains can compute a simple sentence, with- gasp- correct grammar and spelling.

**How good of a Seer do you think you are?**

Not very. Divination's a very wooly subject. Though, I am good at predicting relationships between students. But, that is more of a logic thing. See, there's a teacher betting pool on student couples. I knew that Potters always ended up with redheaded Gryffindors. So, that's how I guessed James and Lily Potter would end up together. All the other teachers were laughing at me because of that. Then, the pair got together, and I became the proud owner of over a hundred galleons (Slughorn swore he knew his favorite student better than that). Same goes for Harry and Ginny, who just got together yesterday. The teachers didn't feel it would never happen, but they weren't expecting it either. And the list goes on…. When Celestina Warbeck and Bilius Weasley got together, I knew. That was the most obvious, with the constant glances at each other, and the very close friendship. Well, you get the point.

**Would you rather be stuck in a closet with a death eater or the person who most annoys you?**

Hm… Death eaters or Slughorn, my creepy stalker. Yes, my stalker. How do I know? He's always offering me crystallized pineapple. It's scary. I mean, _crystallized pineapple_! It scares me half to death! I mean, ginger newts are so much better! When will he get that into his head! And he's a Slytherin, ew. I chose the death eaters.

**What if you were stuck on a deserted island with no one but your creepy stalker?**

Well, I'd call all the turtles up, and strap them together using Slughorn's chest hair. Then I'd sail away into the sunset, and leave Slughorn to die. That'd be fun…

**What do you usually do after lunch?**

Teach the first years. I hate it on Wednesdays because that's when the Slytherins are there. It's sad, because it seems as though every year, Snape is convincing more and more

Slytherins first years that not washing your hair is cool.

**What is your biggest wish for the future?**

Er, to live another generation?

**Have you ever stuck out your tongue, hopped up and down on one foot, juggled, made an origami swan, rubbed your belly, patted your head, and baked a pie at the same time?**

Yeah, it's called the annual teacher's stick out your tongue-hop up and down on one foot-juggle-make an origami swan-rub your belly- pat your head- bake an apple pie convention competition. We get bored easily, you see.

**Hufflepuff or Slytherin?**

Neither. I'M A Gryffindor FOREVER! But, if I had to chose another house, I'd take Ravenclaw. The sorting hat told me I'd be in Ravenclaw, had I not been a total Gryffindor. And unlike Snape and Slughorn, I'm actually able to get past the knocker and into the Ravenclaw common room. Which makes it the perfect place to hide from my stalker.

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	16. Horace Slughorn

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Horace Slughorn, and well, I forgot my age. I mean, all I really use birthdays for now is getting presents, cake, and eating more crystallized pineapple. What's the point of actually trying to remember your age? It gets quite old after the first eighty or so years. But, I am teaching Harry Potter during his sixth year. That's it, just gasp and worship me because of my relations.

**Describe yourself.**

Pretty, prim, and plump- fine! Obese! But have you ever tried controlling an appetite for crystallized pineapple?

**Where are you?**

In the teacher's lounge, admiring my new stocks of crystallized pineapples. I must ask you a question first, though. Why did all the teachers run out when the crystallized pineapples arrive? And why does everyone run away screaming when I offer them crystallized pineapple? The only person I can understand doing that is Minerva, I mean, what with that unruly obsession with ginger newts!

**What are your likes?**

Crystallized pineapple, famous people.

**What are your dislikes?**

I don't know. I seem too happy to have dislikes.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I'm going to start a crystallized pineapple business. I'll get the house elves to make the crystallized pineapple, and then make a fortune off of it. THEN I WILL RULE THE WORLD! I mean; uh, well, er, hem-hem, just forget that I said that!

**What is your favorite saying?**

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again. It really is a great maxim when it comes to getting the house elves under my command to make crystallized pineapple. I mean, it's like they're always either with Dumbledore, or making dinner. I swear, that man must be a pedophile, except, instead of children, it's house elves.

**Who is important to your success?**

THE HOUSE ELVES! Who else do I force into making crystallized pineapple for the sake of my business? Maybe the first years! PERFECT! I can just convince them that it's an exercise, and MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! IT'S PERFECT, FOOL-PROOF I TELL YOU!

**How insane do you think you are?**

Insane? Psh. Yeah right. I'm the sanest teacher here. If you want insane, check out Professor Sinistra. Seriously, she thinks she's a rock. It's even worse than Trelawney's room, which smells like crack everyday (she actually imports opium, because it 'enhances the inner-eye').

**Would you rather have a business in ginger newts, or know no famous people at all?**

GINGER NEWTS? NOOOOOOOOOOO! THEY'RE THE SWORN ENEMY OF THE CRYSTALLIZED PINEAPPLES! THAT IS WHY MCGONAGALL AND I HATE EACH OTHER! THAT IS THE REASON OF ENEMITY BETWEEN GRYFFINDOR AND SLYTHERIN! Gryffindors, with their stinking ginger newts. CRYSTALLIZED PINEAPPLES ARE SO MUCH BETTER! Even though they are the food that Voldemort and the death eaters have been living on since like, forever.

**What if your eyebrows were singed off?**

I'd talk to that Seamus kid. It's happened to him so many times, I bet he knows what to do. Then I'd eat crystallized pineapple, for two reasons. First, to make me feel better. Second, because of it's magical healing powers no one but I have noticed.

**What do you usually do after breakfast?**

Usually I'm found snoozing in my porridge. Which I eat out of my lucky cauldron. From which everyone else says I got my third eye (positioned on my rear), striped legs, and miniscule horns (on top of my head, barely hidden by a few wisps of hair). But they just want to get me angry.

**What is your biggest wish for the world?**

That everyone develops an interest in crystallized pineapple. Then my industry would grow ginormously! As I'm the only vender of crystallized pineapple (the last one mysteriously died last week). And then I'd be RICH! AND I COULD TAKE OVER THE WOOOOOOOORLD! MUA-HA-HA-HA! I'M EVIL, EVIL I SAY!!

**Have you ever had a monopoly?**

I currently have one, in the industry of crystallized pineapple. Which I created. I may not have been the first vendor, but I was the person who put the vendor into work. Oh yeah!

**Crystallized pineapple or ginger newts?**

Ginger newts? Where? Must-destroy-ginger-newts-now- or- DIEEEEEEEEEEE! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

-&-


	17. Filius Flitwick

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for the insane part. The Sirius Black 9and his pet oysters) in my head own that.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Filius Flitwick. Or, you can call me Frodo. And, I suck at math. So, you can do the math. I was born the year the ring was created. I think. Or maybe that was dentures created that year. Hmm… Not really sure….

**Describe yourself.**

I was the one to create the ring to destroy them ALL! I mean, destroy the ring to rule them all. But, then again, I did accidentally create that pink Barbie ring once. And everyone who saw it suddenly crumpled up and died. That's right! And good old Voldie was the first to die, so I cast the Imperius curse on his dead body, so no one would suspect that I killed him. Well, any-hoo, I am Frodo Baggins, trapped in this horribly ugly body that is 'Professor Flitwick'. I created the wizarding world, you know, with secrets learned from Gandolf. But, all these whinny children give me a headache. Sometimes I just want to eat them. The only good thing about this body is that it's a lot taller than the last one. Middle Earth likes to mock me, doesn't it?

**Where are you?**

Sitting at the teacher's table, glaring at random students.

**What are your likes?**

Eating children. Children taste so much like the hobbit fare back home. Mmm… fried eyeballs of messed up forest animals drenched in saturated fat, and sprinkled with way too much paprika that burns the back of my throat and makes me want to throw up, which is what the whole thing smells like… mmm…..

**What are your dislikes?**

I also forgot to mention that I like the ring to rule them all. Stupid Sam for throwing it into the volcanic pit of doooooom (as I like to call it). Sam came too, and his descendants evolved into centaurs. I evolved into house elves. That is like sooooooo unfair! But, as I was saying, I will create another ring to destroy/rule them all, and then I'll RULE THE WORLD! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Nothing much. Just my evil plan to take over the world. Like I said, just everyday stuff.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'We're all in this together, and we stand, hand in hand, make our dreams come truuuuuuuuuee! All together now! Together, together, together, everyone! Together, together, together, everyone! We're all in this together…' I mean… WELL I LIKE TO SING THAT SONG, ALRIGHT? But, that doesn't apply in the real world, unfortunately. See, in the real world, we aren't 'all in this together'. In the real world, you are all serfs, and I RULE THE WORLD! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! IT'S MINE! MINE! MIIIIIIIIINNEEE!

**Who ruined your life most significantly?**

Sam. By destroying that ring, I now have a lesser chance of carrying through my plan of taking over the world. BUT I WILL, MARK MY WORDS!

**How idiotic do you think you are?**

Not very now, but I used to be. How dare I actually go along with destroying the ring? And I was FONDLED BY WEIRD TROLLY ORC THINGIE-MA-BOBS ALONG THE WAY. Is there no end of my stupidity back in those days? I camped with Legolas for so long, yet I never took advantage of him? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

**Would you rather eat an orc, or die of starvation?**

Have you SEEN those orc thingies? They're, like, made out of mud! Ewww! Definitely starve!

**What if you were in a room with any person of your choice?**

Most certainly Legolas… Rowwwrrrrrrr…..

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

I do my 'please let me go back to Middle Earth where Legolas is because he's super uber mega hot in the movies, and if you don't I'll claw out my eyes, wait, Sam, my stalker, is in Middle Earth so forget I said anything' dance and chant. Do you want to hear it? Alright! Biscuit, biscuit, you're my little biscuit! Yeah! Alright! I feel uber good now! Oh yeah!

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To be stuck in a room with Legolas for a very long time. Wait, that's still my biggest dream. Oh, oh, the images are coming back! Rowwrrr…

**Have you ever been harassed?**

Yes, sexually, and BY UGLY ORC-A-MA-BOB-THING-A-MA-JIGERS! EWWW!

**Orcs or trolls?**

NOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE NIGHTMARES! ARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH! How do you feel now? You brought on the nightmares.

-&-

AN: The biscuit song is my friends, so yeah. I'd say don't ask, but I hate when people do that. I just say it was a random outburst of my friend when we were eating biscuits. It's got a tune and everything. And about the Lord of the Rings, I know nothing about anything really, so I apologize if any facts are wrong (and all of them probably are; I wasn't sure if his name was Bilbo or Frodo).


	18. Q Quirrell

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not a thing. And this does not represent any personal views, okay?

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Quirrell. And my first name begins with a Q, but it's too embarrassing to tell. Being named after a major industrial city from Kazakhstan is no fun! Fine, my name is Qaraghandy! All right? STOP MOCKING ME, AS I KNOW YOU ARE!

**Describe yourself.**

I am a head of the PETA organization. DIE LOCKHART, WITH YOUR STUPID FUR CLOTHES!

**Where are you?**

Down at one of Lockhart's fashion shows, and it's got way too much fur, if you ask me. Oh, I'm not really head of PETA, but WETA. Wizards for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

**What are your likes?**

Cute, fuzzy little animals.

**What are your dislikes?**

DOWN WITH LOCKHART! DOWN WITH LOCKHART! Excuse me, I'm still in the protesting mode, you see. What was the question again?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Lockhart must die. And painfully too! Do you know any slow, painful ways of torture and homicide? I just think it's fair that if he's going around killing animals for their skins, we should do the same thing to him. How much do you reckon fan girls will pay for Gilderoy Lockhart's skin?

**What's your favorite saying?**

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. I also think the version with 'squeeze them in someone's eyes is funny'. THAT'S PERFECT! I WILL SQUEEZE LEMONS INTO LOCKHART'S EYES! Although, that would go against my membership with WETF. Wizards for the Ethical Treatment of Fruit. Fruits are people too!

**Who is the most irksome person you've ever met?**

Lockhart. But he's not irksome, he's evil. The most irksome person is probably that face on the back of my head. Gets annoying sometimes. Like when I take a shower. Creepy…

**How good of a person do you think you are?**

Very. I save animals, fruits, vegetables, and fish! Barely anyone saves fish, but I do. Stupid speciesism. Fish are at the bottom, below brussel sprouts. Poor them.

**Would you rather eat steak or grass?**

Both have feelings, the cow, and the grass. But, then again, grass is always being trod on. I suppose eating it would put it out of it's misery. I choose the grass.

**What if you were trapped in a room with only a pig, and nothing to eat?**

I would sacrifice myself and let the pig eat me.

**What do you usually eat?**

Trash. It would be like that anyway, so I'm not sacrificing anything for the sake of something's life.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

For everyone to be like me. That way, no animal is eaten or killed for human purposes. Even if the world becomes overridden with animals. But, who cares if we have to make room for seventeen giant coakroaches in our room? That'd be fun!

**Have you ever wanted to die of starvation already?**

Yeah, that week when all the house elves made was pizza (I heard they were sick of cooking, and decided to order in, just a rumor though). There was nothing in the trash, so I couldn't eat anything. It was terrible I suppose that's what animals feel like sometimes. Cool! I'm like an opossum! Thankfully, they had a huge load of meat loaf and fruitcake afterwards.

**WETF or WETA?**

HOW CAN I CHOOSE? THEY BOTH HAVE FEELINGS THAT I MUST SUPPORT AND PROTECT! NOOOOOOOOOO!

-&-

AN: Messed up? I know! And remember, this doesn't reflect my opinions. Lockhart is next. What do you want him to do? Any suggestions?


	19. Gilderoy Lockhart

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this does not represent any of my views.

AN: Thanks to Dobby's Socks for the idea. I loved it! And even though I might not have used your ideas, thanks to everyone else who gave suggestions.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Gilderoy (Pimpin') Lockhart. But you can call me G-dawg. And I've been livin' for thirty seven pimpalicious years. Fo' sho!

**Describe yourself.**

The latest (and pimpinest) addition to Soulja Boy! Oh! Super fly that _**CENSORED**_!

**Where are you?**

Teaching the first years (in secret) to be as pimpalicious as me! 'Cept, not, cuz no one's as pimpin' as me.

**What are your likes?**

My ride (pimped out broom, 'cluding a mirror to look at myself in), my fur (pimpedelic to the limit!), and my giiiiirls (forgot their names)!

**What are your dislikes?**

That Quirrell freak. Always crampin' my style! I took care of him, don't worry.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How to pimp up Dumby. Could use a little loving, if ya catch my drift.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Pimp it to the limit!

**Who is the most irksome person you know?**

Irksome? What the bloody _**CENSORED**_ do you mean by irksome? That even a word? Whatever, but Quirrell always crampin' my style, if ya mean that.

**How cool do you think you are?**

Cool? Where you from dawg? The nineties? Don't know 'bout no cool, but I'm the pimp of the pimpalicious pimping pimp-dawgs 'round here. So don't go messing with me!

**Would you rather lose all credibility or kill a kid?**

Lose credibility? Yeahthat's as likely as _**CENSORED**_. But kill a kid? Damn…. You never done that?

**What if you got a failing grade on a major exam?**

Ever heard of a little thing called bribery? Well, he's my little friend in those situations, you see. If that doesn't work, then my homies and me, well, that teacher-man, he'll get to know my other little friend…

**What is your favorite thing to do when you're bored?**

Take out my pimpin' ride, and go 'round the neighborhood, using my pimpinness to pick up chicks.

**What was your wish as a kid?**

Er, well, the thing is, fine! I wanted to be a ballerina fairy princess! But don't tell nobody. Cause if I find you's is going 'round telling this, I'll bust your brains out, ya hear?

**Have you ever busted anyone's brains out?**

Psh. No duh! Ya stupid, know that? What self respectin' pimp doesn't go ;round blowin' other dawgs' brains out?

**Pimp or homie-dawg?**

Pimp. Homie-dawgs go 'round thinkin' they all loyal. Well they never are. Pimps just out-pimp everyone!

-&-

AN: This in no way represents my views. I did it for the laughs. And I don't really know how to write pimp, so… Next is Sprout. Any ideas?


	20. Pomona Sprout

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This story represents none of my personal views.

AN: Thanks to everyone who offered ideas!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Pomona Sprout. And I'm old enough to be the mother hippie… Or at least that's what the rest of the gang calls me… Wheee…..

**Describe yourself.**

The head hippo.. Whoop-sees! I meant head hippie… Hehe…

**Where are you?**

Teaching the cute little second years how to pot mandrakes. It's perfect really. I'm in the process of sneaking off for 'happy time' as my group of friends like to call it. And if I pass out, I can just blame the mandrakes. Anyone seen my needle?

**What are your likes?**

Peace and love.

**What are your dislikes?**

War and hate. I can't believe the Vietnam War is over, though. I loved protesting against it.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Happy land. With the pink elephants and the rainbows and unicorns and the happiness. Here it comes again…. Peace….

**What's your favorite saying?**

No worries, be happy.

**Who do you hate above anything?**

Hate? That's such a strong word. I prefer dislike. But I don't dislike anyone. In fact, to promote happiness and love, I go around frequently handing out flowers. It's a shame that no one appreciates it. Severus glowered, Gilderoy threw it down and stomped on it, and Draco Malfoy bit it. The only people who seemed to appreciate it were Fred and George Weasley, those wonderful beings. They burst into laughter. I'm glad I brought such joy.

**How mean do you think you are?**

Unfortunately, I'm pretty mean. I just can't help it! See, I have done horrible things in the past. Once, I was so angry (oh the horror!) I kicked a pebble! And this other time, I was PMSing, and very stressed out (I had waited till the last moment to grade exams), and I ripped a blank parchment in half! I'm horrible! I'm a shame to all other hippies!

**Would you rather be made fun of constantly, or make fun of someone once?**

I would just hand out flowers. Peace and love can prevent all cruelty and teasing….

**What if an evil dark lord came back from the dead, and started killing off lots of people?**

I WOULD BRING MY DEVIL SNARES AGAINST HIM FOR THREATENING MY PEACE, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS!! I mean, er, I would give him flowers, yes, flowers.

**How do you usually wear your hair?**

I wear my hat of happiness, peace, and love. It's made out of earthy materials, and hand made by a fellow hippie, a nice old man I was in love with once, Elvis Presley, I think his name was…

**What is your wish for the world?**

To be more loving and peaceful. And maybe produce more opium.

**Have you ever sniffed a flower?**

Yes, those poppy flowers that opium comes from, actually…

**Opium or crack?**

Opium. It comes from pretty pink flowers! And it gives you sweet dreams. Sweet dreams which I'm about to fad off into…

-&-

AN: DON'T DO DRUGS KIDS! JUST DON'T DO IT! And Hagrid's next. Ideas?


	21. Rubeus Hagrid

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This dos not represent any of my views.

AN: Thanks to those who gave ideas. And I know no one was expecting this, but I like the idea.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rubeus Hagrid. And do you know nothing? You just don't ask someone his or her age! It's rude!

**Describe yourself.**

Prettier then you. And the VIP customer at the salon and spa in Hogsmeade.

**Where are you?**

Are you like my stalker? Like, ew. I know you all idol worship me, but, like, stop, now. It's creepy.

**What are your likes?**

Um… going to the spa, getting a manicure, going to the spa, a pedi, and going to the spa…

**What are your dislikes?**

When I break a nail! Eurgh! It's just like soooooo annoying! Especially when I just got out of the salon, with new nails and everything. I have to go spend another fifty galleons on perfecting my nails. It's just like, ugh!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Asking McGonagall to transfigure Fang into a toy dog. Paris Hilton is always taking away my spotlight with her little Chihuahua, and I think it only fair to fight fire with fire.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm like sooooooo much like better than, like, you! It's my motto. Once I actually like got in on like the back of this like jersey thing, yeah, like it was like so cute! And pink.

**Who means the most to you?**

My manicurist. She does like wonders with my nails. Even when they're like dead!

**How pretty do you think you are?**

That's meant to be a rhetorical question, right?

**Would you rather go a week with wretched nails or die a horribly painful death?**

NOT THE LIKE NAILS! LIKE NOOOOOOOOOOO! MOST LIKE DEFINITELY THE DEATH!

**What if your manicurist suddenly left town, and you couldn't find anyone else to do your nails?**

That is the only reason I'm a gamekeeper. The happy little forest animals save the day in those instances when the manicurist is sick of dealing with my nails! See, the unicorns have an eye for color, and love to paint my nails. They think the cutting part is beneath them, so like the hippogriffs bite my nails and stuff. And the kneazles are perfect for buffing. Like totally!And the thestrals, well, they just make sure no one bothers me. I mean, like all of these stalkers of mine will try to steal nail remnants of mine, and it's totally creepy. Thestrals like scare them away.

**What is the most important thing you do in the course of the day?**

Comb my hair. It takes like sooooooo long, but it's worth it. Because like otherwise, my hair gets like all knotty, and I occasionally find flobberworms hiding in it. Like, ew.

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To grow up, and outshine Paris Hilton! She's such a tramp! I'm soooooo much better. Totally. All my friends agree! At least, that mirror in that hidden room near the library that I once found Potter staring at longingly does. But, then again, he, or she, is like my best friend!

**Have you ever raised a dragon?**

Yes, Norbert was his name. Very cute, but I'm never doing that again. It like ruined my nails! Ew!

**Boyfriend or husband?**

Okay, are you like trying to like point out my homosexuality? Because that was only a rumor! I swear, it's a lie! Oh, and I must be going now. Got a date with Gilderoy! Rowr….

-&-

AN: Remember, it's only character bashing. I know that in reality Hagrid is completely different. Binns is next. Suggestions?


	22. Professor Binns

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this DOES NOT represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all suggestions sent in!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Professor Binns. Seriously. Professor is my first name. My parents version of some sick joke… And does my age matter? I'm kind of dead.

**Describe yourself.**

Dead. Yep, that wraps it up, pretty much.

**Where are you?**

Teaching History of Magic to completely asleep sixth years. Yes, I know that my class is naptime; it isn't that hard to see. Why do I even bother? It's not even like the fact that the Goblin Rebellion of 1382 changed the course of history that much. I mean all it did was give fairer terms to goblins, and introduce all humans to the finer magic and other things the goblins had discovered. Who cares that because of that particular rebellion we have cauldrons? I mean, I'd rather learn about how macaroni and cheese caused the American War of 1812. It's true. Macaroni and cheese was also the reason European countries invaded other countries, caused the falling of the Roman Empire, and what prehistoric people lived on. Isn't macaroni and cheese just great?

**What are your likes?**

Macaroni and cheese! It's just so yummy!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those snooty people who think they're above macaroni and cheese. Macaroni and cheese is the food of the gods!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Changing the time on the clock, and wake the kids up, saying that they're late for dinner, and all of the macaroni and cheese is gone. They'll most likely all be extremely panicked by that. I mean, all the macaroni and cheese gone! It's the perfect prank!

**What's your favorite saying?**

It's the cheesiest! That's Kraft Macaroni and Cheese's slogan. And it's true! I love cheesy macaroni and cheese! That's why I buy Kraft Macaroni and Cheese! And no, I wasn't paid to say this! This isn't subliminal messaging! Hehe…

**Who inspires you the most?**

Macaroni and cheese! It inspires me to eat! Yay!

**How insane do you think you are?**

Insane? I'm not insane! It's not liked I'm one of those weird people who only think about one thing! Yeah right! Macaroni and cheese… Ha-ha!

**Would you rather be buried in spaghetti or never eat macaroni cheese ever again?**

Spaghetti? It's the devil! Always taking away from macaroni and cheese's spotlight! But, I can't go without eating macaroni and cheese! But, then again, I can't be buried in the spaghetti. I know! I'll take the second option and then kill myself! Wait… I'm already dead. So then I wouldn't be eating spaghetti! I suppose I'd deal with the first option.

**What if you couldn't eat your favorite food again?**

I already can't eat my favorite food. I'm dead. So, I just float through the macaroni and cheese.

**What is the first thing you do when you wake up?**

Do ghosts even sleep? Well, last time I woke up, I floated out of my body.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To grow up and become and macaroni and cheese noodle. I grew out of it after I realized that I couldn't eat myself, since that'd be painful, and I'd be killing myself, and if I ate other macaroni and cheese noodles, it'd be called cannibalism. Then I decided to become and Olympic macaroni and cheese eater. Still wish I could do that. Fame, fortune, and good food!

**Have you ever named your unborn children?**

Yes. Even though I'm not married, and really can't, as no one wants to marry a ghost, and the Gray Lady already turned me down (well, the Bloody Baron turned me down for her, really). I was planning on naming them Mac and Cheese. I wanted one boy (Mac), and well, as for Cheese, I decided it was a unisex name, and the second kid (boy or girl) would be stuck with it.

**Macaroni or cheese?**

Both. But if I could only choose one, I'd choose the cheese. Macaroni tastes horrible by itself.

-&-

AN: Charity Burbage (the muggle studies teacher) is up next. Please give me any suggestions! Oh, and she most likely will end up insane. Like, Sirius insane.


	23. Charity Burbage

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This story does not represent my personal views.

AN: Again, thanks to those who gave me suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Charity Burbage. And as soon as all of my minions finish taking over the world for me, I will force Dumbledore into submission, and possess the sorcerer's stone! And I will be immortal! A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! And they say that first years aren't capable of taking over the world. That they aren't good minions. Well, HA!

**Describe yourself.**

The soon-to-be supreme ruler of the Earth. BOW DOWN TO ME! A-BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**Where are you?**

Teaching the sixth years. I'm having them read up on muggle ideas of supreme evil rulers of earth, or other kingdoms. And then they must make a list of mistakes I should avoid as supreme ruler of Earth. Except, they don't know how I'm going to use the list. Ah well. And after I gain that list, I WILL BE INVINCIBLE! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**What are your likes?**

Being supreme ruler of Earth. BWA-HA-HA!

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that Flitwick always bothers me, saying if I want to be supreme ruler of Earth, I need to get a good husband. I tried to get him, but he said he was devoted to some Legolas guy. Whoever that is… So I decided to move onto Professor Vector. He's about half my age, and very hunky, what with that dark, suave hair. I just want to eat him alive! Which I will do as supreme ruler of Earth. BWA-HA!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How to force Vector into my submission. WAIT! What if he's secretly the good guy, who'll tear down my tirade? Whatever! I need a hunkalicious husband. And there's always mind-control. Mind you, the supreme ruler of Earth ALWAYS gets what she wants. BWA-HA-HA-AHA!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Just a second. Let me clear my throat. OBEY ME, MINIONS! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**Who is the most likely to rain on your parade?**

That Voldemort dude. When I taught him, I was only in my twenties. And he stalked me. Ew. Then he found out I was going to become supreme ruler of Earth. In order to impress me, he decided to become a dark lord himself. AND HE'S TAKING AWAY MY SPOTLIGHT! DARN HIM! I WILL GET HIM! I AM THE SOON-TO-BE SUPREME RULER OF EARTH! BWA-HA-HA!

**How evil do you think you are?**

Not very. I like to cuddle bunnies! What does that tell you? Yeah! I'm not evil! I'm just doing the supreme ruler of the Earth thing for the heck of it! And c'mon! Who doesn't like to cackle evilly? BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**Would you rather dress evil minions in rabbit suits or invincible suits of armor?**

Bunny suits. I mean, come on! The suits of armor would be uncomfortable for the minions, and the clanking would so give them away. The rabbit suits are comfortable, warm and fuzzy, and blend in to the environment! Well, at least my evil base. Yes, I have bunnies in my evil base. But flesh eating ones! BWA-HA-HA-HA!

**What if your true love fell in love with your arch nemesis?**

That's so likely Even though I'm going after Vector, my only true love is Flitwick. And he's in love with Legolas (whoever he is). And I think Legolas os a guy. So Flitwick is gay, and it's impossible for him to fall in love with Dora the Explora. That little tramp. But I'll get her! I'll take over Russia before her! MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**What is your favorite accessory?**

My evil cackling meter. It grades my cackling. Lets see…. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AH-AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-AH-AH-HA-HA-HA! Let's check my grade. Darn! Only a three out of ten. Last Monday, I got a 300 out of ten. Sweet, huh?

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

To escape ruling by that _**CENSORED**_ Dora the Explora. So they can be ruled by me! BWA-HA!

**Have you ever taken over Australia by forces of evil minions?**

Yeah, who hasn't? I saved the Aussies from Ronald McDonald, actually. Yeah, he took power over them from Bill Clinton. Who took them from Queen Elizabeth, who took them from Rupert Grint, who took them from Audrey Hepburn, and it goes on… I think that Snoopy and Merlin are in there somewhere too. Not sure where, though. Yeah. They were the first step towards my world domination. BWA-HA-HA-HA!

**Duckies or bunnies?**

Bunnies, people already suspect duckies, especially after that bathtub scandal in Mali involving a crew of rubber duckies ganging up on an innocent thirty three year old might have to do something with that. Or was that just a dream? Well, you get the point. Rubber duckies are suspicious. Which is why I make my evil first year minions wear bunny suits. I only choose Slytherin first years who have proven their strength, you see, and they all seem to love the bunny suits, so, that's what I get. But, when the occasional Hufflepuff is picked, I have to specially order a mutant ninja turtle suit. Annoying, isn't it?

-&-

AN: I think Professor Vector is up next. Besides very scared of Burbage, what do you think I should have him do?


	24. Professor Vector

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Vector. Professor Vector, to you. And my age, well, that's classified information.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm afraid that also falls under the category of classified information.

**Where are you?**

That is also classified information. The whereabouts of my spy agency's headquarters will forever stay a secret to the likes of you. As will that fact that I am the top spy. 001. Yes, that's right, in front of Bond. Wait, did I just write that? Oops. My superiors will not be happy.

**What are your likes?**

I am trained to not have likes.

**What are your dislikes?**

Burbage. She's always popping up every where, and hugging me. It's vaguely creepy. Nd that's saying something, after all I've seen.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I shouldn't even have to say that's classified information.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Shaken, not blended. I would have said 'shaken, not stirred', but, Bond already took that. Ah well.

**Who is usually spoiling your evil plans?**

I think you have it backwards. I'm the one who is always foiling their evil plans.

**How secretive do you think you are?**

Very. My students, colleagues, and family suspect nothing. Not even Ms. Granger has figured out that I'm an undercover spy. But then again, she's always staring off into space during my class, and her work is often covered in doodles saying 'HG RW forever', and usually inside a heart. Being the expert decoder I am, I have found it means 'heinous grief and rowdy worm-invaders' and the heart means those things are in her heart, so she must have evil aliens taking her over. I'll have to take her down after I finish with Burbage. And maybe Voldemort. So, I just saved the world, through one decoding session. I am such and awesome decoder. I mean, whatever do you mean? Me? Secretive? Psh. Not likely.

**Would you rather have to spend the rest of your life fighting off death eaters and evil minions or spend twenty minutes in a closed room with your stalker?**

TWENTY MINUTES? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES BURBAGE CAN HUG ME IN TWENTY MINUTES?

**What if one of your colleagues suddenly died?**

I'd mourn for a while, as is respectable. I am rather close with my colleagues, despite certain… classified information. Then I'd probably have to do an investigation of the death…for…personal means. But, if it was Burbage, I'd spend the respectable mourning time celebrating. And about the investigation, I'd forget about it, seeing as I'm most likely the one who committed the homicide.

**What is your favorite accessory?**

My license to kill. I mean, to apparate.

**What is your second biggest wish?**

That Burbage will soon drop down dead. My biggest wish is that she'd drop down dead _painfully._

**Have you ever escaped a pond filled to the brim with alligators and crocodiles, after they had been starved, hopped across their heads, escaped all injuries possible, go into the nearest buildings, defeat all evil minions, blow torch the place down, and run out just in time to live, run down the street, catch up to the evil mastermind, and knock them out, and into the nearest smokestack, killing them off forever, and then their evil henchman gets revenge by killing your fiancée, and you punch him because of it, and he punches back, and you both end up on a flight to the moon, where you start wrestling, and then once you both can't breathe you come back down, and you hang him on a ski lift, and halfway out, he falls into a pit of mutant sea bass with really sharp teeth, and he dies, and then you meet some Egyptian princess, and fall in love, and she belly dances for you, but then she goes, because you have to be single for your next adventure, in order to get an even prettier girl, and so you get back to London, and your boss yells at you for doing the job partially wrong, but she still congratulates you, and gives you the hardest assignment next time she hands them out?**

Yes, about seven times. Pity how uncreative those evil masterminds are.

**Evil minions or bunny rabbits?**

Evil minions. Bunny rabbits you can never trust, some of them are flesh eating bunnies! And trust me, I know. Once, instead of the usual mutant sea bass, the henchman died in a pit of flesh eating bunnies. The screams were much louder than usual.

-&-

AN: Next is Pomfrey. Feel free to send in ideas.


	25. Poppy Pomfrey

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Poppy Pomfrey. My sixty third birthday is next Tuesday. I'll be expecting a bottle of Windex from all of you.

**Describe yourself.**

The Windex company's best, and favorite, customer.

**Where are you?**

In the Hospital Wing, where I work. It's surprising how many injuries occur within this school during the course of the day. Quite annoying, actually. But, just a spritz of Windex, and their troubles are gone. Even those kids who are taking 'potions', they're really just having Windex, with a different name. Windex definitely works better, but if it leaks out what I'm really using, I might as well just resign, before the humiliation of being fired comes around…

**What are your likes?**

Windex. It's really my love, though, I suppose.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those horrible quality window cleaners that think they can take the place of Windex. Can they reduce the swelling and redness of a piranha bite in less than three minutes? No, thank you very much.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Why Eloise Midgen didn't just simply squirt Windex on her pimples instead of trying to hex them off. Much simpler, I'll tell you.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Windex can cure anything.

**Who do you admire the most?**

Harry R. Drackett, who invented Windex in 1933. Brilliant man, I must say. He helped save millions of kids here at Hogwarts. Very smart for a muggle.

**How insane do you think you are?**

As insane as Mr. Drackett! He created the medicine, and I dose it out. I just hope he isn't dead. I've always dreamed of meeting him.

**Would you rather invent something, or own it?**

Hm… Definitely invent. Because if I invented Windex, I'd be known as a hero, and technically own it, anyway.

**What if your favorite product was suddenly obsolete, and not produced anymore?**

I'd go on a idiot-hunting spree, and commit brutal homicide on each person in on the decision to stop selling Windex. Idiots must die. That's my second favorite saying.

**What do you spend most of your day doing?**

Spraying Windex. It's a bit tiring, though. I might end up with carpal syndrome. And then who'd spray the Windex on my wrist? The people I treat better be happy, with what I risk to treat them!

**What do you wish your job could be?**

I wish I could own the Windex Corporation. That'd be fun.

**Have you ever written a fan letter?**

Yes, to Mr. Drackett. It was about thirty-three pages long, because I listed five pages worth of names of kids his invention treated. I hope he'll be happy.

**Coke or Pepsi?**

Pepsi. There's this thing called Blue Pepsi, and it looks exactly like Windex! Isn't that cool!

-&-

An: Yes, Harry R. Drackett invented Windex in 1933. I did my research. Review!


	26. R Hooch

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Madam Hooch. I'm not telling you my first name, other than that it begins with R. And I'm so old that I have taught all of you reading this, it will stay Madam Hooch.

**Describe yourself.**

Most likely smarter than you.

**Where are you?**

Teaching the first years to ride broomsticks. I'm still not quite sure why I'm stuck in this job, when I'm smarter than all of the other teachers combined.

**What are your likes?**

Shakespeare, algebra, smart company, instead of the usual Quidditch freaks.

**What are your dislikes?**

Don't get me wrong, I love Quidditch very much. But, the fans are such dunderheads that I can't bear to be with them. I'm sorry, I just need actual company with actual brains. Which is why I'm glad that the Gryffindor captain, Wood, is pretty smart, unlike Diggory, Davies, and Flint.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'm calculating the odds of this questionnaire being actually worth the time, and whether Gryffindor will beat Ravenclaw in the upcoming match in my head.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Lord what fools these mortals be.' Shakespeare. A Midsummer Night's Dream,Act 3 Scene II, the end of the twenty-fourth line, and said by Puck. It perfectly describes what most humans are like.

**Who is the smartest person you know?**

Me. And I have proof. I am a British wizard. Now, what is the capital of the U.S. state of Idaho? Boise. North Dakota? Bismarck, like the German leader. Arkansas? Little Rock. I know all of them, just quiz me. The capital of South Korea? Seoul. The Quadratic Formula? Negative b, plus or minus the square root of b minus four times a times c, over two a. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the smartest of them all? Me.

**How smart do you think you are?**

Look above, you dunderhead. You're one of the mortal fools, I suppose. Oh, and this questionnaire is turning out to be a waste of my time.

**What do you do last in the course of the day?**

Go over a set of facts in my head. Usually it's the list of the past two hundred popes, in order.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To become, me, basically.

**Have you ever won a geography bee?**

Nineteen. And forty six spelling bees. They were all easy. Here's an example of one of the questions that might be asked. Spell the word for fear of long words. H-I-P-P-O-P-O-T-O-M-O-N-S-T-R-O-S-E-S-Q-U-I-P-P-E-D-A-L-I-O-P-H-O-B-I-A. Though, that's the easiest, pretty much. Too easy, don't you think?

**William Shakespeare or Edgar Allen Poe?**

Hm… Hard choice. Both great writers. But, Poe is from Baltimore, Maryland (a state from the U.S., which gave up the land that formed Washington D.C.). And my patriotism pushes me to say Shakespeare. Besides, Poe was a bit too much of a horror writer for me. Then again, he was an alcoholic, and not very rich during his life.

-&-

AN: The fruits of my nerddom. I am a nerd, yes. All of the facts are true. The quote from Shakespeare, I took out the complete works of Shakespeare I have neatly stacked on a shelf in my room, and looked it up. I knew it was in Act 3, and right before Demetrius 'fell in love' with Helena. And the capitals, well, I do know them. Ask my any state and I can tell you the capital. I blame my dad, who makes me know this. And he did try to make me learn the popes, in order. The sad part is, I'm not even Catholic. I'll shut up now. Oh, Trelawney's next.


	27. Sybill Trelawney

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Again, thanks to all who reviewed, and sent in suggestions.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Sybill Trelawney. And my inner eye tells me that I'll live to the tender age of nine hundred and two!

**Describe yourself.**

NOT A FRAUD! I mean, er, a talented seer. The best in the world, actually! Yeah, the best in the world… heh-heh… just like a said… not a fraud…

**Where are you?**

Getting ready to teach Divination to the third years. And predicting several deaths… maybe…

**What are your likes?**

The fact that I am, in fact, NOT A FRAUD.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who call me a fraud. Call me a spindly, ugly, evil, old, bat-like, creepy, pedophile, stalkerish, insane, demon-child/teacher/adult, daughter of a _**CENSORED**_, horrible, ghastly, nauseating, unpleasant, weird, disturbing, appalling, grisly, repulsive, vile, loathsome, annoying, irritating, irksome, hideous, omen-obsessed, idiotic, stupid, dense, freakish, old hag, but NEVER call me a fraud. I also dislike those people who don't die when I predict their death. Like Harry Potter. Hello? We're supposed to be proving I'm not a fraud! Just die already! Hm… Maybe I should go on a killing… and Potter shall be on the top of the list…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How to make it look like I'm not killing thousands of innocent people… I mean! Finding my inner eye! Yes, I must connect with my inner eye… ooooh… spooky…

**What' your favorite saying?**

You will die….

**Who defies you the most?**

Potter! Why won't he die!

**How insane do you think you are?**

Drat! The third years are beginning to come in! Must gain back insane image… so they don't suspect me when I slip poison into the teacup of the person who I predict will die…. Insane…whooooooosshh… whheeeeeeee!

**Would you rather be known as a fraud, or have to take a job where you cannot randomly say that people will die?**

Not be able to say people will die? No! But, I suppose I could always tell random people on the street they'll die. Fine. The first choice.

**What if everyone you predicted would die, died?**

I'd hide under my desk, because the apocalypse would be coming. AND THAT DOESN'T MEAN I'M A FRAUD!

**What do you spend most of the day doing?**

Drinking coffee. I need to stay perky, and freaky, and I live off of caffeine, especially after late night killing sprees… I mean… oh, bugger it all…

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

That the whole world would die (I was a sadist).

**Have you ever been influenced the 'inner eye'?**

Yeah. Once or twice. I once told Professor Binns that if he ate anymore macaroni and cheese, he'd die. And so he stopped eating it, but wouldn't eat anything else, since he didn't like anything else. So, a few days later, when he was sleeping, he woke up, and jut walked out of his body. It was really funny.

**Insane or fraud?**

Insane. It doesn't ruin your reputation. As much.


	28. Professor Sinistra

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this does not represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

My fellows told me the earthlings would call me Professor Sinistra. And what is age? That concept is foreign to me.

**Describe yourself.**

I am the astronomy teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

**Where are you?**

I am on break on the mother ship.

**What are your likes?**

Likes? My people do not have likes. Whatever they are.

**What are your dislikes?**

Would this word, 'dislikes', possibly be the negation of 'likes'? If so, I must find out what they mean, and add them to my human-Gabajabas dictionary.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Whatever my leader tells me to think. Currently, it is this questionnaire.

**What is your favorite saying?**

'Favorite'? What is that? I am programmed, though, to, in any case where I do not know what to do, say 'Take me to your leader'.

**Who helped you get to the place you are now?**

The leader. She controls everything, on and off the mother ship of Gabajabas.

**How unique do you think you are?**

We of the Gabajabas clan are not unique. If you are looking for unique, I suggest the people of the Garzoplex kin, from the ninth moon of Jupiter.

**Would you rather make peace across the entire galaxy, or take over the solar system?**

I am not at liberty to say. The leader makes all decisions. But, we Gabajabas are here to promote peace, and inter-understanding of different cultures. The leader says the first stop is Earth, the most violent planet in the universe. She says that there is one country in particular that is extra violent. Apparently this country trains it's young earthlings to kill through simulated games. The leader calls it the United States.

**What if you broke a nail?**

What is the significance of that?

**What is the first thing you do in the mornings?**

Slip into my uber-plasmic human suit, and position my wig and 'make-up'.

**What is your wish for the world?**

I know that Gabajabas are not supposed to wish, but I can't help but hope that one day, Earth will achieve peace. Some of the people I have met here are very nice. For instance, the Ronald Weasley.

**Have you ever blown up a planet?**

Sadly, yes. Over a thousand years ago, our people, the Gabajabas, were more hostile. And we ran into a planet much like Earth. We were so frustrated with it, we just blew it up.

**PS3 or Wii?**

I do not comprehend. This must be a new code that I should inform the leader about. I will look into it.

-&-

AN: the thing about the U.S.A., it is not my personal view! I am from the U.S., but the U.s. is one of the most violent countries. Anyway, if anyone has a suggestion for any character from the books, send it in, and I might use it in the future. And Pince is next.


	29. Irma Pince

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the suggestions.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Irma Pince. And to find my year of birth, take the year that the producer of Chocolate Cauldrons came out with the butterscotch flavor, divide the first two digits by the last two, add 63, multiply that by three hundred, find the square root, and then add on nineteen to the end. It's quite simple, really.

**Describe yourself.**

Uh… I'm tall, and have beige-ish skin, brown eyes, brown hair. I'm wearing a set of navy blue robes, with a skirt and a shirt that says 'Chocolate Lover for Life' underneath. That's all.

**Where are you?**

Hiding in my office, so the books don't see that I'm eating my comfort food (chocolate). THE BOOKS WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME!

**What are your likes?**

Books. And chocolate. And sometimes Filch, depending on if I'm PMSing, or not (yes, by some messed reason, I have not gone through menopause yet).

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that my two loves (books and chocolate) are in an all-out war. It's a total Romeo and Juliet all over again!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How good chocolate is. So creamy…. Mmmm….

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Books and chocolate _always_ go together'. Remus Lupin once told me that, during our annual meetings of the Society of the Deliciousness of Chocolate and Wonderfulness of Books. The SOTDOCAWOB. I always wonder why Remus and I were the only members…

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Well, Filch. I don't really get why, but every time I'm near him, I get all light-headed, and my heart starts pounding like crazy. Why would that be? Well, I dream about him a lot. Usually, he's dressed in books, and feeding me chocolate. Does that make sense?

**How bipolar do you think you are?**

Very. I love two very different things. Chocolate and books aren't supposed to go together. The chocolate gets books all chocolaty. But, I love them both. It's a shame. Every year I go to the librarians' convention, I'd be shunned if it got across that I love chocolate.

**Would you rather eat chocolate or not read books?**

Well, eat chocolate, of course. Are you trying to hint that I should do what I love anyway? I do suppose that chocolate bars and books are inanimate objects…. But what if they disapprove of that decision?

**What if inanimate objects could talk?**

Then I would be the subject of a lot of verbal abuse by now.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Brush my teeth thoroughly, so the books can't see the residue from the several chocolate bars I had the night before.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That books and chocolate could learn to live together!

**Have you ever been stalked?**

No. But I have once or twice had the urge to stalk a certain caretaker. Needless to say, I didn't actually stalk him. Except for that one time…

**Vanilla or stories?**

Neither. Just because I can't choose between books and chocolate doesn't mean I can't choose between those. Vanilla and stories are just wannabe chocolate and books. But, I'd rather choose stories.

-&-

An: I know it's horrible. But, I'm having an idea shortage.


	30. Argus Filch

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This does not represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Argus Filch. And I'm thirty three. That tub of toxic waste, well, it really sped up the aging process.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I have x-ray vision, super-strength, invisibility, super speed, the ability to fly, and lots of other powers. Again, I fell into a vat of toxic waste for my twentieth birthday. The only downside is I lost my magical wizarding powers. Meaning, I'm a squib!

**Where are you?**

Taking a break from battling my arch nemesis (aka. The bad guy), Peeves.

**What are your likes?**

Battling the bad guys, including Peeves, and badly behaved students.

**What are your dislikes?**

The Weasley twins. Always escaping my powers! And the fact that I'm a superhero, but no one is a fan of mine. I work for nothing! Other than the money Dumbledore pays me.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you think if I pulled the Spiderman stunt on Pine, she'd kiss me like Mary-Jane kissed Peter Parker?

**What's your favorite saying?**

With great power comes great responsibility. My responsibility is to stop students who are out of bed after hours.

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Irma Pince. She's Mary-Jane, and I'm Spiderman in them.

**How evil do you think you are?**

As evil as Batman!

**Would you rather have magical powers or super powers?**

Magical. Apparently they give you more recognization.

**What if you were thrown into a vat of toxic waste?**

Been there, done that. My friends thought it was a pond. Funny how that worked out, seeing as it was green and bubbling. And had the poison symbol on the side of the vat.

**What do you do during most of the day?**

Talk to my cat, Mrs. Norris. She was the Mary-Jane to my Peter Parker, until the Weasley's transfigured her into a cat. She used to be a red-headed Barbie doll!

**What do you wish your job was?**

Something closer to the library, where Irma is… she's so pretty…..

**Have you broken a law?**

Yeah. The law of gravity! Get it, you know, the law of gravity is a law, and all? I wanted to run it for a test drive, it's the joke I'm going to use when Irma figures out my super powers.

**X-ray vision or invisibility?**

X-ray vision. It's a quicker way to find out if any students are out of bed. Wait… what was that crashing sound? Peeves? Must rush! Power up! (Lame catchphrase, I know).

-&-

AN: Again, horrible, isn't it? And Grubbly-plank is up next. You know, the substitute Care of Magical Creatures teacher?


	31. W GrubblyPlank

Disclaimer: I own nothing and this does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all of the suggestions! I loved them!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Winifred Grubbly-Plank. But, I hate my first name. Please, don't spread that information. You can call me Fred, though, I don't mind that. And my age? I've existed as long as the name Winifred, most likely. I bet I was the first person to be stuck with that as a name. My parents probably invented it, wanting to name after both uncle Frederick and Aunt Winnie.

**Describe yourself.**

A total tom-boy. And I'm willing to admit it. I will not be stuck in a pink hell for the rest of my life. I also the _substitute_ Care of Magical Creatures teacher. It's horrible. I'm such a better teacher than that oaf Hagrid! And it's not like he's ever here!

**Where are you?**

Teaching the students about unicorns. Ugh. I hate this lesson the most. Unicorns are so, girly! It's sickening. And you know how they only let girls touch them? Well most of them aren't sure whether to let me touch them or not. Not like it matters. But they are so gross. If I were eight, I'd blame them for having cooties.

**What are your likes?**

The Care of Magical Creatures job. It will be mine one day. After I shove Hagrid out of the job.

**What are your dislikes?**

Unicorns. And Hagrid. He's stolen my job! Occasionally, I slip food poisoning into his pumpkin juice, so he'll be out the next day, and I can teach.

**What are you thinking about now?**

Making up some crackpot reason for Dumbledore to make Hagrid go battle it out with the giants again…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Carpe Diem. Seize the day. Yeah, seize it and strangle Hagrid with it.

**Who do you feel most guilty about liking?**

Umbridge. I hate her, I really do, but, I can't help but wish that she had stayed. If she had, I'd be Care of Magical Creatures teacher by now…

**How homicidal do you think you are?**

Me? Homicidal? Never! Well, unless Hagrid's in the vicinity, I suppose…

**Would you rather get your dream job or become an heir to a millionaire and never have to work?**

The first option. Care of Magical Creatures is my life! And I don't think I can say that about Hagrid. Just look in his hut. It's filled to the brim with girly pink stuff, and have I ever seen him touch one of the creatures? No, thank you very much.

**What if all the magical creatures (other than wizards) in the world suddenly internally combusted, and died on the spot?**

I am one with the creatures. One with the creatures. I am so one with them, that if they suddenly internally combusted, so would I. So, I'd die before I could really do anything. Literally

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

Look over my daily plans to assassinate- er, I mean, make friends with Hagrid! I don't want there to be any flaws in it! The world can't be deprived of our, er, friendship!

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

That Hagrid will die! Because if he doesn't, who knows what I'll do when I get angry!

**Have you ever negotiated with an evil dictator?**

Yeah. Burbage. She's the muggle studies professor, and the dictator of the sixth floor. I tried to make a deal with her, where she'd kill Hagrid for me, but she wouldn't. She said that he was valuable to her. I looked into it, and apparently Hagrid gets the forest animals to give her the weekly manicures she parades around to the teachers. What an idiot. Total dumb blonde. Not killing Hagrid for some _manicure._ This is why I think it's a waste of time to be girly. If I ever want to be an evil dictator, being girly would completely get in the way.

**Thestrals or hippogriffs? **

Hm… I can't see thestrals, so I'm not sure how cool they look. But, I'm hoping I'll see them soon, after Hagrid's death! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA! And maybe I can use hippogriffs as the murder weapon! IT'S PERFECT!

-&-

AN: I think it's a sucky chapter. But, whatever. Salzaar Slytherin is next. And after I do the founders, I'll do the Weasleys, and then we'll get to the death eaters, including old Voldie! And I desperately need ideas for him! I have no clue of what to do, quite honestly! Review!


	32. Salazar Slytherin

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views either.

AN: I loved your suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Salazar Slytherin, and I'm twenty nine! Woot-woot!

**Describe yourself.**

A total party animal! Oh yeah!

**Where are you?**

In my chamber of secrets. Built for heavy duty partying. What did you think it was for? See, the other founders don't like seeing my booze lying about it. Helga, it disturbs her 'training' or whatever, Rowena's pregnant with Godric's baby, and well, Godric…. I don't like him near my booze. And the whole heir of Slytherin thing? They usually are leftover partiers who die from an overdose of booze, and have hallucinations making them do (and see) weird stuff because of the marijuana.

**What are your likes?**

Having a nice PAR-TAAY!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those party poopers, like Merlin. He's always getting on back! I will tell you now, do not give Merlin mixed drinks, or let him participate in binge drinking contests. It NEVER ends well. Several times I had to rebuild the chamber of secrets. Not fun, I swear. Especially if you do it at home, and then you're parents will really kill you. So, inviting Merlin to your house, when there's alcohol, DO NOT TRY AT HOME. Unless you want to die painfully.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Whether once Rowena has her daughter I'll have to put up barriers to the chamber of secrets. I mean, it's not really hidden, and in a girls bathroom. Suppose I could do something with the sinks to hide the entrance? Rowena has always been afraid of sinks, and that might be hereditary…

**What is your favorite saying?**

We're going to party like it's on sale for $19.99! And it is, especially when you can just get Godric to transfigure random rocks into streamers and silly string for you…

**Who is the most annoying person you have ever met?**

Ever met this kid named Minerva McGonagall? She's sooooooo annoying! She's Godric's niece, and is always bothering me! She's such a nag! She like has to know where I'm going, whenever I'm going there. Very frustrating.

**How forgiving do you think you are?**

I'm Slytherin, as the other founders say. I was born to not be forgiving. It's the way of the future! Ka-zaam!

**Would you rather never party again, or sell your soul to the devil?**

Already done so. For the selling my soul to the devil part. He comes to my parties occasionally. And once, I was very drunk, which is not a good thing near the devil. So, I sold my soul. The good news is that I'm now the proud owner of a rubber ducky souvenir from hell!

**What if everyone suddenly died during one of your parties?**

I'd make sure that that the house elves did not put one of Minerva's fruitcakes on the refreshment table. Man, those things are lethal.

**What is one of your worst habits?**

I usually eat all of the bean dip before any guests can come. Bean dip is the appetizer of the people! They love bean dip! I'm just a horrible person!

**What is your dream job?**

To not have a job. More time for partying!

**Have you ever swum with dolphins?**

Unfortunately, yes. Some wheezer at the party once was so drunk he somehow flooded the chamber with water, and dolphins. I had to swim with the dolphins to make it. Too bad that the Fat Friar didn't. I think that was when the founders decided that having a school priest might not be a good idea. Everyone other than the Fat Friar thought that magic was blasphemy, and the Fat Friar, well, he's dead now. 'Cept, he's a ghost. Well, we just didn't like him. Other than Helga, for some odd reason. So he became the Hufflepuff ghost.

**Get-together or ball?**

Ball. Balls you can crash. And that's uber fun!

-&-

AN: Helga Hufflepuff's next.


	33. Helga Hufflepuff

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my views.

AN: I love your suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Helga Hufflepuff, and I don't know my age. My superiors raised me from my birth, and never bothered to tell me my age, so I can't keep track.

**Describe yourself.**

I am a ninja. HI-YAA!

**Where are you?**

At the ninja academy. I grew up there, and was trained there. When the ninjas learned of m magical powers, I was sent to Britain, to find Merlin to study with. My greatest friends, and fellow founders, Godric Gryffindor, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin also learned from Merlin. We then decided to create a school, which we did. I still do some behind the scenes teaching at my old academy.

**What are your likes?**

Pie! Which the ninjas discourage, so I never had for the first years of my life. But when I came to England, I ate all the sweets in sight. Particularly pumpkin pie. It's just a fetish. Though, and overly obsessive one.

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that the students at Hogwarts aren't being trained as ninjas! They need some way of defending themselves! But the other founders said no. I'll never get why. At least we set up Defense Against the Dark Arts at my request. But seriously, ninjas are so COOL!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If the house elves could make ten pies on short notice. I didn't confirm them this afternoon that I would be having a late night snack.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm a ninja girl, in a ninja world! I am deadly, but super friendly! Let's go ninja, c'mon ninja… I made it up! What do you think? You know, the Divination teacher says that later on someone will steal that from me for muggle music, but I think it's crazy. Imagine, Mozart playing a song about ninjas! That's hilarious!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

The rubber ducky fiend. There's this rubber ducky that's always in the bathroom. And I can tell, using my ninja-senses, that it's aiming to trip me, or slip me, or bash my head in with a beater's bat. It is my sworn enemy. And I always have to scare off the rubber ducky with my awesome ninja powers. AAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

**How ugly do you think you are?**

Well, I'm quite pretty. I'm just, well, erm, see, I'm sort of… plump. But, I'm still the best at the academy, so I have to be pretty good.

**Would you rather be paralyzed and never be able to participate in your favorite sport anymore, or die?**

If I die, I wouldn't be able to compete in my favorite sport. Or eat pie. Is this a tick question?

**What if you weren't who you are today?**

I'd want to be a dinosaur. They're almost as cool as ninjas!

**What do you usually do when you're bored?**

Uh…. Teach the students how to break someone's neck with my judo skills. Somehow, the other founders complain about my doing that…

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To be the master ninja of them all!

**Have you ever fought an evil dictator?**

Yeah… I was assigned by the academy to take down the leader of the cow by-products sellers. They sold- shudder- _parts of the cow_…shudder. Why get cow when you can buy pig? Though, I think my academy frowned upon eating any meat.

**North Korea or South America?**

South America. It's bigger, and so brings me more power when I take it over. And then I can take over North America after that! Yay!

-&-

AN: Ravenclaw is next. Review!


	34. Rowena Ravenclaw

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all reviews and suggestions! I swear, I had an absolutely horrible day yesterday, I read your reviews, and I couldn't help but smile! Are you guys like expert reviewers?

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Well…. Er, should I really be telling you my name? I mean, you aren't supposed to tell people your name, right? Well, I suppose I'll make a tiny exception. I'm Rowena Ravenclaw. And age, well, I may have told you my name, but age is too much, really. I DON'T WANT CREEPY STALKER PEOPLE!

**Describe yourself.**

Hopefully I'm perfectly safe. But I don't know about that. How can I really be safe when that light is flickering! In the time it takes for one flicker, someone could easily come from behind and smother me! AAAHHH!

**Where are you?**

I do not talk to strangers, I do not talk to strangers, I do not talk to strangers, I DO NOT TALK TO STRANGERS, SO I WILL MOST DEFINITELY NOT TELL YOU THAT!

**What are your likes?**

Well, I like checking my safety plans. You know, like what to do if there's a fire, or a hurricane, or tornado or something. I need to make sure my plans are always updated. And I LOVE making tin foil hats so that the aliens can't tell what I'm thinking. Uh…. Just the thought scares me. Now that I think about it, I'll get to making a tin foil hat after this…

**What are your dislikes?**

Suspicious things. Like how that stack of papers is out of order. Could that mean someone intruded or something? I'm just not sure. Better be on my guard…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Are you an alien? Because it's the aliens who want to read my mind! I knew I shouldn't have let the other founders hire an astronomy teacher. You can never trust them…

**What's your favorite saying?**

You can never be too sure….

**Who scares you the most?**

Salazar Slytherin. He may be my friend, but you can never trust him. He wears so much green. Green means jealousy. Therefore Salazar is jealous. Of what though? Well, he'll try to steal that 'what'. I just can't trust him. He might use a picture of Britney Spears' new look to scare us out of our wits, and steal what he wants! I just can't bear that thought! CAN'T BEAR IT!

**How paranoid do you think you are?**

Well, everyone says I'm the most paranoid person they've ever met. But, I mean, how many paranoid people can you meet?

**Would you rather eat sushi or asparagus?**

AHHH! SCARY CHOICE! See, sushi can easily give you food poisoning. But, asparagus! It can poke your eye out with the tip! NOOOOO! UNBEARBLY SCARY!

**What if there was a spider in your room?**

I'D RUN AWAY! Even though only a small percentage of spiders are poisonous, why take the chance ad risk your life? I SAID, WHY?

**What do you do first thing in the morning?**

Get dressed in my anti-radioactive suit, and throw over my robes. I also place elbow and knee pads on. You can never be too sure.

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

That the whole world could be made out of jell-o. Then it'd be so much safer!

**Have you ever been to a Quidditch World Cup?**

No. I've never been to any Quidditch games. See, Quidditch isn't only dangerous for the players. Spectators can easily be hurt by bludgers going astray. And if a player rammed into you? And what about if you were out in the rain and caught a deadly disease? And a million other things I don't have the time to write. I can't stay in the same spot for more than a half hour. I always fear the roof will fall down and crush me. Well, anyways, you get why I don't like Quidditch games? I run away from them too.

**Ping-pong or tennis?**

Well, tennis, like all sports, is somewhat dangerous. But, tennis balls are big enough and bright enough that I can run away from them. Ping-pong balls, well… aren't so big and bright. And I've had some bad experiences with ping-pong. Oh no… here come the memories. AARRGGHHH! THEY'RE TRYING TO BASH IN MY HEAD IN WITH A PING-PONG BALL! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

-&-

AN: The ping-pong ball thing, well, once, in gym, I was with a group of girls, and we were playing ping-pong. It got so violent, we ended up only really trying to attack each other with the ball… yeah… we're messed up at my school. Gryffindor is next. Review! (And suggestions are loved!)


	35. Godric Gryffindor

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all reviews and suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and full age?**

Godric Gryffindor, the brave! And what's 'full age'? Is that a typo?

**Describe yourself.**

Well, er, I'm noble! Yeah! And I don't have a chronic disease that makes me steal a lot of stuff. Yeah… I don't…. hehe…

**Where are you?**

Stealing Salazar's stash of- Wait! I mean, er, uh… NOT stealing Salazar's stash of beer. Yeah, that's it…

**What are your likes?**

Stealing brains. That's where I go the brains for the sorting hat. BUT I didn't steal the brains! Yeah… I'm just a normal, regular, non-having a chronic disease causing you to steal random things person.

**What are your dislikes?**

My fingers. WHY MUST THEY STEAL STUFF ON THEIR OWN ACCORD? No! Just forget I said that, alright?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you suppose they sell straight jackets, finger size? Not that I need them…. Hehe…

**What's your favorite saying?**

I DON'T STEAL!

**Who is the most irksome person you know?**

My healer, for not being able to cure my fingers. DARN HIM! Must not steal quill…. Self restraint… Eurgh….

**How tricky do you think you are?**

Tricky? Heeeelllooo? I was the one who stole the Slytherin points glassy thingy lat week… oops… if anyone asks, I said nothing…

**Would you rather hack off your fingers, or never stop your bad habit?**

I don't know about hacking off my fingers, but I'd gladly shove them into a straight jacket…

**What if your friend bought a giant cheese wheel?**

I'D STEAL IT! Fine, it's out in the open! I have a chronic disease thingy that makes my fingers steal stuff on their own accord! There!

**What are you usually doing during the day?**

Stealing. Particularly Salazar's stuff, cause Helga can break my back, and Rowena, well, she's so paranoid, she chooses only smart kids, so they can create very safe security systems for her. I choose brave kids who'll protect me when I steal something of Helga's and she comes to break my back. Yeah… so I prefer stealing Salazar's stuff…

**What was your biggest wish?**

To stop my chronic disease. You know what? I think you're just trying to mock me! I hate you for that! I'm going to where you can never bother me again! I can't believe the questions below! And I'm taking the quill with me!

**Have you ever stolen something before?**

…

**Thief or crook?**

…

-&-

AN: Mr. Weasley is next. Suggestions are encouraged. Review!


	36. Arthur Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views either.

AN: Thanks to all my reviewers, especially the ones with suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Arthur Weasley. And I'm fifty-eight.

**Describe yourself.**

I am a well-known figure with the muggles, beloved by all. And the wizards will have no clue what hit them…

**Where are you?**

In a secret conference with the United Nations, and other ambassadors from around the world.

**What are your likes?**

Taking over the world with muggle forces.

**What are your dislikes?**

How idiotic wizards are. Well, it's good for what I'm doing, but seriously! They should be ashamed of themselves. Not even my family has found anything suspicious!

**What are you thinking about?**

Whether or not the ministry would notice if I snuck ten thousand muggles into the ministry building to attack the ministry, and take it over. Probably not.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Here today, conqueror tomorrow. Okay, so I tweaked it a bit.

**Who is the most important person you know?**

Me, of course.

**How sneaky do you think you are?**

Refer to my answer on 'what are your dislikes'. It's pretty much the same.

**Would you rather eat eight spiders, or wear green for the rest of your life?**

Green. I can get all of the muggle designers to make me nice looking green clothes. Dolce and Gabbana, Versace, and on. Not Armani, though. He's a wizard.

**What if there were no more muggles in the world?**

Then I guess my plan for taking over the world wouldn't work. Drat.

**What do you do first thing in the morning?**

Go back to sleep. And sometimes yell at George Bush, for ruining my plans…. Again.

**What is your dream job?**

To be supreme ruler of the Earth. And that dream will be a reality in exactly three minutes.

**Have you ever eaten a bee?**

Unfortunately, I have. Let's just leave it at Jessica Simpson may be good-looking, but never hire her as the cook for the United Nations meeting.

**Wii or PS3?**

The United Nations that I attend have both, but I say I prefer Pong, even though it's a tad old-fashioned. Oh! The crown is ready, and the ministry is defeated! You'll see me next on the front of the newspaper!

-&-

AN: Ugh… Not another ambitious soon to be supreme ruler of earth…. Ah well. Molly's next! And I'm running out of ideas, please send in suggestions!


	37. Molly Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks to all who reviewed! Your suggestions were all kick-ass!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Molly Weasley, and I don't really feel like telling you my age. It's an insecurity, I suppose you could say. And if you figure out my age, I'm not afraid of assassinating you. And the pain in that? Don't worry. I'm a professional, so it will be as painful as possible.

**Describe yourself.**

For starters, a professional assassin. Best in the field, actually. Ever seen Mrs. And Mr. Smith (my husband used the guilt trick to make me watch it)? Well, what I do can blow those guys out of the water. I'm also the wife of the future supreme ruler of earth. Yes, I know about it. I'm not as stupid as Fudge. And, quite frankly, I'm okay with it. Because, after my husband dies, I'll inherit the world. Although, I suppose I could kill him, to make it go faster. But, I really do love my husband. I'm not some scarlet woman, like my daughter.

**Where are you?**

I'd tell you, but then you'd stop me from assassinating the president of the United States, which would be quite unfortunate, as I'm making big bucks for this assassination.

**What are your likes?**

Baking, cooking. They're hobbies of mine. And, eating the fruits of these hobbies makes me plumper. For some reason, people don't expect a plump middle aged woman to be a professional assassin, something I don't quite get. Ah well, at least it helps, doesn't it?

**What are your dislikes?**

When people call me the bad guy. I'm not. I'm simply a hired mercenary. And besides, I work for the 'good side' too. Once, I was hired by a prime minister, to kill this other government member. A week later, he won the election. See? I'm a good person!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, I just remembered some idiot who wanted me to kill Oprah. So, I was headed out to Oprah's set thingy in California. And I was in the audience, getting ready for my kill, when her show started. And I was amazed. No one should doubt the fact that I turned back around, and assassinated the guy who wanted Oprah assassinated. Ever since, I've been hooked on Oprah. My biggest dream is to be on one of her cooking shows. And did I mention one of the free gifts Oprah gave out was a book of hers? Well, I took it home, and threw out all of Lockhart's books, replacing them with hers. I LOVE OPRAH! Almost as much as I love Celestina Warbeck.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'You're about to die. Any last wishes?' 'Cept, I never do really grant the wishes….

**Who is the most influential person you now?**

OPRAH! Squeal! Celestina Warbeck second!

**How deadly do you think you are?**

You're talking to Europe's best assassin. That question better be rhetorical.

**Would you rather meet Oprah, or Celestina Warbeck?**

Darn. That's hard. But, I'd choose Oprah. Because, I'm actually somewhat close to Celestina. She was friends with Harry's parents, and Arthur's brother's girlfriend for a very long time. Very exciting! Squeal!

**What if Oprah had a heart attack and died?**

The world would be a very sad place indeed… And I'd assassinate her doctor…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Go over the day's schedule. Here's todays;

1: Make breakfast for the family.

2: Assassinate the president of the U.S.A.

3: Come back to make the beds.

4: Assassinate that client's best friend, who the client was really pissed off for some reason.

5: Make lunch for the family.

6: Assassinate Scrimegour.

7: Clean the house.

8: Assassinate that person on the street who figured out my age.

9: Meet Fridwulfa for tea.

10: Assassinate the artist formerly known as Prince.

11: Make dinner for the family.

12: Assassinate David Beckham.

13: Get back to eat dinner with family.

14: Assassinate Ludo Bagman.

15: Clear the dinner table.

16: Assassinate Fenrir Greyback for scarring up my eldest son.

17: Come back for game night with family.

18: Assassinate Lavender Brown as personal favor for Hermione.

Not to mention various household chores.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To be one of James Bond's girls. Now I want to be a James Bond. Think about it, a secret agent. It's a step up from assassin. Even though an assassin is one of the world's most respected jobs.

**Have you ever ridden first class?**

After I ridded the world of George Bush, people were lining up to give me first class tickets back home. Yep, I live a life of luxury.

**Cooking show or talk show?**

I JUST REALIZED! Oprah's new cooking show is on in two minutes! Which means I have to kill the president in two minutes, and apparate back, because I cannot miss that show! DRAT!

-&-

AN: Just a disclaimer, I don't have anything too personal against George Bush. He's made some mistakes, which I'm playing off. Bill is next, and I'd love some suggestions. More like I need them….


	38. Bill Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Loved the reviews and suggestions!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Are you sure that's correct grammar? I can't STAND incorrect grammar! And my name in Bill Weasley, and for not using what I'm sure is correct grammar, I'm not telling you my age.

**Describe yourself.**

I have OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Which means everything needs to be perfect for me. Which is primarily the reason I don't like Victoire dating Teddy. His hair is ELECTRIC BLUE. IS THAT NORMAL? No! And I don't like seeing anything out of order! Grrrrr…. This is why I married Fleur. Other than the fact I love her…. I wouldn't marry Eloise Midgen and her off-center nose for all the love in the world though…

**Where are you?**

Spying on Victoire and her imperfect boyfriend. Granted, they do seem very much in love, and for me, a couple not in love isn't very perfect… But his hair ruins it! If he's a metamorhphagus and all, then WHY ISN'T HE MAKING HIS HAIR NORMAL? This is a very upsetting day. And you know what else? THE NAPKIN HOLDER ISN'T IN THE CENTER OF THE TABLE. This makes me ANGRY. BILL ANGRY. BILL SMASH! RAWR!

**What are your likes?**

Perfection, and admittedly, my daughter's happiness…. I suppose Teddy's hair is alright… as long as he changes it to brown for the wedding….

**What are your dislikes?**

Non-perfection. Like that dratted napkin holder! I'd jump out and fix it, but then Victoire would know I was following her, and she'd never speak to me again…. And that's not family perfection, which I want most in the world. Yes. I was very ecstatic when Percy apologized. Very happy.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I wish I were telekinetic. Then I could use my mind to move the napkin holder. Darn my limited powers.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Karma…. Karma…. Karma will be on my side, and get the napkin holder back to it's place. But, until then, I'll have to settle for gripping the table I'm next to VERY hard. Ow….

**Who makes your bed?**

Me. No one else can make it perfect enough. And it's good for everyone. I get perfection, Fleur has less to do.

**How sloppy do you think you are?**

SLOPPY? THAT IS THE WORD OF THE DEVIL! AVERT YOUR EYES!

…

People, are staring now, after that outburst. Oops. I have to hide under the table, so Victoire doesn't see me. Is that gum? EWWWWWW! Damn. Did it again. I'll be quite now…

**Would you rather live in a pigsty, or eat yogurt with your hands?**

God! Both scare the _**CENSORED**_ out of me! But, I'd choose the yogurt. Do it once, wash my hands. The pigsty, my clothes would forever be getting dirty. EW! So, the yogurt is the lesser of two evils.

**What if the world became a giant garbage dump?**

STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS! YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME A PANIC ATTACK!

**What is the last thing you do during the day?**

Well, brush my teeth. But usually, after that, I'm repositioning my lamp, because it isn't perfect. It scares me…

**What is your wish for humanity?**

To achieve perfection. But that means a utopia, which always turns out to really be a distopia, which I'd commit suicide if it happened. So, my wish is for humanity to come as close as they can to achieving perfection, without actually achieving it.

**Have you ever been on a T.V. show?**

Yeah. I produced a show called 'Orderly and You'. It was like Martha Stewart, except giving advice to perfectionists. It didn't last long. Apparently, most people aren't that orderly. Hm… That's weird.

**Werewolf or waitress?**

DON'T REMIND ME OF THE TRADGEDY THAT HAPPENED TO MY FACE! I have to wear a mask to cover it, unless I feel that the rugged scarred look is perfection. Wait. Waitress… THAT'S IT! I'll dress up as a waitress, and walk over to their table, and fix the evil- out of place napkin holder! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

-&-

AN: Yeah… I have a minor case of OCD, so this is somewhat based off of me. Oh, and I will be doing the 'next generation', just later on (ie. Victoire, Teddy, Rose, Hugo, Lily, James, and Albus). Charlie's next. Review!


	39. Charlie Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Charlie Weasley, and I'm sure you're all my loving fans, and so already know my age!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a poet. And a brilliant one, may I say so, myself. AND I'M NOT AN AMATEUR, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS!

**Where are you?**

At Flourish and Botts, waiting for you all to come and ask for autographs on my new book, The Book of Poems. You'll know it by the neon pink cover. I'm glad that this questionnaire came, as I'm getting quite bored. Oh! Don't worry! I won't leave, and can still wait. I know how it's too early now for you to come for autographs. It is three in the afternoon, after all.

**What are your likes?**

Well, writing poems. I have a great editor, Cecilia Lansing (she's my muggle editor, apparently muggles also like poems. Cecilia said, 'Oh yeah. This is practically literature for the younger audience. Isn't that cool? The twenty year olds love me! But, strangely enough, there were mostly four year olds at my muggle book signing. Odd…). There's also Sarah Hopkirk. She's Mafalda Hopkirk's little sister. She's the owner of Flourish and Botts, and sells the muggle books. She says that they'll be great for the muggle children lovers. Like my dad! Though, I don't think Dad feels it's up to the standard of Shakespeare. He ripped it up, threw it in the fire, locked up the ashes, and tossed them into an ocean, with a lot of sharks. Ah well, I'll be as good as, or better than, Shakespeare one day…

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who call me an amateur. Yeah right. I've been writing poems since I was four. Oh yeah. And I read my poems to the dragons. It usually puts them to sleep. See? My pomes have a calming effect! The others just laugh. So… my poems are caliming, yet funny. Interesting combination…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Hey! I just realized! Mother and brother rhymes! I can make a poem off of it! Lets see…

_FAMILY REUNION_

_Sisters and brothers_

_Fathers and mothers_

_Nieces and nephews_

_Aunts and uncles_

_Grandmothers and grandfathers_

_All come to a family reunion_

Cecilia will LOVE this!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Once upon a time… It starts so many good stories! And poems. One of my favorite stories starts with 'once upon a time…' CINDERELLA! What a great story…. I want to be like Cinderella! Sob…

**Who is most important to you?**

Cecilia, my editor. And Sarah. The only wizarding bookstore that accepted my book was hers. I have to thank her for that. Now, if you want to read my book, go to the Flourish and Botts in Diagon Alley, and go to the back row, the right corner, the bottom shelf. There are three copies! Ooh…playing hard to get…. Right. Well, it's got a neon pink cover, and says The Book of Poems; Poems are cool!! By Charlie Weasley, and on the top, it says Moral: Read this as many times as you want!

Sniff… I just love the cover design….

**How poetic do you think you are?**

Very. I'm quite famous, you better realize. People chant this song, 'Weasley is Our King', thank you very much. And, Ron, see, he's always been stalked, and has millions of fan girls and stuff. Because he looks so much like me. It's the hair, I tell you. And have you read the back of my book?

'This is a really cute book. The poems are great, like The Sims.

-Random bribed person off the streets'

Isn't that great?

And then there's this:

'I like reading The Three Roses.

-The Rose Obsessed Three-year old down the lane'

And what about this?

'It's funny to think a mule is cool, but it's not funny if it has a cane, and is lame. Otherwise, we love a poem about a mule.

-The Insane Overprotective Mule Society (PETM)'

I LOVE MY FANS! W00T! W00T!

Wait… Have you heard The Cool Mule yet? Well, I suppose I will have to recite it for those who haven't yet had the pleasure.

_THE COOL MULE_

_There was a mule_

_That was cool_

_It went to Spain_

_And then to Maine_

_It got a cane,_

_And became lame_

DON'T YOU LOVE THAT POEM?

I bet your all hooked on my poetry now. Yeah….

That's my favorite piece, you know. It represents how, with popular culture, someone's the height of fashion, or coolness, or something one minute, but then something takes away from that, even a little, and then lose their potential, dumped in the trash. Can't you just feel the emotion in that piece? I was very emotional during the writing of that.

**Would you rather be a reporter, or a director?**

Directors completely botch up stories! I'd want to be a reporter. I remember, after graduating, I did a short stint for the Quibbler, writing for the 'What's the Scoop? Column. I can remember my first article…

_WHAT'S THE SCOOP?_

_Diana the Nargle looks different today! She went to Gus the Snorck Horned Hack's glasses shop, last Monday, to buy new frames for her glasses. Did she buy simple black frames like before? No! She got hot pink frames with flashing lights on them. It's wild!_

_Gus the Snorck Horned Hack asked her if she wanted to pay cash for the frames. Diana said, "Just put them on my bill."_

Awesome, right? But, for some messed up reason, old Xeno fired me afterwards, muttering that there were no such things as Snorck Horned Hacks, but that these other messed up creatures, with long names exist. Don't ask me, he's a nutter.

**What if there was a large spider in the room?**

After I escape, I'd write a poem, chronicling my adventures. Like the Odyssey, except, better. I mean, the man's name is Homer. Homer Simpson (the guy from the T.V. show Dad always watches) has the name Homer. Homer Simpson is an idiot. Think about it.

**What is the first thing you do during the day?**

You know about my affinity to the phrase 'Once upon a time' already, right? Well, I have to say Once upon a time first thing in the morning, so my day becomes a story, and I can write stuff off of it, yeah… Like one day, I was gardening, and I wrote this:

_THE THREE ROSES_

_Once upon a time, there was_

_A family of roses, which were alike,_

_But one was magical, and turned blue,_

_And the pink, for me and you_

That one's really popular with the girls, I've found.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That we could figure out how much a bounce truly weighs. I hope it weighs an ounce, because anything else would prove my poem wrong.

_A BOUNCE WEIGHS AN OUNCE_

_A bounce_

_Weighs an ounce_

_When you jump, from way up high_

_In the sky._

For that, I got inspiration from Quidditch.

**Have you ever played what the muggles call 'a video game'?**

Yes. Cecilia suggested I write something about modern muggle culture, to capture the attention of the younger generation. So I got Dad to bring me a video game. It was called 'The Sims'. And I wrote a very popular poem off of it.

_THE SIMS_

_The Sims_

_Are not whims,_

_In fact, they are great_

_Life mates_

Many people question my inspiration while writing this. Some say I was on drugs, others say I was drunk, and a few more religious say I was tired.

I say I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed.

**Horses or mules?**

I have written poems about both. I prefer mules, which is why I wrote them as being 'cool'. Unfortunately, the ethics of that poem required I make the mule lose it's cool, which I don't see as very possible. Also, mule rhymed with cool. The horses, well, Cecilia, again, said to catch the demographic of girls, I should write something about horses, so I did as I was told.

_HORSES AND PONIES_

_Horses and ponies,_

_Eat grain all day,_

_Go to the field and neigh,_

_Have a baby,_

_And feed them hay,_

_All_

_Day_

Remember, go to Flourish and Botts in Diagon Alley, or Barnes and Noble retailers for the chance to grab a copy of my book, complete with six poems. My autobiography will be out soon.

Don't forget;

WONDERFUL WEASLEY VERSE; THE BEST KNOWN TO MAN!

-&-

AN: Whoa. That was my longest chapter yet. 1414 words. And maybe my favorite yet (after Peter's chapter). How I got the idea is quite funny (to me). I was cleaning out my room, and I found this bright, neon pink paper, holding others inside. In pen, 'The Book of Poems' was written across the front. It was the book my cousin and I had written in third grade. I pretty much copied it word for word here. All the poems are the same, and the front and back I described, are all the same. And, 'The Sims', that was written like that, because I needed a rhyme. And I wrote 'Horses and Ponies' because my cousin wanted something about horses and ponies. I know the poems were torture. Hard to believe, but when I was in third grade, I was actually a worse writer (GASP! I didn't know it was POSSIBLE for my writing to be worse). And this is what happens when you don't review, and send in suggestions! Percy is next. Review!

I'll shut up now….


	40. Percy Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this does not represent my views.

AN: Thanks for all reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Percy Weasley, and I'm twenty-five.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm not sure, but a lot of people label me as a playboy. Hey, just because I sleep with a different girl each night, does NOT mean I'm a playboy! It means I'm a charmer! Oh yeah!

**Where are you?**

This might be a book that kids read, so I'm answering that.

**What are your likes?**

Girls.

**What are your dislikes?**

Penelope, sometimes. She's my main girl, and all, but, she isn't always understanding of the fact that I don't want to get married. I love her, I really do, but I can't settle down until I've had my fill of girls.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Again, it's a bit too R rated.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Want me to buy you a chocolate bar?' My best line. Always works. Is there like some hidden connection between girls and chocolate or something?

**Who is your favorite significant other?**

I haven't really ever had a 'significant other'. But, I suppose Penelope (Clearwater) would fit.

**How charming do you think you are?**

Me. Get. Lots. Of. Girls. Put one and one together.

**Would you rather get prostate cancer, or never date again?**

Well, I'd choose the second one. Just cause we aren't dating doesn't mean we can't have sex.

**What if you were a eunuch?**

One word. Suicide.

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

You really shouldn't be asking me these questions, if you want to keep this book clean.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To work for Playwizard. Not any more, though. I AM _the_ playwizard.

**Have you ever been homosexual?**

Had too, once. Mr. Crouch… Well, the only way to get a raise in his office is to

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

**Girls or guys?**

Girls. Lets just say that the experience with Mr. Crouch has forever turned me off guys.

-&-

AN: Yeah, short. But you just got a long chapter yesterday! Don't particularly like this chapter, but ah well.


	41. Fred and George Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Loved your reviews! And this is a bit different, so bear with me!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Fred Weasley.

_George Weasley._

That idiot, Vane, shoved us together onto one questionnaire.

_Apparently she thinks that twins aren't unique enough to be different people._

See? She's and idiot!

_No! It means that she thinks we're like a half-breed, not as important as non-twins. Or fraternal twins._

See? That screams idiot to me.

_Maybe she can't tell us apart, and just thinks we're seeing double…_

Which means she's an idiot! As we told her we were different people!

_Maybe she's blind…._

She's still know we're two different people!

_And she thought that the 'one' of us was just pranking her._

Nah. SHE'S A GODDAMN IDIOT!

_I must beg to differ. She's obviously just prejudiced against twins._

And if she is, then's she's an IDIOT. And where's the fancy language from? 'I beg to differ'? That is not twin language, Gred. Oh no. You were hanging around Hermione, weren't you?

_Well… not exactly…_

You talked to her on the fellytone?

_No. Do we even have one of those?_

I don't think so. But, just tell me already!

_Fine. I was talking to Ron just a bit earlier._

Ron? Ickle Ronniekins? Says 'I beg to differ'?

_What are you doing?_

Have you seen any winged skeleton horses flying around yet? The apocalypse has to be coming soon.

_Nice. Not up to your usual standards, though. _

Are you going to explain to me about the idiotic baby brother's overnight maturing anytime soon?

_Bloody hell! Let a person breathe!_

Here. You have two seconds to breathe.

_Well, it wasn't exactly overnight. You know how Ron likes Hermione?_

That better be rhetorical. The minister of Bulgaria knew at the Quidditch World Cup, after glancing at our family for two seconds. Yes, I know.

_He decided that to improve himself in Hermione's eyes by doing all this insane stuff. Learning longer, more complicated words, practicing his math skills…. Yada…yada…yada… I think he's doing a bit of economics, actually…_

I must go mock him about that sometimes.

_Agreed, and about that whole Vane thing, let's agree to disagree._

Done.

**Describe yourself.**

Three words. Weasley Wizarding Wheezes.

_We are the owners of that business._

You mean, I'm the owner.

_Yeah right._

Learn your place, serf!

**Where are you?**

I'm not telling you. Being the great Weasley I am, you'll all stalk me if you learn my whereabouts. Not George, though. He's not special.

_I wasn't going to say anything, but for that, we're at Florean Fortescue's, across the way._

NOOOOOOO!

_Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha._

**What are your likes?**

Georgie likes Alicia Spinnet. Oooohh….. Late night confession! He made Lee and me grab ice cream and pillows, and listen as he sobbed his heart out. And –shudder- we had to participate in a heart to heart!

_Yeah right! You ran into us kissing in the locker rooms!_

Maybe I'm bending the truth…

_You're just jealous cause I've got the smooth moves in the family! I have the girlfriend, and who do you have? That's right. No one._

Hey! Once plan FIL is over with, I will have a significant other!

_Yes, that's right. Not only did Fred reach the letter Z with his falied plans, but he went in to tripling the alphabet._

No fair!

_How are things with Angelina going?_

WHAT? YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL THAT!

_Oops. Slip of the tongue. My bad._

I will wrangle your throat till it is no more…

**What are your dislikes?**

Time to get you back, Georgie, ol' pal! George has arachibutyrophobia. Which is-

_Don't! Please don't!_

The fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

_I am so getting you back for this…_

Haha! Isn't that hilarious!

_Not as hilarious as your fear…_

What? No. No! NO! Don't!

_I'm afraid it's too late…_

PLEASE DON'T! I'LL DO ANYTHING!

_Fred has amaxophobia. The fear of _

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

_Riding in cars._

No –sob- no….

_Now isn't _that_ hilarious?_

STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! I mean, seriously! After fourth year… the car… rescuing Harry… mum… it was too hard to handle!

_I knew it! I knew it! After mum yelled at us for leaving without permission, you never rode in a car again. You were afraid of being reprimanded, and so stayed away from the car that caused the reprimanding! Haha!_

Meh.

_Alright, I'm sorry. Though it was hilarious! You got to admit that!_

I hate you.

_Sorry! Will this cheer you up? I heard that one of the death eaters has anglophobia. The fear of English and their culture._

But, how does that work out, as they're English….?

_Exactly!_

Nice one.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Stuff. Right Gred?

_Right Forge._

**What's your favorite saying?**

Uh…. I like pie?

_I was going to say 'come on down and buy from us!' But I like yours better._

No! I like yours!

_Yours!_

Yours!

_Yours!_

Yours!

_Yours!_

Yours!  
_Mine!_

Yours!

_Okay, it's agreed that 'come on down and buy from us' is our favorite saying. Next question._

Wait… I think I like 'I like pie' better now…

**Who makes your bed?**

The house elf minion at the school.

_Dude… That's not a house elf. That's me._

Then why do you make my bed?

_Cause you were whipping me, yelling 'make the bed, or get flogged! RAWR!'_

Oh. Oh yeah…

**How cool do you think you are?**

Cooler than George.

_Cooler than Fred._

Me!

_No, me!_

Me!

_Me!_

Me!

_Me!_

Me!

_Me!_

Me!

_Wait… you do realize we sound like three year olds?_

Yeah… So?

_Right. Me!_

Me!

_Me!_

Me!

_Me!_

Me!

_Me!_

I'm getting tired. Waaaaaahh!

_Yeah…let's stop._

**Would you rather die, or your brother die?**

I'd die first.

_Seriously? My brother die!_

What?

_You heard me! Nah-na-nah-na-boo-boo!_

Real mature! And for that insult to my pride, I'd have you die first! Hahha!

_You!_

You!

_You!_

Why don't we stop before we lose our voices?

_Yeah… I want to be able to fight in the morning._

**What if you met someone who was obsessed with Yu-gi-oh?**

I'd congratulate him! Yu-gi-oh is the way of the future!

_Already met him. In fact, I was born with him. Sucks, huh?_

You're just jealous!

_You know that Pokemon is so much better!_

Let's battle it out to the death to choose the winner! Ha-ha!

_Alright. Pikachu! I choose you!_

Wait. With cards… right?

_Yeah. If we actually fight, we might break my new thick, square framed glasses._

That'd be a pity.

**What is the first thing you do in the moring?**

Sleep.

_For once, I actually agree with the idiot._

**What phrase do you wish you had on a T-shirt?**

I'm with stupid.

_Well I pick 'I'm with stupider'!_

I'm with stupiderer!

_Stupidererer!_

Stupiderererer!

_Stupiderererer! Whoa… Tongue twister…_

Totally…

**Have you ever spent a whole day bickering?**

Uh… everyday.

_Vane's an idiot for asking that._

I already said that!

_No you didn't!_

Nuh-uh!

_Uh-huh!_

Nuh-uh!

_Uh-huh!_

NUH-UH!

_UH-HUH!_

NUH-UH!

_UH-HUH! Ow… my throat…_

I win!

**Bunnies or duckies?**

_Bunnies… they're so cuddly…_

Duckies! They're better

_Yeah right…_

Duckies are cool!

_Bunnies are approved by Burbage… the muggle studies teacher! She prefers them!_

So? When does the evil dictator of the seventh floor count?

_Well, it's not like you can name anyone who votes for duckies!_

Yeah I can!

_Name one._

Uh… Well… There's….

_See?_

I don't see you point!

_Bunnies are supreme!_

Why?

_They're naturally made!_

Meaning?

_You can find them in the forest?_

So?

_They aren't made in Chinese factories, UNLIKE RUBBER DUCKIES!_

LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!

_I SAID, DUCKIES ARE MADE IN FACTORIES! THEY AREN'T ALIVE!_

I'M NOT LISTENING!

_Well, either way. I won. Goodbye. This is too trivial for me._

-sob-

…

…

…

Wait! That guy from Sesame Street! What's his name again? Oh yeah! Ernie! He likes rubber duckies! HA!

-&-

AN: There you go, another edition over one thousand words, and ten Microsoft pages at that. Most are like three pages. And the whole Yu-gi-oh/Pokemon thing, plus the Sesame Street part, those are the fruits of the fact that I was born in the nineties. If you don't know what they are, I'd suggest you Google it or something. And the chapter you've all been waiting for is next. VOLDIE! Reivew!


	42. Lord Voldemort

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: I know that pretty much all of you have been waiting for this. Expect to be disappointed.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Voldemort. NOT MOLDIEWART, MOLDYSHORTS, VOLDIE, MOLDY FACE, SNAKE FACE, LOSER FACE, OR THAT FAT LOSER DOWN THE STREET, IF YOU'RE A MUGGLE! Address me as 'You Majesty' or 'Lord'. And no one is allowed to know his Majesty's age, without dying.

**Describe yourself.**

An evil dark lord. DO NOT LISTEN TO THOSE IMBECILES PROTESTS OF ME BEING A GIRLY-GIRL OR ANYTHING! Those are my death eaters…

**Where are you?**

At a Death Eater, killing Burbage because she is a better evil dictator than I'm an evil dark lord.

**What are your likes?**

Killing Harry Potter. It's a hobby of mine. And making the plans to kill him is so fun! I mean, it shows my creativity, no matter how those two Mary-Sues are always laughing at my plans. Meh.

**What are your dislikes?**

THAT WRETCHED LIST! 123 ways to annoy Lord Voldemort. WHEN I FIND THE AUTHOR, HE WILL DIIEEEEEEE! THE ULTIMATE PWN!

**What are you thinking about?**

Some of my death eaters are way too insane. I mean seriously! Pink sparkly robes in a meeting! I'm surrounded by idiots! At least I can color coordinate. And they say I'm the idiot!

**What's your favorite saying?**

BOW DOWN TO ME, MINION! Hehe… it's fun to yell that…

**Who makes your bed?**

Unfortunately, I have to. My death eaters are either too imcompetent, or completely refuse to do it.

**How much of an evil mastermind do you think you are?**

The fact that the Potter boy always spoils my most well-thought out plans MEANS NOTHING! I AM _THE_ EVIL MASTERMIND!

**Would you rather be stuck in a room with a Malfoy or a Black?**

Let's see…. Lucius… idiot…. Narcissa….idiot…. Draco…idiot…. Bellatrix….idiot….Regulus….dead idiot… I think I'd choose Andromeda Black.

**What if one of your birthday presents was a Malibu Barbie?**

Probably regift to one of the Barbie-obsessed death eaters. 'Cept, first I'd hack of the limbs with a dull knife, give her a bowl cut, and scribble all over her face with toxic sharpie. Though, the death eater would most likely still cherish it… Drat… why don't any of my evil schemes work?? Why?? I mean... they ALWAYS work!

**What do you spend most of the day doing?**

Escaping insane death eaters. Why are all the death eaters insane? Why?? I guess it's cause being a death eater means certain incarnation in hell. I was already promised that, just by who my ancestors are. You know Pettigrew? He only agreed to it so he could matchmake his two friends…. And he's obsessed with HOAGIES. I rest my case.

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

Unlike what everyone else says, it was not an evil dictator, or Oprah, or a ballerina, or something. It wasn't even a prostitute! (Sorry, but I'm afraid that's Lucius). I wanted to be…. A dictionary writer. There are so many cool words in the universe! Like apothem. It's a math term, but doesn't it sound like a deadly opossum? I will send my apothem to kill you! Bwa-ha!

**Have you ever wanted to strangle someone really badly?**

I want to strangle you really badly, for not realizing that I am always doing that, considering my postion amidst millions of idiots.

**Girly or idiotic?**

Girly. Both are personality types of my death eaters, but the idiotic ones are just idiotic. The girly ones, well…. They make good torture. HAHA! MY NEXT PLAN!

-&-

AN: I know… it's horrible… it's just that everything else has already been done. I promise that some of the death eaters will be good. I will take votes for the next death eater.


	43. Lucius Malfoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and nothing here represents my personal views. Well… other than the incest thing….

AN: Thanks for the reviews…. And I'm really, really sorry the last chapter sucked so much. I hope this turns out better!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Lucius Malfoy. And I'm only seven years older than Peter Pettigrew.

**Describe yourself.**

Homosexual, and proud of it. BUT, I am not into my son. I may be into to men, but incest is SICK. Besides, I doubt my son would go for me. Seriously. He's a loser. Sex with that Parkinson girl once, and he goes around saying he's only hers. Hasn't he ever heard of playing the field?

**Where are you?**

The men's locker room… where Peter is…. I won't say anymore…

**What are your likes?**

Right now, my biggest crush is Peter Pettigrew. I know most people think of him as a fat traitor, but he ISN'T! He's about 5'11 and three quarters, with long, wavy surfer hair… and these brilliant blue eyes… and he's so skinny, I'm still looking for the corset… long and lean… that's how I like 'em….

**What are your dislikes?**

Crabbe… after our date last month (when he showed horrible table manners- he ate like a starved wolf) he won't stop stalking me! Why ME?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Peter… like usual… the regular Peter fantasies… you know, where Peter's my secretary, and he falls for me, and we date, and get married, and live in a little cottage with a white Peter fence, with Lucius Jr., Peter Jr., Pucius, and Leter. Isn't that wonderful?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. So, if I shoot for Peter, and miss, I might get Leonardo DiCaprio! Oh yeah! Bring on the Leonardo fantasies….

**Who makes your bed?**

In my fantasies, Peter owns a small business, and I'm a homemaker. I'd be making the bed, the meals, doing the chores, and all…. I already bought the apron. It has little skulls and snakes, and says 'Who's your Death-Eating Daddy?'

**How evil do you think you are?**

Evil? Nah… I just thought that Peter liked evil, so I also joined the Eaters. Then I found out he didn't really want to be part of the Death Eaters, so I'm trying to get out.

**Would you rather spend the night with Leonardo DiCaprio, or Orlando Bloom?**

Orlando Bloom? I'm the father of his babies… and if you say I'm not, well… I hate your guts, you stupid cow!

**What if you found out you were a stupid cow?**

That's not a possibility. See, anyone smart enough to realize that Orlando Bloom, Leonoardo DiCaprio and Peter Pettigrew are gods, theat person is not stupid. Don't now about the cow part…

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

I imagine my fantasies about Peter. It helps me go to sleep.

**What was your dream job growing up?**

A homemaker. It would have been a stay-at-home mum, but do I look female? No. and it makes me cry… why- sob- am- sob- not –sob- a female? Waaaaaahhh!

**Have you ever worn too much make-up?**

Yeah.. in one of my tries to become female. NEVER wear purple and orange eye shadow together when doing your cookie rounds as a magical scout. People will close their doors on you and mutter that 'FedEx is taking it a bit to far'.

**Transvestite or transsexual?**

Transvestite? That's perfect! I will become so beautiful Peter will never turn me down! OH! I better go get Nymphadora to help me with the human transfiguration….

-&-

AN: Several notes:

Note #1: I already can tell what your reviews are going to be. 'That was scary' and 'how do you sleep at night?' Yes! I'm a psychic! I will scare you with my powers!

Note#2: The whole Orlando Bloom quote with stupid cows, I quoted it directly from my drama teacher ('cept she says 'mother of his children'). Props to Mrs. Cosby.

Note #3: Don't be hating on Peter now. And prepare for my Peter monologue. Now, I know he's a traitor. I know you all hate him, and many exclude him from their stories. That's stupid. If you completely kill him off, you might as well rewrite the whole series. Nothing can change the fact that they WERE friends. Now, you can always have him off somewhere or their friendship waning. BUT, Peter makes great comic relief, some Peter-bashing, you get it. Sirius makes fun of Peter, who doesn't do anything, because he really wants friends. Now, I think that Peter is really sweet, before his 'turnover'. Hence why I tried to explain it in his chapter. Also, instead of the usual description (fat, short, watery eyes, really annoying, ugly), I feel it's time for a change. Yes. Hot Peter. If you've seen the live-action Scooby-Doo movies (the animated ones would work too), I imagine Peter like Shaggy.

Note #4: The precious note does NOT mean I'm in love with Peter. My Harry Potter crushes are the following; Ron (I LOVE HIM!) and James (Potter).


	44. Bellatrix Lestrange

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all the reviews! And I hope you like this chapter! I wasn't paying any attention in church, in order to perfect this!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Bellatrix Lestrange. And I wish I were little again… But, no… I have to be in my twenties. Eurgh.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm absolutely LOVE stories! I'm like a total story-time freak! Which, I suppose is why I wish I was little again… and I could go back to the time of endless stories.

**Where are you?**

Reading to the little Death Eaters (you know…. Draco Malfoy, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle…). I work at the Death Eater day care, so I can read more stories. Stories are more than fun, they're an art, and a passion of mine.

**What are your likes?**

My favorite story is titled "Lavenderella". Have you ever read/heard that story? Well, it's the best. And I don't know if you've herd of it or not, but even if you have, I think it's time we all heard it again. So, I will retell it. Here goes nothing…

Lavenderella was a nice girl. A really nice girl. Sort of. Her full name was Lavender Brown, but no one called her that. When she was little, she read a silly little story called "Cinderella" and decided her name was now Lavenderella. She had blonde hair, and hazel-ish green eyes. She wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she was nice, sometimes. She had befriended all the little micein the house, and they were her friends. She called them the Gryffindors (the mice, that is). Her three favorite mice (though she'd never admit she had favorites) were Seamus Finnegan, a very thin scheming mouse, Dean Thomas, a very sweet mouse, and Parvati Patil, the female mouse who she was closest to, and turned to when in need of, er, feminine advice.

**What are your dislikes?**

Unfortunately, and this, to me, is the saddest part of the story, and my least favorite, when Lavenderella was nine, her mother died, and two years afterward, her father also died.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, in those two years that Lavenderella's father was alive (but not her mother), he decided to get remarried, so Lavenderella wouldn't be without a mother, a female figure in the house. So, he married a woman named Petunia Dursley. Petunia moved in, along with her two daughters, Dudley (who was very-er- plump), Hermione (who was more distant, and liked to stay up in her room and read fantasy novels), and her cat, Vernon (who was also quite fat). A year later, her father died.

**What is your favorite saying?**

"Lavenderella! Bring me my breakfast!" And that is where our story picks up. Lavenderella had spent the past years of her life as practically a slave for her stepmother, and stepsisters- or really, stepsister, as Hermione never really asked Lavenderella to do anything for her, she was too busy reading to complain. Well, anyway, Lavenderella rushed to get the breakfasts to Dudley. This is how the dialogue went, anyway:

"Cinderella! This is no good! I wanted French Toast and sausages!"

"That took too short to prepare; you must have done something wrong! Take it back!"

"Where's the chocolate syrup, whipped cream, syrup, and honey I wanted on top??"

"Ew! What do you take me for! Do you think I want to become FAT?"

Lavenderella, who had said nothing yet, replied, "You are fat, you're a blubber of a whale!"

"WHAT?"

Needless to say, the French toast, with syrup, honey, whipped cream, chocolates syrup, and sausages were dumped on Lavenderella, causing her to emit a high-pitched scream.

A scream that woke up a certain Petunia Dursley, whose face was covered in an icky green substance, and her silk eye mask was hanging off her face at an awkward angle, over all, very scary. What happens after that, I think you can guess.

**Who makes your bed?**

Lavenderella was making her stepmother and sisters beds, a chore she does every morning, while complaining to her mouse friends (Parvati in particular) about her horrible pores, and blackheads.

"These blackheads will never leave! It's horrible!"

Just then, Hermione stepped out of the shadows.

"Hello Lavenderella"

"Hello stepsister"

"You can just call me Hermione."

"But-"

"It's fine. Now, I have a question for you."

"Is it about the origins of that frogspawn I put in your bed?"

Lavenderella liked to prank her stepsisters, and did it all the time, though wasn't always smart enough to zip her mouth about it.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Well, I was wondering, have you ever considered educating yourself?"

"Why?"

"It'd help you escape this place. There are way more opportunities for smart girls."

"Then I guess you don't have a chance in the outside world," Lavenderella sneered.

"I'm trying to help you!"

"I don't need help! My prince will come any day now to rescue me!"

"Keep telling yourself that. And please leave, I can finish making my bed myself."

**How smart do you think you are?**

"I'm smarter than Hermione any day," Lavenderella thought to herself, while walking away from Hermione's room. "Just because she's constantly reading, and quiet, and not as cruel, and won the Noble Prize three years ago means nothing!"

There was a knock on the door downstairs, and Lavenderella rushed to answer it.

"Hello!" a cheery man waved. "I'm Filius Flitwick!"

Lavenderella slammed the door closed, in his face.

"But wait!" came the distant cry on the other side of the door. "I have a message from the king!"

The door automatically reopened.

"Yes?" Lavenderella asked sweetly. She had always aspired to being queen.

"Well, the king has decided that his son needs a wife."

"Yes!" Lavenderella squealed loudly. "He's finally come to ask me to marry him, right??"

"Well, are you Hermione?"

"That loser? Yeah right!"

The man's face fell. "Oh. Then hand this on over to her."

Lavenderella scowled at the man, and grabbed for the invitation. She wouldn't have given it over to Hermione. So, it was lucky that Hermione was walking over to the door now, a book in hand.

"Did I hear my name?"

"Are you Lady Hermione?" the man asked, in a squeal.

"Yes, but I don't know about the "lady" part."

"Well, the king has decided that his son needs a wife, and a smart one."

"Why smart?"

"So she doesn't make a fool of herself in front of others, and would you want an idiotic queen ruling?"

"Ah."

"Well, the king's having a ball for all the smart young ladies in the kingdom, for his son to choose from, and you're invited."

"Really?" Hermione asked. "That's a honor!"

"It better be! The prince would fall for you!" Lavenderella said dreamily.

"I was talking about the honor of being recognized as one of the smart young ladies of the kingdom.

"Well, you did earn the Nobel Prize!" Flitwick squealed.

Hermione beamed.

"Oh," Flitwick added, "you are allowed to bring three guests."

"Why/"

"Well, there aren't too many smart young ladies, and the king is hoping the smart young ladies he's invited will know and bring other smart young ladies."

"Ah, well thank you, and I suppose you must be getting on."

"You're right! Well, it was a honor meeting you!"

Hermione gently closed the door after Flitwick left.

"A ball!" Lavenderella exclaimed. "I can't wait to go! I best be getting my dress ready!"

"Wait! You weren't invited!"

"But, you're allowed to bring three people!"

"Who says I'm bringing you?"

Lavenderella ground her teeth, punching her fist into her palm. "You better be taking me."

Hermione looked scared, but still said, "On one condition, you clean that tile over there, it's had that track of dirt for ages. If you don't clean that tile in the next eight hours, I'm letting Mother and Dudley bring Vernon instead of you."

**Would you rather go to a ball, or not break a nail?**

That was exactly Lavenderella's current dilemma, even though she didn't know what that meant. She could either was the single fairly clean tile and go to the ball, but that would surely mean she'd break her nail. It was too puzzling!

Eventually, Lavenderella decided that if she went to the ball, the prince would surely fall for her, and when she was queen, she'd have legions of manicurists at her service!

But, she just ended up sitting there the whole time battling with herself to pick up the scrubbing brush.

As Petunia, Dudley, and Hermione came down to go to the ball, Lavenderella hadn't yet touched the brush.

'Yes!' Dudley squealed, high-fiving Petunia, who also looked excited, and rushed off to get Vernon.

Lavenderella turned around, eyes wet.

"I couldn't! It was too hard! Impossible!"

Petunia eyed Lavenderella with distaste, and laughed maliciously. Hermione looked down to her feet.

Lavenderella surveyed her family's outfits. Petunia was wearing a very fifties styles dress, with a floral pattern, and it shot out below the waist. Dudley had a short orange leather dress, with tacky green beaded necklaces, and a giant purple headdress. The outfit made Dudley look pregnant. Lavenderella stated this, earning herself a glare. Hermione only had a simple midnight blue dress, reaching down to her knees.

Lavenderella had a hard time keeping her scoff in. She was sure that the dress that her mice friends were making in the messy sweatshop she had set up upstairs was way better. Poorly paid labor… there's nothing better… according to Lavenderella. May I remind you, that the Death Eater costumes are made in friendly environments in Honduras, where the local artisans are paid hundreds of muggle dollars to make our cloaks and masks. Right, on with the story.

"So, we gave you a simple task, and you have yet to finish it? Ha!" Petunia laughed. "You get to stay home!"

And with that, the three (plus Vernon) made off to the carriage, none look back, except that guilty look Hermione threw back for a second.

**What if you couldn't go to the ball?**

Lavenderella couldn't go to the ball. In a natural response, she ran out to the gardens to cry on the bench closest to her.All the mice were hoping she might die of depression and leave them alone. Too bad that wasn't the case.

She just sat there, crying her guts out, until there was a loud pop!

Lavenderella looked up. There was a guy with messy black hair, green eyes, and glasses, He was dressed as a woman, though.

"Are you my prince, who's here to sweep me off my feet?" Lavenderella asked eagerly.

The guy looked disgusted. "No. Ew. I'm you're fairy godmo-father, really. And I'm really pissed that you need me NOW. See, I was right about to go onstage, and make my debut as Annie, in Annie Get Your Gun. And now you ask me to abandon that to help YOUR troubles. What about mine?? This'll probably ruin my career! Now, what's wrong? Tell me now, or I'm going!"

Lavenderella blurted it all out.

"Right. Whatever that means. I'll just guess you're like the other girls. Bippiti, boppiti, BOO!"

A nearby squash became a squash-shaped carriage, and a ferret became a coach driver. To be precise, a platinum blonde one, who came over, and bowed, kissing Lavenderella's hand, and saying, "I'm Draco Malfoy, at your service."

"_YOU_ GET THE CUTE CARRIAGE DRIVERS?" Harry the fairy yelled in shock. "Mine are all ew-ish! Mine now is named Hagrid, and –Why am I telling _you _this?"

There was another pop, and Harry was gone.

"Bye, Harry the fairy!" Lavenderella. "Wait! My dress! Mice slaves! Where are you!"

The mice came out, bringing a dress with them. Draco turned his eyes away as Lavenderella put it on. After it was zipped and all, Lavenderella examined herself. The dress trailed on the floor, and was hot pink. There were pink flowers popping out of nowhere, and puffy pink gauzy sleeves. She looked like a Barbie princess. In other words, perfect.

"Madam?" Draco asked. "The ball awaits."

**What is the last thing you do in the course of the day?**

"Even if it's the last thing I do today, I will get the prince to fall for me," Lavenderella declared to Draco.

Draco nodded along. "The prince is quite a dish."

Lavenderella kissed Draco on the cheek, and hopped off into the palace, where, oddly, the guards didn't check to make sure she had an invitation.

Lavenderella walked in, and she saw that everyone else was wearing more casual clothes. Ha! They were underdressed, was the conclusion Lavenderella came to.

The prince was talking to Petunia, and Dudley and Hermione. He looked pretty disgusted by the formers, but was smiling at Hermione. Lavenderella paid no heed to this, and went to the back of the room.

Just as she planned, the prince caught sight of her, and started walking over.

"Are you alright?" the prince asked, looking oddly at her dress.

"Yes, quite," Lavenderella said in her most seductive (and nauseating) voice.

"Forgive me, I'm Ron. Or, you may know me as Prince Ron."

"I'm Lavenderella."

"Er- nice…name…"

Lavenderella grinned, and pulled the prince into a dance. She was going to like this….

**What is your biggest wish?**

More than anything else in the world, King Arthur wanted to be a grandfather. He stated this to his attendent, the bored looking Serverus Snape.

"Sir, you are a grandfather," Snape droned.

"Yes, I know that Bill and Fleur, Charlie and that Romanian girl, Percy and Penelope, Fred and Angelina, and George and Alicia all have children, but I want more grandchildren!"

"Couldn't you get your daughter to reproduce?" Snape droned, again, but this time in question form, which wasn't that much different.

"Yes, but she's convinced she's in love with some 'Harry the fairy' and won't be with anyone else, and I'm not sure if it's possible for the pair to reproduce. So, it's easier to get Ron to reproduce."

"Why don't you and Molly have another child, who grows up and has a child? That might take less time," Snape droned, trying to get sarcasm, but it still came out as a drone.

"You know what! You know that girl in the hot pink dress?"

"There might have been several girls in hot pink dresses," Snape drone-mumbled.

"The one who Ron danced with a lot of the night?"

"Yes," came the eminent drone.

"Well, I want you to get her to marry Ron."

Snape walked off, muttering to himself, in an annoying drone. It was three in the morning. Surely the girl had gone home! How the hell was he supposed to get her?

But, she hadn't left yet, she was actually leaving at that moment. Ron dropped to the floor, and began snoring. Snape groaned (in a drone, of course), knowing that he'd have to drag/carry the prince back to his room.

But for now, he followed the girl. She escaped, but left a shoe behind. Wow, it was glass, Snape thought, in a drone. But, Snape knew that if he just got the first girl the slipper fit, the king would be happy. Snape could leave it to the king to convince the prince that love didn't fit into the equation.

**Have you ever been really bored?**

Snape was really bored. Really, really bored. He was going around with the slipper to every house to get women to try it on. And he had learned to say it was for the king first. Otherwise, he usually got a hard slap.

Snape knocked on the door of a giant Pepto-Bismol pink house. The door opened.

"I'm here for the king," he droned quickly, and the raised hand went down.

"I'm Dudley," the schman said.

Snape walked in, and there was a horse faced woman, and a bored looking girl behind her.

"We know why you're here, just get over it."

The horse face woman sat down, and gave him her foot. The shoe was way too small. The shoe was also too small for the bored girl's foot. Snape looked at the shoe. It was like four inches long. Snape doubted the girl the prince had been with was any older than six.

Then he got to Dudley, the schman.

"Oh, my GOD!" Snape yelled in a very uncharacteristic non-drone. "YOU HAVE TWO LEFT FEET! AAAAHHHHH!"

Snape excused himself to go wash his eyes after that life-scarring event.

When Snape came back, there was another, excited looking girl there.

"I'm Lavenderella!"

Snape put on the four inch shoe, and it fit.

"I corset my feet!"

"Of course," Snape droned, and Pomona Sprout (who had been carrying around the shoe) sighed with relief, that Snape had gone back to normal.

**Diamonds or crystals?**

Diamonds. Lavenderella decided she'd wear diamonds to her wedding. Crystals were such a faux-pas this season. She was with her stepmother and stepsisters in the waiting room of the palace, waiting for the prince.

The prince came in, and looked very nervous.

"Won-Won!" Lavenderella called over to him.

The prince edged over, slowly, as if approaching a deadly beast.

"Won-Won?" he asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes. I think, if we're to be married we need nicknames! I'm Lav-Lav, and you're Won-Won!"

The prince eyed Hermione. "You know, I think I need a wife who's, er… taller! Yeah! Taller! You're not tall enough for me!"

The prince walked over to Hermione, and bent down, asking her, "Will you marry me?"

Hermione smiled. "Yes."

Ron and Hermione lived happily ever after. But not Lavenderella. When she got back to the house, she broke out in a crying fit. That lasted what seemed like days.

After she emerged from the bathroom two minutes later, Seamus Finnegan (remember, he's the mouse) came over and patted her on the back.

"It's alright Lavenderella. It's okay."

"Thanks. You're a prince in spirit, Seamus."

Seamus beamed. "Then will you marry me? I've always loved you!"

Lavenderella screeched very loudly.

"Alright, alright," Seamus, said, hobbling away, clutching his ear, and grimacing in pain. "I get it….you _**CENSORED**_."

The End

Wasn't that a great story! I knew you'd like it! Stories almost make me want to turn off of evil. Almost.

Oh, and if you say you didn't like it, I know Unforgivable curses, and I'm not afraid to use them!

So, that's the end of the questionnaire? Only four questions? Wow, that was short…

-&-

AN: Phew. More than three thousand words, thirteen pages, and it took longer than an hour to write. My personal record. I'm really proud of it! Review!


	45. Narcissa Malfoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for all reviews! Ooh! I've reach half a century! If each one of my chapters was a year, that is…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Narcissa Malfoy, and I'm thirty three.

**Describe yourself.**

My parents force me into an arranged marriage early on. It's completely loveless, but Lucius and I understand our personal needs, and so we're okay with the fact that both of us cheat.

**Where are you currently?**

In the middle of a love affair. I can't believe you stopped us now. Meanie. ( I learn my vocabulary from Bella).

**What are your likes?**

Uh, my lover?

**What are your dislikes?**

This questionnaire right now!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Different ways of killing you painfully. Oh yes…

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm not really sure where it's from but, 'all the world's the stage, and the people merely players'. And you're the player whose heart is about to 'spontaneously' combust!

**Who is the most irksome person you've met?**

Gossip? You want gossip? I'm free anytime to gossip about what an idiot you are!

**How impatient do you think you are?**

Very impatient. So get over with the questionnaire already! How many more questions are there?

**Would you rather eat five giant cupcakes or an inch of horse intestines?**

Horse intestines. It'd take less time.

**What if your lover died?**

Even though it'd take a long time, I'd spend my entire life in mourning… it's terrbly sad, just thinking about it…

**What do you do the most during the day?**

Think about my lover. And shove people out of the way while I'm standing in line, because they take so long.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That we drop the whole 'cash' concept, and use credit cards, yes, even the wizards. It moves line so much faster!

**Have you ever been in a car race?**

I've driven in that weird American racecar cuppy thingy! I'm just so impatient, I'm good at it!

**Snake or mongoose?**

SNAKE! Mongooses are like the anti-snakes! And my lover is an enemy of the mongooses! Yes, I'm in the middle of a steamy love affair with Nagini!

-&-

AN: Yes, I know it stinks. Deal with it. But, I actually know where the quote is from (Shakespeare's As You Like It). I'm taking suggestions for the next Death Eater (who do you want it to be, anyway?). Review!


	46. Barty Crouch Jr

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personally views.

AN: Thank you to my reviewers! I know that I didn't post the last chapter till recently, but I have a good reason! My stinking computer wouldn't let me on the internet, and it took a while to get the internet back up, especially because my mother was pretty busy, seeing as my little sister has lice. Yeah, that's my life story.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Barty Crouch Jr. Or, I also double as Hannah-Lynn North Dakota. I'm thirty three, but Hannah-Lynn North Dakota is only fourteen. Yeah…

**Describe yourself.**

Well, the Barty Crouch Jr. me is a Death Eater, but Hannah-Lynn me is a best selling popstar! Even though I'm working for the Dalt Wisney corporation.

**Where are you?**

At my concert. You get the best of both worlds! Mix em all together amd you become a squib!

**What are your likes?**

All my adorable money! I mean, fans… yeah….

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who accuse me of lip-syncing! Just cause I'm backstage filling out this questionnaire, while the audience is listening to me sing means nothing!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I don't think. That's for people who like doing physical exercise. People call me an airhead for some reason, though…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Nobody's perfect! Except for me! I don't have to work it! Cause I'm better than all of you! I sit back and laugh while you TRY and imitate me! That's my bestselling song.

**Who makes your bed?**

Snape. He's my only fan in the whole Riddle Mansion, so I bribe him with Hanna-Lynn hair, and autographs and stuff. Yeah….

**How uncreative do you think you are?**

Well, people say that I don't write my own lyrics…. I do! It's just, that the Dalt Wisney writers came up with the lyrics first!

**Would you rather eat cake, or lose your record label?**

I can't eat cake! I ruin my lipgloss that way! Eww!! And the record label? Hah! Girls would line the streets to give me a home after I lose my record label! So there!

**What if you broke your nail?**

Oh dear god… I THINK I MIGHT DIE OF HEART COMBUSTION!

**What is the first thing you do during the day?**

Well, if I'm sleeping as Hannah-Lynn, I have to use my electric cattle prod to get Snape off of me… if not, then I have to use my electric cattle prod to get Fenrir off my bed.

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

That we all learn the proper methods of personal hygiene. That way, I don't have to see people like Slughorn walking around. I might have to use a sticking charm to keep that wig on dear old Voldie, though…. I always figured he'd look good as a blonde, but he doesn't seem to agree, I might have to try pink…

**Have you ever been to France?**

Yeah, Hannah-Lynn did an international tour. And it was just EWWWW! I mean, they eat SNAILS! Ew! Ew! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! I swear, I think I'm going ot be mentally scarred!

**Stilettos or combat boots?**

I LOVE SHOES! I'm a fashionista! And I LOVE stilettos! Combat boots are the devil. I hate it when Lucius says we have to wear them on a mission. This isn't like the army! God!

-&-

AN: Ciao! I know, I've probably mentally scarred you for life by now in the whole story. If so, STOP READING! Right, well which deathie do you want next? Review!

AND DON'T DO DRUGS!


	47. Dawlish

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personally views?

An: Loved your reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Dawlish… I forget my age and first name…

**Describe yourself.**

I let Longbottom go as COURTESY. Because I am the fantabulous Dawlish…. Dawlish…. Dawdle-ish…. Dawdling…. Duckling…. Hehe…

**Where are you?**

A bright white room… I like counting the specky-thingies in the ceiling…

**What are your likes?**

I like pi… pi is good…. Yay! Pi!

**What are your dislikes?**

Flying monkeys… they bad…. They scare me….. when we all watch that movie with the girl in the blue and white dress-y thingy, and the yellow path-a-ma-jiger…. They bad…. Which is why Snape-y scares me… he's a flying monkey….

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Think?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Well, everyone keeps telling me 'yes, that's nice'….

**Who makes your bed?**

I'm not a bed!

**How 'special' do you think you are?**

I hear people call me special!

**Would you rather paint your nails pink or play Quidditch?**

Well, the lady near me likes to paint my nails pink sometimes…

**What if an angry dragon was suddenly inside the room you're in?**

I'd hug it, and make it my best friend…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

I take out my coloring book and color….

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

I'm not sure…. But right now, I want to be a nacho when I grow up… oohhh…. That sounds fun!

**Have you ever eaten something you weren't supposed to?**

Yeah… loads of times… I once ate everything I saw… and for some reason, I was always called 'goat-man'. Weird…

**Pi or pie?**

I like both… but pie goes away soon. Pi, you can do so much with it! It never ends... it's AWESOME! You know, it's square root is 1.77… I LIKE PI!

_Hello, this is a note from the author, Romilda Vane. I wanted to say that Dawlish was a Death Eater, and sent (after Neville Longbottom's misdemeanor) to 'attack' a Mrs. Augusta Longbottom. Fortunately, she escaped. But, Dawlish was sent to St. Mungo's, where he still resides. I understand his answers don't make much sense, but it was insisted that I include poor Mr. Dawlish._

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Hello. Horrible isn't it? Which deathie you all want next?

REVIEW!


	48. Fenrir Greyback

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views. Other than the fact that MUSICALS ROCK! w00t! w00t!

An: Thanks for all the reviews, guys!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Fenrir Greyback. I'm twenty-one. Yes, I know, I don't look it. But being a lyncanthropic involves premature aging. Thank god the stage make-up hides most of the aging! Otherwise, my career would be down the tubes!

**Describe yourself. **

Well, I work in theater! Yes! I do plays, and musicals, and have starred in several Broadway productions before! I do work part time as a Death Eater, as Snape is a _really _good cook. And let's just say the stage production people don't offer gourmet meals.

**Where are you?**

Backstage. I'm in a production of Bye-Bye Birdie currently (I play Ann), and I have to finish this soon, as I'm on in about five minutes.

**What are your likes?**

OMG! I LOVE Bye-Bye Birdie, Guys and Dolls, and Anything Goes! They're like the BEST musicals ever!

**What are your dislikes?**

When people diss cross-dressing in theater. Do they know that it's a tradition for the mother in 'Hairspray' to be played by a man? (Along with the fact that someone new is always introduced to play Tracy Turnblad…. Sadly, I will never play her. But maybe I'll get Edna Turnblad!). Also, back in Shakespeare's day, there was no such thing as female actors. All the characters were played by men. O DON'T GO INSULTING YOUR HISTORY!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you suppose they'll ever serve human flesh backstage? I suppose I could always feed on one of the more useless stagehands… no one will miss them…..

**What's your favorite saying?**

'You're the top.' One of my favorite songs from Anything Goes! Squeal!

**Who makes your bed?**

Either the maid at the hotel my cast and I are staying at, or Wormtail. For some reason, he's afraid of me. Psh. Like I eat worms…

**How dramatic do you think you are?**

I've already written out my accepting speech for when I star in a movie, and then win the Oscar for Best Actress. It's filled with tears and stuff!

**Would you rather be a non-Broadway star, or be stuck eating asparagus for the rest of your life?**

NO NOT NON-BROADWAY!

**What if you got the second best part in the school play?**

I'd officially declare the school's drama department mediocre, or even horrid! And I'd rip the casting person into shreds!

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

Throw a bullet on my picture of the girl who stole my lead in my elementary school's production of the Seussical.

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To play Little Red Riding Hood in Into the Woods. I've already been her in that play about five or six times.

**Have you ever ridden on the back of an ostrich?**

Technically yes. I was in the Lion King, and played Nala. So, I got to ride around on this fake ostrich for one song. Though, the ostrich was really just a puppet thingy. Still, it was fun!

**Guys or dolls?**

I must say, in Guys and Dolls, it'd be fun to play both parts! Usually I prefer the girl parts….

-&-

AN: I LOVE MUSICALS! Bye-Bye Birdie, Guys and Dolls, and Anything Goes are actually my favorites. Haha… I usually listen to them while writing my stories…. Review!


	49. Roldophus Lestrange

Disclaimer: I won nothing. And this definitely doesn't represent my personal views. You best be remembering that.

An: Thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rodolphus Lestrange. And do chickens have ages?

**Describe yourself.**

I'M A CHICKEN!

**Where are you currently?**

Well, I'm friends with all the daredevil chickens in the barnyard, so we're at the top of the barn. Pretty high up, if you ask me. We're also eating chicken feed.

**What are your likes?**

Pecking at the little chickens. Yep. I learn a lot from my wife. Human wife. Bet you're impressed. Well, anyway, I'm the coop bully.

**What are your dislikes?**

The chicken song. Or dance. Whichever you call it.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The chicken song/dance completely insults us chickens! 'I don't want to be a chicken?' That's total BS! Who DOESN'T want to be a chicken? So, I changed it into a more acceptable song. It's now my motto of sorts.

**What is your favorite saying?**

My version of the chicken song/dance. It's the same dance moves, because I know you all will want to dance along, my singing is so moving. 'I don't want to be a human! I don't want to be a moose! I want to be a chicken! Cluck! Cluck!' Don't you love it?

**Who makes your bed?**

Are you insane? I don't even have a bed! I'm a CHICKEN!

**How greedy do you think you are?**

Greedy? That's a human trait! Me- greedy? Psh! …. Though, I am _sort of_ greedy… at feeding time….

**Would you rather eat chicken or duck?**

CHICKEN? DO I LOOK LIKE A CANNIBALISTIC CHICKEN TO YOU? But duck…hmmm… they are a lesser being… just like how humans prey on cows…. THAT'S IT! DUCKBURGERS! THE NEW CRAZE IN CHICKEN DINING!

**What if you were in the book 'Animal Farm'?**

I already am in that… in a way. We so OWN that farmer! He was PWNED long ago, my friend. And I'm the king of the chickens! I seriously love that book… it's my inspiration. Other than the part that the author is seriously delusional. Chickens are SO better than pigs! We should rule!

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

Practice my chicken-fu moves. Got to stay in shape if I want to beat down the farmer when he tries to take me the slaughter house Also, it wouldn't hurt for when the movie business comes through. They'll DEFINITELY be impressed by my smooth moves. HI-YAH!

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

That dear old Voldie will realize that we chickens are his superior. That way we WILL end up sitting on a throne of humans! MUA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**Have you ever flown?**

Yeah! I'm a chicken! … well, not really…. Farmer clipped my wings…. I still beat you all at it….

**Fly or walk?**

I WILL FLY! WATCH ME!

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane, again. Seconds after taking this questionnaire, Rodolphus Lestrange (who is in fact, a human), jumped off a building, yelling 'I'LL SHOW YOU, YOU LITTLE PIECE OF MEASLY PAPER!' Needless to say, Rodolphus Lestrange, is now, dead, as I'm sorry to say._

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: You know the drill. Who do you want next (death eater, as that's who I'm dong now) and review!


	50. Evan Rosier

Disclaimer: I won nothing, recently, so I still own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews, guys!

-&-

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane, yet again. I'm not sure if you know this, but every questionnaire is a paper, which the questionee writes the answers upon. Unfortunately, this particular questionee cannot read or write, and so I am now questioning him and writing his answers down myself. I'm writing down EVERYTHING I hear, so nothing is lost._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

ER: My name is Evan Rosier, and I'm thirty nine.

**Describe yourself.**

ER: Uh, er, like what should I say?

Background voice: HOW ABOUT THAT YOU DON'T WASH YOUR OWN UNDERWEAR?

ER: MOTHER! QUIET! I'M BEING INTERVIEWED FOR A BOOK HERE!

BV (Background voice): Why? Does she think you're interesting or something?

ER: Obviously _(with voice filled to the brim with pride)_.

BV: WELL SHE OBVIOUSLY DOES'T KNOW YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOTHER!

ER: MOTHER!

**Where are you right now?**

BV: In my house! WHY IS HE IN MY HOUSE? TELL ME! HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A JOB!

ER: Mother! I do have a job!

BV: THEN PRAY TELL; WHAT THE HECK IS IT? IT BETTER NOT BE KILLING PEOPLE OR SOMETHING!

ER: Er- about that….

BV: So, are those nice Black girls from your work office? Because it seems, from what they said, that you're provided with living space there. IF SO, WHY CAMP OUT HERE?

ER: Well…

BV: IT'S BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID BEAR, ISN'T IT?

ER: DON'T INSULT MR. CUDDLEWUDDLES JR.!

**What are your likes?**

BV: Oh, I can tell you A LOT about those. He likes to have steaming hot cocoa every morning, with, and get this, FRESHLY MADE WHIPPED CREAM! He also needs newly squeezed lemonade, and the-

RV (Romilda Vane): I understand your predicament, but I'm not so sure I'll be able to write this all down.

BV: Oh, sorry dear. SEE, EVAN! WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE THIS NICE YOUNG GIRL? And speaking of that, WHY WON'T YOU MEET SOME GIRL AND GET MARRIED AND LEAVE? AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE GRANDCHILDREN!

ER: Oh, _**CENSORED!**_ You got her started on the grandchildren!

BV: You're my only child, and I want someone to spoil!

ER: you could spoil me….

BV: NEVER! And besides, you're almost fourty, and quite ugly, and women your age are starting to go through menopause! You really can't afford to be picky these days!

ER: You know, instead of making me reproduce, you COULD adopt.

BV: And have to take care of it myself? No thanks. SO GET TO REPRODCUNG! I AIN'T GETTING ANY YOUNGER!

ER: Er, Ms. Vane? Can we get on with it?

RV: Fine Spoil my fun.

**What are your dislikes?**

ER: Well, don't tell anybody, but, sometimes, I really hate Mother.

BV: I HEARD THAT!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

ER: Well, um…

BV: HE DOESN'T THINK! Unlike you, you pretty young girl. GET A MVE ON IT BOY! CHAMR HER WITH YOUR ALMOST NON-EXISTANT MANLY WILES!

RV: Sorry, but I don't go for guys ten years older than me, and living with their mothers. I go for Ron Weasley.

BV: SEE? THIS IS WHY YOU NEED TO MOVE OUT! AND WHY I BOUGHT YOU THAT WEIGHT LIFTING SETS! WOMEN LIKE HOT GUYS! LIKE RON WEASLEY!

RV: Don't forget the cute guys.

BV: How can I? Ohhhhh… like Evan's friend, that young SEverus Snape. You don't want to know what the thought of him does to me…. Oh yes…..

ER: That is SICK, mother!

**What's your favorite saying?**

ER: Ding-Dong the witch is dead! Love that one… always wanted to use it, while referring to Mother.

BV: I like GET YOUR _**CENSORED**_ BUTT OUT OF HERE, AND GO REPRODUCE!

RV: I like that one, too.

BV: I hope you never have to use it, dearie.

RV: Thanks, me too. I'd die if I had a son like yours.

BV: Yes, most likely from seeing his face!

BV & RV: _(burst out laughing and high five, while ER is looking very bitter)_

**Who makes your bed?**

BV: ME, FOR SOME REASON!

ER: Mother! I told you! It's to help you exercise your back!

BV: Yeah, keep on saying that….

**How idiotic do you think you are?**

BV: HE HAS AN IQ OF NINE POINT ZERO, ZERO, ZERO, ONE. WHAT DOES THAT SAY TO YOU?

ER: Hey! I'll have you know that I do not have an IQ of nine point zero, zero, zero one! It's ten point zero, zero, zero seven!

**Would you rather go on a vacation or a sabbatical?**

ER: Vacation sounds more comfortable.

BV: Sabbatical! They last longer!

ER: Are you saying you want to get rid of me? I thought you loved me!

BV: Never mind. I hope he takes a vacation from my life.

ER: MOTHER!

**What if there was a pretty girl nearby?**

ER: I'd chat her up with my manly charms and such. She'll probably fall for me.

RV: Ew, you sicko.

BV: Let me revise that for him. He'll blush, and I'll use my magical powers, and _KA-ZAAM! _They're engaged.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

ER: Eat breakfast.

BV: Make me start slaving around the stove at about dawn, so he can have his five gourmet meals a day.

RV: Ooh. That sucks.

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

BV: I always thought is was to torture me as much as possible. Hopefully I'm wrong.

ER: I always wanted to be a ballerina….

BV: Drat. This is even worse.

**Have you ever had a dish so horrible, that you could barely breath?**

ER: Yeah. Mother's vegetarian lasagna.

BV: WHAT? IT TAKES ME PRACTICALLY THE WHOLE DAY TO MAKE IT! AND I HATE THE VEGETARIAN PART, BUT YOU'RE LIKE NOOOOOO! YOU WON'T EAT MEAT! MAYE YOU SHOULD MAKE YOUR OWN MEALS FROM NOW ON!

ER: Oops.

RV: I should probably consider writing a screenplay off this…

**Chores or Quidditch?**

ER: Easy, Quidditch!

BV: Have you ever done any chores?

ER: Er….

BV: That's right! NONE! Not even a simple one, like CLEARING YOUR PLACE AFTER YOUR HEAVY-DUTY GOURMET MEALS!

RV: Girl, why do you even stand this? Why not just dump him, and Mr. Cuddlewuddles _(snicker)_ on the street?

BV: You're right! You're right! EVAN! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!

ER: Damn.

BV: NO LANGUAGE! And, Romilda, dearie, would you like to stay for tea?

RV: I'd love too!

BV: And I'd love hearing about this book of yours.

RV: It'd be a pleasure!

ER: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE_ MY_ MOTHER!

BV: OUT!

-&-

AN: Another chapter over a thousand words. Well, review!


	51. Amycus and Alecto Carrow

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Amycus Carrow.

_Alecto Carrow._

We're twins.

_And I'm fifteen minutes older than him! Ha!_

It doesn't matter!

_Might explain why mother favored me, you dope._

Gasp! She didn't like me! Waaaah!

_I never said she didn't like you. But she always figured you were the soft one._

NO! I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S THE SOFT ONE!

…

…

…

_Wow. I won. Again._

Meh.

**Describe yourself.**

_We're Death Eaters. Wow. Wasn't seeing that one coming. Especially after WE WERE SLYTHERINS. Does that not tell you ANYTHING?_

No, it doesn't.

_That's because mother thought you were the stupid one._

What? NOOOOOO! –sob-

_Ha._

Well, we're also like totally fashionable.

_Oh! I almost forgot! I almost thought you were completely useless. I suppose you're only extremely useless._

We're the most fashionable Death Eaters. Other than Barty Crouch Jr.

_I'm more fashionable than you._

Barty burns his outfits after one wear. I wish we were rich enough to do that.

_We are. You just won't settle to the rules, and burn those hideous carnation pink pumps. I still shudder at the thought._

Well, anyway, enough jealousy.

_You are such an idiot, you know that?_

I mean, you just _have_ to LOVE Barty's purple glamour outfit. It's got this purpley sequined halter top, and a flapper skirt, you know, with the whole thing with the purple stingy things attached to it, and the purple glittery hat and cane and the MEGA PURPLE NINE INCH HEEL PUMPS! Squeal!

_Ugh. I HATED that outfit. Don't remind me. Thank god it was burned by now._

Well, I couldn't just let him BURN it, could I? So, I rescued it!

_Damn. There goes my mental stability._

Well, I still have it. And I'm going to wear it to the Death Eater Ball, isn't that GREAT?

_NOOOOOOOOOO!! CURSES!_

**Where are you?**

At Death Eater Musical practice!

_I was dragged unwillingly._

See, every year, before the Death Eater Ball, the Death Eaters put on a musical to raise funds.

_It's a stupid idea. Hence, it was Amycus'. _

For once, we got a leading role!

_Oh yay! Not._

The years before we got pretty sucky roles.

_Don't even remind me of Guys and Dolls._

There was the time we were doing Guys and Dolls.

_I hate you._

We got the part of Adelaide's friends.

_AKA. Strippers._

Not the biggest role. But it was FUN!

_I don't want to talk about it._

This year, I hope we do well in the musical.

**What are your likes?**

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! Oh yeah!

_I'll admit, it's better than Bye-Bye Birdie last year, and we all had to watch Crabbe kiss Goyle. Not fun._

The tunes are so catchy! It's the start of something new, something, something, something! YEAH!

_Catchy. You know, I wouldn't mind playing Sharpay in one of the movies. She makes THREE MILLION a movie, thank you very much._

I proposed that 'we're all in this together' should be our theme song.

_Thank god that Voldie decided he wanted a Jonas Brothers song instead. We were almost stuck with it._

I hope it goes on forever!

_Yeah. I can't wait for College Musical, and Business Musical, and GASP, I Lost My Dentures Musical! I bet Zac Efron will REALLY be a hearttrob THEN!_

Even Alecto likes it!

_Well, maybe….. Alright! I do! I've always aspired to be as evil as Sharpay! _

**What are your dislikes?**

Sharpay! She's such a meanie!

_Troy. Seriously. Ryan is a MUCH better fit for Gabriella. And much hotter than Efron, if you ask me._

Gasp! What are you saying, sister?

_Sister? You call me 'sister'? Are you sure you're sane?_

Efron is SOOOO HOT!

_Gay. My brother is gay. Does this not scare you?_

But, then again, Taylor's pretty hot too….

_You're bi! I knew it! Ha-ha! Wait till Crabbe hears this. He'll think you're cheating on him!_

Am not! I'm cheating on Bellatrix with him.

_Did not need to hear that._

But, Bellatrix believes in polygamy, and is also with Voldie.

_God! Why didn't I join the order! I'm sure their lives are so much LESS scarring!_

You're just jealous.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

_I'm trying not to think._

Do you suppose Snape is making scones today? I love his scones!

_That's about all he thinks about!_

**What's your favorite saying?**

Don't count your chicks before they hatch. Though, I'm not quite sure what it means. Do you know?

_Perseverance. Perseverance. Perseverance will keep me from running my quill through my brother's heart. Perseverance._

**Who was your favorite teacher in school?**

Slughorn! He gave me free bits of crystallized pineapple!

_No, you had a crush on ol' Sluggie, didn't you?_

Alecto liked Filch.

_We had heart to hearts. He was upset he couldn't use the shackles in his office on misbehaving students, and I was upset I couldn't use them on you._

**How dramatic do you think you are?**

I forgot to tell you!

_That was a surprise._

The Death Eater Musical this year is High School Musical!

_Yay! And if you think I'm not sarcastic, you need to see a psychiatrist. _

Alecto and I got the parts of Sharpay and Ryan!

_The scary part is that I'm Ryan._

Isn't that great! I get to be all crushing on Troy and stuff!

_The scary part is that Troy is Rodolphus Lestrange. Rodolphus is the best actor of all of us. Even though he's now dead. Ah well._

I can't wait till we get the costumes!

_Think of all the hats I'll be wearing._

GASP! I just realized something!

_Run! It's the apocalypse!_

I can wear the purple glamour outfit for the musical! YAY!

_My brother is slowly killing me…._

**Would you rather eat a ton of thumbtacks, or get front row tickets to a Hannah-Lynn North Dakota concert?**

Concert!

_Tacks!_

I LOVE HANNAH-LYNN NORTH DAKOTA!

**What if there was a giant spider in the room?**

I'd RUN!

_I'd pray it was man-eating, and feed Amycus to it._

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

_Pray my bi-polarness has gone away for good._

Put on my make-up.

_So far God hates me._

So far, no one can tell that I'm really a Martian.

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

_An assassin. _

A ballerina/doctor/CEO/lawyer/president/moviestar/model/teacher/dentist/environmentalist/veterinarian/homemaker/oldersister/novelist/Olympicswimmer/athlete.

_I bet you guess who my first target would be._

I'd change the world!

_Molly Weasley was always my role model. She still is. I KNEW I should have gone over to the good side! It's a bit late now…._

Barbie was my idol!

**Have you ever been to a lua-out?**

_Apparently Romilda Vane doesn't know how to spell the name of those Hawaiian party things._

Who does?

_For once, you sound mature._

Now, back to the question!

_Unfortunately, yes. It was the theme of the Death Eater Ball years ago._

Oh yeah! And we watched all of the Lilo And Stitch movies!

_And Amycus only wore a grass skirt._

Very breezy. All in all, quite nice.

_Sickening…._

**Jesus Christ Superstar or Godspell?**

I remember the costumes for Jesus Christ Superstar!

_No! Don't remind me!_

The priest dudes only wore skirts and these weird plates that didn't even cover their chests!

_Eww…. Bad memories…._

Crabbe and Goyle were the main priests.

_God no…_

We also did Godspell, but the music wasn't as good. I'll vote for Jesus Christ Superstar.

_I'd take Godspell over Jesus Christ superstar anyday. At least the cast had proper costumes in that one. _

Meaning?

_No- Eurgh- hanging out fat. Please excuse me while I go puke._

Don't use 'puke'! It's a bad word!

_Not really. Shakespeare came up with it._

Who's this 'Shakespeare' dude?

_That's it. I'm joining the Order._

….

….

….

Wait! You never told me what 'Shakespeare' is!

…

Is it a guy who likes to shake his spear?

-&-

AN: Sorry if I've scarred you for life. If I have, you don't have to continue reading this, you know. Review!


	52. McNair

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views! Except, I do LOVE James/Lily….

An: thanks for your reviews! They mean so much to me!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm McNair. My parents were too lazy to give me a first name. Thought I was too ugly for one. Sucks. I mean living forty eight years without a first name! I do have a middle name, though. Elizabeth. I have this hunch that my parents wanted a girl. Most of my friends argue about that. They say they want to yell at my parents that I 'might as well me a girl'! Isn't the support I have great?

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I have big hips, plush lips, a very thin waist. And I'm a guy. I swear; I have evidence!

**Where are you?**

Uh… maybe I'm at the Harry Potter Convention….

**What are your likes?**

Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I LOVE James/Lily! It is my absolute favorite ship! It's just so COOL! It's why I came to the Harry Potter Convention!

**What are your dislikes?**

Lily and James hate- er- hated me. Kind of sucks being a Deathie, doesn't it?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

My past. See, I always thought James and Lily should get together. Even in first year (mind you, I was in the same year as them). I technically got them together. See, at the end of our sixth year, I decided to corner Lily during patrols. And who rescued her? Why, James of course! And that really got Lily to start doubting all of her conclusions about James. Isn't that great?

**What's your favorite saying?**

LE & JP 4EVAH! Yay!

**Who makes your bed?**

I do. But just wait till you hear about my bedding set! I have a red and gold set of sheets and duvet. For Gryffindor, you see. And then, on the duvet, there's a GIANT moving picture of James and Lily! Squeal! And the sheets have the same picture, just repeated lots of times, and smaller! I bet you're jealous of me now! Hah!

**How good of a writer do you think you are?**

Very good! I spoke at the Harry Potter Convention, in the room for the Lily/James shippers! My speech was awesome! Here it is:

Things are better in the world now, because we have read the Harry Potter books, and know that Lily and James exist, and are a ship. But, things can improve by the world realizing Lily/James as the superior ship.

The world can be compared to a bag of skittles. There are many different colors of skittles, like there are many different Harry Potter ships. But, there is only one superior ship, Lily/James. It's like how we all know that the green skittles are obviously better than the other skittles. I mean, like seriously!

I have a dream.

I have a dream that comes from the millions of poor, unfortunate souls stuck reading awful Lily/Snape stories (or even worse, James/Lucius. Ewww!).

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that will not dry up like a raisin in the sun.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day, children will walk around, wondering why the heck anyone is reading stories about anyone other than Lily/James.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that people won't have to go through the torture of scraping off their tongue, and washing out their eyes after reading a non-Lily/James story.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that even a place like Riddle Mansion, a home crawling with ones who want to destroy the beauty that is Lily/James for their own romantic needs will transform into a land of Lily/James gurus, writing the most fascinating stories on the trials and tribulations, and true love of Lily/James.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day little children will sing out 'Du-du du-du du-du-du-du-du du-du-du du-du du-du-du….' You know, the Harry Potter theme song. And anyway, they will sing 'Du-du du-du du-du-du-du-du du-du-du du-du du-du-du….' Thinking of only the wondrous thing that is Lily/James!

When this happens, whenever this happens, the world will finally be able to rest, because no longer will anyone be reduced to tears over the grossness of other ships!

Isn't it beautiful?

**Would you rather eat dust for the rest of your life, or read a story that Lily and Snape had an affair in?**

EWWWW! DEFINITELY THE DUST!

**What if there was a giant spider in the room?**

I'd capture it, and set it on Snape for ruining my perfect ship! He'll have now clue what hit him!

He already hasn't realized I was the one who charmed his clothes all green (they're usually pink), and the one who broke his favorite teapot. Hahaha!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

I absolutely must, must, must read a fanfic about Lily and James. Today, I read this really cute one…. I think it was called 'The Secret Santa', by Amelia Bedelia…. Very cute…

**What is your second biggest wish?**

My first is for James and Lily to come back to life, so we can bask in theur light. My first is to become a famous Lily/James author, and write awesome stories about them.

Okay, you know that song 'Just the girl'? 'She's bittersweet, she knocks me off my feet', yada, yada, yada. Like Lily/James theme song of the CENTURY! But there are like a bazillion kagillion songfics about it!

So, this is what I'd do.

James is singing it and all, then Lily's like 'You think you can win me over with a song?'

James is like 'Uh… yeah?'

'Well, it won't work!'

'Great.'

James slumps against a wall, Lily looks at him, realizes he's hot (and he so is! Squeal!).

Then she kisses him, and they go out, and then get married.

Great, huh?

**Have you ever been to Paris?**

THAT'S IT! For some anniversary of theirs, James apparates them to Paris, and they have a fancy dinner on the very top of the Eiffel Tower! Very romantic!

**Tokyo or Beijing?**

Tokyo. Because then, during their honeymoon in Tokyo, they can go to one of those small villages, actually, I think Osaka's the one city that's still intact, with the old architecture and stuff. And they'd go there, and walk around the fish ponds, and the cherry blossom trees, and IT'S SO ROMANTIC!

Yay!

-&-

AN: Weird, right? And to those of you who don't like Lily/James, I don't hate you or something, and it's quite fine with me if you aren't Lily/James shippers. Refer to the disclaimer at top if necessary. But, I do love Lily/James. Right. So I was wondering, which chapters do you guys like most? Review!


	53. Rabastan Lestrange

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Awesome reviews, people!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rabastan Lestrange. Soon to be Peter Benedict the third, if I'm lucky. And, unusually (for my trade), I'm not that old.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm vying to become pope. I'm perfect for it!

**Where are you?**

Definitely not in church! That'd be disrespectful. No, I was in the middle of writing my acceptance speech (for when I become pope) when I got this.

**What are your likes?**

Being nice and caring towards others. In other words, I want to be pope quite badly.

**What are your dislikes?**

The Death Eaters. Yes, I was among their ranks once, but I have reformed of late. I'm ashamed of this, but I despise my brother, his wife, and her family for joining, and staying, within the ranks of those vile people.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If I become pope, will I have to end my weekly teas with Voldemort? Because I'm still friends with him. Though, I suppose he is just tolerating me for the power boost.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Prepare thee in the way of the lord. I highly doubt you haven't yet heard of the annual Death Eater musical. And when I was still there, we did Godspell. I got to be Jesus. Yeah. And I got that line from one of the songs. It was really one of the precedent factors in my reform.

**Who makes your bed?**

I used to get Snape to do it for me…. But now that I'm on the verge of becoming a pope, I have to be penitent. So, I make my own bed. Fortunately, someone else cooks for me, because my own cooking is lethal.

**How gracious are you?**

Look. I traveled all the way to Nicaragua, to say hello to starving kids, put in electric lights, use VERY unsatisfactory bathrooms, and possibly get my clothes dirty. What does that say to you?

**Would you rather be pope, or named a saint?**

Big choice….. but I think pope. See, the pope only has to do a little charity work, compared to a saint. And either way, my name would go down in history. Think about it.

**What if you weren't voted pope?**

Those cardinals would die. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Have you ever read Angels and Demons? Well, in that, the cardinals are all dying these REALLY gruesome deaths and stuff. I'd copy that. HAHAHAHAHAH! Well, every cardinal, BUT me. Me dying would really defeat the purpose…

**What is the first thing you do every morning?**

Go over the list of popes, in order. There are about two hundred popes, and I have memorized them all, yes, that's right, in order. Soon I will be on that list.

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

To kill as many people as possible. Now I want to be pope. Ironic, huh?

**Have you ever been skydiving?**

Yes! Millions of times! I've been invited to many parties of cardinals I know, and let me tell you, we cardinals, we're extreme! I know one who worked as a circus performer growing up, and another who spent twenty years in jail. Great times, great times…

**Cardinal or bishop?**

Both are tempting, but cardinals are the ones who vote for the new pope. That way, I could er, 'influence' the ballot a bit…. Hehe….

-&-

AN: That is officially the last death eater I know of. If I missed any, please tell me. I don't want to leave anyone out! Review!


	54. Yaxley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Guys, I will be doing Draco Malfoy with the SLYTHERINS, not the Death Eaters. Sorry, you'll just have to wait a bit longer. I'm finishing the Death Eaters, doing a surprise group, then the Order, and then I'm moving on to the Houses. Sorry.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Yaxley. Albeit, my real name is Yak Lee, I changed it. I COULDN'T STAND THE MOCKERY!

**Describe yourself.**

I AM NOT A YAK!

**Where are you?**

NOT AT THAT STUPID 'YAK CAMP' THAT YOU THINK I GO TO! WELL, I DO NOT SPEND MY SUMMERS WATCHING NINE HOUR LONG VIDEOS ON HOW TO BE A YAK!

**What are your likes?**

NOT YAKS! And definitely not that creep, Malfoy, who calls me a YAK! DIE, DIE, DIE!

**What are your dislikes?**

YAKS! I HATE THEM, HATE THEM, HATE THEM!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I hate yaks….

**What's your favorite saying?**

I don't know. BUT I KNOW WHAT MY LEAST FAVORITE SONGS ARE! The Yak songs…. 'I'm a yak, I'm a yak, I'm a yak, I'm a yak-y-yak-y-yak!' Hate it. But not as much as the other one…. That my best friends, Crabbe and Goyle, came up with! 'Ya-aak, ya-aak, you're my little ya-aaak!'

I hate them. They're my worst enemies now…

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

I don't have dreams…But the yaks are in all of my nightmares… shoot 'em…. Shoot 'em down….

**How passionate do you think you are?**

Very. When I see a good cause, I MUST help out immediately. I'm currently in charge of a very important charity. Paris Hilton and Hannah-Lynn North Dakota are my biggest sponsors, too! So, donate to the KATFYF today! Also known as the Kill All The _**CENSORED**_ Yaks Foundation!

**Would you rather eat a yak, or repopulate them?**

Well, as disgusting as I know that yaks must taste, I'd eat it. Just imagine it, letting yaks LIVE again? God no! And at least by eating a yak, I'd be ridding the world of one of it's seven horrors.

You know what the seven horrors are, right?

Yaks

Dementors

Poverty

Prejudice

Pollution

Cannibalism

Sirius Black

I mean, who doesn't know that? Jeez!

**What if your room was filled to the brim with yaks?**

Hm… well, first, I'd run away. Then I'd get others to use them on the seven horrors of the world (in the hopes that I get a Nobel Peace Prize). I'd scare the dementors away with the yaks, give yak fur to poor people to sell, use yaks to run over the prejudiced people, same with the polluters, give yaks to the cannibals to eat, so they don't eat humans, and use the yaks to kill Sirius Black. Yay!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Check to make sure my anti-yak protection charm is still in perfect order.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To join the Death Eaters. Because, I had always dreamed about them, and knew deep in my heart that Voldemort actually hated yaks, and that the people I'd be massacring are really yaks in disguise. And I still know that's the truth, unlike my under-privileged Death Eater friends… haha…

**Have you ever been on a safari?**

No, but I am this summer. Wait, do they have yaks in Africa? If they do, then NOOOOOOO!

**Yaks or buffalo?**

Buffalo are from like, America, right? THAT IS AWESOME! And buffalo sounds cool…. I think I'll go on a safari in America. That'd be awesome… seeing all those idiots in their houses spending all their time reading and writing fanfiction… Hah!

-&-

An: See my note above. And review!


	55. Regulus Black

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I really love your reviews! Thanks!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Regulus Black, and I'm fifteen.

**Describe yourself.**

EXTREMELY mad at one Remus Lupin. As we were getting off the train, to go home (and I was dragging Sirius off by the ear), he told me that according to his calculations, Sirius would be in his monk phase during the week we'd be alone in Grimauld Place (after the week, Sirius was going to the Potters' for the rest of the summer, and for the first month or so, Mother and Father were off on one of their tours, lecturing about the inferiority of muggles). But, Remus calculated wrong. Sirius is in the middle of his Hawaiian phase.

**Where are you?**

In my bedroom, which has been turned into a luau-something barbeque place. Decorated accordingly. Not fun. Especially when Sirius has named himself a witch doctor (which I'm not entirely sure actually exist in Hawaii), and has decided I have a demon inside of me, and have to be 'cured', meaning he's shoving who knows what down my throat, and dancing weirdly around me.

**What are your likes?**

Peace and quite, so I can read the latest 'Gossip Girls' book. Unfortunately, I KNOW those words are DEFINITELY not in Sirius' vocabulary.

**What are your dislikes?**

During his Hawaiian phase, Sirius has a VERY strict dress code. Meaning, a grass skirt, and NOTHING else (other than the occasional coconut bra). No top, and even worse nothing under the skirt. I am mentally scarred for LIFE.

**What are you thinking about now?**

Sirius really doesn't know much about Hawaii. Yeah, even when he's in his Hawaiian phase. But, I guess he DOES hate the library. I remember the last time he went in. He cowered under a table, and gnawed off a chair leg in fright. And then there was the time in his fourth year, that he burnt down the library using only a stuffed bunny and a banana peel (and as rumor says, he was cackling 'hahahahahah! You won't get me now you stupid books!'). Remus wasn't very happy. He did some stuff, and well, let's just say that I couldn't stop laughing for a week. Well, anyway, the moral of this is that Sirius is a total idiot, who even in his Hawaiian phase thinks that mega-large robotic aliens live (and rule over humanity) in Hawaii.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Everyone dies eventually.' Even Sirius. Thank god. That phrase has kept me from suicide, and homicide. Though homicide sounds REALLY good right now, and Sirius has made a fire out of my collection of Gossip Girls, and is roasting ka-bobs over it…. yeah…homicide sounds REALLY good….

**Who makes your bed?**

I do. But, it gets really annoying when Sirius has decided the dance of something or other HAS to be done on my bed right after I make it. Not fun. Though, it is admittedly better than his playboy phase last year, when he was bringing girls into my room at all hours of the day and night. I had to wash my sheets 69 times, just to get the stains out!

**How patient do you think you are?**

I haven't committed homicide yet, I think I'm pretty patient. Please excuse me for a minute while I tell Sirius he MAY NOT use me as a human sacrifice.

**Would you rather be an elephant or a niffler?**

I dunno. Which would bother Sirius more? Cause I think it's time for a little payback.

**What if there was a giant hoagie in the room?**

I'd shove Sirius in the room. He has an irrational fear of hoagies (might explain why he's sort of afraid of that Pettigrew kid, who has a giant obsession with hoagies). Maybe he'll commit suicide…that'd be my lucky day….

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

I lock all 54 locks on my door, and nail a few boards to the door, to make sure Sirius doesn't come in and disturb me during my sleep. I started doing this after last year's playboy phase. He brought a girl into my room, while I was in my bed, and… well… that WASN'T fun… not fun at all….

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That NO ONE like Sirius is EVER born again. It was bad enough the first time… I'd wish this one NO ONE. Not even my worst enemies. Well, I might wish it on Trelawney, but she's a special case.

**Have you ever been dressed up as a horse?**

Cowboy phase. Not fun.

**Boogie-board or surfboard?**

Thankfully, Sirius can do neither. He would SO break- Oh _**CENSORED**_! He's using Mother's favorite vase as a surfboard! I am SO dead!

-&-

AN: Though you guys might want more Sirius. Review!


	56. Rookwood

Disclaimer: I won nothing, and this does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Rookwood. I legally changed my name (hey, it's better than Chauncy Livingstale!), because I always thought it'd be cool to have only one name. As for my age, I'm as old as the cookie monster.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm big, blue, and furry. My best friend is Kermit the frog. I LOVE cookies! Who do you think I am.

**Where are you?**

Yes, I am the cookie monster! I love putting on the fake dignified act, see if people still recognize me. But, I (the cookie monster, as I have been dubbed), was brought up by my parents as a gentleman, thank you very much. Oh, and I'm at the set of Sesame Street.

**What are your likes?**

Ah, screw etiquette. COOKIES!

**What are your dislikes?**

PEOPLE WHO EAT MY COOKIES! GRRRRRR!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I've always wondered, why do they put me n national TV, when I inspire kids to be like me, and I have all these horrible habits?

Ah well. Let the government figure that one out.

COOKIES!

**What's your favorite saying?**

COOKIES!

**Who do you hate most in the world?**

Oscar…. You know the guy in the trash can? He's too green for me. I distrust him! He's probably trying to steal my COOKIES!

**How sweet do you think you are?**

Well, I have an extremely sweet tooth. For COOKIES!

**Would you rather eat cake or crackers?**

Cake is too un-cookie-like! Now, crackers I can eat like cookies. Mmm…. COOKIES GOOD!

**What if cookies became obsolete or extinct?**

I'd die too. I LIVE on cookies. COOKIES!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

One word; COOKIES!

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That the world should be made out of COOKIES! Ooohhh… that sounds GOOD.

**Have you ever gone on the muggle show 'Fear Factor'?**

Unfortunately, yes. They made me eat CAKE! Eww… cake's my greatest fear. Oh god… the bad memories gotten from those ten minutes. The things I do for the money for more cookies….

**Chocolate chip or dulche de leche?**

Mmm… both sound so good! But, I'd choose dulche de leche. It's been SO long since I've had some. On the show, they give me just chocolate chip, cause that's what most kids eat. Good ol' caramel is rare these days….

-&-

An: Dulche de leche means caramel. Anyway, after this is Dolohov, and Nott. I'm not doing Crabbe and Goyle Sr.s, because they'd be too much like their sons. Sorry. But, are there any Death Eaters (other than Selwyn, cause I really don't have too much of a clue about who he is) you think I should do? If not, I'll be moving on to a surprise category that I hope some of you (cough-Goldenfeather-cough) will like. Review!


	57. Theodore Nott

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this does NOT represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews! 

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Theodore Nott. And I was born the year Julius Caesar died. According to my parents, he wasn't killed by his friends. He saw my face….

**Describe yourself.**

I'm immortal! And that's the only reason why Voldemort hired me….

**Where are you?**

At the place in Florida where the votes are being tallied (between Al Gore and George Bush Jr.). Oops. Just addled with the main computer. Now George Bush's won. Ah well. How much of a difference can it make anyway?

**What are your likes?**

Inventing. I showed Leonardo da Vinci a lot of things…

**What are your dislikes?**

Segregation. I was on a trip to Alabama (a U.S. state) once, and I met this guy named Martin Luther King Jr. I thought he was quite good at speeches, so I told him he should write some about stopping segregation. Thankfully, he took the advice to heart.

**What are you thinking about now?**

Well, when I was on the trip to Alabama, I pulled this white lampshade over my head for fun, and these guys in white robes (with little insignias that said 'KKK') suddenly thanked me for the idea. I never really understood that….

**What's your favorite saying?**

'To be or not to be'. Yeah. I should be a bit more modest, I suppose. Well, this guy with funny hair and a ruff came up to me, and was like really frustrated because he needed some line in iambic pentameter. I was with a friend, and I said 'to be or not to be a hoaie? Hm… hard choice' and the funny haired guy actually paid me for the line! Isn't that awesome?

**Who makes your bed?**

Haha… well my maid is pretty horrible with the making of beds, and she once placed a toy horse head in my bed, and this producer saw it, and yelled that it was perfect for his movie. A year or so later, I went to see 'the Godfather', and there was a HORSE HEAD in the guy's bed…. Those people are insane….

**How bad is your hearing?**

Well, Marie Antoinette (nice lady she was) was my mistress once. And there was this crisis where people were starving, and she said to let them eat cake. The others didn't hear, so I told them. It turns out she really said 'let them eat our food'. Horrible hearing I have. Well, apparently people didn't like what I thought she said. She was put into this freaky looking thing called a 'guillotine'.

**Would you rather be peaceful or violent in protesting?**

Violent. It's so much more fun! Gandhi was all peaceful, which was so BORING. Malcolm X wanted to be peaceful, but fortunately, I was able to sit him down, and show him the beauty of violence.

**What if you were asked your age?**

I stopped counting after the French Revolution. Those French people were pretty violent, and might behead me if I told them. They'd be jealous because they couldn't live past age nine. Why else would Napoleon be so short?

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Sleep. Except groundhog day. Then I have to go convince Puxlawney Phil that he must see his shadow.Evil…

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To become a government agent. Think of all the things I could do! I have already held a lot of governmental positions. I was Joseph Stalin's assistant once, and convinced him to take over. Haha….

**Have you ever been cheated out of something?**

Yes. Merlin stole my powers, so I ran him through with a chainsaw (they were invented a lot earlier then when most people think).

**Paris or London?**

I have always hated Paris. It holds a creation stolen from me. The Eiffel tower! I drew it, and then some French idiot stole the design form me! It was HORRIBLE! Waaahhh….!

-&-

AN: If you don't know some of the history, look it up, Sorry, but I can't explain it all! Review!


	58. Antoin Dolohov

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and speaking of nothing, nothing represents my personal views.

AN: This is the last Death Eater! Next I have a special surprise category! Ooooh!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Antoin Dolohov, and this should help you figure out my age. I was five when Mailbu Barbie first came out.

**Describe yourself.**

I have the looks of a Ken doll, but for some reason, people laugh when I say this. Say that 'Ken isn't the size of a fifty ton hippo'. I don't really get that, do you?

**Where are you?**

Preparing myself for when they audition for the live action Barbie movie. I've been working on the Ken part, but I really want to play Barbie!

**What are your likes?**

Collecting (and playing with) Barbies. I'm saving up my money for the designer version! But, it'll take awhile, as the designer version is like hundreds of dollars. And my job doesn't make too much, Voldemort has me in this small room, with a bunch of other people, making clothes. I get like a knut a day. Voldemort says my work is put to good use. The plastic thingies I make are sent to the United States, so little kids can play with them after eating greasy meals at a muggle restaurant called 'McDonald's'.

**What are your dislikes?**

People who say Barbie only cares about fashion. They haven't seen Sanitation Worker Barbie yet! She doesn't wear as nice clothes, considering her job. I mean, seriously, she's only wearing high heels, a Gucci bag, Prada dress, silver and diamond jewelry, and a fur coat. That isn't really much! She's practically wearing pajamas to work!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you think Barbie will ever get back together with Ken? Because, you simply MUST know that they broke up! It's completely devastating! Waaaaahh!

**What's your favorite saying?**

What does saying mean? Well, I'll tell you my favorite song. It's by Aqua. 'I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world! I'm made of plastic, it's fantastic! I'm humming right now, because I don't know the words! Lalalalallalalalalalalala!' Isn't my singing great? Pay no attention to the fact that Snape is rolling on the floor groaning, and clutching his ears, which are bleeding!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Ken, he's SUCH a hunk! Rowrrr…..

**How imaginative do you think you are?**

Very! You should see the scenarios I come up with! Barbie goes out for a walk, and then some girl who dislikes her, and wants Ken, kidnaps her, and hangs her over a vat of toxic waste, but Kelly finds out, and tells Skipper, who goes all kung-fu on the girl, and whips her arse! Skipper and Kelly then save Barbie, who is unconscious and stuff, and Ken is really sad cause she seems dead, and then cries and stuff, 'cept manly cries, and gives her a kiss, and she wakes up. But she's really weak, and Ken has to carry her out. Then a dragon comes, and Kelly is able to run past it (she's so small), and Skipper and Ken take it down, while Ken carries Barbie, and then they have to defeat this really smart guy using smarts, and Kelly and Skipper are all like 'E equal MC squared!' and pass the guy, and then Ken's like 'Montpelier is the capital of Vermont! Oh! I totally pwned you, you noob!', and carries Barbie past. Then there's like this maze, and a minotaur in it, and Skipper takes down the minotaur, while Ken is all like 'hahaha!' and Kelly uses her pioneering skills to find out how to get out of the maze. Then they make this weird medcine-y thing and heal Barbie. Then they celebrate on the beach, and Barbie and Ken are all kiss-y-kiss-kiss!

Too bad I can't do that one again, seeing as Ken and Barbie broke up…. It's so HORRIBLE!

**Would you rather be a veterinarian or a fairy?**

I don't care, as long as I'm the Barbie version.

**What if there was a very dangerous tornado outside?**

I'd use my Barbie to deflect it! Barbie can do ANYTHING!

**What is the first thing you do after lunch?**

I do what my Barbies do. I go throw up.

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

To be a Malibu doctor/president/CEO/actress/model/artist/teacher/lawyer/town idiot/sanitation worker/homemaker/fashionista/veterinarian/writer/carpenter/interior designer/sweatshop worker/slave owner/Hilary Clinton/devil/martial artist/girlfriend/princess/fairy/entrepreneur/witch/spy/singer/Olympic athlete/pretty/angel/squirrel/pirate/origami expert/Greek God/feminist/owner of a thousand purses/magazine editor/tour guide/Parisian/astronaut/babysitter/motorcyclist's chick/wearer of fancy gowns/waitress/chef/wife/rapper like Barbie!

**Have you ever had friends?**

Yeah! I still have all the same friends! Precisely, all three hundred sixty eight of them! Excluding the one evil friend, who is really nice, but the only brunette friend I have, so automatically the evil one. And guess what, their names are all Barbie! It makes life SO much easier!

**Lip gloss or eye shadow?**

I can only pick one? NOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN'T CHOOSE! BARBIE NEEDS BOTH TO LIVE! AHHHHHH!

-&-

AN: Skipper is Barbie's teenage sister. Yeah, not that many people know that. But, seeing as I was obsessed with Barbies when I was little, well, I know (I had more than fifty Barbies! ) Yeah… that was the last Death Eater…. Be ready to be surprised when I next update (probably tomorrow)!


	59. Hedwig

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

An: The new category is (drum roll please)…. PETS! I dare say Goldenfeather will be pleased…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hedwig. And I'm about seven or so years old. BUT DOES IT MATTER? I'M FRICKIN' DEAD!

**Describe yourself.**

Very bitter.

**Where are you?**

Well, I'm in bird heaven. And you see, there's this thing were the birds can leave on last time, to do something they weren't able to do during their lives. I'm in that queue. SO I CAN KILL THAT SON OF A_** CENSORED**_, HARRY POTTER!

**What are your likes?**

Being alive, which the Potter boy has deprived me of.

**What are your dislikes?**

Potter. He's a vain idiot, and dares to call himself my MASTER.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'll tell you something about Potter that Rowling forgot to include. Other than the vain part, but everyone already knew that. When I died, it wasn't because the death curse hit. Well, only partially. Potter was drooling over his reflection in his pocket mirror, and dropped me, so I was HIT BY THE CURSE! HE DESERVES TO DIE VERY PAINFULLY!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Live and let live. But now that I'm dead, I say die and KILL POTTER!

**Who makes you want to kill yourself?**

The amount of time Potter spent doing I don't even want to think about it to keep his appearance up always made me feel like strangling something. And since I was the only one within strangling reach, I settled on strangling myself. Didn't really work out too well though….

**How forgiving do you think you are?**

Quite. I forgave that shaggy haired man named Hagrid for giving me to Harry. BUT I WILL NEVER FOGRIVE POTTER!

**Would you rather never see a mirror again, or go without food for a week?**

I'm fine without mirrors. They remind me of Potter. Him ruffling his hair into the mirror, staring at his reflection, and PUTTING ON VERNON'S LIPGLOSS. DOES THAT NOT SCARE YOU?

**What if there was a large tube of ammonia in the room?**

Ammonia's toxic, right? Well, then I'd have to pour it down Potter's throat…. Yes…. That'd be nice….

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Hope that either Potter's dead, or that I am.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

Well, I always wanted to have a SANE master. I would have settled for Sirius Black! And he's, well, he's Sirius BLACK!

**Have you ever watched a ninja training video?**

Well, I delivered Molly Weasley a note on what someone should do if they wanted to become an assassin. She told me to watch one of those videos. Thankfully, Petunia was a closet shopping obsessed person, and had bought one, then stashed it in the closet.

**Snake or hippogriff?**

God… from the hippogriffs I know (one really, Buckbeak), I wouldn't want to be one, or to be with one. No thanks. But, my best friend's a snake! Nagini…. Yeah, we both go to the same 'I hate my stupid master' meetings. We have some REALLY good heart to hearts. Even though I'm off pretty bad, I pity her, I mean, she's been through some VERY scarring events.

-&-

AN: Let's just say Romilda can get to bird heaven, okay? And yes, Goldenfeather, Nagini IS next. Review!


	60. Nagini

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Sorry it's so late. I got this new book in English today, and have to read it by next Friday. I felt like finishing it today, so I JUST finished reading about two hundred and fifty pages about Harriet Tubman's life. Yay!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Nagini… hisss….and I'm not really sure my age. I was like reincarnated with Voldie, so, it's kinda weird and messed up, so, yeah….

**Describe yourself.**

Stuck with the 'evil dark lord'. I'm _soooooo_ scared! Yeah right…. Look, I'll give you the dirt. I HATE him. He sticks me in BUNNY suits and stuff, and the other death eaters (particularly Amycus…) like to give me two hundred galleon designer outfits, which they shove onto me. Not fun. Crouch Jr. does my nails, and claims he'll become a pet hair stylist if the music business ever fails on him. Highly likely that'll happen.

**Where are you?**

Planning my revenge. See, every week, I play a few, er, pranks, on those cruel freaks who keep me in their presence. Except for Pettigrew… he's dreamy….

AND YES, I'M A GIRL!

**What are your likes?**

Leaving little 'surprises' in Lucius' pink fuzzy slippers. WHEN WILL HE SEE THAT PETER IS MINE?

**What are your dislikes?**

Voldie makes me eat his prisoners. Does that not sound disgusting? I'm so lucky he doesn't make me eat the misbehaving Death Eaters; they have even worse hygiene.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Next time Voldemort makes Crabbe give me a bath, I'm going to squirm, and rub my scales, until his hands are no more…yess… that sounds wonderful….

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm a snake. Snakes don't have sayings. You're almost as idiotic as Rosier, it seems.

**Who makes your bed?**

Refer to the answer above. Now do you see why all humans (at least the Death Eaters) should bow down to animals? Probably not, you idiot.

**How appealing do you think you are?**

I never thought that snakes were very appealing. But apparently I'm wrong. I have a stalker (yes, I'm referring to Narcissa). Does that not scare you?

**Would you rather meet a mongoose or eat another prisoner?**

You know how snakes are supposed to be afraid of mongeese? Well, the Deathies are more afraid of them than I am. Wimps.

**What if there was a spider in the room?**

I'd curl up into a ball, so I wouldn't have to listen to Lucius' girlish screams.

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

Well, if I lived in my dream snake house (yes, I have a snake house), I would be setting up my idiotic Death Eater protection charm. That would be the life….

**What is your dream job?**

Harry Potter's pet. That'd annoy the _**CENSORED**_ out of Voldie. Hehe….

**Have you ever met someone who's description is an oxymoron?**

Yes, indeed. Alecto Carrow. She was a Death Eater, but then decided to join the Order. Never thought I'd met a smart Death Eater.

**Evil or fluffly?**

I see too much fluff here. I WANT EVIL! Suppose I'd see more evil if I moved to an Abercrombie and Fitch store?

-&-

AN: Yello. It's books4evah. Nothing much to say, other than here, I have finally done Nagini. I think Crookshanks is next. Ideas are very welcome. Review!


	61. Crookshanks

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Yay! I love my reviewers!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Crookshanks. I bet you all know me. Purrrr….

**Describe yourself.**

MUCH better than you… yes… And I have the most supreme master of all. Hermione…. If I ever do become supreme ruler of earth (which I hope will happen soon, because I know that you all know I'm superior), I'd actually let her be a duke, not a serf…

**Where are you?**

Maybe I'm freshening up my nails after a refreshing attack on the face of that ginger haired kid called Ron by my master.

**What are your likes?**

My masters. Yes, I have masters in the plural. I got Hermione, after waiting in the _horrible_ pet store for twelve years, My old masters were quite nice. I believe they were called James and Lily, thought the man's friends often called him 'Prongs'. Whatever that means.

**What are your dislikes?**

Well, with my old masters, there was always the problem of jealousy. They had a son (Harry, and he looked an awful lot like the apparently not caring about his appearance black haired boy who hangs out with my master), and a pet stag, that Lily always fawned over. I suppose that James didn't, as he was ever around when the stag was…. And there's still jealousy with my current master! I fear she likes that Ron boy and the black haired idiot more than me! And the Ron boy even more than the idiot! All this competition, it's doing me no good….

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Should I have my massage now, or wait until after my manicure for it?

**What's your favorite saying?**

This line from this book I saw my dear master reading, I think it was Twelfth Night, and by some weird man named Shakespeare. What a funny name… Well, anyway, it was 'some are born great (me), some achieve greatness (me, and my master, Hermione), and some have greatness THRUST upon them (me!)!'

**Who makes your bed?**

Well, there are three people in my master's room, her, a girl named Parvati (who is quite nice, and sneaks me sweet treats), and a nasty girl named Lavender (she kicks me more than the Ron boy, and screams when she sees me. For your information, I am actually quite beautiful. She just can't see it. Hermione, for some reason that I feel has to do with the Ron boy, calls Lavender a _**CENSORED**_). Well, anyhow, there are five beds, and I get one of them all to myself! And these horridly ugly creatures then come and make my bed, expecting nothing for it! I told you, I am the rightful ruler of the world, and people HAVE begun to notice it!

**How beautiful do you think you are?**

More beautiful than some! Hah! Trevor can't even BEGIN to compare to my beauty! And I am not ugly because of my squashed face! It was an honorable war injury! When Harry (the son of my old masters), got that stick he flew around on (I should really get myself one, to increase my regality), he ran into me, and I had to fight back. But I was no match for the stick (very unusual, I should DEFINITELY get me one of those sticks), and I was forced to retreat, but ran into a wall. Unfortunate, really…

**Would you rather eat canned food or cat food?**

I am above both! Royals don't eat that junk! Unless it's the cat food with tuna…. Mmmmm…. I LOVE tuna…..

**What if there was a giant spider in the room?**

I'd fire the caretaker. How DARE he? A spider, THAT close to ROYALTY? Eurgh. It gets me riled up just THINKING about it!

**What is the last thing you do in the course of the day, on Saturdays?**

I have to (ashamedly), escape my master. Saturdays are bath days. I'm sorry about how much I'm distressing my master, but I can't even RISK getting my beautiful fur, of all things, wet! Ew! The embarrassment! I could never show myself in public again! Think of what that accursed kitten the next floor down would say!

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

Wish? Look, you know what the mirror of Erised is, right? Well, I'm the creature that would look into it, and see only my reflection. I mean, I'm the ruler of the earth, or at least, my fate is to be supreme ruler of earth, so I wouldn't be deprived of what I want. If I say jump, you say 'how high'? If I say I want pink eyes, you say 'which shade'? And on! I hope you get it. Otherwise… well, you'd be a bigger idiot than the back haired friend of my master…. And that's HARD.

**Have you ever had a serious sense of déjà vu?**

Yes, in fact. That black haired idiot friend of my wonderful master, well, he looks WAY to much like my old master James. It's freaky. And the should-be supreme ruler of the earth NEVER gets freaked out. NEVER.

**Silk or cashmere?**

Silk in the summers, cashmere in the winters, the should be supreme ruler of the earth has it ALL. Ahahahahahah!

-&-

AN: Yes, Eurgh…. _Another_ supreme ruler of earth…. Whoop-de-doh….. yay…. Well, review! Yay! Pidwidgeon's next!


	62. Pigwidgeon

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views!

AN: Thanks to all my fab reviewers!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Pigwidgeon. And someone like me, doesn't talk to someone with questions like that last one (about my age, duh!).

**Describe yourself.**

President of the club of pets in Hogwarts, and the most popular, thank you very much. My predecessor, Scabbers, I think his name was, well, he wasn't very fit for the job. He was really a human. Ah well.

**Where are you?**

I know, you all want to know where someone like me is, you all love me, I know. But, you're WAY too pathetic for me. Ha! Just the thought of us together makes me laugh.

**What are your likes?**

Isn't it obvious? I LOVE Sac Pun, Fbercrombie & Aitch, Hlolisetr, and Emerican Aagle. Don't you?

**What are your dislikes?**

Thrift shops! Ewww! Also, I HATE geek-a-zoids. Like Trevor the toad. Ew! Total geek!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you suppose that I could like, get a , like, restraining order, on like, those other pets? Like, they'd SO, like, ruin my, like, image!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Like, I'm, like, totally, like, better, like, than, like you! Like!

**Who is the most irksome person you've met?**

Like, what is, like, irksome?

**How stupid do you think you are?**

Like, not, like, stupid! I just, like, hate grammar. Like totally!

**Would you rather eat a cockroach, or be dumped by your boyfriend?**

Like, neither? But, like, I don't, like, really, like, have a, like boyfriend. I'm like, a BOY! Like yeah!

**What if you were supposed to die tomorrow?**

I'd like become, like, a world hero, and like kill, like that Crookshanks. Like, he's like too ugly, like, for the world. Like, he totally like burns like my eyes!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Like, wake up, at like midnight, so, like, I could start, like doing my make-up, like! It takes time to look totally fab, like moi!

**What is your biggest wish?**

To like, uh, like, er, like, um, like do something that people, like, like! Like invent this like machine-thingy, that like puts on full body make-up, in like, two seconds, so like, everyone, like, can put it like on, and the world, will be like, not like having to like look at ugliness. Totally like!

**Have you ever been to a homeless shelter?**

Do you like think I'm like a like, idiot?

**Fur or burlap?**

I like love my fur, and like stuff, but it's like popular like now to be like for like animal rights, like, so I can like only like wear my fur in like private. It like stinks!

-&-

AN: Isn't the idea that Ron's pet are all presidents of the club, strike you as weird? It's does for me. Oh, and Sac Pun is Pac Sun, Fbercrombie & Aitch is Abercrombie & Fitch, Hlolisetr is Hollister, and Emerican Aagle is American Eagle. Those are like the popular American clothing stores for teens…. I don't like it, their clothes never fit properly on me…. I shop at like, Old Navy, I don't really care about clothes that much…. Yes, GASP! Pigwidgeon is really starting to sound like the girls in my school. Like, like! Eurgh. Well, Trevor is next! Review!


	63. Trevor

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Trevor. And, as I'm a frog, I'm guessing you really don't care for my age.

**Describe yourself.**

Obsessed with technology, and I'm not being quite fully honest there, so, view that as an understatement.

**Where are you?**

Diffusing bombs. See, I'm one third of a crime fighting team of pets. And I'm the stereotypical brain, always diffusing bombs, and messing around with computers.

**What are your likes?**

Technology, and the rest of the team. There's Mrs. Norris, the martial arts-y person- I mean pet, and Errol, the leader type, you know, who always gets the girl. Well, he was aiming for Hedwig, but the best we could get was Pigwidgeon. So he'll be in eternal pain, so what?

**What are your dislikes?**

Our arch nemesis, Arthur the Pygmy Puff. Grrr…. See? He makes me want to act like a dog! The lowest of all pets! Well, in Mrs. Norris' opinion, and she's not someone I really want to mess around with….

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you suppose that I could get the agency to provide me with an Apple Air? I mean, they're SO thin! TI would be GREAT on missions….

**What's your favorite saying?**

What's new today is old tomorrow. Wait, is that a good thing?

**Who is most important to you?**

Neville. Even though he has lost me countless times, which is quite frustrating, although, I suppose I have given him quite a scare when disappearing for my missions….

**How stealthy do you think you are?**

Very. I was the first to discover Death Eaters coming into the school during Neville's sixth year, though, they trodded on me, so I suppose it was to no avail…. Ah well….

**Would you rather spend a day in Paris, or a day in the Congo?**

Hmm… eating snails, or being eaten….. hard choice….

**What if you got a free week long stay in a five star hotel in Italy?**

I'd check to make sure no one is spying on me or something…..

**What is the first thing you do after lunch?**

Neville's in muggle studies then, so I hope along in his bag, and go and play with the muggle technology displayed in the back of the room.

**What was your dream job growing up?**

To be an engineer, that way I'd get a discount on the stuff I'd make!

**Have you ever curled your chest hairs?**

Uh, no? Hello, I'm a FROG. I don't HAVE hair, let alone chest hairs…. Jeez…

**Deserted island or heaven?**

Er, does heaven believe in technology? Cause if it doesn't, I'm going for the deserted island. At least there I can saw a coconut in half, and bang it together, to sound like horse hooves, and then prance around, pretending to be on a horse!

-&-

AN: Very random, huh? Well, sorry! I'm running out of ideas! They don't grow on trees, you know! And I've already written 67 chapters, I'm bound to repeat myself sometime! Buckbeak's next! Review!


	64. Buckbeak

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this does not represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

i is buckbeak… how doz yu git age?

**Describe yourself.**

relly big.

**Where are you?**

in thes plaz an ther is al thise gren things…

**What are your likes?**

pi… pi gud….. pi endlez, butt can't be endlez, me confused… me no mind endlez pi, tho…

**What are your dislikes?**

redding… givs me hedakes…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

duh… doo i must anser that?

**What's your favorite saying?**

me no stoopid!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

I lik dreems…

**How stupid do you think you are?**

duh… wha do that meen?

**Would you rather eat a pie or tie your shoelaces?**

yu speled pi rong…

**What if you were surrounded by stupid people?**

Me laf at stoopid peepol….

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

go pee-pee… ore chang my shets…..

**What is your dream job?**

me wan be teecher!

**Have you ever been an expert at making balloon animals?**

clowns- clones- clows- thos peepol wit the red nos an the ranbo curlie har mak balon animales… thy scar me…

**Photosynthesis or chromatography?**

-&-

AN: First off, if you can't make out what any line is saying, ask me, and I will reply! (Just be sure to type, or copy and paste, the line into the review, though, so I know what you're talking about!) Second off, Errol is next! ( wouldn't mind suggestions!) Third, REVIEW! (please! I will resort to buckbeak speech if you don't!)


	65. Errol

Disclaimer: I won nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks so much to all of my awesome reviewers!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Errol. Wait. This won't really work if I don't have a last name, will it? Well, I suppose I'll just have to use Weasley… Eurgh…. I'm Weasley. Errol Weasley. Huh, huh? How'd you like me now? Oh yeah!

**Describe yourself.**

I have horrible, graying, floppy feathers – er, that is, I have BEAUTIFUL brown, lush, and voluminous feathers!

**Where are you right now?**

In the bathroom- well, that doesn't sound very cool, does it? Well, then, uh, I'm in the bathroom, beating the, er, _**CENSORED**_, that's right…. Out of some villain! I am a secret agent, after all!

**What are your likes?**

Er, well, I AM a spy, so I suppose that I have to like a martini, shaken not stirred… or is it stirred, not shaken?

**What are your dislikes?**

Uh……. Bad guys? Yeah, let's go with that. And excuse me for a second while I check with Trevor about who the bad guy is…… I'm back! And apparently, the bad guy is Arthur, the Pygmy Puff.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Um, cool stuff?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Which sounds cooler, 'Weasley, Errol Weasley' or 'stirred, not shaken'?

**Who makes your bed?**

I'm deprived a bed in the Weasley household. Instead, I get a bird stand. Hermes gets a dog bed, though…. Wait! You DID NOT hear that! No, I said I have a plush, down king size bed, and Fred Weasley makes it for me every morning (George Weasley after my naps)!

**How cool do you think you are?**

My life's ambition is to be cool! So, does that make me very cool? Please say yes!

**Would you rather eat a bucket of apple stems, or 20 banana peels?**

Which is the loser's way out, cause I am DEFINITELY not taking that one. I AM COOL! Well, at least I hope I am…

**What if there was a giant spider in the room?**

WH-WH-WHERE? I _HATE_ SPIDERS! AAAAHHHHHHHH!

I'm still cool, though!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Order Charlie Weasley to make me French toast with breakfast sausage and eggs benedict on the side! Yeah… I'm not lying… heheh….

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

To be cool! And I got that wish….if Santa loved me this year….

**Have you ever picked your nose with your toes?**

Well, I'm an owl, and so I don't have toes. BUT, I picked my nose with Mr. Weasley's toes once (when he was sleeping). The garden gnomes told me it'd be cool. And it was (I think)! They kept on laughing afterwards, and they still laugh whenever they see me!

**Eat a mug or squirrels attacking you?**

Squirrels. THEN EVERYONE WOULD SEE MY AWESOME POWERS! MWA-HA—HA-HA—HA-HA-HA—HA-HA-HA—HA—HA-HA-HA!

-&-

AN: The last two questions I got from my little sister. She's in third grade, and believes she's a guy. So, yes, they are obviously weird (for the last one, I just asked her to name the two first things she thought of). Right, Hermes is next. Ideas? REVIEW!


	66. Hermes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I freaking LOVED your suggestions for this chapter! Lets hear a few; rule abiding freak, punk/rebel, and my personal favorite, thinks he's a feather duster. Well, maybe that last one was for Errol…. Anyway, I will be using a lot of your suggestions at one point or another, like when I'm stuck, so keep on sending in suggestions! I really love when you do!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hermes, but you will call me Mr. H! Fool! No one asks Mr. H's age!

**Describe yourself.**

Mr. H describes nuffin'! Let the assistants do that! Fool!

**Where are you right now?**

Beating the _**CENSORED**_ of some fool, like you! Fool! What else did you think I was doing?

**What are your likes?**

My hair, my bling. Get it down, fool!

**What are your dislikes?**

Fool! It's you! And those other fools!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Fool! You wouldn't understand what I'm thinking! You're too much of a fool!

**What is your favorite saying?**

Fool!

**Who gave you your big break?**

I got my start on the Z Team! Fool!

**How smart do you think you are?**

Smarter than you, fool!

**Would you rather eat an elephant or hold it up for ten minutes?**

Lift it up, fool!

**What if there was a hurricane outside?**

I wouldn't be there, then! Fool!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

I don't like stalkers! Fool!

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

Not to be a fool! Fool!

**Have you ever curled your chest hair?**

What are you on? Fool!

**Scholar or drop out?**

Don't be a fool! Stay in school!

-&-

AN: Ooooh! Mainstream American Media! Yay! This is copied off of Mr. T, who got his start on the A Team, according to my brother. He actually inspired this (he can do a PERFECT Mr. T voice, but look NOTHING like him). Well, the Giant Squid is next. Suggest! Review!


	67. The Giant Squid

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and the same goes for my personal views, that ARE NOT represented in this story.

AN: Thanks for the reviews! But, I'd always love more suggestions! Pretty please?

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Er, squids don't care about names or ages. But, the students in the school have seemed to dub me the 'giant squid', so I guess we'll call me that.

**Describe yourself.**

Uh, I'm squid-ish? And I LOVE rules! I MUST follow them!

**Where are you?**

In the lake. Where, I always am, that's like a rule. And I ALWAYS follow rules.

**What are your likes?**

Admittedly, I have found a loophole, and taken advantage of it. See, I can still squirt my ink at people. And, really, I like to squirt rule-breakers with ink…. Ahh… Sirius Black could never pass me without staining his clothes (or face) somehow…. Haha…. He eventually stopped coming outside… and everyone said that he was trying to get pale and pasty, as he wanted to become a model….

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, in school, you're supposed to be concentrating on the thing you're working on, so I suppoe I'm thinking about this right now…. NOT laughing at that memory of Sirius Black on graduation… it was outside, and he was pale, and… hehe…. He eventually got over me, but then starting crying over his ruined tan…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you…. Yay! Another rule to follow! That was my initial reaction…

**Who makes your bed?**

BED? I DON'T HAVE A BED! It is a STRICT offense to the hand-book of squid life! Must not break rules! AARRGGGH!

**How rebellious do you think you are?**

DON'T SAY THE ACCURSED WORD! WAAAAAHHH! I HATE IT, HATE IT, YOU HEAR ME?

**Would you rather let a student drown, or let yourself drown?**

Wow…. That was stupid…. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I CAN'T DROWN? IT'S AGAINST THE RULES OF NATURE! And, anyway, the handbook of giant squids who live in school lakes says that I CAN'T let any student or staff drown in my lake, so, it's a pretty easy choice….

**What if a student drowned?**

I'D DROWN MYSELF! EVEN IF IT'S AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE! I already broke a rule, so, what does it matter? And I just COULDN'T live with the knowing that I disobeyed a rule! NNOOOOO!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Treat my acne. Well, I don't really HAVE acne, it's a stupid human thing. BUT, there's this really long regimen, and I do it for fun, so I can have more to do. And it makes my skin look really scabby and read and stuff! But, for some reason, the fish, grindylows, and mermaids around me always die after I do it….

**What is your dream job?**

To be a writer of a rule book…. Then I'd be able to memorize SO many MORE rules… yay….

**Have you ever broken a rule?**

No. Why would anyone ever do that?

**Go on a date with James Potter or kiss the giant squid?**

Hmm…. Lily Evans once made that promise to James Potter…. And she ended up marrying him…. But she NEVER KISSED ME! Not that I like her in that way, ew… but, I HATE PEOPLE WHO BREAK PROMISES! THEY'RE ALMOST AS BAD AS RULE-BREAKERS! AND SIRIUS BLACK! GRRRRR…. GIANT SQUID ANGRY!

-&-

AN: How are you? That was my niceness for the day! NOW REVIEW! Please? And I wouldn't mind if you suggested something, too, as Arthur the Pygmy Puff is next. REVIEW!


	68. Arnold the Pygmy Puff

Disclaimer: I own nothing. And this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the awesome reviewers I have!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Arthur (the Pygmy Puff). Er, I'm about three years old. But, in pygmy puff years, I'm basically forty nine.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm the author of 'How to Kill a Person with a Nickel, and Other Everyday Objects'. Yeah….

**Where are you right now?**

At a book signing. My book is apparently the best-selling self help book, like EVER, and a New York Times bestseller. And it's VERY popular with optimists… How that works, I have NO clue.

**What are your likes?**

Well, when I'm REALLY bored, I like to think up inventive ways to kill someone. Not like I actually would use them though.

**What are your dislikes?**

Well, the book was made to be a comedical book, and not to be taken seriously, but then my editor published it to be a self help book. Yeah, and no I'm blamed for SO FRICKING MANY homicides! Not fun! I've officially become an enemy of the Pets of Hogwarts Society! I mean, SERIOUSLY! Buckbeak is an IDIOT! You should have expected he'd shove a nickel down Scabbers' throat!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Was writing that book a good idea? I know, I'm a millionaire and all now, but, still! It's morally wrong! Even, though, there was that LARGE religious group that was ecstatic meeting me…. Said something about being the cure for atheists or whatever…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Well, I'm not much of a guy for sayings, but, the most publicized part of my book (it's the part on the back cover, actually):

'Step One: Find someone you really want to die. Preferably a Slytherin.

Step Two: Find a nickel.

Step Three: Shove nickel down person's throat.

Note: Do not just make person a meal, and shove in the nickel. First, if you make some big gourmet meal, you are wasting your time on making that person die more comfortable. Secondly, do not put in a Happy Meal. That defeats the whole purpose, and the person will die happy. That is NOT wanted. Lastly, just shoving he nickel down the person's throat is much more satisfying, and will help YOU die happy, as the police will come after you kill the person, and beat the _**CENSORED**_ out of you, and you will die.'

Yes, and people actually took that to HEART.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Pigwidgeon, that idiot. I have never taken my own book seriously, but I wouldn't mind using the hair dryer on him. You know, shove a hair dryer into his mouth, and blow, and he'll get dehydrated, and die. I have dreams about that happening….

**Have you ever been REALLY creeped out?**

Yeah…. You know those totally bubbly people, who are always happy, and optimistic, and stuff? Well, one came up to me the other day, and was like 'I LOVE your book! I've used every method of killing and torture in there!'

Yeah, not something you EVER want to happen to you.

**Would you rather die, or be tortured?**

Die. The tortures in my book are HORRIBLE. Like the watch one… Eurgh….Take a watch, and program it to constantly beep, and well, it'll drive the person to insanity. It's even worse than Chinese Water torture!

**What if the world wrote a book together?**

It sort of is… See, my first book was so popular, it was decided to write a second ('How to Kill a Person with a Dictionary, and Other Household Objects). Except, this time anyone can send in a suggestion, and I get to put the best together. It's really scary how many people are hidden pyschomaniacs… So far, I've gotten fifty nine from Ernie MacMillan….

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Well, there are a lot of people who are angry that I wrote the book. So, I have to make sure to run away from any nearby person with an everyday object.

**What was your biggest dream?**

That I could figure out a way to travel back in time, and stop myself from writing the book. IT ISN'T FUN BEIGN THE AUTHOR OF 'HOW TO KILL A PERSON WITH A NICKEL, AND OTHER EVERYDAY OBJECTS!'

**Have you ever been so stupid, you wonder if you were drunk at the time?**

Yes, when I wrote the part about killing a person with their mother. 'Make the person look at their mother, and they'll die from the pure ugliness.' That sounds so stupid, right? I know! But, just this year, over fifty percent of the deaths in the U.S., Europe, and Canada were caused by people looking at their mothers. Weird, huh?

**Tissue or paper?**

Which sounds worse, being pelted by so many used tissues you die, or getting papercuts all over your body? That's what I thought. I can't stand most everyday and household objects now, because I know SO MANY FRICKING ways to kill a person with them!

-&-

AN: Today, during lunch, my friend and I had a discussion about this. She was writing that book with this person in her band class, and we had a VERY long conversation about killing a person with a nickel, and different techniques of getting them to choke on it, which is where the note on that comes from. Yeah… we're really weird… we actually have conversations on that…. But, we've had weirder conversations! Well, Malfoy's white peacock is next! Review!


	69. White Peacock

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views, thnak you very much!

AN: Thanks for the reviews! I'm really taking your suggestions to heart!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

White Peacock… the Malfoys aren't very creative…. And I'm still very afraid of them…. And if I give you my age, more of them will come for me! ARGH! HIDE ME!

**Describe yourself.**

Er, I'm an Anglophobic…

**Where are you?**

In England… unfortunately…

**What are your likes?**

America… They speak English… and don't totally creep me out…

**What are your dislikes?**

The English, and they're culture…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If you haven't already figured it out, that's what Anglophobics are afraid of… DON'T EAT ME! MEEHH!

**What's your favorite saying?**

'America is the land of opportunity.' The opportunity of me never having to live in fear…. The Malfoys actually scare me even more than is usual for Brits… ah! Even more than Harry Potter and his chronic ugliness! Ah! They have the ugliest platinum blond hair EVER!

**Who is the most irksome person you've ever met?**

THE BRITISH! What, with them thinking 'bloody' is a curse word! Scary…. Where I was breed, bloody meant it was covered in blood… and with bloody awesome, does that mean that their hell is covered in blood? AAAAAAHHHHHH! SCARY!

**How weak do you think you are?**

VERY! They've horribly weakened me with their awful torture…. All of them asking me to tea… NOOOOOOOO! I DRINK _COFFEE_ YOU FREAKS!

**Would you rather drink tea or eat scones?**

They're both too British! But, I suppose I'd take the tea… BUT ONLY if it's that Japanese green tea!

**What if your one true love was a Brit?**

KREACHER? BRITISH? Then I'll have to tell him the weddings off! He'd kill me on our honeymoon! Those British people can't be trusted…. He-he-he….

**What is the last thing you do in the course of the day?**

I make sure I'm NOT thinking about Brits while I fall asleep. Then I'll have HORRIBLE nightmares! NOOOOOOO! DON'T FORCE ME INTO LISTENING TO THE COCKNEY ACCENT! IT'S WORSE THAN THE NAILS ON THE CHALKBOARD!

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To become a Stalin of sorts… except, put down the BRITISH! HAH!

**Have you ever felt like being REALLY rude sometimes?**

Well, I've always dreamt that the first thing I'd do when I get over my fears is to yell 'I'LL GET YOU, GET YOU ALL, YOU MOTHER _**CENSORED, CENSORED, CENSORED!**_ YOU WON'T LIVE TO SEE SUNSET! MWA-HAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!' and then proceed to scratch their eyes out with toothpicks. Meh… but for now, they still scare me… aaahhhhh….

**Prime minister or Church of England?**

AAAHHHHHHH! Why can't the British be like NORMAL people? Like, be Catholic, or not even Christian, and have a PRESIDENT? Why? Why? WHY? Why do they have to make such a scary culture? AHHHHH!

-&-

AN: Sorry to any British people (sorry, GiddyGirlie). But, anglophobia is actually a phobia. I found out about it when I was looking up phobias for Fred and George. Yeah… Well, Mr. Tibbles is next! (he's Mrs. Figg's cat). Review!


	70. Mr Tibbles

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I know I didn't update yesterday, sorry. I was pretty sick, and didn't really feel up to writing you something. I still feel pretty horrible, so pardon if it's not up to my usual standards.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Mr. Tibbles… I hate my name…. curse that old hag Figg for adopting me…

**Describe yourself.**

Angry at the world…

**Where are you?**

In Figg's bathroom… the blood takes away the pain…

**What are your likes?**

Cutting…

**What are your dislikes?**

Happy people… can't they feel the world's pain?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Happy… what a stupid emotion…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Living is for the weak…

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Pigwidgeon… that idiot wouldn't even know what Africa is, let alone that it's a continent affected very much by poverty….

**How emotional do you think you are?**

Emotions are for the weak…

**Would you rather go swimming with a dolphin, or wear pink for the rest of your life?**

Depends… would the dolphin bite me?

**What if the people you knew were all aliens?**

Do you mean friends? I don't have those….

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Brush my fur in a way that Figg won't notice my pain…

**What was your biggest dream as a child?**

I don't dream… the world is never going to be the way I want it to be….

**Have you ever worn something completely despicable?**

The pink chinchilla fur coat Figg forced me into…

**Hot pink or magenta?**

There's a fricking difference?

-&-

AN: Yes, my disclaimer for why it might possibly not be so good is in my author's note at the top of the chapter.


	71. Mrs Norris

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views. Same old, same old.

AN: Gee, thanks for the reviews!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Well, I'm Rebecca Filch. But you all know me as Mrs. Norris. And I would have been forty three, if Bilius Weasley wasn't such an idiot!

**Describe yourself.**

It's sort of complicated. I was christened Rebecca Norris. Then I married Argus, and became Mrs. Filch. But, I was fricking turned into a CAT! Not happy here! Ten Argus decided I should be called Mrs. Norris, because, well, what would you think if he named his cat Mrs. Filch? Yeah… I thought so…

**Where are you?**

One of the other pets in the area _might_ possibly be teaching me the joys of drinking out of the toilet…

**What are your likes?**

Chocolate. But are cats allowed chocolate? Noooo….

**What are your dislikes?**

BILIUS WEASLEY! HE TURNED ME INTO A FLIPPING CAT!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

My revenge on that _**CENSORED**_, Pince! She's stealing my man!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Dye, Pince! Wait… isn't 'dye' spelled 'die'. Oops. To bad I don't have anything that can erase blood. What? As a cat, it's not like I have ink or whatever. I'm stuck using _someone's_ blood…. Someone I _may_ not like…

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Pince! She has the worst possible blood to write with EVER! …oops….

**How patient do you think you are?**

Now that I'm a cat, I'm bored. So, about all I really can do is plan to kill Pince. And that takes _forever!_ Why can't she be a good idiot and die already! So, in conclusion, I am about as patient as a starving guy in a restaurant.

**Would you rather eat French bread, or whack someone over the head?**

I LOVE FRENCH BREAD! It has excellent whacking-people-across-the-head-with-it properties! I would never eat it, though…. It gives me too many hairballs, for some odd reason…

**What if the Eiffel Tower fell down?**

Suppose that any sharp weird wiry thingies might be sticking out, that I could use, for certain… reasons….?

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

It depends, but usually I'm scratching Pince's face off, so she doesn't get _anywhere_ near MY Filch's bed.

**What was your biggest wish a child?**

I liked cats. I wanted to be a cat. The irony is killing me.

**Have you ever worn a kimono?**

Oh, yes! I forgot to tell you! But, I'm a secret agent (and as a pet)! I once was like going on this mission in Japan, and I was wearing this kimono, while showing off my totally awesome kung-fu skills! Hi-ya!

**Plate or picture frame?**

Argus got me a plate once, for our second anniversary… I'm still wondering whether I should dump him over it…. there's always Elton John, he fell in love with me, _and_ I was in my CAT form! Yeah… bye-bye Filch… hello guy with hippie sunglasses.

-&-

AN: You know, today I found out that my art teacher's father was a secret agent. Like, an actual American spy! Isn't that cool? I know! Neville's Mimbulus Mimbetonia is next! Suggestions are loved! (and maybe needed!) Review!


	72. Mimbulus Mimbetonia

Disclaimer: I own nothing! Yay! And this doesn't represent my personal views! Even yay-er! Because now you won't all hunt me down with pitchforks because you think I'm really insensitive, since I use so many stereotypes, that I really don't think in real life! BUR RON WEASLEY IS AWESOME! OFF DA HOOK! (that was stereotype number 1).

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I was born years ago, in 1576, and christened Sir Ferdinand De Grillot De Pomp. Though, my master, Sir Neville Longbottom, has rechristened me as 'Mimbulus Mimbetonia'.

**Describe yourself.**

Surroundeth by people, who hath a tongue of a million sores. It seems thy new language is far too, dirty, dare I utter that word. Thy language is also, weird, as thy people have put it.

**Where are you right now?**

Practicing my alchemy…. The Queen shall pay millions for my services once I hath learned to create-teth gold.

**What are your likes?**

I do prize my ruff. It shows my superiority, to these vassals.

**What are your dislikes?**

The 'plumbing' here is too complicated. Thee cannot simply throw the excrements out the window, but pull down a lever. I do miss the good old days, as the phrase goes.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Thy painters in this new era really have gotten better. They used to take long times. But now, thee simply has to click, and thee has thy picture.

**What's your favorite phrase?**

'Off with her head!' was introduced-eth to England-eth by King Henry. The eighth-eth.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Thee is fairly irksome…

**How dramatic do you think you are?**

Quite! I played wonderfully in the first Romeo and Juliet! 'Romeo! Romeo! Where art though, Romeo?'

**Would you rather eat your mother or eat grass?**

Eat my mothire? Yt bodes ille methinks…

**What if you were a witch?**

I dream about that….

Double double, toil and trouble!

Fire burn and cauldron bubble!

Fillet of a fenny snake,

In the cauldron burn and bake!

Eye of newt, and toe of frog,

Wool of bat and tongue of dog!

Adder's fork and blindworm's sting,

Lizard's leg, and howlet's wing!

For a charm of powerful trouble,

Like a hell broth, boil and BUBBLE!

**What is the first thing you do every day?**

Wake up, in my pot….I do not liketh the strange beds thy has now…

**What was your dream job as a kid?**

All children dreamed thy job would be a astronomer or whatnot for the king.

**Have ya ever shot down a homie g in da hood, and celebrated by snorting 'nose candy' and then da po-po are all like 'what you up wit?' and ya all 'dang… me do nothing…' and then ya go round shooting people's brains out, and join a gangsta ring, and have da bomb, and den ya like no, no way, and da stuff… and da homie dawg is all like up in ya face, and I'm like 'nnooooo!' and den ya all 'don't go messing in my crib, cuz it's new!' and den ya all kick down dat hooker cross da street cuz she's all charging ya like too much, and den ya go kick some booty, and den go knock down some booze and ya go cruizin' round in ya new SUV and like get pulled over by the po-po, and ya get abandoned by ya homie g, and go ta jail, where ya get pwned by ya cellmate?**

I am sorry that I must do this, but, I will adopt (but only for a second) thy new language. WHAT YOU ON ABOUT. YOU FREAKS ON NATURE?

**Victorian or Colonial?**

Which era? I must say, Victorian… Americans don't appericiate the queen much any more, do they? Thy colonial era is too much Spartan, anyway.

-&-

AN: Spartan in that sense means plain and simple. The whole witch thing, I have that memorized by heart (had to do it for drama) and I can do it SO FRICKING WELL! I can be like REALLY creepy! I like to act…. But it's not like I'm going to be an actor in the future or something, no way! Well, Dobby is next! Review! Suggest!


	73. Dobby

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views. So bugger off! Unless, you might want to read this chapter….

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

My name is Dobby, sir. Or are you wanting to be called ma'am? Dobby will call you ma'am, he supposes…. And Dobby is ten years of age, ma'am.

**Describe yourself.**

Dobby is Harry Potter's biggest fan, miss.

**Where are you right now?**

Dobby is at the potions room. He is with a club there, that he is the president of (the Society of the Girls Who Say Harry Potter is Soooooo Fricking Hot We Want to Pour Syrup All Over Him And Lick Him Clean And….). Dobby, for some reason, is the only club member, other than Draco Malfoy. Which makes Dobby confused.

**What are your likes?**

Dobby loves Harry Potter!

**What are your dislikes?**

The word stalker. Dobby doesn't know what it means, but is frequently being called one. Harry Potter's precisely. Dobby doesn't want it to be a bad word, but wouldn't mind be something of Harry Potter's….

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Dobby is thinking, miss, that Harry Potter is too good looking for his own good… but is glad, because the black hair makes it easy for Dobby to find Harry, so he can watch Harry whenever he can.

**What is your favorite saying?**

"DOBBY LOVES YOU, HARRY POTTER! SQUEAL!"

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Once, when Dobby was watching Harry Potter, he saw Harry Potter kissing this girl named Cho Chang. Dobby wasn't very happy. It wasn't Dobby. But, anyway, Dobby saw the girl cry, while kissing Harry Potter. This really annoys Dobby, as Dobby can't see why ANYONE would cry while kissing Harry Potter. Dobby figures he HAS to be a great kisser. Dobby also REALLY wants to kiss Harry Potter.

**How talented do you think you are?**

Dobby is very talented! Dobby knit socks for Harry Potter to wear! And the socks Dobby knit have tracker devices in them, so Dobby can ALWAYS know where Harry Potter is. The thought of it makes Dobby very happy.

**Would you rather meet Ron Weasley or settle for going out with your crush's best friend?**

Dobby thinks that THOSE ARE THE SAME TWO PEOPLE! AND DOBBY CALLS YOU AN IDIOT!

**What if there was a massive earthquake, and Harry Potter died?**

DOBBY WOULD KILL THE EARTH!

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

Dobby kisses the bottom of the altar of his Harry Potter shrine. Dobby likes being able to do this. Draco Malfoy can only kiss the bottom of the slug that was able to crawl over the earth that is twenty yards away from the Harry Potter shrine.

**What was your biggest wish as a kid?**

Dobby wished that Dobby could meet Dudley Dursley, and _**CENSORED**_-slap him. Dobby still wishes to do that. Except maybe to Voldemort.

**Have you ever been issued a restraining order?**

Dobby has been issued a restraining order, unfortunately…. Harry Potter got married…grrr….. and Dobby tried attacking his wife, Ginny Potter… but they got a restraining order…. Dobby tried to get a restraining order keeping Ginny Potter away from Harry Potter… but it didn't work… that memory makes Dobby sad…

**Ron Weasley or Hermione Granger?**

Wheezy gave Dobby a nice sweater! That other one gave Dobby… badly knit hats. Dobby is going for the Wheezy.

-&-

AN: Yay! I hope you liked it! Winky is next! Suggestions loved! Reviews loved even more!


	74. Winky

Disclaimer: Does it look like I own anything? And this doesn't represent my personal views either!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I am Winky. I am eight years old.

**Describe yourself.**

I am the Wink-a-nator.

**Where are you?**

On my mission. I am to take down Hermione Granger for trying to free the house elves.

**What are your likes?**

The Wink-a-nator does not like.

**What are your dislikes?**

I dislike rule breakers.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

What I am told to think about.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'll be back.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

The Terminator. He gets his facts all wrong. The idiot.

**How accurate do you think you are?**

The Wink-a-nator is always accurate.

**Would you rather eat a bucket of toenails or fall down ten stories?**

I would fall down the ten stories. The Wink-a-nator can withstand anything.

**What if there was a serial killer outside the room you're currently in?**

I would walk outside, and strangle the serial killer.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

I pretend to be drunk off of butterbeer, so Dobby thinks I'm dead. Eventually, I will kill him. The house elves think he knows too much.

**What is your biggest wish?**

The Wink-a-nator wishes for nothing but to complete his missions.

**Have you ever had super mega big tea parties with all of your girlfriends, and painted your toenails at it and stuff, and then gone to the movies, and flirted with some cute guys, and gone to the mall, and bought like TEN outfits, and gotten some make-up out on, and then gotten a manicure, and then a pedicure, and a massage, and gone to a fashion show, then yelled over how hot Rupert Grint is, and then brushed your hair (using one hundered strokes, of course), and watched a sappy chick flick, and then gone on a date with your boyfriend, and threw a book in the fire, cause it was warping your brain, and making you actually SMART, and then wished you were in Paris, and then forced your little brother to help you make a movie of your future wedding with your boyfriend, and then drawn pictures of your future children, and had a shower, and then….er, done more girly, and then put pickles in your eyes, and then repainted your toenails, and then put on you rsleping mask, and went to sleep?**

I do not do that stuff. You are thinking about Dobby.

**Mirror or compact?**

Mirror. Then I can smash it, and use the shards to kill Hermione Granger and Dobby.

-&-

AN: Yes, the pets are STILL going on… And guess what? FIFA is translating one of my fics! Isn't that awesome? Well, she's going to translate 'Reality Quidditch' into German. I'm so excited! But, anyway, sorry if I got the Terminator facts wrong. I'm quite shabby with them, I only know about it because I pick up a bit with my brother. Kreacher's next! Suggest! Review!


	75. Kreacher

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Yay! I have AWESOME readers! This chapter is dedicated to you, and you know who you are!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Kreacher, pleased to meet you, but you just DON'T ask a person their age. It's so rude!

**Describe yourself.**

That famous clothing designer. You know you know me.

**Where are you?**

At my latest show. It was controversial at first, but peoppe had to realize sometime that muggles have brilliant taste in clothing. And now my muggle fads are just being lapped up. I hate to say it, never mind. I LOVE to say it, I told you so!

**What are your likes?**

Supermodels who know what they're doing, and don't completely embarrass me. I'm sorry, but I can't bear those idiot models. You hire Emma Watson once, and the idiot completely ruins your show. Who knew that she could get so distracted by the chance to show off?

**What are your dislikes?**

Emma Watson. For a whole YEAR she put off my sales by so much, because everyone thought all my models were starved or something. Yes, she fell flat on her face while showing off, and everyone thought she was really crying for help, and was going insane with the loss of food. Then they realized she's an idiot. Thank the lord.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you think that peach is the next color of the season? I think that it would look TOTALLY fab on some of the guys I know.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Depends on where I am. If I'm near Trevor, it's probably not so much of a saying, but a scream ("I LOVE YOU TREVOR!"). Then, when I'm at work, it's like 'is my work totally fab? I know you think so."

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Neville Longbottom. He's Trevor's master. And he like totally won't let me impregnate Trevor! Doesn't that stink?

**How straight do you think you are?**

I'm as straight as funnel cake, which I totally love, even though it totally ruins my figure.

**Would you rather be the last girl or the last guy alive?**

I AM a guy. But being the last guy alive would REALLY stink. But, the last girl alive, with all those guys? Oh yeah…

**What if a piano fell on your head?**

Look, I may not be the sanest person, especially with the whole fashion designer thing going on, but I am not that insane. How the bloody hell would a piano_ ever_ fall on my head?

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Take off my Versace sleeping mask, encrusted in jewels and silk gold.

**What was your biggest dream as a child?**

To have my head chopped off and stuck on a plaque. That way I would NEVER have to look at Mrs. Black clothing EVER again. I still shudder thinking about it.

**Have you ever conducted a steamboat?**

Yes, the steamboat of lurve….. Unfortunately, Mr. Black refused to be my passenger, so I settled for Trevor.

**Crochet or knit?**

Ooh! Both! All of my sweaters are crocheted or knitted by local grannies, for that touch of home!

-&-

AN: Er, well, I couldn't resist the Watson-bashing… sorry, she STOLE my Rupert's part! (sorry 'bout my possessiveness towards Rupert Grint….). Fawkes is next! Please send in suggestions! Review!


	76. Fawkes

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views. So there!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Fawkes… and I'm too old for my own good…

**Describe yourself.**

I'm older than Nicholas Flamel. And HE got to die ages ago!

**Where are you right now?**

Cursing my damned wings for not being able to tie a knot. Forget that _perfect_ plan for hanging myself… you can't hang yourself without a proper noose.

**What are your likes?**

Death. Not in that emo way, but seriously, after living through centuries like most people live through decades, is NOT fun the first century.

**What are your dislikes?**

Dear old Dumby… he doesn't exactly help with my predicament. Sends me on rescue missions and stuff. Eurgh. Carry Potter, Weasley, Weasley, and Lockhart up to the girls bathroom, using only my flying? At my age? No thanks.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If I wasn't trying to kill myself right now, I'd be pecking out Dumby's eyes…. Hehe….

**What's your favorite saying?**

'It is not out abilities but our choices that define us' or whatever Dumby said… See! People need to consider this! Potter is ABLE to save the world, but CHOOSES to annoy the world with his stupidity instead. What does this tell us?

**Who is the most irksome person you've ever met?**

Well, as annoying as Dumby is sometimes, I really must say Potter. Hes ALWAYS complaining, and whining, it's SO ANNOYING! And he thinks he so cool! Well, he isn't!

**How patient do you think you are?**

Very. I've waited through one hundred and seven decades, twelve centuries, three millennia, and WAY too many Mondays to die. And I'm STILL waiting.

**Would you rather watch the sunset or watch the sunrise?**

Sunrise. Maybe waking up so early would kill me…. Hmm…. I should try that sometime…

**What if there was a hurricane outside?**

Kingdom come, here I come! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

Groan that I didn't die in my sleep. Sometimes, though, when I'm feeling REALLY bored (which isn't that rare), I go back to sleep, and poise a knife above my heart… yeah, I usually do that…

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To be able to stop time. I was a bit of an idiot. I mean, now I have too MUCH time!

**Have you ever been a professional singer?**

Yes…. See, when you have as much free time as I get, then you can do a lot of things…

**Fly or fall?**

Fall… THAT GIVES MY A BRILLIANT IDEA! I can fly out the window, then stop flying, and fall, and DIE! Yeah! GOODBYE BORING WORLD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-&-

AN: Er, yeah… another one obsessed with someone's death… those and evil dictator wannabes seem to pop up a lot…. The basilisk is next! Suggest! Review!


	77. The Basilisk

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Seriously, not even the idea or the wording, cause Goldenfeather wrote this. So, obviously, it does not support my own personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Salazar named me the Basilisk... I lost track of my age and all time while

trying to clean the chamber of Secrets. It really is filthy down here.

**Describe yourself**.

My scales are all sleek and shinyish and clean... ah' good old clean

**Where are you right now?**

In the Chamber, dusting the giant statue of Salazar... I like cleaning...

**What are your likes?**

CLEANING!

**What are your dislikes?**

Voldemort! HE'S SO ANNOYING! HE MADE ME GO AND PETRIFY ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE!

Who, guess what? WERE LEFT ON THE GROUND UNCLEANED!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Why is Hogwarts so bloody unclean!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Cleanliness is Godliness! It's so true!

**Who is the most annoying person you've ever met?**

Fawkes! He's all old and UNCLEAN!

**How dirty are you?**

Dirty? HA! I laugh at you! I am the Basilisk! I. AM. SPOTLES!

**Would you rather never clean again or be muddy for the rest of your life?**

AH! SO. UN. CLEANLY! WHY DO YOU TORTURE ME?

**What if there was a dead rat outside?**

I'd clean it!

**What is the first thing you do each morning?**

Spray Febreeze around my cave.

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To be a janitor! But the boss died when he looked at me during a job

interview... maybe he saw my awesome cleanliness and was over-whelmed by it...

I bet that's why all those other people were petrified!

**Have you ever seen something so horrible you wish that you could melt you**

**eyes?**

Yes, Moaning Myrtle. SHE LIVES IN A TOILET! SHE MUST BE SO UNCLEAN!

**Feather Duster or Mop?**

ARE YOU INSANE! I CAN'T CHOOSE! I LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY! WAH!

-&-

AN: Don't even thank me on this one. Goldenfeather (THANK YOU SO MUCH!) seriously wrote the WHOLE thing in a review, and I just copied and pasted it. So, any comments on the chapter, and I suggest you send them to Goldenfeather (I'M STILL THANKING YOU IN MY MIND!)! And if anyone else wants to send me an entire chapter, go right ahead, I loved this one, and as long as the idea isn't completely like the actual character, I'll probably post it (mentioning you wrote it, of course). Norbert(a) is next! Review! Suggest! Write me an entire chapter like Goldenfeather (STILL THANKING YOU!)!


	78. Norberta?

Disclaimer: I own nothing; this doesn't represent my personal views!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Norbert... or Norberta... I think I'm a hermaphrodite. But Charlie says I'm a

girl. The other trainers say I must be a drag king. Whatever.

**Describe yourself.**

Identity crisis...

**Where are you right now?**

Examining myself in front of a mirror. Do I look more like a guy? Or a girl?

**What are your likes?**

Um... I would defintely like to know my real gender. Hagrid said one thing,

Charlie said another, and the other trainers say something else. What the hell

am I?

**What are your dislikes?**

NOT knowing what gender I am! It's really annoying.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The differences between a male and a female. Girls have an extra x

chromosome, and guys have a y chromosome, right? Hmm... should I get tested?

What if I have an extra x, AND a y? That'd be confusing...

**What's your favourite saying?**

To be or not to be. That is the question. Read: To be a girl today? Or to be

a boy today? That is the question.

**Who do you trust?**

No one. I can't tell.

**How confused do you think you are?**

Very. 

**Would you rather be a male or a female?**

Depends. Right now, I'd like to be a female, cause there's this new, really

hot guy dragon around... drool

**What if you found out your actual gender?**

I'd jump in glee and shout hooray!

**How do you usually refer to yourself?**

I, me, and myself. Gender-wise... I don't even try. I alternate between

them.

**What do you wish to know over anything?**

What gender I am. It's really annoying... I can't even answer "are you gay or

straight?". I have to correct them and say I'm bi. It's. Really. Annoying.

**Have you ever dressed up as a teddy bear?**

No. Hell no. I hate teddy bears. I have teddy bear phobia. I was scared into

a near coma when I was first shipped from Hogwarts to... wherever this is

here. It was so freaky... that teddy bear was about to come to life and EAT

me!

**Boy or Girl?**

Depends on who I have a crush on at the time.

-&-

AN: Thank Mini-Chobi, guys! She wrote this totally awesome chapter! THANKS SO MUCH! YOU HAVE MY, LIKE, NEVER-ENDING GRATITUDE! Er, Tonks is next, but I'm doing her myself, if you don't mind (she'll be the, er, you-know-what, GiddyGirlie). The rest of you will have to find out yourselves! Review, but not really, I suggest you review to me, for having such totally awesome reviewers who send me such awesome chapters, and then send a note to Mini-Chobi about how awesome Mini-Chobi is. BUT DON'T FLAME THE MINI-CHOBI! But, if you want to do one, I say go for the note to Mini-Chobi. SHE DESERVES A LOT OF THANKS! (and so does Goldenfeather, for the basilisk chapter). Bye-bye!


	79. Nymphadora Tonks

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks to GiddyGirlie for letting me borrow her idea! Yay!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

NYMPHADORA TONKS. BUT YOU WILL CALL ME TONKS. OR SUFFER AN IMMINENT DOOOOOOOOOOOOM. AND DID YOUR MAMA EVER TELL YOU TO NEVER ASK A WOMAN HER AGE?

**Describe yourself.**

I AM ALSO KNOWN AS THE VOICE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM. OR THE VOICE OF DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S.

**Where are you right now?**

TERRORIZING REMUS LUPIN. AND HE THINKS THAT I DON'T LOVE HIM….. I REALLY DON'T GET THAT…

**What are your likes?**

DOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

**What are your dislikes?**

IDIOTS. AND WHAT'S WORSE? I SEEM TO BE SURROUNDED BY THEM.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO APPRECIATE ME, AND MY ABILITIES. I GET PEOPLE TOGETHER. LIKE REMUS LUPIN AND THIS OTHER GIRL. BUT, THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT. I WAS TRYING TO TAKE HIM DOWN WITH A LIGHTNING BOLT, AND I GUESS I MESSED UP… WHY DOESN'T REMUS LOVE ME? SO WHAT IF I'M FIFTEEN YEARS YOUNGER, AND HE'S SEVENTEEN?

**What's your favorite saying?**

I AM THE VOICE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

THE GRIM REAPER. FOR SOME STUPID REASON, HE THINKS _HE'S_ THE ULTIMATE BRINGER OF DOOM. WELL I'M THE BRINGER OF DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S! SO THERE!

**How pretty do you think you are?**

PRETTIEST PERSON-ER, VOICE IN THE WORLD! AND I'M THE VOICE OF DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO CHALLENGE THAT?

**Would you rather have a picnic or torture people?**

WELL, I DO LOVE PICNICS, BUT I HAVE A REPUTATION TO UPHOLD…

**What if you won an all expense paid trip to Japan?**

HA! I ALREADY GET THOSE, FROM RICH PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT TO BE BROUGHT TO THEIR IMMINENT DOOOOOOOOOOOOM.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

USUALLY I'M CALLED IN TO BRING SOMEONE'S DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S. BUT, ONCE, I HAD TO GET A FEW COUPLES TOGETHER. SOME IDIOTS CALLED THE MARAUDERS. REMUS LUPIN WAS THERE…. RAWRRR….. SUCH A CUTIE… THAT WAS A NICE WAY TO START THE MORNING. TOO BAD I HAD TO GET HIM TOGETHER WITH THIS OTHER GIRL….

**What is your second biggest wish?**

TO GET REMUS LUPIN. MY FIRST WISH IS THE ABILITY TO EAT A LOT OF JUNK FOOD AND STAY THIN. I HAVE TO STAY THIN TO FIT INTO MY VOICE OF DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S COSTUME… EURGH, I HATE SPANDEX…. WHY DO I EVEN HAVE TO WEAR IT? I MEAN, MY CLIENTS DON'T EVEN SEE ME, THEY ONLY HEAR ME! WELL, ANYWAY, IT'S BEEN TOO LONG SINCE MY LAST MEAL AT MCDONALDS.

**Have you ever curled your chest hairs?**

OKAY, DOES EVERYONE ASSUME THAT I'M A BIG, BURLY, MASCULING MAN CAUSE I'M THE VOICE OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM? BECAUSE I'M A FOUR YEAR OLD GIRL, AND DON'T HAVE THE CHEST HAIR TO CURL. WHAT? MY BARBIE DOLLS ARE BETTER THAN THE INSTRUMENTS PROFESSIONALS USE TO INSTALL DOOM WITH TWELVE O'S.

**Dog or bunny-rabbit?**

OOOH! I HAVE A BUNNY-RABBIT! A BUNNY-RABBIT OF DOOOOOOOOOOOOM! YAY! !

-&-

AN: Thanks to GiddyGirlie for letting me use her idea! You can get more of the Voice of Doom with twelve o's in her story 'The Marauders Friday the 13th'. It's really funny, and if you liked my first story, 'Sirius Black's Notebook', you'll LOVE this one. And, GiddyGirlie, really sorry if I did the voice of doom with twelve o's in a way you didn't like! Really sorry! Moody's next!


	80. Alastor 'Madeye' Moody

Disclaimer: I own completely nothing, not even the personal views… Goldenfeather wrote this…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Alastor Mad-Eye Moody. Reveal my age? That attracts stalkers, or death eaters, or Voldemort, or BARBIES! AH! MUST. KEEP. CONSTANT. VIGELLANCE. AND. AVOID. BARBIES. ahem. sorry... I had an unfortunate experience with Barbies and a 4 year old voice of Doom with 12 Os in my earlier years as an aurror.

**Describe yourself.**

NO! WHAT ARE YOU? A STALKER DEATH-EATER BARBIE OR SOMETHING?

**Where are you right now?**

Defending the freakishly vain Harry Potter from people like YOU stalker death-eater Barbie! Mundungus is such a coward. He says fourteen of us aren't necessary to defend someone from Barbies. Git. OH MY GODRIC! WERE BEING AMBUSHED! I MUST FINISH THIS QUESTIONNAIRE AND SAVE POTTER EVEN THOUGH HE'S FREAKISHLY VAIN!

**What are your likes?**

...Constant Vigellance

**What are your dislikes?**

Barbies...

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Ahah! Your planning to ask me all these questions to find information about me so you can lure me to a trap and perform you EVIL Barbie rituals! Right? I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Barbies must die.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Kingsley Shackelbolt. He keeps asking me why I'm afraid of Barbies. ISN'T IT OBVIOUS THAT THEY ARE EVIL! THE GLAZED OVER EYES AND SMILES TOTALLY SAY MIND-CONTROLLING VOLDEMORT WEAPONS!

**How paranoid do you think you are?**

Me? Paranoid? I laugh at you evil stalker Barbie!

**Would you rather have a picnic with a Barbie or spend 30 minutes in the**

**Barbie section of a toy store?**

I don't want to be near Barbies! Maybe if I bring my anti-mind control tinfoil hat.

**What if Harry Potter was brain washed by Barbies?**

AHA! You've done that haven't you! You evil death-eater stalker Barbie! That's why he's so vain!

**What is the last thing you do before bed?**

Make sure my anti- Barbie devices are firmly in place all around my house.

**What is your favourite type of pie?**

Revenge pie! AGAINST STALKER DEATH-EATER BARBIES LIKE YOU!

Stuns a death-eater and pull something out of his pocket.

okay... AH! IT'S HYPNO BARBIE! MUST RESIST- Hehe I like pretty Barbies!

**Lucius or Dumbledore?**

OH! LUCIUS HAS BARBIES! HEY LOOK A PRETTY GREEN LIGHTY THINGY! I wonder what that-

_We regret to inform you that before the completion of this servey, Alastor Moody was hit by a killing curse after Mundungus fletcher deserted him because his Barbie obsession was really creepy._

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Er, yeah… Goldenfeather wrote this. You know what, I'm going to say that I want to write the next two chapters (Kingsley & the Prewitt twins), but you can send me in a fully written chapter for any other Order member, okay? Cause I have the ideas for the next two chapters. Review!


	81. Kingsley Shacklebolt

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Kingsley Shacklebolt, and you're not supposed to ask a lady her age! Or weight…. Though, do I exactly count as a female? 

**Describe yourself.**

I am the most beautiful woman ever! And I'm not lying!

**Where are you?**

In the bathroom. You know, I got this restraining order of sorts, to keep me out of the girls bathroom. I have to use the guys (ew!) or transsexual restrooms (didn't even know they HAD those). It's insulting! Just because I'm prettier than you are!

**What are your likes?**

My ten inch red pumps! Oh yeah…

**What are your dislikes?**

People call me a transsexual! Hello….? It's called a drag queen!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

You know, I'm missing a GREAT sale at the lingerie department in Macy's to fill out this questionnaire. You had BETTER be grateful.

**What's your favorite saying?**

MOVE, _**CENSORED**_! I use it all the time, at sales, when in lines, when some tramp is hanging over my man… (DON'T listen to Moody! No matter WHAT he says, he's MY man!)

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Amycus Carrow. We're ALWAYS fighting over all this stuff… Like, he thinks he's a BETTER drag queen then me! Hah! In his dreams!

**How attentive do you think you are?**

God! Hit a man in the eye TWICE with your shoe's heel while giving him a lap-dance, and they NEVER trust you again!

**Would you rather wear a burlap sack or pants?**

Pants are so constricting! At least I can style a burlap sack!

**What if you got hit in the head with a heavy briefcase?**

That was one of the reasons why I hit that guy in the eye with my heel…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Put on my mascara, and blush, and lipstick, and do it all really heavily! NO ONE will EVER see me without make-up!

**What is your biggest wish for humanity?**

That people could realize the comforts of skirts. Seriously, why wear pants, when you could wear a mini-skirt?

**Have you ever inspired people?**

Yeah! I inspired this little kid to become a drag queen, once! I think his name was Snake… something like that… I think his first name was 'Snivellus;, heard him called that once…

**Purse or brick?**

Oh… Well, I carry around a purse with a brick in it. I mean, what else would I put in it? And anyway, this way, I can easily hit away those guys hitting on me.

-&-

AN: Okay, you know the drill. Now, you can write me any chapter for a Order member, other than the Prewett twins. And I wrote this chapter, myself! Yay! Review!


	82. Dedalus Diggle

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Dedalaus Diggle. I'm currently trying to keep Sirius away from the water.

He's going through his shark tamer phase right now. I'm not telling you my

age... Im old though.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm pretty normal, but muggle machines are rather bamboozling. Hey I got an

owl! CRUD! Remus says Sirius should hit his evil overlord phase in 20

seconds.

**Where are you right now?**

Trying to keep Sirius away from sharp knives and objects so that he doesn't

have one when he goes evil overlord on me.

**What are your likes?**

I dunno... Im a fan of Harry Potter. OH _**CENSORED**_! SIRIUS JUST WENT VAMPIRE!

LUPIN WAS WRONG! SIRIUS DON'T BITE ME!

**What are your dislikes?**

SIIUS BITING ME! HE PUT FANGS IN!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Bashing Sirius over the head with a hammer and knocking him out long enough

to get a coffin.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I dunno... Death to Sirius?

**Who is the weirdest person you have ever known?**

Sirius! HE WAS BITING ME!

**How unlucky do you think you are?**

Very. I can't find a coffin ANYWHERE! And Sirius is waking up! OMG! He

transfigured himself into a bat!

**Would you rather turn into a Sirius or spend the rest of your life with**

**Sirius?**

If I turned into him I would hate myself but if I had to spend the rest of my

life with him I would kill myself... But what's the point of living if you

hate yourself? GAH! CONFUZZLEMENT! SIRIUS! NO DON'T BITE TONKS! SHE'S THE

FORMER VOICE OF DOOM WITH 12 Os!"

**What if Sirius went trough his Hedwig faze right now?**

I would celebrate! No more vampire! NO BITEY BITEY SIRIUS! OMG! HE JUST

TURNED HESTIA INTO A SIRIUSPIRE!

**First idea you want to use?**

Throwing garlic at Sirius. Oh look he's hiding in the coffin now!

**Where do you wish you were right now?**

Far. Away. From. Sirius.

**Have you ever been bitten by a Siriuspire?**

Recentley but thankfully I was wearing Sirius repellent so I'm okay. I can't

say the same for poor Hestia. Now my stalker is a Siriuspire.

**Vampire or Mindless Slave?**

Mindless Slave, Sirius makes very good cookies and if I'm right he should hit

his mindless slave phase next week.

-&-

AN: This is another of Goldenfeather's chapters. (I think you already know I'm heavy duty thinking you in my mind). I think she's got the Sirius phases down, if you ask me.


	83. Fabian and Gideon Prewett

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views. 

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Fabian Prewett.

_Gideon Prewett._

Also known as Eros.

_And Cupid._

But don't you DARE call me 'Cupid'. I'm EROS. 

_They're completely different names. Cupid is the Roman version of the name for the 'god' that we represent. And Eros is the Greek name for us._

LALALALALALALALALALALALALA! I'M NOT LISTENING!

_He just doesn't like the idea that we're the same person. We really aren't, but we do the same things, and look EXACTLY alike, so we're classified as the same person._

I'M BETTER THAN HE IS!

_The only reason he isn't pulling out his hair completely is that we have different names. Technically, we're BOTH Cupid, and we're BOTH Eros._

NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING!

_Why don't we move on?_

**Describe yourself.**

I'm wearing wings, a arrow-holding-thing-y. And a diaper.

_What more do you want?_

I'm sick of these people not being understanding.

_I know, I know._

**Where are you right now?**

I might be dragging along my brother somewhere…

_Are we there yet?_

No.

_Are we there yet?_

NO.

_Are we there yet?_

NO!

_Fine. Where are we going, anyway?_

Er… well…

_We're going to shoot arrows at Slughorn and giggle as he falls in love with the floor and mutilates everyone who steps on it, aren't we?_

Well… the thing is… 

_Wicked… I'm in._

IT SOUNDED GOOD AT THE TIME! Wait, what?

_I'm. In._

Oh. Sweet! C'mon!

_Don't forget the questionnaire!_

Oh, right… We'll go after the questionnaire!

**What are your likes?**

_Well, Fabian-_

It's EROS!

_Right. Anyway, well, Eros likes Professor McGonagall._

OKAY, THAT WAS A VERY, VERY, VERY TEENY-TINY CRUSH, AND IN FIRST YEAR!

_SO? She was like FIFTY then!_

I had always liked cats…

_Dude! That's SICK! _

I just said I like cats!

_You cat molesterer!_

So? You love RULERS!

_Okay, that's sensible (unlike the bionic fifty year old you love)._

LOVE-_D_! And what's sensible about loving a RULER?

_Look, I said I loved rulers, and you immediately thought I loved those muggle devices used for measuring stuff. _

What other rulers are there?

_Well, for one, there are the ones that rule countries!_

Oh. 

_See?_

I think I might love rulers too…

_Hah! So, I have a more normal love life than you!_

At least mine was more likely to actually occur than yours!

_Why would Minnie EVER want to be with you?_

So maybe I haven't figured that one out yet….

_I have an INSANE brother…_

Look who's talking!

_Just go away…_

**What are your dislikes?**

Pies… you just know they have to be evil… they look all innocent, but then they rise up and ATTACK!

_I don't want to know HOW you sleep at night…_

…pies are the essence of evil…

_Well, I was thinking that I disliked all of those people who want us to get them together with their true love or whatnot…_

I formed the anti-pie association….

_I'd NEVER get together someone begging like most do…_

Stay away from the pie… it'll EAT you…

_Unless, of course, it was the voice of doom with twelve o's…_

DIE PIE!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

_Well, I'm thinking about how I should get you together with someone, that has to be the reason you're writing this. You gotta be desperate._

I'm thinking-

_Frankly, I don't want to hear what you're thinking, and neither does anyone else (I think)._

**What's your favorite saying?**

_NO! BAD QUESTION! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THAT!_

Favorite saying? What do you mean by that? What, like our catch phrase? Well, guess what? I DON'T HAVE ONE! Why you may ask, well, it's because of OPPRESSION! THEY OPPRESS THE FREEDOM OF SPEECH! Just because my favorite saying is _**CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED**_, I can't say it!

_Great going, really… Now I have to take drastic measures…_

AT LEAST YOU HAVE A FAVORITE SAYING YOU'RE ALLOWED TO SAY! THEY DON'T STOP YOU FROM SAYING 'OBLIVIATE'!

**Who would you never aim an arrow at?**

MOLLY.

_MOLLY._

She's our little sister.

_And she BETTER never fall in love._

Not with some stupid guy, anyway.

_Arthur doesn't really count, though._

It's not like that wuss is going to make her pregnant.

_Hah! Wouldn't it be funny if they had seven kids together?_

Yeah right!

_Yeah… you'd need one STRONG arrow for that…_

Well… if mum and dad ever get desperate for grandchildren…

_It's not like WE'RE going to reproduce ourselves…_

But we're only using the super-strong arrow after she's married.

_Agreed._

**How romantic do you think you are?**

_Romantic?_

Hell no!

_We only do the arrow thing for fun!_

Great pranks, they are, great pranks…

**Would you rather fall in love, or die?**

DIE?

_LOVE?_

I can't die! I'm too young!

_Same for me, and I can't fall in love! It's not meant to be!_

Yeah! Ditto?

_Ditto?_

Funny muggle word.

_Oh yeah… that explains EVERYTHING. Not._

Thanks…

_Back to the original question… I think I can sacrifice something…_

What a great brother I have…

_Fabian's already in love (with McGonagall). So there, I don't have to die or fall in love._

WHAT?

…_haha…_

I ALREADY TOLD YOU, I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH MCGONAGALL!

_That's what you think…_

AND MY NAME IS EROS!

**What if your parents decided to get a divorce?**

Easy.

_Take an arrow, shoot both in the derriere, and hope the first person they see isn't a Malfoy._

That's about it… THANKS FOR STEALING MY LINE!

_No problem…_

…meh…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Usually we're getting a pair of idiots together.

_Yeah, this morning it was the voice of doom with twelve o's and Remus Lupin._

It was kind of weird… as the voice of doom was like four.

_I preferred getting together James Potter and Lily Evans yesterday._

That was pretty cool. I had to shoot James Potter while he was playing Quidditch, which is really hard…

_And he fell in love with his BROOM of all things at first…_

Are you saying I have bad aim?

_No, just bad timing._

**What is your dream job?**

I always thought it'd be cool to be an archer in some medieval army.

_And you sneak in Amortentia poisoned bows, and make some of the soldiers fall in love with each other, right?_

How did you KNOW THAT! Are you some sort of mind reader?

_No._

I don't believe you.

_That's not a first._

Well, er, meh!

_Nice. Anyway, I think it'd be wicked if I were like a marriage counselor, and I just shoot them with an arrow, and my work is done!_

THAT'S CHEATING!

_And what you would do isn't?_

What I would do is funny! 

_That makes SUCH difference…_

**Have you ever eaten a slug?**

Okay… you know how they say Paris is the city of love?

_You went there to see how well they compare to you, huh?_

Yeah… and I ate escargot!

_You know what that is, right?_

A slug!

_It's a snail._

I've always wanted to eat a slug!

_It's a fricking snail!_

A SNAIL? EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

_Wow…_

**Transfiguration or Potions?**

_Potions. Slughorn is such a pushover! I could probably make him order us pizza from a muggle restaurant if I wanted to!_

Transfiguration…

_Why?_

I like staring at Professor McGonagall- I mean, I don't! Yeah! I don't!

_You like Minnie WAY too much…_

No I don't!

_You know what? I'm going to have to use my arrows…_

NOOOOOOOO!

-&-

AN: Weird, I know… Well, remember, you can write me a chapter for any ORDER member. No ministry people or amything…Review!


	84. Benjy Fenwick

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Benjy Fenwick. And it's 1975, right? Even though all the calendars say it's 1999? Cause that means I'm twenty.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a bro.

**Where are you?**

A disco club, where I just tore up the dance floor with my rad skills! Where else?

**What are your likes?**

My hair. Best afro in town, man.

**What are your dislikes?**

Idiots who say they can compete with MY hair. Fools!

**What are you thinking about now?**

Disco fever! Must…go….disco….

**What's your favorite saying?**

I walk the walk, and talk the talk. Can you compete wit dat, fool?

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

John Travolta…. One day, I WILL beat him in a dance-off, like in my dreams….

**How cool do you think you are?**

Man, cool was CREATED to describe ME.

**Would you rather eat paper or worms?**

I've eaten worms before. I was getting all my moves down, and to perfect the worm, so I did a bit of background research… and ate a worm…

**What if you lost?**

LOST? I NEVER LOSE! Well… other than to John Travolta.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Beat my dog in a dance-off. How else do I practice my smooth moves?

**What was your dream job as a child?**

An accountant…. Don't ask, I was seriously whacked as a kid…

**Have you ever quacked?**

No… but if there's ever a barn-yard dance-off, watch out for me, the bad-arse, dancing, winning, and quacking ati-fool!

**Book or magazine?**

I don't need to read! Not with my dancing skills! Fool!

-&-

AN: Sorry, I know it's bad…. But you can help the badness level by writing me a chapter, for any order member! Oh, and seeing as spring break for me started, like, an hour ago, I'll warn you, I'm not updating after Saturday. It's Easter, and then, I'm going to be enjoying my break in peace…and won't be able to update… review!


	85. Arabella Figg

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane. Low and behold, I was going through, editing, and I found that this chapter wasn't in correct format. Then I remembered that someone in the office had told me that Arabella Figg was a diva, and I had to personally customize her questionnaire. But… I misheard, the person really said Barty Crouch Jr. was the diva…. Ah well…_

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is you full name and age?**

My…. my…. my name is – I think Ara… Ara… Arabella Figg. Yes that's it Arabella Figg. I am… I am… I don't know?

**Describe yourself.**

Describe? What does describe mean? I forgot.

**Where are you right now?**

I… I… I'm at my house. Yes, that's right. Now what's that boy's name who is going to spend the afternoon with me?

**What are your likes?**

Cats particularly tabbies and that sweet little boy who lives across the way. Oh, what is his name?

**What are your dislikes?**

Dislikes? What is a dislikes? Is that when you like your dish?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

What time is it? That sweet little boy should be here soon… I think. Now what happened to my glasses?

**Do you know why you are forgetting things?**

I'm… I'm… I'm… I don't know. But right now, I am trying to remember the name of the little boy who is coming over.

**What does the little boy look like?**

Well he's thin with black unruly hair. He has emerald green eyes and a lightning bolt scar on his forehead if memory serves.

**Could the boy's name be Harry? Harry Potter?**

Yes, yes. I do believe that is his name. Thank you. Now where are my glasses?

**Could your glasses be on the other side of you bed toward the foot?**

There they are. You are quite smart for a piece of paper that keeps on writing to me.

**Thank you.**

Your welcome.

**What are you planning on doing with Harry?…Arabella Figg are you there?…Tabbies or Harry?…**

_This is Romilda speaking. Arabella Figg has now forgotten the questionnaire and is now playing with young Mr. Potter. That is all._

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Great chapter, written by hpswst101! Thanks! (sorry if you're offended by my addition at the top; I really loved your chapter, though it wasn't exactly the right format). Thanks again, and to the rest of you, er, I can't exactly say review, as I didn't write this chapter, and that wouldn't seem right…. So, er, bye!


	86. Sturgis Podmore

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views. Nothing new.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Sturgis Podmore. And I was in the same year as the marauders. Do the math yourself. I always hated arithmancy…

**Describe yourself.**

I am a big Harry Potter fan! (Not the person, you dolt, the books!)

**Where are you right now?**

At my computer… such an ingenious muggle invention…

**What are your likes?**

Fanfiction! I've been writing it for, like, forever! I consider myself a VERY good writer.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those writers who don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'. 'Your' is the possessive tense of 'you'. Like 'go get your jacket'. 'You're' is a contraction of 'you' and 'are'. Like 'you're stupid'. Get it straight!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, a lot of times, I'll put Harry Potter characters into my real-life situations, and get stories out of it. Right now, I'm considering what it'd be like to have a story where I'm interviewing each character through a questionnaire….

_This is Romilda Vane. Sorry I'm interrupting the questionnaire, but I had to say that I slapped Podmore over the head several times for thinking about stealing MY idea. And I'll do that to anyone else stealing MY story. That's all, enjoy the rest of the story. And don't be surprised it doesn't finish because Podmore faints._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What's your favorite saying?**

'I'm NOT telling you my name.' This works both ways. See, if I tell you now what my fanfiction penname is, you'll stalk me, because you so love my work. And if as a fanfiction author I tell you my name, you'll stalk me for the same reason. See? I can never give out my name.

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Well, I mostly read marauder fics. And so, I dream a lot about them. And most of my stories are inspired by those dreams… 

**How creative do you think you are?**

Okay, remember that fic where I put the marauders in an American muggle school? Well, that was very creative. See, it was based off a dream where I was playing (American) football with a potato that was cut in half and shaped like a football. And then we looked at a classroom nearby, that was in a glass box, and it was empty, so that HAD to mean that a cannibal had eaten them, so we all became detectives tracking this cannibal, in a muggle middle school… very creative, huh?

**Would you rather read a non-Harry Potter book, or never read a book again?**

Er… that's hard… but I'll go with the second option. If I read another non-Harry Potter book, I'll just miss the characters… and who says that fanfiction counts as a book?

**What if the Harry Potter series had never been written?**

DON'T SAY IT! YOU'LL MAKE ME MELT, LIKE THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Write a fanfic. What else?

**What is your biggest dream?**

I don't know about dream, but, I kind of want to write a 'how-to' fic right now. On how to write a marauders fic with a Mary-Sue.

"The Mary-Sue must fall in love with one of the marauders. Let's look at all of the options. Peter is either not perfect enough for the perfect Mary-Sue, or is never there, because the author hates the little betraying rat that is Peter. So, just don't do Peter.

Next is Remus. If the Mary-Sue is smart and sensitive, this is a good option. She'll have to get Remus over his fear that people won't like him because of his lycanthropy… yada, yada, yada…

There's also Sirius. Usually the Mary-Sue tames Sirius. Or, she's just as promiscuous, and they snog, and do OTHER stuff a lot.

Finally, there's James. What I would do, is have the Mary-Sue _**CENSORED**_-slap Lily A LOT, for stealing her man. But, this is a copyrighted idea. Though, you CAN use it, if you name the Mary-Sue 'Sturgis Podmore'. I missed my chance on getting James… Stinks, doesn't it?"

If Lily hadn't been killed by Voldemort… I would have done the same myself… I hate Harry Potter, for being James' son with LILY… Snape and I are good friends because of that…

**Have you ever picked someone else's nose?**

Well… once, during one of Lily and James' dates, I used a disillusion charm, to disguise myself, and picked Lily's nose, to make her seem unattractive. Then James started yelling at Sirius (who wasn't there) to 'get out from underneath the invisibility cloak and stop picking Lily's nose'. And I got hit (and kicked) a pretty good amount.

**Albus Potter or James Potter (Jr.)**

Neither! And even though I hate Harry Potter, I can't stand either! There both rip-offs! Albus looks exactly like his father, and James like his grandfather! Rip-offs!

-&-

AN: Er… hat dream with the potato and the cannibal… that was my dream… and the whole 'your' 'you're' thing, yeah… I get annoyed by that (but then again, I was brought up in a household of grammar freaks, so, er, yeah…) Review!


	87. Emmeline Vance

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Emmeline Vance. And I'm immortal, what do YOU think my age is?

**Describe yourself.**

I'm the Easter bunny!

**Where are you right now?**

Easter is in three days, where do you think? That's right, not 'preparing' the chocolate eggs, or whatever… Puking in the toilet so I can fit into my bunny suit… funny thing is, though, the bunny-suit makes me look FAT.

**What are your likes?**

Pranking people! Like Sirius Black… he dumped me once (yes, I actually have a social life), and so as a payback…. Well, let's just say that his chocolate Easter bunny wasn't really chocolate…

**What are your dislikes?**

The tooth fairy… he's always trying to steal my spotlight… EVERYONE knows that candy is better than a quarter. WOW. A quarter. I can do SO MUCH with that.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Damned tooth fairy… And fricking Santa agrees with me! Though, then again, I'm not surprised Dumby agreed with one of his Order fellows rather than a Death Eater…

**What is your favorite saying?**

'Have a hip-hip-hoppity happy Easter!' or '_**CENSORED**_ you, Black!'

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

The energizer bunny. Yet ANOTHER person, er, creature that I have to fight with for the spotlight. I offer freaking CANDY! What does he offer? Oh, yeah… batteries… yay… stupid muggle things… I mean, what can THEY be used for?

**How patient do you think you are?**

Okay, the only reason I put up with being the Easter bunny, and dealing with all those bratty little kids, is because I can spend the other three hundred and sixty four days of the year in a posh resort in the Caribbean. What does that tell you?

**Would you rather go to Paris or be Easter bunny every day of the year?**

Hmm… hard choice… I really don't want to be Easter bunny every day of the week, but France has the brattiest kids ever! Eurgh!

**What if there was no Easter?**

My response would depend on one thing; would I still get to spend the rest of the year in a posh resort in the Caribbean?

**What is the last thing you do in the course of the day?**

Kick any kids who are hanging on me eagerly, cause they're on a sugar high and really want more candy, off of me, and out of the window. 

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

I DENY EVER BEING A CHILD! I NEVER WAS A BRATTISH, BOOGER-FACED SWOT!

**Have you ever thrown a knife at a watermelon?**

Oh! That's SO much fun! It's great practice for what I plan on doing to Sirius Black someday…

**Kids or teens?**

As much as angsty, and stupid, and as many of the world's teenagers have sold their souls to the devil… I have to say teens… I'm not very good with kids…

-&-

AN: Turns out, this is the last update before I start, er, enjoying spring break. HAPPY EASTER!


	88. Edgar Bones

Disclaimer I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I'M BACK, EVERYBODY! (Now you say, 'Hello, Dr. books4evah')

**What is your name and age?**

Edgar Bones. And I don't know my age, because it's kind of hard to keep track of the date when you're hiding from Order Members and Death Eaters, because you are supposed to be dead and are really not so if the Order finds you they will ask all sorts of weird questions but if the Death Eaters find you they will KILL YOU ANYWAY! AAH!

But I'm rambling. Sorry.

**Describe yourself.**

Dead. Supposedly. This is a private quiz, right? No details given out, yadda yadda yadda? PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S TRUE! YOU'RE NOT IN THE ORDER, ARE YOU? OR A DEATH EATER?

Oh yeah. Did I mention I suffer from paranoia? Not that it's been diagnosed or anything, due to me being in a cave next to Hogsmeade and all...WAIT! YOU DIDN'T READ THAT!

**Where are you right now?**

See previous answer! And then forget it! Obliviate! OBLIVIATE!

**What are your likes?**

I don't really like all that much. Except chicken, but I haven't eaten that for years. Actually, I haven't eaten much except rats for years...but you really didn't need to know that, did you? Did I also mention I have a disorder known as RBATMID? It is known as Rambling, Babbling And Too Much Information Disorder in professional circles. I was diagnosed with that before I came and hid in this ca I mean, cabin! Under the sea! In the Titanic! Far away from you!Right?

**What are your dislikes?**

Well, obviously I hate Death Eaters and Order members alike, lest either group should discover that I am alive! But in particular, I hate Sirius Black, Buckbeak, Hagrid and Grawp. Don't they know that hiding in someone else's ca cabin is simply not done? I had to skulk in the shadows for way too long! And Sturgis Podmore better not be reading this, because if he is, on account of his slightly creepy knowledge of the Harry Potter books, he'll realise where I am, and will come after me!

Must go even further into the shadows! Stay away! Stay away!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How you did not obey my command to stay away, and I'm now wondering if it's too late to add you to my list of dislikes, you pestering piece of parchment. But more than that, I'm thinking of possible hiding places and new ways to disguise myself from anybody who might recognise me...

But wait! They think I'm dead! So they won't be looking for me...or will they? ARE THEY ON TO ME? Further into the shadows!

**What is your favourite saying?**

Well, before I got all paranoid, it was, "All's well that ends well." But then, when I went into hiding, I realised that's not true! Because this hiding thing will not end well if I am discovered! The Order will get all questioningy and that will make me nervous, so my hands will sweat, and the Death Eaters will KILL ME and then tell the Order what they did just to gloat!

Further into the shadows!

(I believe that is my most commonly used saying, but I am not sure if that is my favourite, as it generally means that potentially, somebody is ON TO ME, which is BAD! Further into the shadows!)

**Who is the most irritating person you have ever met?**

Well, you see, this could be what I believe is known as a tossup, but little contact with the world outside these ca- cabin walls has whittled my knowledge of common sayings to the size of a grain of rice!

But back to the tossup.

One contestant is Sirius Black, who irritated me because he STOLE MY HIDING PLACE and could disguise himself from the people he was hiding from by transforming into a dog which made me jealous, but he also had those phases which kind of worried me because I was afraid that when he took his extrainquisitive phase every so often he would find me!

The other contestant is YOU! Yes, you! You are asking me all these prying questions! You could find me!

Further into the shadows!

**How up-to-date on current events do you think you are?**

Not at all. The last time I got a newspaper was right after I went into hiding which told me that I was believed to be dead but that my remains had not been found, so the search was still ongoing! This kicked off my paranoia and so I transformed a branch into some mangled human remains so it mildly resembled me and RAN AWAY!

**Would you rather be discovered by people who were once your friends or people**

**who were once your enemies?**

AAH! Hobson's choice! If the Order discovers me they will want to know why I went into hiding, which is because I didn't think they could protect me and I didn't want to die! And when I tell them this, Santa, aka Dumbledore, will get all prissyfaced and say, "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen," and make me feel all guilty and paranoid and stuff! But if the Death Eaters discover me, I WILL DIE! How can you expect me to choose? Why are you so cruel?

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM ME?

**What if your hiding place was for sale?**

I have only heard of this kind of thing happening once, when I stole those books from that little girl's bedroom a few years ago called 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'. They were really depressing but kind of absorbing, and in the third one this cavey place went up for sale!

Oh no! That could happen to me! Hey, you're living on the outside? Is my ca- cabin up for sale? Please tell me! They're coming, aren't they? THEY'RE COMING!

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To be a good person. I don't think I've done that. I suppose I'm a coward.

And I never got to marry Lily Evans either.

WAIT! You didn't hear that! I loved my wife, you hear me? Not Lily Evans! She was married to James Potter, that thief! NO! WAIT! YOU DIDN'T HEAR THAT EITHER!

**Have you ever suffered from paranoia?**

You think I'm paranoid? You think just because I said I'm paranoid, I'm paranoid? What is this, Accuse People Of Being Paranoid Just Because They Said They Were Day? It was never diagnosed, OK? Don't you judge me! You don't know anything about me!

Or do you? Are you a spy? Who are you working for? Answer me! ANSWER ME!

No, don't! I'm going! You see me going? I'm going! Don't you follow me, spy! Don't make me demonstrate my ninja reflexes!

**Caves or cabins?**

_Edgar Bones was unable to answer this question, because as you may have realised, he has gone, and this enchanted parchment did not follow him, for as nonexistent as his ninja reflexes are likely to be, it is, after all, parchment, and it doesn't take ninja reflexes to rip parchment. _

_-Romilda Vane_

AN: Yes, I'm back. And thanks to GiddyGirlie for this awesome chapter! I was giggling so much while reading it! THANK YOU!


	89. Alice Prewett soon to be Longbottom

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I am such a horrible person… but here it is…

**What is your name and age?**

I'm Alice Prewitt (soon to be Longbottom, if you ask me), and I'm seventeen, as all of you should know, you ARE my wonderful fans, aren't you? Every single one of you is one of my loving, adoring, paying fans. Thank you so much… sob…

**Describe yourself.**

I am, of course, the wonderful actress who played Alice in the story 'Potions, Pins, and Players'. You all should know, as I know you love the story, AND me, most of all.

**Where are you right now?**

Well, I'm guessing that most of you already know where I am, being such wonderful fans, right? Anyway, I'm practicing for my next movie.

**What are your likes?**

Acting! I was completely brilliant in 'Potions, Pins, and Players'! Everyone said I was the perfect match for Alice!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those who hate me, just because they think I'm shallow. I'm not shallow, and I am a perfectly good actress! You people are just jealous!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

'Potions, Pins, and Players' was really fun to be in. As Alice, I got to be part of this really huge catfight with Lily Evans (who played Lily). We had so much fun!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Yes, I'm Alice Prewitt (soon to be Longbottom)! And I love all of you, all of my adoring fans!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Frank…. Frank Longbottom. You know him, right? He played Frank in 'Potions, Pins, and Players'. Admittedly, not as big of a part as mine, but, what more could you really ask for? I got to kiss him! And I've had a crush on him, since, like, first year!

**How dramatic do you think you are?**

Very! I was the best actor/actress in the whole movie! The only reason Lily (but don't be fooled, I really love her, we're best friends, along with Marlene, you see) got the part, and not me, was that she has red hair. My hair is brown.

**Would you rather get a Grammy or an Oscar?**

Those are both muggle things…. But, anyway, I do think I'll go into the music business, I have quite a beautiful singing voice, and my adoring fans agree. Then I'll probably get a Grammy. But, I think my performance in 'Potions, Pins, and Players' will earn me an Oscar, and quite frankly, my performance deserves it. So, I think I'd rather get the Oscar.

**What if there was no such thing as acting?**

That would be quite a pity. A total waste on my brilliant acting skills. But, I think I'd become an Auror. They have a pretty glitzy life. Aurors can bring in a lot of fame. And, I was BORN for fame.

**What is the first thing you do after lunch?**

I usually don't eat lunch. I mean, how else would I keep up the brilliant figure I have, the one that all of the executives want?

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

I wished for nothing more than to be a potions expert. Now, I realize that the best use of potions is in the title 'Potions, Pins, and Players.' You all really should see it. I was BRILLIANT!

**Have you ever been to Hollywood?**

Yes! And I'm there right now! Hollywood NEEDS people like me, good actresses! All they have is some Jamie Lynn Spears who can't act, and gets pregnant, ruining the entire series!

**Plays or movies?**

Quite honestly, I have to say plays. Not only is it close to the title of 'Potions, Pins, and Player' (play – players), but, it's quite wonderful having your adoring fans in the audience, cheering you on. Very thrilling. So, yes… BUT, I still will take any offers you hand my way to play Romilda Vane in the sixth movie, or another part in another movie.

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane. I just want to say that I had to __**CENSORED**__-slap Alice Prewitt (soon to be Longbottom, or whatever), for threatening to take my part. And take that as a warning. Only Romilda Vane can play Romilda Vane! Fo' sho!_

AN: I wouldn't mind playing Romilda Vane in the 6th movie… (ducks as Romilda stalks over angrily) Romilda and I are ONE. No, really, though, I'm so horrible, advertising my new story 'Potions, Pins, and Players' in the middle of my other story… so, yeah…. Well, anyway, if anyone wants to write a chapter, the Order members left include Hestia Jones, Marlene McKinnon, Aberforth Dumbledore, and Frank Longbottom, a.k.a. Hot Dog! (Sorry, you'd have to read 'Potions, Pin, and Players' to get that…. Subliminal messaging… so fun…) Review!


	90. Frank Longbottom

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this does not represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this does not represent my personal views.

AN: Okay, I know that Alice Longbottom's chapter was posted twice. That was an ACCIDENT! I'm trying my best to fix it, as it's getting pretty messed up right now.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Frank Longbottom and I'm seventeen

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a Gryffindor, and hopelessly in love with my best friend, Alice

Prewett.

**Where are you right now?**

In the common room, wondering why Alice doesn't love me.

**What are your likes?**

Alice

**What are your dislikes?**

That "Hot Dog" person… I mean, I'm the one who loves her!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

…Alice, and if she really loves this Hot Dog person…

**What's your favorite saying?**

"True Love Conquers All" Because, then, I get Alice!

**Who is the most irksome person you know?**

That'd be either Sirius or "Hot Dog"… but what if Sirius IS Hot Dog?

…NO!

**How nice do you think you are?**

Er… what? Nice enough, but I seriously want to hurt "Hot Dog"

**Would you rather date Marlene or Lily?**

Neither… I'd rather date Alice. I have to choose? Fine… Lily.

**What if Alice hated you?**

…She can't hate me! But if she did, I'd spend the rest of my life

alone…

**What do you do after all of your classes are done for the day?**

Think of ways to get Alice to go out with me.

**What do you wish for right now?**

To be dating Alice

**Have you ever kissed your best friend?**

I wish…

**Quidditch or Soccer?**

That was random, but I'd have to say Quidditch.

-&-

AN: Great chapter written for us by xSlytherclaWx! Thank you! Now, I know I posted Alice Longbottom's chapter twice. It was an accident, and I'm trying to fix it right now, actually (fanfiction's being really annoying…)


	91. Hestia Jones

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hestia Jones, and I'm as old as the Disney company! Yay! Cool, right?

**Describe yourself.**

I'm taking a survey. "Cause it's the start of something new, it feels so right to be here with you!"

**Where are you?"**

"Under the sea!"

**What are your likes?**

Disney! Their songs, in particular!

**What are your dislikes?**

"Thos poor, unfortunate souls, in pain, in need…"

**What are you thinking about right now?**

"A girl (boy) worth fighting for…"

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah, zip-a-dee-day… my, my, my… what a wonderful day…plenty of sunshine, headed my way!"

**Who's the most irksome person you have ever met?**

"Cruella DeVil, Cruella DeVil, if she doesn't scare you, then nobody will!"

**How cooperative do you think you are?**

"We're all in this together, and we know that we are, that we're all stars, and we see it!"

**Would you rather have a guest, or be one?**

Have one! "Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!"

**What if you were in Hawaii?**

Oooh! I speak Hawaiian! "HUMUHUMUNUKUNUKUAPUA'A!"

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

"Just the 'bear' necessities!"

**What is your biggest wish?**

"I wanna be like you! I wanna walk like you, talk like you!"

**Have you ever been in love?**

"I won't say I'm in love!"

**Poison or electric chair?**

"Les Poissons!"

-&-

AN: Er… yeah… all of those quotes are excerpts from Disney songs. Cause we all love Disney (or at least know it to some extent, I mean, not everyone knows like the All-American Rejects or whatever other songs I could use…). Right… You can still send in Marlene and Aberforth's chapters! review!


	92. Aberforth Dumbledore

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views. You get the hang of it, right?

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Aberforth Dumbledore. And I'm seventeen. Wait! Is this a test? I hope it's not a test! Eeep!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm in seventh year, I'm male, and my right hand is my wand hand. That's the stuff you want to know, right?

**Where are you?**

In the Great Hall. Or, do you want me to be somewhere else? So I don't cheat? WHERE? …breathe…breathe…that's right… you can take the test Aberforth… you can do it…

**What are your likes?**

Studying, so I don't fail any tests, or pop quizzes or anything! That IS the right answer, isn't it?

**What are your dislikes?**

TESTS! They make me a nervous wreck…. I_ WILL_ GET A GOOD GRADE ON THIS!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

What am I supposed to be thinking about? What's this test on? I don't know! Waaaaahhhh! TELL MEEEEEEEEEE!

**What's your favorite saying?**

… Is this a test?

**Who is your hero?**

Whoever helps me pass a test! … is that the right answer?

**How nervous do you think you are?**

NERVOUS? I'm not nervous! He-he…. I'M NOT NERVOUS! I _MUST _NOT FAIL! WAAAAAAHHH!

**Would you rather pass a test or take a test?**

Test? WHAT TEST? THEY NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT A TEST! Gasp! I MUST study! NOW! To the library!

After I finish THIS test, of course. Or is it a quiz?

Was that a good answer?

**What if there were no such things as tests?**

Wow… think of the free time I'd have…. The freedom….

But, what would I do?

**What is the first thing you do after classes?**

STUDY! I even dream about studying!

**What do you wish you were doing right now?**

Well, tests are very important. And this one must be. SO, I want to be here. But, after that, I'd want to be staring at Hestia Jones… she's so good at studying…. Rowrrr… that makes me-

Never mind! …. Are you going to take off for implied inappropriateness?

**Have you ever been skydiving?**

NEVER! It could damage my head, and I'd never be able to do well on tests AGAIN! THE HORROR!

**Pencil or pen?**

NOOOOO! I WILL _NEVER_ WRITE IN PEN! IT RUINS THE TEST-TAKING-NESS! MEHHH!

Do you think I'll get a good grade? PLEASE! I _MUST_ KNOW!

-&-

AN: Yeah… so, I was taking the MSAs today (Maryland State Assessments, these REALLY LONG standardized tests), and I thought this up. Review!


	93. Marlene McKinnon

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Marlene McKinnon. I am seventh year Gryffindor.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm obsessed with Sirius Black.

**Where are you?**

I'm in Sirius's suitcase!

**What are your likes?**

Sirius. His phases are so hot.

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that my house is so far away from Sirius Black.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Sirius Black

**What's your favorite saying?**

Bow down to Sirius Black!

**Who's the most bothersome person you have ever met?**

Remus Lupin! He wont let me stalk Sirius every night!

**How loveable do you think you are?**

I AM WORTHY OF SIRIUS BLACK! DOES THAT ANSWER YOUR FREAKIN' QUESTION!

**Would you rather date Remus Lupin, or James Potter?**

Neither. My heart belongs to Sirius and Sirius alone.

**What if you were and Sirius Black were the only surviving people on earth?**

I. Wish.

**What is the last thing you do before bed?**

Perform Vodoo rituals to make Sirius fall in love with me. Remus keeps glaring at me. He thinks it is somehow connectedd to his phases. If it is I hope he has a "I must marry Marlene McKinnon" phase.

**What do you wish for yourself in the future?**

Married to Sirius Black.

**Have you ever been in love?**

...Have you been paying attention to this survey?

**Stalker or kidnapper?**

Oh my god! Sirius Black stalking me? No! Sirius Black KIDDNAPPING me? E!

-&-

AN: This was Goldenfeather (_again?_ I know! If it weren't for the fact I wrote like the first eighty chapters, I'd say it was written by the both of us). Yes… The Dursleys are next! Squee!


	94. Vernon Dursley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I'm starting the Dursleys! Yay!

-&-

_Romilda Vane here! I know that I said that this was only for wizards, but_

_Vernon has had contact with wizards and he thinks that he is one, so, I_

_allowed him to be in the Questionnaire._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is your full name and age?**

Vernon Dursley, and I'm 140 years old, because I'm a wizard, yeah…

**Describe Yourself**

I'm a wizard and my magical skills are better than Albus Dumbledore!

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane, I just wanted to add that Vernon may or may not_

_be better than Dumbledore, as he has never actually seen him perform magic._

_-Romilda Vabe_

**Where are you?**

At Hogwarts! Actually, I'm at 4, Privet Dr. I know, it's a muggle area, but I'm on an undercover mission. And if any of you wanted to stop by, well I'd love to meet some more wizards and witches! Like me. I mean, all the magical folk could get together! Yeah!

**What are your likes?**

Wizardry and all magical stuff!

**What are your dislikes?**

People who call me a wannabewizard. I AM A WIZARD! FOR REAL! I AM NOT JUST OVERLY OBSSESSED WITH THE MAGICAL WORLD!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The best way to set that tree on fire.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Every little thing I do is magic! That is from a song! But I edited it slightly, after all, the song was written by a muggle, which I am NOT.

**Who is holding you back?**

The muggle community! And everyone else who says that I will never be a wizard! I WILL be a wizard! I mean, I AM! Yeah!

**How magical do you think you are?**

VERY. The words 'magical' and 'Vernon Dursley' are practically synonymous.

**Would you rather be a muggle or a squib?**

Get it through your head people! I AM A WIZARD!

**What would you do if Lord Voldemort attacked?**

Uh… I dunno… Attack…? With magic… (duh)

**What do you do when you are running late?**

Twist my TimeTurner. Duh!

**What is your biggest wish?**

To be a wizard! I mean…That everyone knew I was a wizard! That's it!

**Have you ever been protected unnecessarily?**

Yes. When I was sent with that Diggle fool who thought that I needed protection. Psh. As if! I was the one protecting him!

**Floo or Apparate?**

Uhh… (Consults "Magical Phrases for Dummies") Apparate. It's faster.

-&-

AN: Thanks goes to IheartHP95! Love your chapter! Right, anyone want to do Petunia, Dudley, and Marge?


	95. Dudley Dursley

Disclaimer: Guess what

Disclaimer: Guess what? Nothing changed! This doesn't represent my personal views, and I own nothing.

AN: I'm being a horrible person, updating instead of working on my science project…. But, then again, I still need more human guinea pigs… hehe…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Dudley Dursley! I'm seven!

**Describe yourself.**

A be-yoo-ta-full feather duster. Yeah!

**Where are you?**

You can find me in the Disney version of 'the Beauty and the Beast'. I star as the feather duster. Now, don't start stalking me!

**What are your likes?**

Dusting. With my feathers.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who use the swiffer, non-feather, dusters! I mean, can't they see that I'M better?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Er… the makers of me didn't leave enough room for that…

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Oh feather duster, oh feather duster, how beautiful are your feathers! Lalalalalalalalal!"

Isn't it GREAT? It's a song honoring ME!

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

The vacuum cleaner…

**How thick do you think you are?**

Well… I AM made out of wood…. And feathers…

**Would you rather have plastic feathers or synthetic feathers?**

What? They're both the same thing, in essence. Well, I have REAL feathers. Ones that come from a BIRD. Beat that!

**What if the world was covered in dust?**

You think I'm going to say that people would appreciate me more, right? Well, ha! I'm not going to say that! It's not true! They ALREADY love me that much! And much, much, much more!

**What is the first thing you do in the mornings?**

Polish my handle and plump my feathers.

**What is your wish for the world?**

That they would realize that I'm the superior being. Humans? Superior? Psh… Yeah right!

**Have you ever been to a salt mine?**

That was random… but, no. I have more important things to do then look at salt. Like dust stuff!

**Mahogany or redwood?**

My handle is made of only the best! Meaning, mahogany, yes.

Wait. Is that the end? It's over? What, are you saying you don't want any more to do with me! WHAT? _EVERYONE _LOVES ME!

-&-

AN: Er… yeah. So, anyone want to do Marge? (hpswst101 called Petunia). Just send her chapter in! And let's celebrate over a hundred chapters of questionnaires! Woohoo! Er… yeah,.. review!


	96. Marge Dursley

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Marge Dursley. You don' ask a cowgirl her age varmint!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a cowgirl Varmint! There ain't nothin' you or your stupid survey can do about it.

**Where are you right now?**

I'm in the desert fightin' all them desperato varmints, varmint.

**What are your likes?**

Bein' a cow girl varmint

**What are your dislikes?**

Varmints like you yeh lil' varmint.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How many times I can possibly say varmint, varmint.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Yeeha! Time to round up some troublemakers varmint! (That's meh horse)

**Who is your idol?**

The director's of the old Western Movies I used to watch, varmint.

**How cowgirlish do you think you are?**

I am a cowgirl, varmint.

**Would you rather live in the ocean or the jungle?**

Yah can't be a cowgirl in either of those places varmint.

**If you were never allowed to be a (wannabee) cowgirl again, what would you do?**

I'd stay home en' watch my ol' Westerns, varmint.

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

Get ready for some cowgirlin' varmint.

**What color do you wish your horse was?**

Black. He's always been a black horse and he always will be.

**Have you ever been crazy?**

Me? Crazy? What is wrong with you ya lil' varmint! I am NOT crazy. The nice men who gave me this here designer strait jacket said I was a very special person. Would YOU say that to someone who was crazy?

**Boots or shoes?**

I like ma cowgirl boots varmint.

-&-

AN: This chapter was by my unofficial co-author, Goldenfeather. And it doesn't represent her personal views, okay?


	97. Petunia Dursley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name?**

Petunia Carnation Evans Dursley. But I wish I could be Evans again and change all that has happened.

**Describe your self.**

I'm tall and have a very long neck. My hair is blond yet I wish I had the red hair of my sister.

**Where are you right now?**

At the graveyard of my sister. Today is Halloween and every year since her death I have come and visited.

**What are your likes?**

Remembering my sister and on how she made me laugh and smile.

**What are your dislikes?**

My self for being so cruel to her when we were younger. Oh Lily! Why did you have to die?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How my sister was always kind to others even me. That I was never there for her to go and talk with.

**Do you miss your witch sister?**

Yes, even if she was witch, she was still my sister. MY sister! Great now I'm crying again.

**If you could what would you change?**

Calling Lily and everyone else freaks. Being cruel and mean, treating Harry like I had been doing.

**How many years have you been mistreating Harry?**

He's seventeen now so about sixteen years. I'm sorry Lily. I'm so sorry.

**Why are you now saying 'sorry'?**

Because… Because… He's my nephew and she was my little sister. I should have looked after her. I should have treated Harry like my own.

**Why don't you go to him now and say 'I'm sorry'?**

I just might do that. Just might.

**Lily or Harry?**

How can I choose? They are family. Oh, I hate crying.

-&-

AN: Great chapter by hpswst101! Yes, I know it's a bit (fine, a lot) more serious then my other chapters, but I'm sure you laughed enough at the other chapters I posted today. Anyway, I think Petunia deserves some justice. Nice job, hpswat101! Now, next are the Gryffindors. People like Oliver Wood, Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson, Colin Creevey (I will also be moving up Parvati, Lavender, Dean, and Seamus' chapters). Don't be afraid to write me a chapter! Review!


	98. Dean Thomas

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Dean Thomas, sixteen years old.

**Describe yourself.**

Currently in an awkward position with Parvati Patil, my crush.

**Where are you?**

In the common room, playing Twister (this muggle game I taught my friends) with Seamus, Parvati, and Lavender.

**What are your likes?**

Soccer, Quidditch, what every normal sixteen year old likes.

**What are your dislikes?**

Slytherins, Potions, etc.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How Seamus and Lavender got out the very first second we started playing. And they're now spinning, with the board not shown to me and Parvati, and we keep coincidentally ending up in the most awkward, sexual tension filled positions ever. Suspicious…

**What is your favorite saying?**

'Shoot for the moon, and you'll land among the stars' It's from Les Brown, this American guy who writes all of these speeches to inspire people. He had this big assembly near my town once when I was in third grade, and my whole school went on a field trip to see him. Whereas everyone else was sleeping, I listened, and it was so interesting! I sort of adopted that as a maxim when I came here, to urge me on in my studies.

**Who is the most aggravating person known to man (in your opinion)?**

Seamus, with that happy little grin, that smirk that so clearly says that he knows something I don't. Eurgh. I need to strangle something that greatly resembles him now.

**How hard-working do you think you are?**

Well, when I came here, I just stunk at magic (though, I suppose everyone other than Hermione did too. Especially Seamus, I had always thought his eyebrow would end up permanently partially singed off). But I wanted to do well, so I worked hard, and now, I still work hard (albeit not as hard), and I get all passing grades (mostly Es).

**Would you rather go to a muggle school, or be a squib?**

What's the difference? Though, I think I'd take the squib, because you'd still be part of the wizarding world. And I don't really like the sound of the high school I would have gone to. The eight graders would all spread rumors that high schoolers beat up all freshmen, and had sex on the bus, and more, and more. Though, that's kind of ironic, as that school is now the best school in Western England, as my little sister tells me (she's a sophomore now, which is tenth grade).

**What if your best friend went insane, and began to think that you were Celestina Warbeck?**

Seamus is already that insane.

**What do you eat for breakfast most of the time?**

Kippers, eggs, all that. It's much nicer than the plan cereal I had every morning before Hogwarts, and it tasted like sugared cardboard. Blech.

**What do you wish the world would be like in twenty years?**

A giant soccer pitch, with Quidditch goalposts on the end. Kidding! No, I want it to be peaceful, and no hatred, and a place where Seamus does not trick you into awkward positions with your crush, and you end up falling on them, and maybe kissing them. Which, I just ended up doing. I quite liked that kiss. Or even better, a world without Seamus!

**Have you ever lost a girl to someone famous?**

Yeah, I lost Ginny to Harry (Potter). I didn't mind though. Ginny and I were really only together to make our crushes jealous. Don't tell anyone this, we're supposed to keep up the act, so no one suspects anything. I wanted Parvati, she wanted Harry. We kissed and all, to make them jealous. We were also supposed to 'break up' whenever one of our crushes started falling for us. Yeah… Harry fell first, so I suppose I was a little upset, because it hadn't fully worked on Parvati yet. But we're still friends, no big deal.

**Broom closet or Astronomy tower?**

Broom closet. Astronomy tower is open, so people can see you snogging. I'd prefer that not happen. Besides, you get chilly drafts up there. And broom closets have the two of you much closer, and snugger. And speaking of broom closets, I think that's where Parvati's bringing me now.

-&-


	99. Parvati Patil

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Parvati Patil (and hopefully soon to be Thomas, sigh…). I'm sixteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Uh, a Gryffindor sixth year, and Indian.

**Where are you?**

On the floor, on top of the Twister mat where Dean Thomas just kissed me. SQUEAL!

**What are your likes?**

Well, I'm totally head over heels for Dean Thomas.

**What are your dislikes?**

Slytherins, and especially those get-ups the girls like Millicent and Parkinson are always in. One word: EW.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

First off, that after I finish this, I'm taking Dean away to snog him senseless. Yeah. And second, what is wrong with Lavender and Seamus? Seriously! They keep glancing at each other, and whenever they meet each other's eyes, they blush and look away. There are several things wrong with that. First off, Lavender isn't nervous about who she likes, she's outright. Maybe when she had a 'crush' on Ron, she was, but there's something you should know about that. Lavender (though she didn't exactly tell me; I found out) was really trying to convince herself she didn't like Seamus. So she decided she had a crush on Ron (he is the hottest guy in the year). She was just sort of embarrassed/ashamed that she was doing that. Well, it's all very complicated. Or insane, whichever way you look at it. And second off, SEAMUS DOESN'T BLUSH.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Mine? La notte bella. The beautiful night in Italian. It doesn't really mean much, but I just love the way it sounds, and rolls off your tongue.

**Who takes your breath away?**

Dean! What with that kiss, oh yeah….

**How pretty do you think you are?**

Hm… Well, I'm not like a veela, but I am fairly pretty. My twin Padma says I am. She's the smart one, though. I swear! It's like she thinks on a whole different level!

**Would you rather be the last human on Earth or eat a cow tongue?**

Wow. _Cow_ tongue. Cows are sacred beings, in India! Even though I wouldn't get to be with Dean, my friends, and I'd be very lonely, I can't eat the cow tongue! I'll take the firt option!

**What if all the cows in the world died?**

Well, there'd be no more milk. Which is quite sad, I really like my milk!

**What is the last thing you do during the course of the day?**

Er, well, I have to make sure Lavender is tucked in _tightly._ Otherwise, she starts sleepwalking, and usually leaves the dormitories, and comes back later, pounding loudly on the door. I do hate waking up early.

**What was your biggest wish as a little kid?**

To get a prince charming. That's what I thought all princesses needed. So I decided I had a crush on this guy in my class named David, and I only remember that because I knew the name was the same as my father's. Yeah, but, I have my prince charming now. Dean is the politest guy I know. He's so sweet!

**Have you ever decided people looked like animals?**

Yes. My old babysitter looked exactly like a turtle. I swear. It was uncanny. My theory is that all humans look like animals. Most look like bunnies, or rodents, but a few look like other animals. I also decide that people look like celebrities. You know the Hippogriffs? That old band from like the seventies? Well, if you look at the pictures, I like just realized that Seamus looks exactly like Timmy! OMG! I swear! It's true!

**London or Paris?**

Paris is full of idiotic snobs. Definitely London.

-&-

AN: Okay, those things I said about Indians and French; I DO NOT MEAN THAT LITERALLY. I AM NOT TRYING TO INSULT ANYONE. Those are really just American stereotypes. If you are insulted, I will come back and change something. I also have several notes on where I got some of the ideas:

-Yes, I take Italian. 'La notte bella' is correct Italian grammar for the beautiful night. I also know how to sing 'In the Jungle' in Italian.

-Lavender sleepwalking, that is based off of my sleepwalking. I have sleepwalked out of hotels in San Diego and Rome. And I don't wake up, apparently I just bang on the door until someone lets me back in.

-Parvati's biggest wish that was mine as a kid. No kidding. I wanted to be a princess, and my 'crush' was actually named David. That was like kindergarten.

-The theory on people looking like animals is also mine. IT'S SO TRUE! Just try it, I swear it'll work. And my geometry teacher looks exactly like a turtle. I swear.

**-**The idea that Seamus looks like Timmy from the Hippogriffs is also based off real life. My friend decided that my other friend's crush looks exactly like Aladdin. And he does! Now my other friend (the one with the crush) is like in love with Aladdin.

Yeah, now I'm done. Review!


	100. Lavender Brown

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Lavender Brown, sixteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Pretty, blonde Gryffindor. And that's about it…

**Where are you?**

In the common room, 'doing my homework'. Really, I'm just thinking about Seamus. He's dreamy… sigh…

**What are your likes?**

Seamus, and the Hippogriffs. After Parvati told me about how Seamus looks like Timmy from the Hippogriffs, I had to figure out who they were. And I looked through my mum's collection. The Hippogriffs are dreamy… Kind of like the muggle's Beatles (who my dad's older sister is in love with, my dad's a muggleborn). And I LOVE their music! OMG! It's brilliant! _We all live on a purple flying carpet, a purple flying carpet. We all live on a purple flying carpet, a purple flying carpet. _And don't even get me started on Larry in the Sea with Mermaids! And there are Bowtruckle's Trees forever, I Am the Kappa, and all sorts of other songs. I guess I'm a sucker for oldies…

**What are your dislikes?**

The Weird Sisters. I mean, they're good singers, and have a few good songs, like Corridor of Broken Wands, and Ministry Idiot. But, they're a bit too depressing for me. I have this theory that they've been a bit to close to some doxy stingers, if you catch my drift…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Seamus, and how much he looks like Timmy. It's adorable-no HOT! I mean, Seamus has this Irish/Scottish accent thing going on, with the short dark hair, and the, well, I won't get into it. I think you'd be dead by the time you would have reached the next question.

**What's your favorite saying?**

When life gives you lemons, squeeze it in someone's eyes. It's just funny, if you ask me.

**Who annoys you the most?**

Seamus. WHY WON'T HE ASK ME OUT ALREADY?

**How impatient do you think you are?**

I mean, seriously, I broke it off with Ron an hour ago, and he still hasn't asked me out! I'm beginning to feel as though he hates me. HE BETTER PROPOSE IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES, OR IT'S OVER!

**Would you rather be fat, or never marry?**

Well, if Seamus doesn't propose soon, I'll take the latter option.

**What if you were stuck in a broom closet with no food for a week?**

My love for Seamus will pull me through!

**What is your usual breakfast?**

Er, if Seamus isn't there, I eat waffles. If he is, I usually just end up staring/drooling at him. He's usually there.

**What is your second biggest wish?**

To marry and get together with Seamus. The first wish is to get a magical pony and fly all over the world, eating all the innocent dishes of lasagna, the meal I so love, and burning all the dictionaries, which mock my existence! I WILL BURN YOU ALL! YOU CAN'T GET ME, DICTIONARIES!

**Have you ever fallen in love with some one who's dead?**

Yeah, Timmy. He just reminded me so much of Seamus, I just…. Well, you get the point. He should be alive, but he died before I was born from an overdosage of doxy stingers.

**Tissue or tissue paper?**

Tissues. I can make tiaras out of them! Though, the tiaras usually break, sigh…

-&-

AN: Please tell me if you think I have too many insane characters, it's just that they make for a more interesting questionnaire. In this chapter, a lot of things correspond.

The Hippogriffs The Beatles

Purple Flying Carpet Yellow Submarine

Larry in the Sea with Mermaids Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Bowtruckle's Trees Forever Strawberry Fields Forever

I am the Kappa I am the Walrus

The Weird Sisters Green Day

Corridor of Broken Wands Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Ministry Idiot American Idiot

Doxy stingers drugs

DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS! JUST DON'T, YOU'LL LOOK LIKE VOLDEMORT!

Review!


	101. Seamus Finnegan

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Seamus Finnegan, sixteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Total nervous wreck.

**Where are you?**

Pacing in the corner of the common room, wondering if I should ask out Lavender.

**What are your likes?**

Lavender, Quidditch.

**What are your dislikes?**

Er, Slytherins, and my fear of rejection.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Should I ask her out or not?

**What's your favorite saying?**

To be or not to be, that is the question.

**Who makes you feel queasy?**

Lavender, I never knew asking her out would make me feel this much like a nervous wreck!

**How idiotic do you think you are?**

Very, when it comes to girls, or at least Lavender, that is.

**Would you rather ask someone you like out (and be embarrassed) or die a horribly painful death, because you die alone?**

Ask the person out, I guess.

**What if the girl of your dreams rejected you?**

I would just move on, I suppose. If she doesn't like me, she's not worth my time.

**Do you usually get embarrassed?**

Well, I suppose I used to, with the whole eyebrow singing off thing, and asking Lavender out shouldn't be much worse, as no one's really around.

**Do you ever wish you hadn't done something that gets you embarrassed?**

No, I usually end up laughing at them later, on, and learning too, I suppose. You know what, I think I'll go and ask her now!

**Yes or no?**

SHE SAID YES! WOOHOO! OH YEAH! IN YOUR FACE! And thanks for the support.

-&-


	102. Katie Bell

-&-

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Katie Bell! I'm a fourth year at Hogwarts!

**Describe yourself.**

Feeling awesome because we just kicked the Slytherins' butts in Quidditch... and confused because Wood is giving be a weird look... maybe it's because I'm hugging him to death... yup, that's probably it but I can't help it! WE WON!

**Where are you right now?**

On the Quidditch pitch after e won when Harry caught the snitch "Go Harry! It's your birthday! Go Harry! It's your birthday." I should probably stop murdering Wood with hugs now... Meh, he's hot. It's not like I have another excuse!

**What are your likes?**

Quidditch, kicking the Slytherins' butts, Wood who I am hugging to death... how the heck am I writing this while hugging him?

**What are your dislikes?**

Not beating the Slytherins.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

We beat the Slytherins! We beat the Slytherins! WOO!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Winning isn't everything! It's the only thing you do when you're facing the Slytherins! WOO! Oh look, now Fred and Angelina are sharing a victory kiss... weird.

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Um... Okay don't tell anyone but Wood. Rigt after we win the quidditch cup he kisses me. Kind of like he just did. haha- WHAT?

**How crazy do you think you are?**

Please allow the not quite mental victory dance I am doing to answer for you.

**Would you rather destroy Slytherin in a quidditch final or kiss Oliver Wood?**

I don't have to answer you're stupid question because guess what! THEY BOTH HAPPENED! HA!

**What if you were on a quidditch team with a really hot guy and then won the finals?**

You are reading this right?

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

Go to Quidditch practice at 4 am with Wood. The last month of school is going to be very boring...

**What do you wish you could do in the future?**

Kick Slytherin's butt?

**Have you ever been a chaser for Gryffindor team?**

Yeah! And guess what! WE WON! WE WON! WOOD KISSED ME AND WE WON!

**Quaffle or Keeper?**

Keeper cuz' that's what wood is. WE WON! WE WON! WE WON! TO THE PARTY!

-&-

AN: Another chapter by my unofficial co-author, Goldenfeather (you could be an unofficial co-author, too, if you write me a chapter or two, hint hint). Er, yeah…. Go Gryffindors!


	103. Colin and Dennis Creevy

-&-

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Colin Creevey, and I'm fifteen.

_Waves_

And that's my brother Dennis. He's thirteen, and doesn't like to talk much, so he's writing down his actions. It's kind of stupid, if you ask me.

_Glares._

Sorry! Don't punch me, Dennis!

_Sits down_

Well, you may be asking why we're doing this questionnaire together. See… Vane, that evil conniving _**CENOSRED**_ of a Harry Potter fan, thinks that we're both so annoying, that we only equal one person, when together. Pffft. Yeah right. She should see herself in one of her Ron phases.

_Laughs._

Right…. Well, it's a good thing, anyway, cause I don't think Dennis would be getting anywhere much in a questionnaire by himself. So, eh, what the heck.

_Glares_

… why don't we move onto the next question?...

_Smirks and nods approvingly_

**Describe yourself.**

Presidents of the Harry Potter fan club, we are! Yes, we beat out Dobby!

_Laughs_

Harry Potter occupies most of our days (even if he isn't the best looking guy around)…

**Where are you right now?**

_Licks floor_

We're in the sixth year boys dormitories (actually, under his bed, so no one sees us). Where Harry Sleeps. And walks. And showers.

_Squeals_

**What are your likes?**

Oooh! Look! Harry!

_Swoons_

Oh. Dear. Merlin.

_Drools_

Well. I like Harry.

_Nods._

Yes. We're gay.

**What are your dislikes?**

Ginny.

_Nods, face darkening_

She's stolen our Harry!

_Dreamily thinks of ways to gorily kill and decapitate Ginny Weasley…_

You know, Dennis, sometimes I think you need therapy really badly.

_Frowns and punches the hypocrite under Harry's bed with him._

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well…. I am getting pretty horny…

_Looks disgusted at brother_

What? You are too!

_Looks sheepish_

Well, anyway, see, we spend most of our time observing-

_Disguises word 'stalker' as a cough_

-yes, OBSERVING, Harry, so most guys don't want to have anything to do with us… it stinks…

_Nods sadly…_

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Colin writes, Dennis fights.' See, Dennis and I are like one person (this DOES NOT give Vane license to actually think we're one person), and I'm the brains (get it? I write?)

_Smirks at brother's stupidity_

And Dennis is the physical one

_Pantomines the words 'in bed'_

Merlin… that's not something I needed to hear…

**Who is the most irksome person you've ever met?**

Vane.

_Nods._

She's SO annoying!

_Rolls eyes at brother_

What?

_Points to bed above _

Oh! I'm NOT saying that!

_Bends brother's arm backwards in a very painful way_

Ow! Fine! My first wet dream was about Vane! Happy now?

_Smirks at stupid brother_

Oh, shut up.

**How beautiful do you think you are?**

_Inidcates 'a lot' with hands, and looks vain_

Yeah, in bed! Hahahahahaha…

_Looks weirdly at brother_

That didn't work out right, did it?

_Shakes head, laughing at brother_

**Would you rather have Orlando Bloom or Brad Pitt?**

Orlando Bloom! Squee!

_Points at 'Brad Pitt'_

I like pretty boys!

_Begins pantomiming something inappropriate_

Merlin. I'll be dead before daybreak with you

**What if there was no such thing as Harry Potter?**

_Break what he's holding_

Thanks for breaking my arm!

_Glares before looking shocked again_

I guess I'd be the same thing… except less drastic

**What is the first thing you do each day?**

Kiss our picture of Harry Potter.

_Nods dreamily_

Oh, and check to make sure the guys didn't ruin our Harry Potter shrine overnight. It took us FOREVER to make!

**What is your wish for the future?**

_Gasps_

Sorry, he just forgot that he was planning on looking at houses today. Houses that he and Harry would live in together. And me too, someday!

_Glares at brother, holding fist threatening_

Fine! In my dreams! But I'm still dreaming!

**Have you ever participated in incest?**

EXCUSE ME? THAT'S SICK!

_Shakes head at the person who wrote the questionnaire_

JUST BECAUSE WE'RE DESPERATE DOESN'T MEAN WE'D DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!

_Scrapes tongue at thought_

**Incest or twincest?**

You have a sad, sad, sad, little mind.

_Nods._

Ooooh! Harry's undressing!

_Looks out from underneath the bed, and promptly fainted from joy_

-&-

AN: Sorry if you're having to scrape your tongues now…. Review!


	104. Angelina Johnson

AN: I know I didn't post anything yesterday

AN: I know I didn't post anything yesterday. I figure you could use a break for scraping your tongue, and a nice day when I'm not permanently scarring you. And I was really busy.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Angelina Johnson. I'm seventeen. Though, I wouldn't be surprised if you used that information to kill me.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm dark-skinned, and a half-blooded. This is going to lead to some racial/blood prejudice, I bet…

**Where are you right now?**

I'm in Hogwarts. I'd be pessimistic about it, but we've already reached an all time low with Umbridge.

**What are your likes?**

I like Quidditch, but it will probably end up breaking all the bones in my body eventually…

**What are your dislikes?**

Slytherins… I bet they'll end up as our downfall…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The world's going to explode soon…. If what the muggles call global warming is true…. It most likely is…

**What is your favorite saying?**

'Don't catch your chickens before they hatch.' In fact, don't count them at all. You never now when a tsunami is going to come and kill them all…

**Who makes your bed?**

I do… you can never trust the house elves… one day, they'll probably end up listening to Hermione Granger and revolt…

**How paranoid do you think you are?**

I'm not paranoid… it's called pessimistic…. There's a difference… but then again, you might be too stupid to understand what I'm saying…

**Would you rather have your hopes crushed, or not?**

Which is why I'm pessimistic… if you're optimistic, and it doesn't happen, your hopes are crushed... if you're pessimistic, you either become happy, because you got what you wanted, or you're 'whatever' because you don't really care that you didn't get whatever it is.

**What if apes ran the world?**

I'd be lucky… at least we weren't commissioned to carve statues of oysters out of cheese… but I wouldn't be surprised if they made us do that…

**What is the first thing you do after lunch?**

Go to Divination. It's interesting listening to Trelawney… we have good conversations; she's just as pessimistic as I am… though she could secretly be an optimist in disguise, who's from a secret organization of optimists that want to take out all pessimists…

**What is your wish for the future?**

That's if I even made it to the future…

**Have you ever made balloon animals?**

No… knowing balloons they'll probably pop and make me go deaf…

**French bread or Swiss cheese?**

Neither…see, they knock me out with the French bread, and then kill me by making me inhale the toxic fumes of the cheese…

-&-

AN: Er, yeah… so, review!


	105. Oliver Wood

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I'm making a small exception, as I got two awesome chapters for Oliver Wood, so, yeah…

-&-

_Excuse me, this is Romilda Vane. I just want to say that I found that Oliver Wood is very bipolar. To introduce him to both sides of his bipolarness, I had him fill out two questionnaires, and I'm posting them both up._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is your name?**

My name is Oliver Birch Wood.

**Describe your self.**

I'm a Quidditch freak. Quidditch is the bomb.

**Where are you right now?**

I'm standing with the scout from the Puddlemere United team! He just asked me if I would like to be on the reserve team! YES! YES!

**What are your likes?**

QUIDDITCH! And beating those stinking Slytherins.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those stupid arrogant Slytherins! May they all die slow and painfully.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

That I'm going to be on a professional team! WOOT! WOOT! Hah I told those twin beaters.

**Are you excited on being part of a professional team?**

Should that even be a question? Of course I'm excited! Who wouldn't be?! I'm going to be in the big leagues. Professional. I can see it now. The specters just cheering my name "WOOD! WOOD!" I can't wait!

**Are you going to have the team wake up at three in the morning to get to**

**practice?**

I wish I could but I'm not in charge of that. Yet. I can't wait.

**Manager or Player?**

Player. They get more fame. I still can't understand why Harry doesn't like being famous. It's awesome.

_And….._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is your full name and age?**

Oliver Wood. I'm a seventh year

**Describe yourself.**

Captain of Gryffindor's winning Quidditch team!

**Where are you right now?**

I'm at the celebration party because not only did we beat the Slytherins but- Are you ready? You're sure? I KISSED KATIE BELL! ISN'T THAT AMAZING!

**What are your likes?**

Beating Slytherin, Bell, Beating Slytherin, Quidditch and beating Slytherin.

**What are your dislikes?**

Not beating the Slytherins.

_At this point I had to bang Wood's head against the wall for being exactly_

_like his girlfriend. Honestly, people._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Fred and George should throw parties more often. I get to relax.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I KISSED KATIE BELL! Eheh... yeah...

**Who is the most amazing Quidditch player you have ever met?**

Harry Potter. He caught the snitch. We won. I kissed Katie. SEE!

**How mental do you think you are?**

I kissed Katie Bell! OH MY MERLIN! DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD KISS A CRAZY PERSON?!

**Would you rather beat Slytherin or kiss Katie?**

You want me to CHOOSE?

**What if a giant pig fell from the sky and ate Draco Malfoy?**

The world would be a happy, Slytherin seeker free place.

**Last thing you do before class starts?**

Come up with some new Quidditch plays enabling me to beat the Slytherins. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**What is your biggest wish for the future?**

Katie coming to play on Puddlemere with me. How awesome would that be?

Have you ever won a Quidditch cup?

**Okay, either you can't read or you're just really stupid.**

**Snitch or Snake?**

SNITCH! NO SNAKEY SNAKEY! THEY. ARE. SLYTHERIN!! MUST DESTROY! Ahem, sorry...

I'm really hyper.

_This is Romilda Vane, here to say I will throttle you if you ever become anything like Wood. I swear, I'm going CRAZY! GET ME AWAY FROM THE GRYFFINDORS! AAAAARRGGHHH! HEEEEEEEEEEELLLPP!_

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: This one was a three-way effort! Hpswst101 wrote the first questionnaire, and Goldenfeather wrote the second one (I loved both of their chapters, and so had to include both!). And I edited it, and wrote Romilda Vane! (well, except for the note about Wood being like his girlfriend)…. YAY! Thank you to hpswst101 and Goldnefeather! (anyone else want to write a Gryffindor? There's Alicia Spinnet, Demelza Robins, Jimmy Peakes, Ritchie Coote, Cormac McLaggen, and a surprise guest, who you will remember if you read Reality Quidditch!) right….


	106. Jimmy Peake

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_I'm warning your right now. Jimmy Peakes has a horrible stutter after being tragically cursed during the last battle of Hogwarts. You may be having trouble not being irked and throwing him in a vat of acidic fruit juice that will rot his flesh from the inside out. Also, Goldenfeather would like me to remind you that this does not in anyway represent her personal views. She also recommends that I allow her to perform the aforementioned cause of death on anybody who attempts it on Jimmykins._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your full name and age?**

J-j-immy P-p-peakes... s-s-s-sevtenth y-y-year.

**Describe yourself.**

I h-h-have a hor-hor-horrible stutter

**Where are you right now?**

At the memor-morial for the b-b-b-battle of Hogwarts. Fr-fr-fred W-w-Weasley

d-died. It m-m-makes me s-so s-sad.

**What are your likes?**

Qui-qui-quidditch

**What are your dislikes?**

St-st-st-stuttering

**What are you thinking about right now?**

-how s-s-tupid this c-cur-curse is. Hone-honestly! W-why would y-you invent some some-someth-thing to m-make people st-st-st-stutter.

**What's your favorite saying**?

A-act-actions sp-sp-speak lou-louder then w-words. Th-that means that p-people c-can s-still un-underst-stand m-me.

**Who is the most evil person you have ever met?**

bell-Bell-Bellatrix Lestrange. Sh-She c-c-cursed m-me bec-cause i w-would'nt l-listen to h-her f-fairy t-tales.

**How loquacious do you think you are?**

...H-have y-you b-been l-listening t-to m-me?

**Would you rather spend a hundred years in silence or never stutter again?**

ARE YOU MAD?! OH MY GOD! I'M CURED! Y-Y-YAY! Damn it.

**If you were trapped on a deserted and had only two people with you who would**

**they be?**

Leftie and R-Righ-Rightie my t-two s-sock fr-friends.

**Have you ever been completely incoherent?**

...

**Voice or Viper?**

VOICE YOU VIRTUALLY INCONTROLABLE, UNCOMPRHENDABLE, TOTALLY TARTAR BRAINED TYRANTS! Oh merlin! Did I just say that? I SAID THAT! WOW! I didn't stutter! I didn't stutter! I DIDN'T ST-STUTTER! ... WA-WAH!

-&-

AN: So… another chapter by the unofficial co-author (Goldenfeather, to you that haven't realized she's (or he's, I suppose…) written a lot of this story… well, sort of…)…. Alicia Spinnet, Demelza Robins, Cormac McLaggen, and a special surprise guest are still up! And for your FYI, Jimmy and Ritchie are the beaters that Harry chooses in the sixth book.


	107. Alicia Spinnet

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Sorry if it's crappy, but I just spent like and hour and a half on my U.S. History essay (which is five paragraphs and four pages long). I don't want to EVER have to think about American Expansion again.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Alicia Spinnet… and I'm in sixth year… you know, the year they teach you to conjure a fire? Hehe…

**Describe yourself.**

It's said that Angelina has a fiery spirit… well she isn't worthy of fire! I AM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**Where are you right now?**

Near the fireplace… watching the fire… isn't it beautiful?

**What are your likes?**

Fire!

**What are your dislikes?**

Water… it is the sworn enemy of fire…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Fire… what else?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Fire is good! Fire is cool! Fire helps you stay in school!

I composed that by myself!

Still haven't figured out how fire helps you stay in school…

**Who is your hero?**

Well… there was this French couple (forget their names, but, who cares? They're dead now). They were volcanologists, and spent their lives filming volcanoe eruptions, risking their lives in doing so. They died in a volcanoe, though…. I wish I could die like that! Fire would be the greatest way to die… EVER!

**How fire-obsessed do you think you are?**

Well… I have been called a pyromaniac before. Just once, or twice…. Or maybe by everyone I've ever met…. Funny how things like that slip my mind…

**Would you rather eat fire or touch it?**

Hm… hard choice… they both sound so tempting! But, I'd probably die if I ate fire… and then who would rightfully worship fire? WHO? WHO, I ASK!

**What if you were very forgetful?**

Already am. Suppose it has something to do with fire? Like the fact that I almost lost my eyesight due to too much staring at fire!

**What is the first thing you do after dinner?**

I like to read by the fireside. One of my favorite stories/books is a Greek myth about this guy (forget his name), who stole fire from the gods. I owe so much to him! Thank you guy whose name begins with a p, but I don't remember the rest! Thank you, so much! Sob…

**What do you wish your afterlife could be?**

I want to go to hell! It's full of fire! Hehe…

**Have you ever been fired?**

Ooh! I haven't, but it sounds fun! It has the word 'fire' in it! And fire is cool! So that means being fired is cool! I'll put that on my Christmas wish list! Thanks for the idea!

**Fire or the Bible?**

Fire is my bible! And if I EVER find you insulting my bible, I will slit your throat! Hehehehehehehehe…

-&-

AN: Demelza Robins, Ritchie Coote, and Cormac McLaggen are left (well, plus my surprise character!) Anyone want to write one of them? Just send in a chapter! Reivew!


	108. Ritchie Coote

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Yeah, so I had MSAs again, and I had all of this extra time, so I typed this up on my calculator (yes, my calculator can do that). It took me forever, since it was a whole different, smaller keyboard. And, it seemed much longer on the calculator!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Ritchie Coote, I'm eighteen.

**Describe yourself.**

I used to be a star Quidditch player.

Now I'm fat.

**Where are you right now?**

…raiding the fridge…

**What are your likes?**

Pie.

**What are your dislikes?**

Asparagus.

I swear, it's the devil…

**What are you thinking about, currently?**

Why am I writing this when I could be eating?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Friends are the bits of bacon in the salad bowl of life. It's true!

**Who scares you out of your wits?**

Paris Hilton. How could she be so skinny, when she's surrounded by great food, that she can actually afford, and in mass quantities?

**How fat do you think you are?**

Lets put it this way; I'm so fat, I blow 'yo mama' jokes out of the water.

**Would you rather eat slugs or croissants?**

French food? I don't usually eat French food… too fancy-schmancy, and how do you know it's not covered in icky stuff? But I guess croissants… they're more fatty.

**What if there was a pie on the counter?**

It's called stealing.

**What do you usually wear?**

Loose pants.

**What is your wish for humanity?**

That instead of global warming, we had global McDonald's day! Oh yeah! Sounds tasty…

**Have you ever not eaten for a week?**

Yeah… before I tried out for Quidditch (when Harry Potter was captain!), I wanted to slim down. So, I didn't eat for a week or two, I just lived off my own personal fat. It worked pretty well. I recommend it to anyone else who's tremendously overweight (I'm looking at you, Voldie-poo).

**Lasagna or spaghetti Bolognese?**

LASAGNA! That's what Garfields eats! And Garfield's my hero!

-&-

AN: To those of you who don't know, Garfield is a fat, orange cat who loves lasagna. And I'm not saying that all fat people are like Ritchie! That's just Ritchie! Review!


	109. Demelza Robins

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: So…. I was feeling really horrible at school today, so I got sent home. Joy. Now you guys should expect a quite a few chapters being posted today. Just today. I dunno… like four?

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Demelza Robins. I'm fifteen.

**Describe yourself.**

I have an immunity system.

I'm just not immune to most diseases.

**Where are you?**

The hospital wing. That's where I spend most of my time.

**What are your likes?**

Well, I like having a cold. I ALWAYS have something, and if it's just a cold, it's not like that's keeping me from going throughout my day as I normally would.

**What are your dislikes?**

Dragonpox. You're supposed to have it once, and it's done with. But, noooooooo… I've gotten it fourteen times already!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well… in the hospital wing, there isn't that much to do. So… usually I'm thinking about the most random things, or mindlessly counting spots on the ceiling. Right now, I'm doing the latter.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Stay away, you infested freak.' I usually have to take many cautions to make sure I'm not infected.

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

I love her, I really do, she's helpful and all, but HOW THE BLOODY HELL DOES POMFREY STAY HEALTHY? WARDS OF UNHEALTHY ONES SURROUND HER!

**How happy do you think you are?**

Happy? Ask me that when I'm not stuck in the hospital wing with spattergroit.

**Would you rather eat pie or prunes?**

Prunes are healthier. And Pomfrey has me on this constant healthy diet or whatever, since I'm so not immune. I haven't had pie in a very long time…

**What if there was a flea in the corner?**

RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S CARRYING SICKNESSES, I THINK! AAAARRRGHHH!

Wait, that was 'what if', right? So, there's no flea in the corner? Thank Merlin…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Usually I'm sick in bed, so my roommates play kneazle, parchment, wand, and the unfortunate loser must carry me up to the hospital wing, braving my vomit, blood, and nausea.

**What is your wish for the world?**

Okay, I know that they keep a small vial of the bubonic plague (black death) somewhere in like Florida, or the states. Well, I wish that they would destroy it, because if any evil genius came and tried to inject it into their enemy, no matter how hard they tried, I would somehow be the first person to catch it. That's just mean, okay? Keeping that horrible plague out there, just keeping me on the edge of my seat, hoping it never gets out.

**Have you ever had a nice day?**

I love those days when I have no infection or sickness at all. Those are nice. But, then I usually end up falling down the stairs and breaking my arm. Joy.

**Fever or cold?**

You know… I always wondered why a fever wasn't called a 'hot', and why when you had a cold, you weren't cold…. I'm still trying to analyze the minds of early doctors…. It's not like I have anything else to do…

-&-

AN: Yeah…. I have two more chapters to post, (both are already written), so, the Gryffindors are pretty much complete. Also, just wanted to say, that in the reviews I got for last chapter, almost every single one said 'I love Garfield'. It was pretty funny… Review!


	110. Cormac McLaggen

Disclaimer: I own nothing; this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing; this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane. I am here to say that Cormac McLaggen was seriously confounded, so he was not able to read or write. Therefore, I had to give his questionnaire orally. And I might have gotten a bit off track…. Hence the questionnaire is not in the right format._

_-Romilda Vane_

**RV (Romilda Vane): What is your name and how old are you?**

CM (Cormac McLaggen): Uh, Hermio- I mean Cormac Grang- Oh, McLaggen, and shifty glances I'm in, uh...I think...13, wait no..., 21.

**RV: Who is your secret crush you have been harboring since 1st year?**

CM: Uh...are you Hermione Granger?

**RV: NO! How dare you insult me?!**

CM: Ok...are you Ron Weasley? Or Harry Potter?

**RV: No, I am Romilda Vane, you idiot...**

CM: Uh...ok, you'll probably never guess...so it's whispers Hermione Granger.

**RV: Ok, so now we've cleared that up... Why do you like Hermione Granger?**

CM: She is sweet, smells like strawberries, kind, smart, beautiful, caring, loving...grins like a fool

**RV: What do you think about Ronald Bilius Weasley?**

CM: I HATE HIM! That little arrogant, lying, keeper-stealing, girl-stealing-oh, did you hear? They are getting married! And they invited me! I'm going to have to watch the love of my life get married to another man! No!

**RV: So you are attending the Weasley wedding? If so, will you take pictures of Ron for me? Oh, and maybe hurt Granger for me?**

CM: Uh...sorry, but I would never hurt her, I love her! Oh, and I'm killing Ronald, but I can take a picture of him before he is dead... (cracks knuckles menacingly)

RV: **What does your amortenia smell of?**

CM: Strawberries, pencils and...felt.

**RV: Would you rather kill Ronald Weasley or marry Hermione Granger?**

CM: Tough question...kill Ronald Weasley. What if we end up getting a divorce? That would be awful! Ah...but we would be Mclanger...which totally beats Brangelina.smiles like a fool

-&-

AN: This chapter was by Xx.siriusly.lily.xX. I just edited it. And how DARE McLaggen hate RON? Ron's so lovable! As you have probably guessed by now, Romilda Vane is just a flashier version of me… hehe…


	111. Leanne

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Leanne Susan MacDonald, I'm twenty-one.

**Describe yourself.**

Nah… I don't want to. I describe my family instead. Well, My father is John MacDonald. My mum left us after I was born, cause she was anti magic, and she found out what my family was. My dad's non-magical, but my aunt is also a witch. She's Mary (MacDonald) Wood. She's married to Evan Wood. And Oliver Wood is their son. Their family friend/Oliver's godmother is Celestina Warbeck, and the six of us are all very close.** Where are you right now?**

Um, the Quidditch Pitch, next to you.

**What are your likes?**

I like cheese, oysters, and llamas. I also like breeding llama eating oysters made of cheese. What about you?

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who tell me that oysters won't one day rule the world, eat llamas for every meal, and have likenesses of them carved in cheese. Psh… those people are ignorant idiots.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Don't know why I'm telling you. But, I'm mad that my best friend, Katie, is so obviously in love with Oliver Wood, and staring at his abs/arse right now, but not admitting she's madly in love with him. That's pretty much it, yeah.

**What's your favorite saying?**

OYSTERS WILL RULE THE WORLD, EAT LLAMAS FOR EVERY MEAL, AND CARVE THEIR LIKENESSES OUT OF CHEESE! FEAR THEM!

**Who do you currently miss?**

Thing #381 (one of my llama-eating oyster made out of cheese). He was suffering from anorexia, and then I used my bag (with him in it) to kill communists. He died, suddenly, and surprisingly.

**How smart do you think you are?**

Smarter than Oliver Wood. He obviously can't see that Katie likes him, or that he likes Katie. I mean, for crying out loud he's currently drooling at her! Oh no, that's blood. Right… cause Katie caught him staring at her arse, and slapped him. Hard.

**Would you rather spend or save a hundred galleons?**

Spend them. On a pair of voodoo dolls I can use to get Katie and Oliver to kiss. You know what? I kind of like that idea…. MUA-HA-HA-HA! I'M EVIL! EVIL, I SAY!

**What if there was a large spider in the room?**

Slip it down your pants. You're getting kind of annoying, asking all of these questions about my personal life. It's PERSONAL, get that?

**What do you usually wear to bed?**

They're called pajamas, is that a foreign concept to you? Huh? What, do you walk around starkers, or something?

**Do you ever wish you could swim well?**

Yes. I won a medal for it. I also proved scientifically that it's impossible for oysters to rule to world, eat llamas for every meal, and have their likenesses carved in cheese, won the Triwizard Tournament in my first year, became the minister of magic in second year, invented a broom that could fly to Jupiter, hunted down millions of vampires, beat out Gilderoy Lockhart in Witch Weekly's poll for wizard with best smile, and thousands more.

**Have you ever made balloon animals?**

Oooooh! Balloons!

**North Korea or South America?**

ARGH! COMMUNISTS! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA1 SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! ! SOUTH AMERICA! ! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA1 SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! SOUTH AMERICA! ! SOUTH AMERICA! ! SOUTH AMERICA!

Remember, kiddies, Communism is the devil.

-&-

AN: Yeah… so I just copy and pasted this from my story 'Reality Quidditch'. Leanne has this whole chapter in there about mainly her, and this was in it. You might need to read that story to get some of this. Merlin… this is almost as bad as what I did in Alice's chapter. Oh, and Leanne is the friend that Katie had, she was mentioned in the sixth book, when Katie was doing the whole floaty thingy with the necklace. Yeah…. Review!


	112. Draco Malfoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: This is my last chapter for the day. You guys are lucky. You come to your computers to find four chapters just waiting for you….

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Draco Malfoy. I'm sheventeen.

**Describe yourself.**

Sho cool. You know you lovesh me.

**Where are you?**

Shchool. Transhfiguration, to be precishe.

**What are your likes?**

Shakeshpeare, and Latin. Actually, I read Shakeshpeare in Latin.

**What are your dislikes?**

Ancient Runesh. No matter how hard shome people shay it ish, it'sh eashy. They're just shtupid.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Muggle shcience. I may be a pureblood maniac, but mugglesh do know what they're talking about when it comes to shcience. I particularly like the theory of Quantaland. It'sh fashcinating.

**What is your favorite saying?**

Shaying? I don't need a shaying. Shayings are for people who need motivation or inshpiration or shomething like that. I am already too brilliant to need inshpiration!

**Who is your inspiration?**

I already told you! I don't need inshpiration! Though… Einshtein is a big hero of mine… sho shmart….

**How smart do you think you are?**

Shmarter than you. Even if you're Einshtein. Shorry, but everyone pashesh their mentorsh shometime.

**Would you rather be in a hotdog eating contest or a pie eating contest?**

Neither. Eating conteshts are for thoshe who can't rely on their brainsh.

**What if the earth was about to blow up?**

Adiosh amigosh! The shmart people should be flying into space, to shave themselves. And I, am a very shmart pershon.

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Look myshelf in the mirror, and say 'You are the besht out there.' It motivatesh me to keep on beating everyone elshe in shmarts.

**What is your wish for the world?**

Wish? Psh…. I don't 'wish'. I do. Shmarts like mine shouldn't be washted on 'wishesh'.

**Have you ever been out-smarted?**

Psh… no. Well…. Except by Granger. But she'sh nowhere ash near ash cool ash me. She should be begging to compete with me.

**NaCl or H2O?**

Hm… table shalt or water? That'sh sho hard…. Not. You need water to live. Not shalt. Well, unlesh you're one of those impoverished people who can only make a living by mining shalt…. But, not me. I will never have to do that. Shee? I'm sho much better than everyone!

-&-

AN: I was going for a lisp there, just in case you didn't get why there was an 'h' behind every 's'. Okay, so now that I've done Malfoy, will you all get off my backs about not doing him? Anyway, I think Malfoy's smart, just not THAT smart. I did try and capture Malfoy's (the canon Malfoy, anyway) snotty persona. Reviews(h) are appreciated!


	113. Blaise Zabini

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I know that I haven't update in what seems like forever. Let's just say that it's hard to update when you're stuck in the hospital.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Blaise Zabini. And I've lived through so many bubbles! So many funerals, so little time…

**Describe yourself.**

The bubble man! At least, that's what my friends call me… well, they would if I had friends…

**Where are your right now?**

In the bath…. With all my bubbles….

**What are your likes?**

BUBBLES!

**What are your dislikes?**

Uh…. Things that pop bubbles… that's it, SHARP THINGS! GRRRRRRRR!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Bubbles… are cool! So much fun, in such a small package….

**What's your favorite saying?**

GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF MY BUBBLES! MINE! GGGRRRRRRRRRR!

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Mudbloods…muggles… or muggleborns, however you know them. See, apparently, they invented bubbles. But, they won't let me keep them to myself! And that just angers me….

**How bright do you think you are?**

Very! Another word for bright is bubbly! And I LOVE my bubbles!

**Would you rather eat gum or pie?**

There's a type of muggle gum called Bubbalicious….. I MUST try that some time….

**What if there was a pool in your backyard?**

Does it have bubbles? If it does, SWEET! If it doesn't…. putting bubble juice in a pool might be a fun prank…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Well, after my BUBBLY bath, I get out, leaving bubbles on my face to style. It looks very nice! Too bad it doesn't stick… not even to breakfast…

**What is your biggest wish?**

That instead of a lake on school grounds, we had a big ditch filled with bubbles…. That'd be the life….

**Have you ever been completely obsessed with a song?**

OOOH! THE BUBBLE SONG! Put your left foot in, put your left foot out, put your left foot in and you shake it all about –but you get more bubbles on it, and get so frustrated that you kick the bubbles, and bubbles squirt in your eyes, and you have to go to the doctor, until you can return to the bath tub! Then put you right foot in, put your right foot out-

I'll stop there, it gets pretty exhausting. And, it goes even further! The furthest I got last time was 'put your left cornea's top, third to the left molecule in'! Couldn't speak for a week afterwards… dunno why….

**Maul a squirrel or pet a chinchilla?**

Hm…. would the squirrel have bubbles around it's mouth? I love those squirrels….

-&-

AN: I feel sorry for those rabid squirrels being pet by Zabini… oh, yes, and the bubble song is sung to the tune of the polka song, or whatever it is (the one where you sing 'put your left foot in…. blah, blah, blah), just, when you reach the part about getting frustrated about the bubbles on your leg, you just hold that same note out for a VERY long time. Well, a few things I have to say; first, if you want my reason for not posting in a while, look at my note above (though I did post four chapters on Friday). Second, I'm doing Slytherin know. I already said someone could do Pansy, so you guys can just send in a chapter for any other Slytherin (don't even bother asking my permission, I just gave it). But, I think that Crabbe and Goyle should be done together, twin style, because I'm afraid they may end up being too much like each other (but feel free to give me an idea for them!). Thirdly, review!


	114. Marcus Flint

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Thanks for the concern over my being in the hospital. I'm touched….. sniff-sniff…. It was blood loss, I'd rather not get into how, though.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Marcus Flint. And I'm only sixty years younger than McGonagall! That's at lot closer in age to her than Dumbledore!

**Describe yourself.**

McGonagall's dream date. …I wish…

**Where are you?**

At the Society of the People Who Say Not 'Knee', But We Want To Love McGonagall, And Kill Dumbledore For Stealing McGonagall From Us. Or the PWSNKBWWTLMAKDFSMFU. Whew…. That's a mouthful…

**What are your likes?**

McGonagall. And the PWSNKBWWTLMAKDFSMFU. I'm the president.

**What are your dislikes?**

The PWSNKBWWTLFAKDFSFFU. Seriously, why would you love Flitwick when you can love McGonagall?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Suppose if I pulled a lock of McGonagall's hair out to smell and cherish for the rest of my life, the rest of her hair would fall out? Cause that would stink….

**What is your favorite saying?**

We're the PWSNKBWWTLMAKDFSMFU! We got style, we got class! Best of all we got a kicking arse!

**Who is the most irksome person you've ever met?**

Dumbledore. GET OFF MY MCGONAGALL!

**How athletic do you think you are?**

Very! McGonagall likes Quidditch, so I do too! I even have an ugly face because I got my face smashed in by a bludger to prove my love for her!

**Would you rather be stuck in a closet with Burbage or Flitwick?**

Burbage. She's an evil dictator. I might be able to strike up a deal with her getting her to make McGonagall fall madly in love with me.

**What if McGonagall declared she was gay?**

NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WAIT! I'LL TURN INTO A WOMAN TO PROVE MY LOVE FOR HER!

**What is your usual breakfast?**

Whatever I can grab on the way to my attempt to spike Mcgonagall's pumpkin juice with Amortentia.

**What is your biggest wish?**

That McGonagall hasn't taken a leaf from Moody's book…. Too bad I think she already has… sigh…

**Have you ever licked the floor?**

Only all the time! McGonagall has walked ALL OVER the floor in this school! I must cherish it!

**Crochet or sew?**

Sew….. with sewing, I can make samplers for McGonagall declaring my love for her….

-&-

AN: Yeah… so, anyone want to write me another Slytherin chapter? Just send it in, in the review! Reivew!


	115. Montague

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_I warn you, Montague. should be placed into an asylum. He seems very unstable and believes that he's... well... channeling the spirit of Sherlock Holmes. I wish you all luck trying to figure out how to stop this madness._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Montague... YOU DON'T ASK A DETECTIVE HIS AGE MAN!

**Describe yourself.**

An undercover detective. A PI if you may. This Trench Coat doesn't solve crime on it's own you know.

**Where are you right now?**

Investagating the crime scene of the murder of Mad-Eye Moody. I believe it was a well thought out plan. My current suspects are Harry potter, Voldemort, Australian Wombats of Doom and Hypno Barbie.

**What are your likes?**

Fighting crime.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who say I'm no Sherlock. Don't they realise that I'm Sherlock Holmes possessing the mind of an innocent school boy. THE EVIDENCE IS EVERYWHERE!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Why my dear Watson it is the thought that when you've eliminated all the possiblities the only thin left is the impossible. I have therefore been forced to conclude that Alastor Moody was murdered by an ostrich.

**What's your favorite saying?**

My dear Watson (insert rest here) or 'Elementary, Watson'.

**Who is the most evil and elusive person you shall ever know**?

Lord Voldemort! I know his unforgivable crimes! HE STOLE MY LAST SMARTIE! But I can never prove his crimes...

**How clever do you think you are?**

Very. I am a detective you know.

**Would you rather spend a hundred galleons or save them?**

Spend. On a new magnifying glass.

**If you were in a room with three suspects and two of them jumped up and admitted to the crime while one merely looked shocked who would you arrest?**

Why that's obvious! The criminal has basically pronounced their confession to the world! THE SHOCKED ONE!

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

I put on my trench coat.

**What do you wish you could do for the rest of your life?**

Solve crime.

**Have you ever been a crazed detective wannabee?**

Psh. As if. I AM SHERLOCK HOLMES I TELL YOU!

**Romilda Vane or Hermione Granger?**

Why. Hermione Granger of course! She once told me that with my height and hair that I was going to look HOTT in my straight jacket. I believe that's some sort of trench coat...

_Yes well. You will be please to know that Hypno Barbie was arrested by a REAL detective and that Sherlock here has been carted of to Loonsville. Also, NOBODY IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CHOOSE HERMIONE GRANGER OVER ME! Especially not my Won-Won…_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Yes, so this is another chapter by the unofficial co-author (Goldenfeather for those of you who haven't yet counted how many chapters of this she's written). I admittedly did change the person (it was originally Nott), but I've already done him, so….


	116. Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal vies

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal vies.

-&-

_This is Romilda Vane. I wanted to say that Crabbe and Goyle are such, major IDIOTS, that I think putting them together in a questionnaire means that maybe they'll make a brain. Scratch that. They'll make half a brain (a pea sized one, mind you) together (also counting the brains of the wand that wrote the questionnaire). I just don't want to force you to read something that will drain your brain cells (I'm not being selfless; I don't want to be sent to Azkaban)._

_-Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Crabbe.

_Gregory Goyle._

What's my first name?

_Dunno…._

And, what ees 'age'?

**Describe yourself.**

_Fat._

Sugar ees gud….

_Very gud…._

Very, very gud….

**Where are you right now?**

_Et ees room with bed._

Me like bed…

**What are your likes?**

Zeebas.

_Dey is fun to eet._

**What are your dislikes?**

Zeebas ees hard to eet.

_Dey run away._

Dat mak dem mean.

**What are you thinking about?**

Me brain ees hurting.

_Me no like dis 'questionnaire'._

**What is your favorite saying?**

'I must not look like the backside of a baboon'.

_Dat ees gud saying._

Me got et from Ron Wezley.

**Who has the most tragic story you know?**

Bob.

_You no hear Bob's story?_

Ees gud story.

_Sad, but gud._

Dis ees et.

_Dis ees Bob._

Bob says 'hi'.

_Clap for Bob!_

Oops… Bob ees ded.

**How smart do you think you are?**

Me smart.

_Et ees true..._

Me can use 'velcro'.

**Would you rather be named Olga or Nicolette?**

_Me dinks dose are girl names._

No, dey are guy names. Me be Olga.

_Oh. Den, me ees Nicolette._

**What if you were a pie?**

Me no like numbers.

_Me be apple._

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

_Me do what Draco do._

Eet zeebas.

**What is your dream job?**

Pi…

_What ees dis 'job'?_

**Have you ever known a Vincent?**

No…..

_Crabbe…. Me think you name ees Vincent…._

**Crabs or lobsters?**

Me name ees Crabbe!

_Oooohh…. Me think you famous…_

-&-

AN: Sorry if you can't read it, I based it off of the crocs in the comic 'Pearls Before Swine', which I recommend to anyone who actually reads comics. It's really funny! The 'Bob' thing is based off what a lot of American kids (I'm not sure who exactly does it, where), where they take their hands, and draw 'Bob' on it…. it's really weird, if you ask me…. Right, er… other than Pansy (who I already promised to someone), what other Slytherins are there? And anyone want to do them? Review!


	117. Avery

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_Hello! It's me here! Romilda Vane. I have a warning for you my good friends and that thing that we call Granger! Oh Merlin._

_-Romilda Vane_

(Loud noises that sound oddly like bludgers thwaking against somebody's head

are heard followed by the war cries of house-elves)

_Hey everybody! It's Hermione here. Romilda will be... absent for this chapter but I'm here instead. Just as a precautionary warning, Avery speaks in 3__rd__ person... frequently... actually I don't think he's ever done anything but... He thinks he's a narrator you see, telling his own life story. Well, good luck. Now I'm off to find Ron because I'm going to force him to come to the shrieking shack with me again! Toodles!_

_--Hermione J. Granger_

**What is your full name and age?**

Avery is the boy's name. No first name though. Avery only has a last name. He is a sixth year Slytherin.

**Describe yourself.**

Avery goes to Hogwarts with his fellow jr. Death Eaters

**Where are you right now?**

Avery is watching Draco receive his Dark Mark ceremony. Avery wants very much to laugh as Draco suffers but does not because that would be insensitivicalish.

_Erm... Yeah, just another warning. He tends to make up a lot of words. Loads actually. They can make the brains of some inferior people hurt such as Romilda. _

_--Hermione J. Granger_

**What are your likes?**

Avery enjoys narration, Quidditch, being a Death Eater and Teletubbies.

**What are your dislikes?**

Avery greatly despises people who try to get him to speak in 1st person. Can't they see that Avery is a narrator? They are so minthobogglogglinggonginswooshflooging.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Avery is thinking about how interesting it would be narrate Draco's story for the next few years...

**What's your favorite saying?**

Avery does not have a favorite saying because Avery is amazing like that. Can't you see how fabulous Avery is you flurgongofurblooberlupers?

**Who is most frequently in your dreams?**

Why how could Avery dream of anything other than Avery?

**How dramatic do you think you are?**

Why of course Avery is dramatic! He is after all, a narrator.

**Would you rather never narrate again or be the last person on earth?**

Why the 2nd option of course! Avery could narrate his tragic life story as he struggled to keep the human race from destruction eventually meeting some hot alien chic and repopulating the world! Oh _**CENSORED**_! Avery said that last part out loud didn't he?

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

Avery begins an introductory narrative for his first class.

**Third person or cruciatus curse?**

Avery would obviously choose 3rd person nitwit.

_I am... sorry to inform you that Romilda has been taken to the hospital as she can't seem to remember anything since she got to Hogwarts. You see she suffered a... misfortunate... accident involving house-elf memory charms (which are nearly impossible to undo) and bludgers and she just can't seem to remember that love potion she slipped Ron yesterday no matter how hard the doctors try (They believe that wizards added a charm over top for the last few days). Shame really. Apparently he proposed. Don't worry she'll be back next_

_chapter though... Unfortunately_

_--Hermione J. Granger_

-&-

AN: Poor Romilda…. Right, so another chapter by (surprise, surprise) Goldenfeather! She IS the unofficial co-author…


	118. Daphne Greengrass

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I am Daphne Greengrass. And I am the same age as Draco Malfoy ! SO WHY DIDN'T HE MARRY ME? WHY?

**Describe yourself.**

I'm Draco's sister-in-law. Not WIFE ! My stupid little sister got the lead role, as usual. She was always the family favorite...I need to go and cry now...

**Where are you?**

At my nephew's christening. My nephew, who is Draco's son. He should be my son too! Why did he choose Asteria over me? WHY?

**What are your likes?**

Draco Malfoy. The ferret look is so in. I just adore his hair...the way it's all pale and slimy, just like him! Grrrrr.

**What are your dislikes?**

My sister. She stole my Draco from me! She didn't even like him that much; she wanted to marry Goyle. Goyle. Now what does that tell you about how much she doesn't deserve Draco? And now she's had a stupid little baby boy. Well, pfft. Pfft!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I should have objected at Draco and Asteria's wedding. But then again, I was kind of stuck to my seat with Superglue and my mouth was taped together with Spellotape. So I cannot be blamed for my current state of depression. It's all my evil, evil mother's fault! How did she know what I was planning anyway? It's not like she could have seen my 'Operation Stop-Draco's-Wedding' plan that was stuck to the dining table or anything, is it? Tsk.

**What is your favorite saying?**

Free Draco! Free Draco! Free Draco From the Cruel Grasp of Asteria! FREE DRACO TODAY!

**Who is the most criminally-minded person you've ever met?**

Well, it's a tie. Between the evil sister and my sabotaging mother, it's hard to tell. I mean, Asteria stole my man, and my mother taped me to a bench! That's either abuse, or assault! Either way, it's evil. I think they should both be arrested and taken to Azkaban. Then I could live a life of sin with Draco. Aah...

**How insane do you think you are?**

Me, insane? Pfft. Please. How can I be insane, what with my great taste in men and all? Better than my sister's, anyway. Goyle! I ask you. Although I do wish my mother hadn't intervened with that. Then Draco could still have been MINE! MINE!

**Would you rather see your closest relatives sent to Azkaban, or go there yourself?**

Seeing as my sister and mother are both criminal geniuses who just live to sabotage my happiness, I think that is quite an easy decision.

**What if your sibling got divorced?**

YAY! HURRAH! PARTY! PARTAY!

Oh. That was a what if. But still. The same applies! Maybe Draco is actually coming to his senses...I must keep my eyes wide open.

**What is the last thing you do at night?**

I perform an ancient ritual that will one day result in my marrying Draco Malfoy. But you didn't hear that from me.

**What is your biggest wish?**

That Asteria would finally give into her love for Goyle and divorce MY rightful husband. One day...

**Have you ever cried with joy as your sister gave birth?**

I cried with deep, deep sadness. My 'Witch's Guide To Happiness' magazine says that a child helps strengthen a marriage.

Sob.

**Marriage or christening?**

Well...if I had to choose, I would have to say marriage. When Asteria and Draco got married, there was still hope for divorce. But now, even if they get divorced, my nephew Scorpius is a living reminder of their relationship! So, marriage. Yeah, marriage.

I need to go and kiss my brother-in-law in congratulations now. Well, y'know us girls. Any excuse!

-&-

AN: This chapter was actually not written by Goldenfeather. I know, I know, you all are gaping like fish because you're all blown over by the shock that Goldenfeather hasn't started to write every single chapter, and eventually take over the world. So… anyway, this chapter is brought to us by GiddyGirlie! Thank you!


	119. Millicent Bulstrode

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Millicent Bulstrode, and I'd tell you my age, but that'd get WAY too many jokes…. From ME! Hahaahahahahahahahaha!

**Describe yourself.**

The funniest thing since cream cheese. I bet you're all laughing right now…. Because of me…

**Where are you?**

Crossing the street. Good joke! Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was from an insane asylum! Hahahahhahaha! I crack myself up….

**What are your likes?**

Jokes, what else? Like one of my favorites is why is the sky blue? Cause I painted it!

I know, you're rolling on the floor laughing your arse off, aren't you?

**What are your dislikes?**

You! And that's a joke too!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Your mom's thinking right now! Call me funny…. But I never really saw the interest in those jokes…. They just never seem to work… I mean, like, I ended up saying 'Your mom is a nuclear geo-physicist!', and the guy just said 'yeah, that's what I just said', and so, I'm really confused right now!

**What's your favorite saying?**

In bed! You've got a favorite saying, in bed! See, how it works? Much better joke than 'your mom'…

**Who is the stupidest person you have ever met?**

Blondes… ever heard my jokes about them?

A blonde was walking to a store, and she dropped something, so she went and got something, and she fell! A-hahahahhahahahaha! I'm too good for my own good…..

**How funny do you think you are?**

I'm the funniest thing since Rwanda!

**Would you rather be stuck with three robbers, or a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette?**

Good jokes…. Good jokes….like the one with the three robbers, where one is like 'meow', the other is like 'cheddar cheese', and the third is like 'fire'! Or did I get them mixed up? And what happened to the fairy godmother? Or was it a genie in a lamp? ... hmm….

**What if you were playing cards with a cheetah?**

I wouldn't! Not with a cheatah!

…. Get it? CHEAT-ah?

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Slip on a pair of banana peels… a.k.a. slippers! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sometimes I worry if I'm to funny for my own good!

**What was your biggest wish a kid?**

To be a clown! I'm close enough now…. I'm better than any comedian's material!

**Have you ever licked your feet?**

Whatever it takes for laughs… but, I'm really funny! I only had to resort to that twice last week!

**Life or laughs?**

Laughs! Definitely! Listen to this joke, 'What's the square root of pi?' 'I don't know, but now I really need to have pie!' HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! I frigging cracking myself up…

-&-

AN: I couldn't think of anything else! Alright, I know I promised Pansy to someone, but would you mind hurrying up with sending it in? I'm running out of Slytherins! Review!


	120. Pansy Parkinson

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Pansy Parkinson. And you want to know my age? That is, like, the ultimate offese to women!

**Describe yourself.**

Black hair. And don't you DARE say it's the same shade as Vane's! That's completely offensive!

**Where are you?**

Are you a stalker? I take offense from stalkers!

**What are your likes?**

Draco Malfoy… Rawrrr…… I don't take offense from him…

**What are your dislikes?**

I dislike fast food! It offends my hourglass figure! (YES, I HAVE ONE! I TAKE OFFENSE FROM WHAT I THINK YOU'RE THINKING!)

**What are you thinking about right now?**

That person who said I make Umbridge look smart… I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!

I think…. Is Umbridge already smart?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Not so much as a saying, per say, as giggling madly…. And I bet you thought I was going to say 'I take offense to that' was my favorite saying, weren't you? …. I take offense to that…

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

McGonagall… it's like she was born to offend me…. Stupid Transfiguration, being so hard and stupid… Don't think I'm bad at it though! If you do, I take offense to that!

**How offensive do you think you are?**

HEY! _I'M _THE ONE STUCK TAKING OFFENSE TO STUFF! I TAKE OFFENSE TO THE FACT THAT YOU THINK I MAKE OTHER PEOPLE TAKE OFFENSE TO WHAT I SAID THAT WAS OFFENSIVE! CAUSE I DON'T! YOU'RE THINKING OF ROMILDA VANE!

_This is Romilda Vane. And I take offense to that!_

_-Romilda Vane_

Well, that's MY job! Stop taking offense! Only I can! I take offense because you think you can do it better than I can!

**Would you rather play offense or defense?**

I don't play Quidditch. Not everyone is a mindless zombie, like all Quidditch-players are. I take offense to you calling me a mindless zombie!

**What if you could speak a Cockney accent?**

HEY! I'M British! What do you have against the British! I take offense to that!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Who says I'm a morning person? I take offense!

**What is your second biggest wish?**

What, you think my biggest wish of marrying Draco Malfoy won't come true? I take offense!

**Have you ever been offended?**

I'm being offended right now, because you can't seem to realize you have offened me thirteen times by now! You are very, very, VERY offensive, you know that?

And I take offense because of it!

**Draco Malfoy or his identical twin brother?**

Oooooh…. He has an identical twin brother? I wouldn't mind either…. Actually, can I have both? The things I could do…. Rawrrrrr….. And, actually… I don't take offense to that! The apocalypse is here! You haven't offended me!

Except, I don't like the apocalypse. You brought on the apocalypse by not offending me. I take offense!

-&-

AN: I know I promised Pansy to someone (who I can't remember!), but I haven't gotten it, and I ran out of Slytherins, so I had to move on. Sorry! Next we will have the Ravenclaws, and then the Hufflepuffs. Review!


	121. Padma Patil

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Padma Patil. Seventh year Gryffindor just like my stupid, Gryffindor twin Parvati. I actually requested that I do this questionnaire without her because she's SO FRIGGIN' ANNOYING!

**Describe yourself.**

I am NOTHING like my sister. Yeah, I hate her.

**Where are you?**

At my house preparing to go to the Hogwarts express tomorrow with my SISTER. Ugh!

**What are your likes?**

I'M NOT JEALOUS OF MY SISTER IN ANYWAY! NOPE!

**What are your dislikes?**

Parvati. Urg!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

What the heck does Dean SEE in Parvati! Honestly, why not ME? Uh... You didn't read that.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Appearances can be deceiving, because me and Parvati may look identical but we are NOT identical on the inside, OK.

**Who is the most evil person you have ever met?**

My sister.

**How jealous do you think you are?**

I AM NOT JEALOUS OF MY SISTER DATING DEAN THOMAS!

_This is Romilda Vane. Yes she is!_

_-Romilda Vane_

NO I AM NOT!... Much.

**Would you rather date Dean Thomas or Seamus Finnigan?**

WHAT IN MERLIN'S BEARD IS WRONG WITH YOU! I. AM. NOT. IN. LOVE. WITH. DEAN. THOMAS!

**What if you could marry Dean Thomas?**

HEY!

**First thing you do when you see Dean Thomas?**

MAKE SURE HE ISN'T WITH MY SISTER!

**What is your second biggest wish?**

What? Second Biggest? Are you saying my first biggest wont come true? Who says my sister wont magically disappear leaving her boyfriend behind? OI! I AM NOT JEALOUS!

**Have you ever been jealous?**

OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT? I GIVE UP! IAM IN LOVE WITH DEAN THOMAS AND MY SISTER IS A

_This is Romilda Vane, Padma here seems to have taken a Leaflet from Granger's book and is now ranting about her sister in a very angry way. Please excuse the 90 pages of swear words that have been removed. Thank you,_

_--Romilda Vane_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

freak who should never have won Dean's heart because it belongs to me! That little

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

_**CENSORED**_

JERK!

**Spork or knife?**

...what the heck?

-&-

AN: Hmm…. I'd rather stab someone with a cup…. Never mind. Well, that was Goldenfeather, who just wrote for us the first Ravenclaw. Anyone else who wants to write a chapter, just send it in! No need to ask permission (there's Cho Chang, Michael Corner, Marietta Edgecombe, Terry Boot, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Penelope Clearwater, and Eloise Midgen, who I am just guessing is in Ravenclaw).


	122. Cho Chang

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I realize that the last chapter says that Padma is in Gryffindor. That is a mistake, and Goldenfeather is sorry. She meant Ravenclaw. Sorry for any inconveniences.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Cho Chang, and I'm seventeen, but really, that is a small, small, teeny-tiny fraction, compared to the age of the Earth.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm what people call a 'tree-hugger'.

**Where are you?**

Hugging trees… what else would a tree-hugger do?

**What are your likes?**

The Earth!

**What are your dislikes?**

That people, especially muggles, are trashing up our Earth! We have to live here, you know!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If people gave up electricity for just ONE day, think of what it could do to help the environment!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Patch up our Earth! Save the Earth! Recycle!

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Well, more than a person, but all of the people who completely ignore the Earth, drive big Hummers, use all this electricity with their computers and T.V.s! It just disgusts me!

**How green do you think you are?**

Me? I'm very green! It's my favorite color, in fact, my whole wardrobe is green! Except for my school uniforms… And, also, I'm green in the sense that I help protect the environment. I've heard of green schools, you know, and I'm in the middle of getting our school to become green!

**Would you rather be a member of PETA or SPEW?**

Well…. PETA is really violent… and I don't know about that…. I kind of like SPEW, cause it's for the ethical treatment of house elves, which ARE a type of nature's 'products', but it's run by Hermione…. And she's a friend of Harry…. And I heard he was in it…

**What if global warming never stops?**

Global warming is bad! I hope everyone knows that! And we HAVE to stop it! Don't ignore the pain! Don't ignore Earth's pain! You must help! Everyone should!

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Wake up and turn off the lights. I know the other girls are using it to put on their lipstick and mascara or whatever, but we should be conserving energy!

**What is your biggest wish for the world?**

To make it healthier! To make it greener! To protect it! Your pick!

**Have you ever refused to take a quiz?**

Ohh…. Good memories… I protested taking the OWLs, because they take up too much parchment, and it's a waste of trees. The teachers considered my point for a bit, and I got nearly all of the year to join in (though I suspected it was for different reasons, and they really didn't give a _**CENSORED**_ about the environment), but it didn't work out quite right. We still do the OWLs, but in a more eco-friendly way. I'm happy about it, though I'm not sure about the other people in my year….

**Paper or plastic?**

The age old question…. Paper! No duh! It takes three months for a paper bag to decompoase. It takes a millennium for a plastic bag to decompose. Think about it.

-&-

AN: Happy Earth day! My day has been FILLED to the BRIM with this stuff, because me school is this IB Green school, or whatever…. It made me feel very guilty about not doing enough for the environment. But, hey! It only comes once a year! Do something good for the environment today! That is my assignment for you! (Unless you're not an American, and if you aren't, it would still be nice…) Just a background history of Earth day; Senator Gaylord Nelson of Wisconsin was a big supporter of Earth day. He got it supported by the government, but the actual day, 'organized itself.' Again, happy Earth day, and I hope you lived through my monologue! Review!


	123. Michael Corner

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name?**

Michael Corner, and I'm sixteen. But… who cares?

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a SLUG!

**Where are you?**

Outside the 'Slug Club', trying to get in… it sounds like so much fun! They must have the BEST slug activities ever!

**What are your likes?**

Slug activities! They're awesome! I would know, I'm a slug!

**What are your dislikes?**

Salt…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

You expect me to THINK? I'm a fricking SLUG! My brain is TINY! I'm already writing! What MORE could you WANT?

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm a slug, I'm a slug, I'm a slug, I'm a slug-y-slug-y-slug!

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Well…. I haven't met him… but the guy who discovered salt isn't at the top of my friends list…

**How freaky do you think you are?**

I'm a SLUG. What the hell do you think?

**Would you rather eat scrambled eggs or a hard-boiled egg?**

Scrambled. People put SALT on their hard-boiled eggs!

**What if there was no such thing a paprika?**

Well, that'd suck. Since I can't tolerate salt, paprika is the seasoning of my life…

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Get up at the crack of dawn so I'll have time to skip getting ready, and slither down to breakfast.

**What is your biggest wish?**

I wouldn't mind elevators in the school building…

**Have you ever been on a roller coaster?**

HECK NO! HAVE YOU SEEN WHERE THE SAFETY BARS ARE ON THAT THING? I'D FLY OFF AS SOON AS IT STARTS! AND EVEN IF THEY DID COME DOWN TO MY LEVEL, I'D BE SQUASHED BY THEM!

**Book or picture?**

Books are awfully hard for me to hold, and open, and read… actually, I'm surprised I'm able to hold up this pen…

-&-

AN: There's still Terry Boot, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Marietta Edgecombe, Penelope Clearwater, and Eloise Midgen for those who want to send in a chapter! Review!


	124. Penelope Clearwater

Disclaimer: I own nothing; this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing; this doesn't represent my personal views!

AN: Um… I really have no note to begin with today… I'll just say that I have digested WAY too much sugar… probably because my Italian project is a recipe for Triple Chocolate Biscotti…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Penelope Clearwater, and it's not polite to ask a woman's age, thank you very much.

**Describe yourself.**

I have long, wavy, brown hair and in Ravenclaw, thank you very much.

**Where are you?**

The Ravenclaw common room, thank you very much.

**What are your likes?**

Saying 'Thank you very much,' thank you very much. And Percy Weasley, thank you very much. He's hot, thank you very much.

**What are your dislikes?**

Not saying 'Thank you very much,' thank you very much. And Percy being such a player, thank you very much.

**What are you thinking about?**

This, you idiot, thank you very much.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'Thank you very much,' thank you very much. Or "PERCY WEASLEY IS The HOTTEST PERSON ON EARTH, thank you very much!" , thank you very much. How crazy are you?

**How old do you think you are?**

See the first question, thank you very much.

**What is your weight?**

It's not polite to ask a woman her weight, thank you very much. Not at all, thank you very much.

**Paper or plastic?**

Paper, thank you very much. It decomposes quicker, thank you very much.

-&-

AN: Chapter by Lunacolinfan! Anyone else who wants to write a chapter, just send it in! There's Terry Boot, Marietta Edgecombe, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Eloise Midgen, who we shall say is a Ravenclaw, because I'm not really sure! It's not like the books ever really say which house she was…


	125. Terry Boot

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Okay… I know the chapters are getting a bit iffy. Sorry. But I've already posted 126 chapters, all with different ideas, so I'm running out of ideas… I'm just going through a rough patch in the story, I suppose. But, I have written about half (maybe a bit more) of the characters, and as my creativity is sort of draining (lets just say I may not have the new ideas enough to write another story… though that may be an exaggeration…), I really would appreciate if you would send in chapters! I will tell you who I need like every chapter!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Terry Boot. I'm… I'm some age I don't remember. I apologize, but when trying to cram every possible recipe into your brain, you sort of forget some things…

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a five-star, gourmet chef!

**Where are you?**

Well, I have a really busy day. I'm cooking for the mayor, and Dumbledore, and some other famous people, and I have so little time! I have to cook for my restaurant and all so… I'm surprised I'm finding the time to write this questionnaire, here in the back of the kitchens.

**What are your likes?**

One of my favorite parts of cooking is taking the sauces, and toppings, like basil and stuff, and drizzling it (with my bare hand! Which is clean, by the way) over the dish… that is soooooo fun….

**What are your dislikes?**

Bugs. Rodents. Those creepy-crawlers. They will _totally _ruin your reputation if someone catches one in your kitchen. Not fun.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

String cheese… I wonder who invented it?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Well… my favorite recipe is one for Caprese salad… and I've memorized it… so, um, the recipe for Caprese salad?

**Who is the most nerve-wracking person you have ever met?**

Food critics…

**How gourmet do you think you are?**

Gourmet? Hello! I'm _five-star!_

**Would you rather go to France or Italy?**

Well, French food is good, but Italy will always be the capital of good-eating to me!

**What if there was no such thing as food?**

Food is my passion! So I'd be sad and passionless…. And we'd all be dead…

**First thing you do in the afternoon?**

Start washing up for the next shift at my restaurant; the dinner shift. Everything must be squeaky clean for it, as it generates the most customers!

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To be a pro-wrestler. Don't really know how I went from that to this….

**Have you ever seen a cockroach?**

Yes. And I squealed loudly, ran away, but stealthily, so it wouldn't be able to follow me back to my restaurant and be discovered there, and get my rating lowered.

**British or American?**

Well… the British don't have the finest cuisine (not like the Italians, anyway)… but I'd rather have steak and potatoes (or even fish and chips!) served at my restaurant than hot dogs. Though, apple pies are pretty good…

-&-

AN: Er… yeah, it was the only thing I could think of. Marietta Edgecombe, Justin Finch-Fletchley, and Eloise Midgen are left, if any of you want to send in a Ravenclaw chapter!


	126. Marietta Edgecombe

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Um… just wanted to say that you should be expecting a oneshot from me soon, it's called Boxers, Razors, and a Pair of Tweezers, it's Lily/James (duh), and I'll let you guess what it's about. Just don't flame me on it, if it's bad…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Marietta Agata Pietrina Giovannetta Simonetta Edgecombe. I'm sixteen years old.

**Describe yourself.**

I've got curly golden-blonde hair and dark blue eyes and I'm in Ravenclaw. I'm so beautiful, and all the boys love me.

**Where are you?**

In the common room. For some reason, only the losers with glasses are idolizing me. The hot boys must be asleep.

**What are your likes?**

Boys, especially the hot kind.

**What are your dislikes?**

There are so many! The girls who are jealous of me just because I'm prettier than they are. The teachers who don't think I'm smart just because I have a life and spend five hours getting ready for bed every night and two hours to get ready every morning, so I don't have time to do schoolwork! And Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Why do they crowd around Cho and Granger? I'm way prettier than either of those two! And Cho because she thinks she's prettier than moi!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How every boy loves me, how gorgeous I am, and how stupid everyone else is for not noticing it.

**What's your favorite saying?**

"I love Marietta Agata Pietrina Giovennetta Simonetta Edgecombe! She's the prettiest girl alive!"

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Food critics…

**How vain do you think you are?**

Vain? You mean that ugly little Gryffindor Romilda Vane? I'm glad I'm not her!

**Would you rather never date a boy again or become a Catholic Nun?**

…what? But… boys? Nun? I… I can't pick one of those!

**What if Ron Weasley loved Romilda Vane?**

NOT ME? I'd have to claw her eyes out.

**What is the last thing you do before bed?**

Get a long, luxurious bath, put on my adorable pink fluffy pajamas, brush my hair (100 strokes of course), paint my toenails the most adorable pink, splash some perfume on, sneak some love-potion-laced chocolates into the boys' dormitories all over school, and then fluff my feather pillow and lay down.

**What's your biggest wish?**

To be a beautiful princess and have every boy in the world at my feet. I've almost fulfilled it, too!

**Have you ever used love potion on a professor?**

Ew, no! The professors that aren't women are ugly, old, or smelly. Or all of the above.

**Romilda Vane or Hermione Granger?**

Granger. She's smart, at least. And she wouldn't steal anyone's man… she's too into Elves… eugh.

_This is Romilda Vane. DDIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE EDGECOMBE! AAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! And Granger IS a man-stealer! Humph! DIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE!_

_-Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Sounds a bit like Harry… Well, this chapter was done by xSlytherclaWx. Thanks! Anyone want to write Justin Finch Fletchley? You're also open to write Eloise Midgen, who many people have told me is a Hufflepuff. But, she'll be the first Hufflepuff/last Ravenclaw, I suppose… And no need to ask permission to write a chapter! Just send it in!


	127. Anthony Goldstein

Disclaimer: I own nothing, THIS DOESN'T REPRESENT MY PERSONAL VIEWS

Disclaimer: I own nothing, THIS DOESN'T REPRESENT MY PERSONAL VIEWS.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Anthony Goldstein, and I'm 18, old enough to go to college, WHOO!

**Describe yourself.**

Heavy-duty partier, that's all you need to know…

**Where are you right now?**

College. More specifically, a Frat party.

**What are your likes?**

FRAT PARTIES! WHOOOO!

**What are your dislikes?**

Classes… I mean, what's the point of classes? I almost didn't go to college because of the classes.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

That girl in the corner… and how we should be having a wet tee-shirt contest…. FOR THE GUYS! So she can see my fantabulous abs…

**What's your favorite saying?**

TOGA PARTY! WOOT! WOOT!

**Who makes your bed?**

Dude! It's not like I ever sleep in it! … I usually end up asleep on the stairs…

**How sleepy do you think you are?**

Not very! I get sleep in other people's beds! Mostly after Frat parties, but hey! We have one of those almost every night! Sometimes I shove other people out of their bed, sometimes I wake up in a bed with a girl (cough-cough), and once or twice, I've woken up in bed with a guy… but, why don't we all forget that?

**Would you rather party all night, or party all day?**

Hm… I'm more of a night person, but, if I partied all day, would I get to miss classes? Cause I hate classes…

**What if there was no such thing as Frat parties?**

… there would still me Sorority parties, right?

**First thing you do before falling asleep?**

I don't usually remember…

**What is your wish for the world?**

That everyone could have their own giant keg…. Think of what it could do for those dudes in like, third world countries…

**Have you ever eaten a bucket of worms?**

Man, you'll do ANYTHING when you're piss-drunk…

**Beer glass, or plastic cup?**

PLASTIC CUP! WHOOO! ALL THE BETTER TO DRINK BEER FROM!

-&-

AN: Right, so guess who I forgot when I was doing the Ravenclaws? That's right! Anthony Goldstein! So… you are stuck reading him now. Also, I hope this chapter isn't offensive! Please tell me if it is! Now, I have been sent in chapters for Zacharias Smith, and Susan Bones (who I will post sooner or later, probably tomorrow), and I'm waiting for chapters for Cedric Diggory and Hannah Abott. So, that was all the Hufflepuffs I had planned on... And, as I want to give the writers of the chapters previously mentioned to send in their chapters, I'm going to be pulling random names from the sorting hat chapter of the first book, until the chapters are in. Now, to the people who are writing those chapters (Hannah Abott and Cedric Diggory), I really will need those chapters soon, so please, please, please send them in as soon as possible!


	128. Roger Davies

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I forgot Roger Davies! So here he is…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Roger Davies, and my age is of no concern to you! I'm still beautiful, no matter my age! This world is WAY to obsessed with age! Hehe…

**Describe yourself.**

I'm NOT old! That's all you need to know!

**Where are you?**

I'm not at an age-rejuvenating salon, because I DON'T need it!

**What are your likes?**

Being young! Which is great, because I AM young!

**What are your dislikes?**

Being old! And that works out so well because I'm NOT old! I'm not lying…heh-heh…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Is that a WRINKLE? No! No! It ISN'T! It CAN'T be!

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm young! And hip! And cool!

**Who is the most irksome person you have ever met?**

Old people… they're just so _old_, and _wrinkly_! It's just_ ew! _I will _never_ be one of them!

**How old do you think you are?**

I'M NOT OLD!

**Would you rather get really fake looking botox, that makes you really ugly, or stay old forever?**

Er… is there a third choice? … but I suppose I choose the first option… I MUST stay young!

**What if there was no such thing as age?**

Well, then how do I prove my superiority and better looks??

**Last thing you do before bed?**

I'm young! I can stay up forever! Hah! Like I go to sleep! I'M NOT OLD!

**What is your biggest wish for the elderly?**

That they could just vanish from the face of the earth. That way I'd never become one of them!

**Have you ever believed in superstitions?**

I'll believe in _anything_ that keeps me young! Ah! I'M NOT OLD!

**Coffee or tea?**

COFFEE! It stunts your growth, so I won't become old with it! And only old people drink tea…

-&-

AN: That last line is not my opinions at ALL. My older brother drinks tea, I drink it occasionally, tea is for all ages! Review!


	129. Justin FinchFletchley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I am the amazing Justin Finch-Fletchley. And age is irrelevant when you are a splendiferous multi-tasker such as myself.

_This is Romilda Vane. - Pfft. Everybody amazing should know that splendiferous is NOT a word. Why do I even interview stupid people like Granger and Finch Fletchley? I don't know! _

_-Romilda Vane_

What? Splendiferous is so a word! I once perused the dictionary whilst studying a manual on the science of the body. And it is clear to me that it is somebody's time of the month!

**Describe yourself.**

I am the best multi-tasker in the world. You know how I know? Because I was in the Guinness World Book of Records as the best multi-tasker in the world! I looked through that whilst studying the habits of Parseltongue-speakers so I would know whether or not Potter was really out to get me.

I still haven't worked that one out. Hmm.

**Where are you?**

In the library. I am reading Moste Potente Potions AND Hogwarts: A History.

Oh yeah. You know you want to be me.

What are your likes?

Multi-tasking. It enables me to manage to do other people's homework whilst doing my own at the same time. You know, in spite of my multi-tasking abilities, I don't seem to be very popular. I still don't know why.

**What are your dislikes?**

People who laugh when I talk about my multi-tasking achievements. How is it funny? Just because they're wasting all their time by doing ONE thing at a time and I'm going to accomplish double the amount of what they accomplish!

They're just jealous.

You know it's true!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How once I've finished this questionnaire and my two books, I'm going to move my multi-tasking level up to four things at once.

_This is Romilda Vane. Surely not? Oh. Such thrills!_

_-Romilda Vane_

No, it's true. I know it's amazing; please hold the applause until the end.

**What's your favorite saying?**

"One is the loneliest number." There is a reason that I'm a multi tasker!

**Who is the most judgemental person you have ever met?**

Hermione Granger! She is SO annoying. She laughed in my face when I confessed my multi-tasking dreams to her and said that men can't multi-task!

I know! EW!

**How amazing do you think you are?**

Hello! The best multi-tasker in the WORLD here! What does that tell you?

Yeah. That's what I thought!

**Would you rather read just one book at a time or attempt to read one hundred?**

Hmm. Tough. I mean, one is a lonely number, but one hundred? I'm only on level four! One step at a time!

WAIT! One? One step at a time?

This means that I must now move up to Level Five instead of Four. I cannot take just one step! AAH! Maybe this is the cause of my perpetual loneliness!

**What if there was only ONE copy of the only book left in the world?**

Did you say one? I cannot be a non-multi-tasker! I would have to DIE!

**What was the first thing you ever did?**

Apart from being born, I really don't know. I was destined to be a multi-tasker you see, so I always did more than one thing at once.

What's your biggest wish?

To be the best multi-tasker in the world for the rest of my life. For only one year would be awful. After all, one is the loneliest...

_This is Romilda Vane. WE GET THE POINT!_

_- Romilda Vane_

Ooh. Somebody needs a Happy Meal. Or maybe two, for additional happiness...

**Have you ever tried to multi-task and failed?**

As if! Geesh. That would be impossible for somebody as fantastic as me.

**Swim or walk?**

Walk. It is SO much easier to multi-task whilst walking. Not that I couldn't multi-task whilst swimming, because I could. But it's hard. I nearly drowned!

_This is Romilda Vane. Oh no. How would the world go on?_

_- Romilda Vane_

I know! Who would take my place as the best multi-tasker in the world? It's such a burden. Sniff.

-&-

AN: Great chapter by GiddyGirlie! Anyone want to write Eloise Midgen (or any of the Hufflepuffs, who are up next?).


	130. Eloise Midgen

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Eloise Midgen! And I'm as old as the number of teeth in my mouth.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a DENTIST!

**Where are you right now?**

Torturing helpless little kiddies…. That is, helping their teeth grow into little gardens of pearly whites!

**What are your likes?**

The toothbrush… ahhh… those screams of discomfort are so satisfying…

**What are your dislikes?**

Orthodontists! They take away the fame from my practice of torturing teeth!

**What are you thinking about now?**

Well… orthodontists actually have some benefits… like how if a child's teeth hurt, I can blame the orthodontist… not all the blame goes to me… and anyway, braces are SUPPOSED to hurt!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Hm… maybe I should go into orthodontia…. After I make a few more kids scream…

**Who is the most idiotic person you know?**

Well, parents, honestly. They drag their kids to the dentist (moi), thinking that dentistry is good for them. Because that's what their parents say. So, really, they have no clue that the point of my job is to torture their kids, but they bring the kids every few months anyway…

**How evil do you think you are?**

I'm a dentist. I'll let you decide.

**Would you rather get a hundred cavities, or treat a hundred cavities?**

Wow… that's SO hard to choose… the second one, numbskull!

**What if you were a millionaire?**

Hmph. I practically AM! I'm a fricking dentist! I overcharge the simplest things! Have you SEEN what it costs for a cavity?

**First thing you do before you start work?**

Roll out the tools of my torture… I mean trade!

**What is your biggest wish for the world?**

That even third world countries could get proper tortu- that is, dentistry…

**Have you ever eaten cotton candy?**

Not since I was little… do you know how much SUGAR is in that? I don't fancy getting a cavity, and having some other dentist torturing ME.

**Brush or floss?**

You're supposed to do BOTH. Well… not really…. But no one but the dentists know that!

-&-

AN: Inspired by a trip to the dentists… Anyone want to write a Hufflepuff? There's Cedric Diggory, Zacahrias Smith, Hannah Abott, Susan Bones… and that's it (Ernie MacMillan has actually already been done, I need to move his chapter). Review!


	131. Ernie MacMillan

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

AN: Yes, I know there's a bit of suicidal ness here, but DON'T GO SUICIDAL! IT'S BAD! And it's all in the name of humor.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Ernie MacMillan sixteen.

**Describe yourself.**

Stuck in this tragic and idiotic world.

**Where are you?**

If I tell you, will you come murder me?

**What are your likes?**

Like? Psh. There is no good in the world.

**What are your dislikes?**

I hate the world.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Which would be a more painful way to die, hanging, or Avada Kedavra?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Favorite is a strong word. Too strong.

**Who makes you want to commit homicide?**

All of those happy people who don't know the pain of the world!

**How cheerful do you think you are?**

Don't you dare use that word. It burns!

**Would you rather wear only black, or only yellow?**

That is the great part of Hufflepuff house. Black is one of the colors, so I can get away easily with all black.

**What if you were stuck balancing on a tiny piece of drift wood, in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, surrounded my hungry man eating sharks?**

I'd smile.

**What do you usually wear on you feet?**

Shoes. Black ones.

**What do you wish you had for a pet?**

I don't wish, but I'd most want a thestral as a pet.

**Have you ever seen someone die?**

Yes, and I wish it had been me.

**Life or death?**

Death, too bad I can't take that path, as this is only this week's phase. I think I have my popularity down with the emo kids, and if I die, well, I wouldn't very well be able to become popular with the chess geeks. And the first person to go to for that is Ron. And for some reason, I don't think he likes dead people.

-&-

AN: To clear things up, Ernie wants to be popular, so he's pretending to be an emo so the other emos like him. Weird, I know. I'm not the best at writing emo. I would have killed myself, had I not put in that last part, as I'm just that type of person. Yeah, I just wanted to see Ernie suicidal, just the idea cracked me up, knowing who Ernie is. Review!


	132. Susan Bones

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Susan Bones, seventh year.

**Describe yourself.**

I'm not Magic Girl! Definitely not a famous super hero who flies to the rescue of muggles on a broomstick. Nope.

**Where are you right now?**

Saving the world- I mean... Buying ice cream!

**What are your likes?**

Comic books! Did you know Magic Girl is getting her own comic book? ...Not that I know anything about her or anything. Heheh.

**What are your dislikes?**

Crime. I mean... Grime! Yeah! Cleaning is good! Yeah! Oh dear Merlin I sound like the basilisk...

**What are you thinking about now?**

Maybe if I use Wingardium Leviosa to lift the freeze ray out of the evil villain's- I mean! Maybe if MAGIC GIRL uses Winguardium Leviosa to lift the freeze ray out of the evil villain's hands the world will be saved.

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Just like magic!" I mean... "I mean" because "Just like magic!" is Magic Girl's favorite saying! Not mine!

**Who is the most evil person you know?**

Dr.C.P.R.Dummy. He's trying to destroy me quite frequently and- I MEAN HE'S TRYING TO DESTROY MAGIC GIRL QUITE FREQUENTLY! NOT ME! I'M AN INNOCENT WITCH GOING TO HOGWARTS!

**How super do you think you are?**

Well, I am Magic Girl so- I mean... I am NOT Magic Girl so I don't think I'm super at all. Nope! No superness!

**Would you rather get a captured by Dr.C.P.R.Dummy or Zacharias Smith?**

Dr.C.P.R.Dummy! Zacharias Smith is Magic Girl's biggest fan! Listening to him rant about me- Magic Girl! Would be rather painful.

**What if you were a superhero?**

Um...

**When do you usually fight crime?**

I don't! I'm not a superhero! NOPE!

**Do you ever wish you were a superhero?**

No... That'd be strange.

**Have you ever been a superhero?**

What is with all the hints? Are you trying to imply something? I am NOT Magic

Girl!

**Magic Girl or Superman?**

That's it! I give up! I'm Magic Girl. Now I just have to run before Smith finds out...

-&-

AN: Chapter by Goldenfeather! (She also sent in Zacharias Smith, and he will be out soon).


	133. Zacharias Smith

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my persona views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my persona views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Zacharias Smith soon to be Zacharias Magic Girl! I'm 17. That's the same age as Magic Girl!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm in love with Magic Girl! You know she looks a lot like Susan Bones...

**Where are you right now?**

In my shrine to Magic Girl! I don't care if she's a muggle superhero! I'm madly in love!

**What are your likes?**

I LOVE Magic Girl and pudding. Pudding is good.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who tell me Magic Girl is Susan Bones! Like Romilda Vane! How could Susan Bones be as beautiful as MAGIC GIRL?

_Oh Merlin. Shoot me now_

_--Romilda Vane_

Why? Am I missing something here?

**What are you thinking about now?**

Magic Girl.

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Just like magic!" Because that's what Magic Girl always says before she kicks bad guy butt!

**Who is the most evil person you know?**

Dr.C.P.R.Dummy. He's trying to destroy my Magic Girl! NO! SHE IS MINE!

**How in love do you think you are?**

Very! I will never give up until I figure out who my dearest Magic Girl is and marry her.

_Godric this boy is thick_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Would you rather watch Magic Girl die a slow and painful death or kill her yourself?**

NO! NOT MY MAGIC GIRL! SHE MUST LIVE FOREVER!

**What if you were married to Magic Girl?**

EEEEEEEE!

_Um... Smith just fainted... Oh no, wait, he's awake again... Sorry for the_

_brief interruption._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is the last thing you do before dinner?**

Visit my shrine to Magic Girl.

**Do you ever wish you were married to a superhero?**

Everyday!

**Have you ever known Susan Bones was Magic Girl?**

She is? Really? I MUST GO MARRY HER!

_Oh dear... He's about to get rejected isn't it. Ooh! That looked like it hurt. But it was funny…. Right, well, until next time! (and I deleted the last question, as Smith forgot to answer it in his rush to propose to Susan Bones- er, Magic Girl)_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: So… you might need to read Susan Bones' chapter to get this….. Chapter by Goldenfeather!


	134. Hannah Abott

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hannah Abbott! And like, I'm so like, NOT, gonna tell you, like, my AGE! You don't, like ask someone as, like, cool as I am that!

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I have, like, TOTALLY cool blonde hair, I mean, like, it NEVER gets frizzy? How, like, AWESOME is that? And I have, like, oceanblue eyes! How, like, weird is that? They're the colour of the OCEAN! I mean, like, people would DIE to have my looks. I'm, like, totally awesome!

**Where are you?**

I'm, like, trying to escape the clutches of, like, crazy Hogwarts stalkers! They, like, obviously love me, but can't they, like, stay away? They did, like, pay me a nice compliment in the Hog's Head: "Your fly is open." I mean, like, EVERYONE knows that means you're absolutely, like, amazing!

**What are your likes?**

Like, me, like, obviously! Like, my popularity, and my adoring fans! I've, like, gotten sixteen Howlers, and, like, it isn't even afternoon yet! That's, like, more than the Granger girl got when they thought she was dating that Belgian guy, Biktar Krom.

_This is Romilda Vane. I would like to point out that Hannah is being a dumb blonde because his name was Viktor Krum, not Biktar Krom, and he's Bulgarian, not Belgian. _

_- Romilda Vane_

snaps fingers Oh no you, like, didn't. Hannah Abbott, like, knows what's right and this is why she's, like, better than those, like, _**CENSORED**_'s in this school!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those little, like, CENSORED's in this school who think, like, I'm a dumb blonde. I mean, like, don't they, like, know, like, that's a compliment. If you're called, like, smart, like, that's really bad.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'm, like, thinking about, like, how to spell rubbitt. Is it, like, rabbutt or is it, like, robbitt. Hey, that's, like, a REALLY hard, like word! Is it, like, even English?

**What is your favorite saying? **

Like, like! I mean, like, all of the cool, like, blonde people say it! Like, I am a cool blonde person! So, like, obviously I say, like, it!

**Who is the most uncool person you have ever met? **

Like, Eloise Midgen! Like, dentists aren't, like, cool!

**How cool do you think you are? **

Are you, like, crazy? I mean, like, I am the, like, coolinest of the coolinest!

**Would you rather live and be unpopular for the rest of your life or get shot right this second and die a 'cool' person? **

Like, OHEMGEE! Like, I can't, like, live if I'm not, like, popular! The world would, like, go into, like, bloody chaos.

**Have you ever loved anyone not cool?**

Well, like, I have to, like, admit, I think Ron Weasley is pretty, like, cute! Even though he's not cool, he

_This is Romilda Vane. Hannah cannot continue this questionnaireo the fact that she is now in the Hospital Wing because she thought she can steal my Ron. That __**CENSORED**__ doesn't know what the hell she's talking about! My WonWon is cool!_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: DIE VANE, DIE ABOTT! NO ONE STEALS _MY_ ROONIL WAZLIB! Chapter by Alysandra Martin!


	135. Cedric Diggory

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Cedric Diggory, and I'm 17.

**Describe yourself.**

Very, very worried about the first task of the Triwizard Tournament... Trelawney said that she could sense my impending doom...

**Where are you right now?**

In a tent, waiting to face my dragon. And trying to hide from the fangirls outside.

**What are your likes?**

Quidditch! And, not to mention, a certain raven-haired Ravenclaw...

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that I'm apparently going to be killed by a rat during one of the tasks. A rat! Can you believe that?! Oh, and fangirls. They are a constant nuisance I seem not to be able to avoid. I don't enjoy it at all. I'm not Potter, after all!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Could Trelawny have been right, for once? I mean, she never has been before, but there is a first time for everything, right? ...You know what? I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Hmm... I might have believed her more if she said I was going to be killed by fangirls.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I don't really have one... But if I had to, it would most likely be 'Down with the fangirls!'

**Who is the most annoying person you have ever met?**

It's not just one person. It's the whole group of girls that always seem to surround me...

**How pressured do you think you are?**

My father pressures me so much... Don't get me wrong, I know he is just looking out for me, but sometimes I just want to yell at him to shove off. I'm got my own life, you know. Hopefully it will soon be fangirlless. That'll be the day.

**Would you rather be killed by a rat, or killed by a Death Eater?**

What a morbid question. A Death Eater, I suppose. At least that way, it's understandable why I didn't make it. I mean, who gets killed by a rat? I know!

Maybe I could magic all the rats in London to kill the fangirls for me! That would be wicked!

**What if there was no such thing as fangirls?**

I would be living a very stress-free life! I found one of them in the boy's bathroom once, she said she was 'waiting' for me. Ugh, so many bad memories...

**What is the first thing you do in the morning?**

Check under the bed for fangirls. Then I yell at the ones outside to LEAVE ME ALONE!

**What was your biggest wish as a child?**

To be a Quidditch star. It's not really what my father wanted me to do, but then again, he didn't seem as worried about my future as he is now.

**Fangirls or a Swedish ShortSnout? **

Have you been listening at all?! I would gladly take the dragon any day! Speaking of which, I've got a golden egg to retrieve.

**Pansy Parkinson or a fangirl? **

As annoying as that Slytherin is, it's nothing compared to a fangirl. I'd choose Parkinson any day, hands down.

-&-

AN: Chapter by Cathopes! And guess what? That was the last of the Hufflepuffs! Next I shall be doing the portraits and ghosts… the Fat Lady… her friend Violet… Sir Cadogan… Phineas Nigellus… Peeves…. Nearly Headless Nick… well, you get the idea! I think it's sad that there are more portraits and ghosts then Hufflepuffs, if you ask me…


	136. The Fat Lady and Violet

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_Look, please disregard the fat lady. She thinks she's fat and delights in crying about it but it's nothing serious. She merely... Is fat._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

_Violet_

The Fat Lady

_Apparently we're one person now._

Stupid Vane. She thinks that since we're the only portraits who are seen together more than once she has the right to lable us as 'joint mids'.

_Yes, well we're portraits we don't really have ages._

You've no idea how aggravating it is when people ask us that question.

**Describe yourself.**

_I'm a portrait._

I'M FAT!

No, no dear. Stop crying.

_But- But- Peeves said I was FAT!_

No Sweetie. You aren't fat you're just a little bit on the chubby side.

_BUT PEEVES SAYS I'M FAT!_

Yes, but he said the same thing about Sir Cadogan's pony.

_BUT THE PONY IS FAT!_

Oh, well...

_MY LIFE SUCKS!_

Where are you right now?

_In my portrait._

On a treadmill.

_But Lady..._

NO BUTS!

_You-_

ARE FAT!

**What are your likes?**

_Cookies._

Not being fat!

**What are your dislikes?**

_Sir Cadogan._

The fact that I'm FAT!

_I stand corrected, I dislike Peeves for calling her fat._

**What are you thinking about right now?**

_Well-_

BEING FAT!

_Lady-_

DO NOT LADY ME YOU SKINNY PERSON!

**What's your favorite saying?**

_"Those who mind don't matter, those matter don't mind."_

"I'M FAT!"

_Lady-_

DO NOT!

**Who is the most aggravating person you have ever met?**

_Peeves._

Helena Ravenclaw.

_What?_

She's so skinny!

_Lady, that doesn't make her aggravating._

YES IT DOES!

**How fat do you think you are?**

_Oh no._

SEE! YOU ADMIT THAT I'M FAT! WHY? THE WORLD THINKS I'M FAT! NO!

_Now look what you've done. You prat._

**Would you rather be fat or marry Peeves?**

_Be fat._

PEEVES!

_I know you think you're fat Lady, but-_

NO! IT WILL END MY FATNESS!

**What if you were fat?**

_What the hell?_

I AM FAT!

_Lady-_

OH NO YOU DON'T!

**What is the first thing you do when you get fat?**

_There's something wrong with this questionnaire..._

I open the portrait hole.

_That could be good exercise..._

YAY! NO MORE FAT ME!

_You're not fat._

**Do you ever wish you weren't fat?**

_Bloody hell... Something's wrong here..._

EVERYDAY!

**Fat or Fatter?**

_Um..._

I AM FAT! WAHAHAHAAHA!

-&-

AN: ROFLMAO! Great chapter by Goldenfeather!


	137. Sir Cadogan

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I am the chivalrous Sir Cadogan! Constantly on the most dangerous quests known to mankind and often saving the wizarding and muggle worlds from... danger! I am... SIR CADOGAN! ...Where's the theme music? I WANT MY THEME MUSIC, DANGIT!

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I'm chivalrous and brave and loyal and fierce and vigilant and devilishly handsome and fantastic and, all in all, SIR CADOGAN!! ...Dang, where the heck is my theme music? I need to get some new musicians...

**Where are you right now?**

Protecting the brave, but not nearly as brave as SIR CADOGAN, (still no theme music!) Gryffindors and their common room of common room-ness from the foul, loathesome, evil yet somewhat good-looking SIRIUS BLACK! ...Okay, NOW where's the evil music that's supposed to get people interested?

**What are your likes?**

SIR CADOGAN enjoys SIR CADOGAN!! Okay, whoever those music dudes are, you are SO fired! FIRED BY THE STEEL OF MY SWORD! Anyways, I also enjoy duels in which my opponent is fatally injured or BRUTALLY KILLED, sending random students on false quests that lead them to Peeves and his water balloons, and changing the password to the entrance to the Gryffindor common room of common room-ness.

**What are your dislikes?**

Those musicians! I HATE them! I mean, who hires these guys? Why can't they get their cue right? Seriously, I just DO NOT get it! THEY MUST PERISH!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The very next password... what do you think, you vile woman with the name of Vane?

_Well, I never!_

_-Romilda Vane_

Should the password be 'Sir Cadogan rocks even without theme music' or should it be 'Sir Cadogan spits on your inferiority'?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Well, there are MANY of which SIR CADOGAN... dang it!... enjoys, but his favorite of all is, "You brute! Bow down to your superior, the almighty Sir Cadogan!"

**What's your favorite style of music?**

Whatever my musician's ISN'T! Seriously, what idiot CAN'T come in on cue? You know, BESIDES that Potter rogue.

**Do you wish you had a pet?**

I DO have a pet! It's a little pony! Thin as a toothpick, that one is! ...Or he WOULD be if he did what I told him to, aka bowing to my every whim. I make him fat on PURPOSE as PUNISHMENT!

**What would you do if you were fatally injured in a duel?**

Me? SIR CADOGAN... still nothing!... would NEVER be injured in a duel because he is too AWESOME and because of his AWSOMITY, he would never be injured, so I cannot answer this question?

**Why do you keep referring to yourself in third person?**

Sir Cadogan, who still has no theme music to speak of, doesn't know what you're talking about.

**What's your second biggest wish?**

Well, SIR CADOGAN'S first wish is to be an immortal god that rules the world and all of it's inhabitants, so I suppose my second wish would be to be able to dive in a giant bowl of ice cream with whipped cream, sprinkles, and tiny bits of waffles on the top.

**What is your pony's name?**

The little gray pony which is owned by SIR CADOGAN... DAGFLABBIT, PLAY THE DANG MUSIC!!... hmm... what exactly is his name? Is it even a he? Let's just call him... Fluffers.

**Do you enjoy listening to music?**

I don't know, maybe I WOULD if my MUSICIANS WOULD ACTUALLY PLAY SOMETHING!!

**Duels or quests?**

WHAT?! I can only pick ONE?! Outrageous! I, SIR CADOGAN... still no theme music! That's it, I'm out of here! But be warned, SIR CADOGAN WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE!!

-&-

AN: Chapter by Tang Si Ming-Yue! Thanks! It was bloody brilliant! Anyone else want to write a portrait or ghost? (Except Peeves. He's taken)


	138. The Gray Lady

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Helena Ravenclaw, and I don't discuss my age.

**Describe yourself.**

Well, when I was alive, I had beautiful, long darkbrown hair and deep blue eyes. But, guess what? Now I'm not pretty. Would you like to know why? Yes? Well: I'm GHOST! Because of the _**CENSORED**_ Bloody Baron! Oh, excuse me, ladies aren't supposed to curse.

**What are your likes?**

Wisdom and knowledge

**What are your dislikes?**

The Bloody Baron. The _**CENSORED**_ murderer! (sigh) there I go again.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How much better my life would have been had I not been murdered…

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Life is but a dream within a dream"… It's by Edgar Allan Poe. If that's true, then either EVERYONE's dead, or I'm still ALIVE!

**Who is the most annoying person you have ever met?**

Actually, that Harry Potter. Not EVERY girl fancies him. He's always whining, it's so annoying!

**How ghostly do you think you are?**

Very. Thank you CENSORED Baron! Oops, I didn't mean to curse.

**Would you rather put up with whining kids or have one more chance at life?**

Have one more chance at life. That way, I can _**CENSORED**_ kill that _**CENSORED**_ Baron! …I need to stop cursing

**What if you were alive?**

I'd kill the Baron. Or, maybe reconcile with my mother. Ah, who am I kidding? I'd kill the Baron before he even THOUGHT of killing me.

**What is the first thing you do when you see the Fat Lady?**

Scream "I don't care how FAT you are, it's better than being DEAD! You _**CENSORED**_ whiny_** CENSORED**_!" And then I blush because, truly, a lady shouldn't curse… even if I am a _**CENSORED**_ dead ghost of a lady… (sigh) I apologize. I'm very touchy about being dead.

**Do you ever wish you were alive?**

OF COURSE I DO! I don't want to be a ghost!

**Asleep or Dead?**

Asleep. I don't LIKE being DEAD!

-&-

AN: Chapter by xSlytherclaWx. Great job! Kind of creepy, though… if anyone else wants to write a questionnaire for a ghost or portrait, just send it in! (But, the Bloody Baron and Peeves are already claimed).


	139. Peeves

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I just feel like writing an author's note today… but I have nothing to say in it…. well, this stinks…

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Peeves, because everyone says that I'm their pet Peeve. Haha! Bet you aren't half as annoying as I am! I am precisely two thousand, nine hundred seventy six years, eleven months, seven days, three hours and two seconds old. Make that four seconds…five...six…

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane, your lovely editor. I just have to say that at_

_this point I was forced to curse Mr. Peeves' quill to poke him in_

_the….yeah, there, because he simply floated in the air counting for ages. On_

_to the next question!_

_-Romilda Vane_

**Describe yourself.**

Oh! One of my favorite activities! I luurve talking about ME! I am creative (if you don't believe me, check out Mrs. Norris' new hairdo. But don't get too close. Actually, maybe you should. Then Filch would blame you instead of me! HA HA) I have fiendishly clever plans, incredibly amusing pranks, terribly funny jokes—Oh, have you heard the one about the elephant?

Okay, how do you get an elephant into a freezer?…Open the door, push him in, and close the door!

Ready for the next bit?

How do you get a giraffe into a freezer?…Open the door, take the elephant out, and close the door!

Okay, so all the animals are having a big meeting and only one animal didn't come. Who was it? The giraffe! Duh! He's still in the freezer!

Great, so now you're standing next to a river where crocodiles live. There's no bridge or anything, right, so how do you get across?

You swim! Obviously there are no crocodiles there; they are all at the big

animal meeting!

BADUMBUMCH!

Hey, that reminds me of another joke.

Two cymbals and a kettle drum fall down the stairs.

BADUMBUMCH!

**Where are you right now?**

Floating behind Umbridge, doing the best I can to annoy the hell out of her. TEE HEE! Right, I'm in the hallway of Hogwarts, Somewhere in Ireland (I think) which is in Europe, Eastern Hemisphere, Planet Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way, the Universe….

**What are your likes?**

Playing pranks, myself, funny jokes, me, the Weasley twins, stupid poems by me, Hogwarts' resident poltergeist, annoying important people, rambling on for ages which really annoys people, annoying people...and the best joke in the world.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.

One muffin says to the other muffin, "Gee, it's hot in here."

The other muffin says, "AHH! A talking muffin!!"

**What are your dislikes?**

Umbridge, rules, Filch, the Bloody Baron…Don't tell him I said that…stuck up loser prefects (cough Percy cough cough)

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The best way to fulfill Freddie poo's goodbye wish…I think I'll spray paint those obnoxious kittens in her office neon green…that would be fun…I think I know where the twins stashed some extra fireworks I could steal…

**What's your favorite saying?**

"Rules are made to be broken."

**Who is more creative with pranks than you?**

Nobody! But those Weasley twins come close…there were a few others some time ago that were pretty funny…They called themselves the Marauders or something…

**How annoying do you think you are?**

Extremely! I just like love like annoying people all the time, you know? It's like the best like thing to do with your like time! And squeal isn't it like the awesomest thing ever to like make fun of those like little girlies? Hey, OUCH!

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane again. Once more, I was required to mildly murder_

_Mr. Peeves for making fun of me—I mean, for making fun of girls._

_-Romilda Vane_

**Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Umbridge or never be**

**able to talk again?**

Island, definitely! See, then I'd be able to send up a firework for help and in the meantime, annoy her so much she goes crazy! Maybe I could hog all the food…drop coconuts on her head…you know more people die a year because of coconuts falling on their head than from shark attacks? It's a fact, I swear!

**What if Fred Weasley died?**

No! Don't suggest that! Must not listen! (covers ears) It shall never happen! GAH!

**What do you do right before lunch?**

Well, lately I've been meeting with the Twins so we can make sure our pranks don't conflict….Once in their first year, they planned to paint Filchie's door hot pink the same night I was going to booby trap it with a big tub of Snape's shampoo…it didn't work out well. But now they're gone…sob…So I mostly visit the kitchens and put hiccupping powder on Umbridge's meal…

**Who do you wish you could prank?**

Fudge. I've wanted to plaster his walls with brownies since he was elected…chocolate FUDGE brownies, get it? He's such a _**CENSORED**_ Or maybe Dear Old Voldy…'course, I pranked him when he was still Tommy…I stole his diary in his last year. I wanted to rip out pages and post them all over the school, but it turned out he didn't have anything written in it! And the pages wouldn't rip! Isn't that so annoying?

**Have you ever written a really good poem?**

Yesyesyes:

"Peeves is funny, awesome and cool!

You'd better obey him or leave the school!"

I just came up with a really good one for this _**CENSORED**_ questionnaire:

If you want to write about being insane,

Fill out a questionnaire by Romilda Vane.

**Fred or George?**

They're the same person, DUH!! That reminds me of a riddle…two women are running at exactly the same speed for exactly the same distance. One takes an hour and a half and the other takes ninety minutes. How is that possible?

Half an hour is the same as ninety minutes!! Duh! Stupid people…

-&-

AN: Beautiful… just beautiful… chapter by Ilovepi! (I love pi too…) Anyone want to send in a chapter? (But Phineas Nigellus and the Bloody Baron are taken)


	140. The Bloody Baron

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Baron Charles Alexander Radcliff the Third. Age, I forgot over the years since Helena first said no to my proposal of marriage.

**Describe yourself.**

I wear green and silver robes coated with blood of my love and myself. I wear chains as a sign of penitence for what I did to Helena and her mother years ago.

**Where are you right now?**

Watching my angel, Helena, talking to that Potter and his two friends.

**What are your likes?**

Helena. Doesn't that sound like music? Helena. Helena.

**What are your dislikes?**

Not being with her. Not hearing her musical voice. Not seeing her angelic face. Must I continue?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Helena, the Grey Lady of Ravenclaw. How much I love her and want to be with her. The one person who had always been in my thoughts both alive and dead. No one has ever felt the same way I do about Helena except Severus. He feels the same way about Lily even after she married James and had a baby.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Love can be the greatest and most painful feeling in the world. It's so true.

**How much do you love Helena?**

More then I can say or write. My love for her is deeper then the Mid-Atlantic Trench and is higher then the heavens above.

**Know any pickup lines from Shakespeare?**

I am your spaniel; and, Helena, the more you beat me, I will fawn on you:

_Yo, Romilda speaking, Baron keeps on going on for too long so I cut it much_

_shorter just to this have sentence. That's it._

_-Romilda Vane_

**Can you love someone else?**

You are asking me to die again. Helena is the only woman for me.

**Who do you think is more passionate about their loves? James or Snape?**

Snape. He loved young Lily ever since childhood, and teenage and adulthood. James could never understand.

**You or Snape?**

Me, but not by much. I yearn for my Helena.

-&-

AN: Okay, James is totally AWESOME! And he's MEANT for Lily! Just saying that… Chapter by hpswst101!


	141. Mrs Black

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Mrs.Black YOU DO NOT ASK A PORTRAIT HER AGE! YOU- ARGH!

_Hello, this is Romilda Vane, your fabulicious editor. I just have to say that at this point I had my Won Won's brother Charlie read his poetry to her. It seems to be the only thing that causes her enough pain to make her shut up so if she breaks off at random points that's why._

_--Romilda Vane_

**Describe yourself.**

I am a portrait, I have a wonderful house-elf named Kreacher and a fabulous perfect son named Regulus and horrile, stress-inducing, BLOOD TRAITOR, MUDBLOOD-LOVING, PHASE CHALLENGED, HALF-BREED HELPING BRAT NAMED SIRIUS! WHO'S NAME IS A HORRIBLE PUN BECAUSE HE PULLS THE WORST PRANKS IN THE WORLD AND- AWK!

**Where are you right now?**

I AM A PORTRAIT! WHERE THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK I AM YOU FILTHY EXCUSE FOR A- OUCH! MY POOR PORTRAIT EARS!

**What are your likes?**

Regulus and Kreacher.

**What are your dislikes?**

MY NO GOOD, FILTHY, TRAITUROUS, MUGGLE LOVING- STOP THAT! THE READING IS BURNING!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

That horrible poetry!

**What's your favorite saying?**

"My son is a filthy scumbag."

**Who is the biggest blood-traitor you have ever had the misfortune to meet?**

SIRIUS. ORION. IS-NOT-WORTHY-TO-HAVE-THE-SAME-SURNAME-AS-THE-NOBLE-HOUSE-OF-BLACK.

**How loud do you think you are?**

I AM NOT LOUD YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SCUM- OW!

**Would you rather be stranded on a desert island with Sirius or never be able to talk again?**

THE TALKING THING! THE TALKING THING!

**What if Sirius was right beside you?**

NO!

**What is the first thing you do when you see Sirius?**

I die.

_I think we should bring Sirius in now don't you?_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Who do you wish you could destroy?**

Romilda Vane! SHE IS THE REASON MY NO GOOD, ROTTEN, FILTHY SON IS NEXT TO ME READING ME POETRY BY THAT WEASLY THING! ARGH!

**Have you ever had to listen to the person you hated most in the world reading you a horrendous poem?**

YES! IT'S BURNING MY EARS! AH!

**Sirius or Sirius?**

DO NOT TORTURE ME SO YOU VILE PIECE OF FILTH!

-&-

AN: Chapter by Goldenfeather! I love how you remembered Charlie's poems! Anyone want to write another chapter for a ghost or portrait? (Phineas Nigellus is taken!)


	142. Professor Dippet

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Professor Larry Dippet and I am 402 years old.

**Describe yourself.**

Rather large and my jeans won't stay up! I love pipes and the girl in room 305.

**Where are you right now?**

I am currently posing in my portrait with a wrench trying to impress the girl in room 305.

**What are your likes?**

I like it when people's pipes break and they call on me to fix them. And don't forget the girl in room 305.

**What are your dislikes?**

Being in this stupid frame! All because I got somewhat smushed by that pipe incident a few hundred years ago, I can't fix pipes any more and the girl in room 305 can't see me!!

**What's your favorite saying?**

A high maintenance woman don't want no maintenance man.

**What was the 'pipe' incident?**

I was trying to fix a pipe the same time the stupid basilisk was trying to clean it. That's all I need to say on that matter.

**What if the girl in room 305 came into the headmaster's office?**

I would stare at her forever. And maybe drool.

**What if the girl in room 305 was really Draco Malfoy?**

Yeah, that's really going to happen.

**Does this 'girl' have platinum hair? Maybe….Does she talk with a lisp?**

What are you suggesting?

**Are you doubting yourself now?**

Would you go away you _**CENSORED**_ piece of _**CENSORED**_ paper!!

-&-

AN: Dippet is a portrait! He's in the headmaster's office! Chapter by flammingbunnies! Thanks! Phineas Nigellus is taken, but all my readers are welcome to send in a chapter for a ghost or portrait!


	143. Phineas Nigellus

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**Who are you?**

Foolish knave, I am Phineas Nigellus Black.

**Age?**

Methinks I wishest not to answereth thine foolish query

**Describe yourself.**

Methinks I am meself!! Huzzah!

**What are your likes?**

Me likes the Bard, iambic pentameter, and thou- if thou dost remembreth to useth thine Queen's English!

**What are your dislikes?**

Me disliketh them foul communists and mine foolish great-great-grandson, who beeth also a communist!

**What are you currently thinking about?**

Methinks what me shalt thinketh! Art thou a communist?

**What is your…er, thine…favorite saying?**

Mine favorite saying doth be: "But soft! What light through yonder window breaks! It is the East, and thou, fair Juliet, are a communist!"

**If you could be any character in a Shakespearean play, who would you be?**

I wouldst be Romeo, (Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo! Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or at least swear thy love, and I'll no longer be a Capulet!)

**How cultured are you?**

Methinks if I hath memorized all of Macbeth I wouldst be more cultured than any foolish knave!

**Wouldst thou rather die or be immortal?**

Methinks I wouldst rather dieth, for all the great Shakespearean character shalt die, or there wouldst not be a play! The play's the thing!

**What is your greatest wish?**

Mine greatest wish is to perform at the Globe!

**What is the first thing you do when you wake up?**

I doth reciteth all the Bard's masterpieces!

**Edgar Allan Poe or Emily Dickinson?**

Neither, for I shalt adoreth the Bard and his works all mine days! Methinks also the Poe knave and the Dickinson wench both be communists!

-&-

AN: Chapter by toujourspurPAL! Thanks! Only the Fat Friar and Nearly Headless Nick (I'm surprised no one's sent him in yet; he's the first person I think of when I think 'ghost') are left! But, since I only have two ghosts yet, if you want to send in their chapter, send it in a review (or pm), like NOW. The first person to send in a chapter (if multiple people send in a character's chapter) will get their chapters posted, so, sorry if your chapter isn't posted!


	144. Nearly Headless Nick

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Nearly Headless Nick. And today's the 500th anniversary of my death-day!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm OLDER now! Squee!

**Where are you right now?**

At my death-day party! Where there's rotten food!

**What are your likes?**

My death-days! They make me feel special-like!

**What are your dislikes?**

My non-death-days…. They stink… especially when they're in a row… 364 days that AREN'T my death-day… it's so horrible…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

GASP! I just realized, my death-day's almost OVER! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**What's your favorite saying?**

It's your death-day! It's your death-day! Party like it's on sale for 19.99!

**Who has the best death-days, like EVER?**

ME! And if you say that's wrong, then you DIE!

**How celebratory do you think you are?**

I AM THE _KING _ OF CELEBRATORY! BWA-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

**Would you rather have Voldemort or Umbridge at your death-day party?**

Voldemort! Then we can play dress-up the evil overlord who's making everyone's life miserable! (though, everyone thinks it's _desecrate_ the evil overlord who's making everyone's life miserable) But, either way, it's _everyone's_ favorite game!

**What if the Fat Friar had a better Death Day party then you?**

THEN HE WILL DDDIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

**Thing you do most of the day?**

Make plans for my next death-day party! Starting the day after my death-day party from the year before!

**Biggest wish for the world?**

That the world could know of my renound death-day parties, and NOT COMPETE WITH ME!

**Have you ever ran out of time?**

Psh! Nah… How could you EVER run out of time for MY party!

**Time or minions?**

Wow…. Random much? But that reminds me! I only have a few hours left in my death-day! So BOW DOWN TO ME, MY DEATH-DAY MINIONS (WHICH IS ALL OF YOU)!

-&-

AN: Yeah…. I couldn't think of anything else, and since my brother's birthday was yesterday… well, yeah… Review!

(_I _wrote this chapter! Isn't that amazing!)


	145. The Fat Friar

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I won nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

The Fat Friar! And I'm a ghost! Does it look like I have an age? (At least one I count)

**Describe yourself.**

I have no clue why they call me the Fat 'Friar'.

I'm an atheist.

**Where are you right now?**

At a Scientology cult meeting… with Tom Cruise! He goes to my church of Scientology!

**What are your likes?**

Long brown robes… why else would you think I wear them? What, because I joined the Domincan friars? Psh, yeah right! They can't even sing! Their songs are all these weird chant-y things!

**What are your dislikes?**

People who think I'm Christian… that's INSULTING!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Just because I have male pattern baldness, people think I'm a friar…

Well, guess, what? I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO HAVE THAT LITTLE (FINE, BIG) PATCH OF HAIR ON THE TOP OF MY HEAD BE SHAVED OFF! WHATEVER SUPERNATURAL BEING THERE IS HATES ME, AND GAVE ME MALE PATTERN BALDNESS! GRRRRRRRRR!

Sorry, REALLY needed to let that out…

**Who mocks you the most in life?**

Gods… supernatural beings… whatever you decide to call them…

But, whoever they are, they must HATE me, because they landed me with obesity, balding patterns, at MIDDLE AGE. Drat the world…

**How evil do you think you are?**

Depends. Are we looking through my eyes, or the eyes of some religious group?

**Would you rather act really strange or sacrifice a human?**

First option. Which is why I chose Scientology.

**What if there was no such thing as religion?**

Technically, science is religion. Because, early religions were made to explain the happenings of the world (that gods caused it), and science does the exact same thing.

So, I suppose we'd still have a religion of sorts.

**First thing you do to be admitted to a cult?**

Okay, Scientology isn't THAT much of a cult!

**Wish for the future?**

Er…. The gods won't decide to kill me?

That sounds nice…

**Have you ever had to walk on egg shells to join a club?**

Um…. Well, about that…. See-

HEY! YOU'RE MAKING A CRACK ON SCIENTOLOGY, AREN'T YOU?

**Christianity or Muslim?**

Did you know that in Europe, even in the Renaissance ages, you were forced into being Christian? And that if you didn't attend church, you could be fined? It's true! And then, Iranians have to be Muslim because their government says so?

I don't know… I wouldn't want to be forced into some religion like that….

-&-

AN: Again, I will say THIS DOES NOT REPRESENT MY PERSONAL VIEWS, like I say in my disclaimer every chapter. I don't want to be making fun of your religion. I am Christian, and I would never want to insult that. If you're insulted, please tell me! This doesn't represent my personal views, but I will take the chapter down if you are insulted, because religion can be a touchy subject. Now, besides that, I know it's not that great, but I couldn't think of anything else. And that was the last ghost/portrait, and we have now moved on to the ministry! Feel free to send in a chapter for any ministry worker (or Daily prophet writer)! Review!


	146. Cornelius Fudge

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Cornelius Fudge. I am the same age as the guy who just opened the crumpetstore across the street. Would you like a crumpet?

**Describe yourself.**

I like crumpets! I wear a lime green bowler hat that is the symbol of the crumpet lovers society.

**Where are you right now?**

At a ministry meeting surrounded by my fellow crumpet lovers!

**What are your likes?**

Why, crumpets, of course!

**What are your dislikes?**

Rufus Scrimgeour... People think that because he doesn't enjoy my crumpet meetings while You-Know-Who-I'm-Talking-About is out and fighting.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Crumpety crumpets from Crumpetville in the land of Crumpets!

**Who is you're hero?**

Why, whoever invented crumpets, of course!

**How crumpety do you think you are?**

Extremely!

**Would you rather eat a biscuit or a roll?**

Neither! I would rather eat a crumpet.

**What if there was no such thing as crumpets?**

NO!

...Oh, was that hypothetical?

Sorry. Ahem.

**First thing you do before you eat crumpets?**

LE GASP! Wait to eat my crumpety goodness? I THINK NOT!

**Wish for the future?**

That the world would be filled with giant crumpets thus ending world hunger and giving me crumpety goodness.

**Have you ever had to go three hours with out eating a crumpet?**

GASPETH! Has this happened to you? Oh you poor thing! Have a crumpet and feel

better!

**Crumpets or Crumpets?**

...

-&-

AN: Chapter by Goldenfeather! Feel free to send in another chapter for a ministry worker!


	147. Ludo Bagman

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Ludo Bagman! And I'm just a bit older than the company that I work for!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm a salesperson! I bet you're excited!

**Where are you right now?**

Selling stuff! Our plastic water bottles are selling for half off right now!

**What are your likes?**

Tricking people into handing over their wallet- I MEAN, selling stuff!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those people who have to 'look around' for like EVER before they actually buy something. Cause they want the 'best deal'. I'll give you the best deal! Grrr!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Being a door to door salesman…. That's fun… exercise AND selling stuff!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Buy my product! OR DIE! Hehe… forget that last part…

**Who is your favorite person in the whole wide world?**

ME! I can SELL stuff! And I LIKE people who can sell stuff!

**How eccentric are you?**

ECCENTRIC? That's practically my MIDDLE NAME! That's what they call me! The eccentric salesman guy!

**Would you rather sell or buy?**

Are you CRAZY? Sell, OF COURSE!

**What if you had to sell a bunch of crumpets?**

Hm…. that's always a tough one….. But I'd have to say I'd go to Umbridge. She's in the middle of a love affair with Fudge (tell me, who DOESN'T know that?), and so of course, she would get them to give to her 'secret' lover.

Plus, she's fat. Why wouldn't she want them for herself?

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Sell something! Usually to my bird, cause people aren't round me that early in the morning… Well, people that would trust in something they bought from me….

**Wish for your future?**

That I could become the best salesman to EVER EXIST! BWA-HAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

**Have you ever gone crazy?**

Not yet…. Bu when I become the best salesman to ever exist, I will go CRAZY WITH POWER! BWA-HA-HA!

**Free bees or freebies?**

Freebies… that's IT! If someone sends in twenty of those 'Do Not Remove' labels from the mattresses I'm selling, PLUS fiftenn dollars, I'll send them a little cheap trinket that only cost less than a dollar to make! IT'S GENIUS!

-&-

AN: Weird, I know…. Feel free to send in a ministry worker's chapter! Review!


	148. Barty Crouch Sr

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: IMPORTANT! READ BEFORE CHAPTER! UNLESS YOU'RE BRITISH! THEN YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND READ THE CHAPTER! Okay, so GiddyGirlie sent in this chapter, and added this little blurb about what she was talking about. I found it VERY useful, because I am American, and so have no clue about 'football' at all. Not the American football (and I don't have that great of a clue about that either, as I'm not that into sports). And, so, here it is. "Manchester United are an English club based in the Northern city of...Manchester! Football is the equivalent to soccer in America. They are currently managed by Sir Alex Ferguson, under whom they have won ten Premier Leagues. The Premier League is the top division of the biggest footballing competition in England. The Treble was won in the 1989 season and in England this means winning three competitions...the Premiership, the FA Cup and the Champions League. Manchester United have just won the 2007/08 Premiership, which counts towards my euphoria over this chapter. (: Hope this helps". Have fun reading the chapter!

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

My name is Bartemius Crouch and I am exactly 63 years old. It's 1994 now, and 63 years ago it was 1931! You know what Manchester United were doing in 1931? They came 12th in the second division of the Premier League! Look where they are now!

**Describe yourself.**

I am the Number One Manchester United Football Fan! Right now, I am celebrating the fact that Manchester United are the Premiership Champions of the 199394 season!

**Where are you right now?**

I am in a Muggle pub in Manchester, celebrating with my Muggle friends with a pint of this mysterious 'Guinness'. I don't know how Muggles come up with this stuff, but it's good.

**What are your likes?**

Manchester United FC, Sir Alex Ferguson and Guinness. I also like Eric Cantona and everyone else who plays for this club. And Old Trafford is like, amazing! Muggles are so cool, you know, I can't understand how they can build such a HUGE stadium that can hold so many people without magic! So yeah, I like Muggles too. They're just fantastic!

Oh no! I'm becoming just like Arthur Weasley!

**What are your dislikes?**

Well, I suppose, to preserve my carefully-constructed, non-Manchester United supporting, non-Muggle-loving reputation, I'll have to say Lord Voldemort, Death Eaters and my son. It's true, I do dislike all of those things. But you know who I dislike more? Liverpool FC! And Manchester City FC! And also Quidditch. You know, I'm taking my wild child to the Quidditch World Cup next year, but I'd much rather watch football instead. I think perhaps I'll just let Winky go with him, so I can watch football replays on my portable TV.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How Manchester United are totally amazing!

Also how Guinness is much nicer than Firewhiskey. Yum. Slurp.

**What's your favorite saying?**

'TAKE ME HOME, UNITED ROAD!' or, 'OOH, AHH, CANTONA...'

You know, every United anthem is pretty awesome. As is Guinness!

**Who is the best footballer to ever play for Manchester United FC?**

Ouch. That's a toughie. Well, I mean, Eric Cantona's amazing. But then again, so was George Best. Hmm. I don't know. Don't pressure me, I'm drinking Guinness!

**How knowledgeable do you think you are?**

About the habits of Death Eaters and Manchester United, very! But I feel very ignorant on the subject of Guinness. I must find out more about it.

**Would you rather go and cheer on Liverpool FC or boo at Manchester United**

**FC?**

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I COULD NEVER DO EITHER OF THESE THINGS?

_This is Romilda Vane. Would you like a stress ball, Mr. Crouch?_

_--Romilda Vane_

No, I'm quite all right now.

**What if you were told that Manchester United would win the Treble?**

Even I'm not that big a fan. I mean, sure, we're great. But the Treble? Purlease.

**Where would you like to spend the day of 11th May 2008?**

Er, I don't know. Watching Manchester United win a big game! Yeah, that'd be cool.

**Who do you wish was your only son?**

George Best. Sniff. I'd be so proud. As opposed to this devil child that Merlin has cursed-- I mean, blessed me with.

**Have you ever been to Old Trafford?**

Hell yes!

**Matt Busby or Alex Ferguson?**

How could you ask me this? I don't know! I just can't choose between two such amazing managers of Manchester United FC! GRR! LEAVE ME TO CELEBRATE!

_This is Romilda Vane. OK._

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: This was GiddyGirlie's chapter! (If you didn't understand it at all, you might have overlooked the author's note at the top that said 'important, read if you are not British!' Or something like that…) Any of you guys are welcome to send in a chapter for a ministry worker!


	149. Amelia Bones

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Amelia Bones! And to find out my age, just look at my bone marrow! Bones can tell so much!

**Describe yourself.**

Bones are my life!

**Where are you right now?**

Demanding that Susan (my niece) should keep her last name when she gets married to whats-his-name (Ernie MacMillan? Or was it Justin Finch-Fletchley? Oh, that's it! Zacharias Smith!). Bones is an AWESOME name, and she BETTER keep it!

**What are your likes?**

Bones!

**What are your dislikes?**

Tissue… it can't fossilize like bones, and it's just not as cool!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I first became obsessed with bones… See, I was watching American T.V., and I decided to watch this show called 'Bones', cause I thought it might be about my family. Well it wasn't. It was about this woman who solves murders by looking at bones! Yay! And that's how I became obsessed with bones… and other CSI type shows…

**What's your favorite saying?**

CSI Miami, here I come!

**Who makes your bed?**

Me! And I couldn't do it without my bones!

**How beautiful do you think you are?**

Very! I have bones, don't I? And I'll be even more beautiful when I'm a skeleton!

**Would you rather fall off a balance beam, or get strangled by a climbing rope?**

Climbing rope. The first option could hurt my beautiful bones!

**What if you went to Iran?**

I would buy one of those little boxes made out of camel bones! That'd be so awesome!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Sing the bones song! It helps prepare me for a happy day!

The toe bone connects to the foot bone!

The foot bone connects to the leg bone!

The leg bone connects to the-

_This is Romilda Vane. I had to stop Bones here, cause she was REALLY getting on my nerves._

_--Romilda Vane_

Hmph…

**Wish for the world?**

To get rid of invertebrates… who are obviously trying to rid the world of beautiful beautiful bones…

**Have you ever gone to jail?**

Yes… I tried to steal King Tut's bones… but they wouldn't let me…

**Milk or soda?**

MILK! It's good for bones!

And I like bones…

-&-

AN: They actually do make boxes from camel bones in Iran (they don't kill the camels just for the bones, though, don't worry about that). I've seen the little boxes, and they're really beautiful. I'm open to any chapters for ministry members (Rufus Scrimgeour, Dirk Cresswell, Amos Diggory, Mafalda Hopkirk, Perkins, Umbridge, and there might be a few more). Review!


	150. Pius Thicknesse

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name?**

I'm Pius. Do you want to know my last name? Then give me a T-H-I-C-K-N-E-Double S-E! What does that spell? THICKNESSE! WO!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm head cheer-leader for the Ministry of Magic's Quidditch team. The M.O.M Crumpets! WO!

**Where are you right now?**

On the Quidditch field helping our mascot perfect the crumpet dance. Fudge is a great asset to our team!

**What are your likes?**

Cheerleading and spirit!

I've got spirit!

Yes I do!

I've got spirit!

How about you?

**What are your dislikes?**

Dolores Umbridge. I think she's planning to take over my job as cheer leading captain.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

My new cheer! You want to hear it?

2,4,6,8! Who's the one who's really great?

The Crumpets!

What? Huh?

The Crumpets!

Oh yeah!

3,6,9,12! I've got something I can tell!

We're gonna' beat you!

Oh yeah!

We're gonna beat you!

That's right!

Isn't it great?

**What's your favorite saying?**

You might good at Gobstones and you might be good at Charms!

But when it comes to Quidditch we could beat you with no arms,

So just step back!

Step back get off the pitch.

Step back I'll tell you this,

We're gonna' beat you!

_That was the longest saying I've ever heard in my life and possibly the most disturbing._

_--Romilda Vane_

If that's the most disturbing then you clearly have not met Umbridge.

**Who makes your cheers?**

Me! I've got a cheer for making cheers! Do you want to hear it?

_No that's quite all right._

_--Romilda Vane._

**How peppy do you think you are?**

Very! Listen to this peppy cheer!

Give me a P! Please play your Quidditch well.

Give me an E! Everyone's watching, watching you!

P! Practice till you get it right!

P! Perfection puts your goals in sight!

Give me a Y! YOU GOTTA' CHEER REALLY LOUD! CHEER REALLY LOUD!

1, 2, 3, 4!

**Would you rather never cheer again or paint you nails black?**

LE GASP! Never cheering again? That would destroy me! But painting my nails black is so un-peppy! I'M SO CONFUSED!

**Wish for the world?**

That it could be filled with pep and joy!

**Have you ever gone to a football game?**

Yeah! I was a cheerleader and our team won! The goalie was turned purple by the opposing team though... They really do hold a grudge!

**Pep or Pepper?**

Definitely pep!

Pepper makes me sneeze...

-&-

AN: Another chapter by Goldenfeather! (Not so surprising, with the trademark 'LE GASP'. I'd be surprised it she hasn't already copyrighted that and 'GASPETH' : ) ). Anyway… feel free to send in chapters for ministry workers! There's Umbridge, Dirk Cresswell, Rufus Scrimgeour, Amos Diggory, Mafalda Hopkirk, Bertha Jorkins, and Perkins! (You can also send in characters I've failed to mention)


	151. Mafalda Hopkirk

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Mafalda Hopkirk. And I'm just as old as those idiots up on the stage. Yet I'm so much wiser then them. Go figure.

**Describe yourself.**

The only sane female in the ministry.

**Where are you?**

At lunch. In the ministry's cafeteria. Yes, it has one of those. I like to think of the ministry of magic as just one big school… for grown-ups that are even more idiotic then their child counterparts.

**What are your likes?**

Eating my lunch… reading a book… anything that's NOT what those IDIOTS are doing…

**What are your dislikes?**

The thought that all females apparently go INSANE at thought of a measly _dance_.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, I suppose I could explain it….

See, every year, at the end of May, the ministry holds a party for it's workers. A _dance_, really. And this year, they're letting ministry workers come in during lunch to help plan out the _dance_.

And those people are currently on the stage flaunting that they are BETTER than us.

Pft.

**What is your favorite saying?**

Idiots….

**Who are the most idiotic group of people you have ever met?**

Females…

I know that insults me, but COME ON. Practically the whole female population of the ministry is up there, gushing their guts out about how the poorly funded _dance_ should somehow have hand-beaded, hand-made SILK tablecloths, which will OBVIOUSLY get stained, considering the guys I work with (cough, Thicknesse, cough).

**How girly do you think you are?**

ME? GIRLY? WHO THE _**CENSORED**_ DO YOU THINK I AM? Because I am most CERTAINTLY _NOT_ one of those girls up on the stage with Fudge planning out some _dance!_

And I bet they're talking about their dresses, too…

I hate that. Do you know HOW MANY times I have been stuck listening to that STUPID, BRAINLESS, conversation?

Too many!

All the 'I'm going strapless!'

'Mine's going to be satin!'

'Mine's going to match the decorations!'

'I want it to be, you know, casual, but dressy at the same time!'

_How is that even DONE?_

**Would you rather be stuck in a closet for a week with Bertha Jorkins or Dolores Umbridge?**

JORKINS! Have you SEEN how girly Umbridge is? She's- _it's_ IMPOSSIBLY girly!

But, I'm still pretty surprised that Bertha is helping to plan the _dance_…

I thought she was above that!

Shows how much a _dance_ can make you girly…

**What if you went to Paris?**

Oh! I forgot to mention! They're planning the _dance_ as a 'Night in Paris'. There is no way in HELL that we have enough money in our budget for the _dance_ to pay for that! Hell, there isn't enough money in our TOTAL budget for what those girls want!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Sleep. Because I don't have to wake up at the crack of dwan to start making myself pretty.

Or have to toss and turn in bed at night because I'm worried that the _decorations_ wouldn't be put up in the _exact _place you thought they should.

**Wish for world improvement?**

To stop sexism…. Have you noticed how NO guys are up there (except Fudge. But he HAS to be up there. Though… he does look like he's enjoying it…) And It's just like how when they do the recruitments for Quidditch teams, girls aren't really on the stage! They just think 'oh! I'll break a nail if I play Quidditch!' It's STUPID!

STOP THE SEXISM! BE LOYAL TO _BOTH_ YOUR FEMININE _AND_ MACHO SIDES!

**Have you ever wanted a bowl of ice?**

No… so I don't know why they need to bring a bowl of ice up to the stage, for the girls who are planning the _dance!_ What's the POINT of the ice?

I bet they're sitting up there right now, going 'ha! I have ice and you don't! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!'

I seriously wouldn't be surprised if they were actually doing that right now…

DON'T LAUGH AT ME!

**Dance or read a book?**

Read a book. That is definitely what I'm doing on the night of the _dance_.

You didn't seriously _think _that I'd go to the _dance?_

-&-

AN: Please don't take this to be offensive! Oh, and this chapter was written by ME. Yes, books4evah. Not Goldenfeather or GiddyGirlie or someone else… ME. Surprised, huh? So am I! And all other ministry chapters are open! Review!


	152. Amos Diggory

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Amos Diggory, and I'm six years older than Kevin Cresswell, the cutest first year, EVER!

**Describe yourself.**

Dirk's favorite seventh year! And if I'm not, then I'll just have to get rid of the competition! Hahahahahaha!

**Where are you right now?**

Scouring the mass of students in the great hall for Kevin.

**What are your likes?**

Kevin! Squee!

**What are your dislikes?**

That Kevin won't admit his name is Kevin! He keeps saying it's Dirk! Dirk Cresswell? Pfft! Yeah right!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Kevin! And his dreamy, luscious locks of blonde hair! Drool…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Kevin is the cutest!

**Who is your fiercest competition?**

Arthur Weasley! I know he's my friend and all, but WHEN will he realize that Kevin is MINE, and that PERKINS is his?! And we SHARE Fudge!

**How flirtatious do you think you are?**

Um… I don't know about me, but it's funny to watch Kevin flirt! He's like two heads shorter than all the girls, and so it's so funny to watch!

Hehe…

**Would you rather skip Transfiguration, or see your friends?**

See Kevin! I do that anyway! When the bell rings, I hang around the History of Magic class, and wait for Kevin! I make sure I go REAL slow, so Arthur always gets annoyed with me! Says he doesn't want to miss Transfiguration.

Hmph. I'd rather see Kevin.

**What if Kevin wasn't a name?**

KEVIN NOT A NAME? HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK IT?

If Kevin isn't a name, then Kevin won't have the perfect-test name EVER! WAAAAAH! Kevin isn't a Dirk at all!

**First thing you do after lunch?**

Well my friends say I stalk Kevin… I DON'T! I CAREFULLY OBSERVE HIM!

**Wish for the world?**

That everyone was like Kevin…

**Have you ever been really, really, really, really so-happy-you're-about-to-burst ecstatic?**

Yes! After I see Kevin! Squee! Kevin's so cool!

**Kevin or Dirk?**

Dirk? Ew! KEVIN!

Have you not been reading what I've been writing?

Well… toodle-doo! Off to CAREFULLY OBSERVE Kevin!

-&-

AN: Okay, this isn't THAT far off from reality… I have a friend who's completely obsessed with this sixth grader. And I based this entire chapter off of things she's done herself. Dirk Cresswell, Bertha Jorkins, Perkins, Rufus Scrimgeour, and Umbridge are still up, if anyone wants to send in a chapter! Review!


	153. Dirk Cresswell

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Dirk Cresswell (NOT Kevin Cresswell, despite what Amos Diggory says)…. And why oh why must I be six years younger than Amos Diggory? WHY NOT SEVEN?

**Describe yourself.**

I'm being stalked. By seventh years…. It's scary…

**Where are you right now?**

A broomcloset… those seventh years would NEVER expect me to be in a broom closet. Especially not with someone as ugly as this 'Romilda Vane' person…

_This is Romilda Vane. I take offense to that. DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Great… now someone else is going to follow me around.

Though this one's trying to kill me.

That's a bit better than what Diggory does…

**What are your likes?**

First years! My fellow first years! They are much better friends than Amos Diggory will ever be!

**What are your dislikes?**

Amos Diggory… Bloody stalker… And maybe Arthur Weasley, too… he's just not as bad as Diggory…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Do you suppose they have a Stalked Person Protection Program? Just like the one for witnesses?

**What's your favorite saying?**

GET AWAY FROM ME, DIGGORY! AND YOU TOO, WEASLEY!

Though, I suppose for it to be my favorite saying, I have to LIKE saying it…. and I don't like the circumstances under which I have to say it….

Though, I'd like ANYTHING that gets Diggory away…

**Who do you think needs a straight jacket?**

Diggory! He may be Head Boy, but he DEFINITELY has some problems…

**How paranoid do you think you are?**

Well... after first year started, I became quite paramoid. And I've never been prarnoid before, IN MY LIFE.

_**CENSORED**_ Diggory.

_This is Romilda Vane. I didn't know that first years KNEW such language…_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Would you rather never flirt again, or be interrupted every time you flirt?**

First one, I guess. I'm already interrupted every time I flirt by Diggory…. He thinks it's 'sooo cute' when I flirt… I hate him….

And it's not like I'll ever get a girlfriend, not with Diggory's jealousy problems…

**What if you could never see another human again?**

I'd do it! I mean, ANYTHING to get rid of Diggory!

**First thing you do after Potions?**

AVOID DIGGORY. He always comes this way after his Charms class, and tries to bump into me! So I have to run away! Every single day!

**One biggest wish?**

Why, oh why, couldn't my stalker be a GIRL? Then I could show off! Say seventh year girls love me! Then everyone would flock around me!

I hate Diggory's parents for not having a girl…

**Have you ever had a case of mistaken identity?**

Yes… DIGGORY KEEPS CALLING MY KEVIN! I'M NOT KEVIN! IT'S DIRK!

**Amos Diggory or Arthur Weasley?**

Neither. I'd rather have Mafalda Hopkirk… their other friend… sometimes when they stalk me after Potions, Mafalda comes along, because she was walking with them to their next class…

She's pretty cute…

Why couldn't SHE be my stalker?

-&-

AN: A continuation of the stalker thing with Diggory… And if anyone wants to send in a chapter, the ministry members left include Bertha Jorkins, Perkins, Rufus Scrimgeour, and Umbridge! Review!


	154. Dolores Jane Umbridge

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. This doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I didn't update yesterday. I know. I was at my cousin's graduation from UVA, and so had to leave at seven in the morning, and got back at nine thirty at night. Sorry if you were utterly disappointed (Which means I'm not sorry if you were only disappointed. ;) ).

On another note… Who saw Prince Caspian! I did! And my six year old sister added her own soundtrack of whimpering! I loved the two and a half hours STRAIGHT of violence, but I couldn't stop thinking about Caspian. He fricking looks like Sirius BLACK! I SWEAR! It's true! And he's cute too… Not Ron material, though.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Dolores Jane Umbridge! I'm as old as Fudge is tall!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm in a secret affair with Fudge!

**Where are you right now?**

With Fudge…. Rawrr…

Too bad we're only going over work….

With _other_ people….

**What are your likes?**

Fudge… that hunk-a-licious-hunk he is….

**What are your dislikes?**

The fact that I am, unfortunately, NOT in a secret affair with Fudge.

WAAAAAAHHHHH!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Fudge… as always…And his abs, which could put Arnold Schwarzenegger to shame…

And the good looks, which can put Ron Weasley to shame…

And the hotness, which can put James Potter to shame… Ooh… he was a feisty one. I would know. I was in his fan club!

**Who makes your bed?**

I do, but I've always wanted to make it, with Fudge in it! Drool….

**How sexy do you think you are?**

Oooh! Have you SEEN me in my seduce-Fudge outfit? Oh yeah! I'm sexy! I have this halter top, skinny, pink pleather shorts… and all in this XXXXXXXL size, that hugs me to the bone!

**Would you rather see Fudge die, or eat fudge?**

Eat FUDGE? AAAAAHHHH! I SWORE OFF FUDGE-EATING! IT'S PRACTICALLY CANNIBALISTIC!

And doesn't help when I'm getting into my seduce-Fudge outfit, either….

**What if fudge ceased to exist?**

I'd tell people to eat Fudge instead! He's just as tasty (maybe even more)! And much more sexy!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Define morning…. See, I don't sleep, because I spend that time lovingly watching Fudge… he's a beautiful sleeper….

**Wish for the obese children in parts of the U.S.?**

THAT THEY STOP EATING FUDGE! ONLY I'M ALLOWED TO EAT HIM! Or anything really… FUDGE IS _MINE!_

**Have you ever wondered how fudge is made?**

Well, I'm quite sure you've heard the birds and the bees talk…. When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…. Yeah, that _**CENSORED**_.

That _**CENSORED**_ that I'm DYING to do to Fudge.

_This is Romilda Vane. TOO MUCH INFORMATION! I AM PRACTICALLY SCRAPING MY TONGUE OFF NOW!_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Fudge or fudge?**

Well… actually, I've always wanted to get my very own Fudge, covered in fudge! Now, wouldn't THAT be fun?

-&-

AN: Yes, I know, you'll be having problems sleeping at night. Well, I DON'T CARE! You DID want me to update soon! : ) Review!


	155. Perkins

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Perkins! And my brothers always said that people with weird names don't get ages….

They have weird names too….

My brothers just say that it only applies to me…

So, I have no age!

**Describe yourself.**

I come from a weird family.

We all have weird names.

And our names are all only one name.

No last name.

No middle name.

Just one name.

**Where are you?**

At the most dysfunctional family reunion… EVER.

**What are your likes?**

That I at least got the sanity in the family. My parents gave us messed up names (Perkins. What kind of name is THAT?). My siblings are worse.

**What are your dislikes?**

My siblings…. Insanity all around.

Don't get me wrong.

I love them.

But sometimes…. It's a bit too much.

I have a little brother. He calls himself Jimbo. His name is Lawrence.

I have an older sister. She was named 'Brandon'.

_This is Romilda Vane. Ooh… I pity her. My middle name is Brandon. Not fun…_

_--Romilda Vane_

Poor you…

I have an older brother. He has a gang (the nerdiest gang around…. WHAT? He and his friends are NERDS. I swear). And he calls his gang the 'green-glove' gang.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHY I DON'T HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY? WHY? WHY, WHATEVER SUPERNATURAL BEING IS OUT THERE?_ WHY?_

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Parents should never be allowed to name their kids again.

Let's give some examples of why…

There was a couple in New Zealand. They wanted to name their son '4Real', but couldn't, since they weren't allowed to have digits in names. They then started thinking about 'Superman'.

There is a celebrity who named his son Banjo.

There is another celebrity couple who named their daughter Jagger Blue, or something.

There was a pair of twins named 'Winner' and 'Loser'.

MENTAL TRAUMA! THESE PARENTS CAUSED MENTAL TRAUMA! MINE DID TOO! STOP THEM!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Christening people (or naming them, whatever…) is the worst custom…. EVER.

It causes so much trauma!

**Who, that you know, would have a creepy name if they were the opposite sex?**

My friend… she would have been Ariel if she had been a guy… sad…

**How stereotyped do you think you are?**

Very! Because my name is Perkins, people think I'm old and boring! I'm not!

**Would you rather be named Olga or Nicolette?**

That one… so old… And every guy says 'Olga', every girl says 'Nicolette'. I'd say Nicolette, cause it's A LOT more normal… sort of…

**What if you were the opposite gender?**

Then you'd be reading the words of Hermina, not Perkins.

**First thing you'd do if you became a muggle?**

Change my name! Wizards can't do that!

**Wish for the world?**

That celebrities would stop naming their kids…

**Have you ever been utterly creeped out by a choice in name?**

YES! My older brother wants to name his children Mufasa and Freudrich! Is that NORMAL?

**Bilius or Tom?**

TOM! TOM IS NICE! NICE AND NORMAL! THAT'S WHAT I ALWAYS SAY! Hehe…

-&-

AN: That was fun… You know, my older brother actually wants to name his children Mufasa and Freudrich… can't remember what he'd name his daughter… Review!


	156. Bertha Jorkins

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing! This doesn't represent my personal views!

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Bertha Jorkins! And age is a weird thing…. I've had so many discussions about it!

**Describe yourself.**

I'm the guru of weird discussions!

**Where are you right now?**

In the middle of a conversation!

(If this questionnaire wasn't going to be in a book, I'd be very mad. Interrupting others' conversations is VERY rude)

**What are your likes?**

Conversations. Mostly, I like weird ones.

**What are your dislikes?**

Awkward silences.

You know, I heard once (through a conversation, of course), that every awkward silence, a gay baby is born.

No offense to gay people though.

I think Fudge told me that….

I also think that Fudge was born during an awkward silence…

Might explain why he turns down Umbridge down.

Even when she's in her pink, Seduce-Fudge outfit.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Reincarnation. That's what we were talking about. BERFORE we were interrupted.

Not that I mind!

I get to be in a BOOK!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Hm… I don't know… I know so MANY great sayings, through all of my weird conversations!

**Who do you think is very thoughtful?**

I must say, Plato.

We had just been talking about his theory of reincarnation.

If a person is good all their life, they are reincarnated into a person again.

If they're bad, they get turned into a worse being.

Hitler would be a cockroach.

**How talkative do you think you are?**

I'm the guru of weird conversations! Of course I'm talkative! And I'm proud of it!

…Except for when I lose the quiet game in the first minute….

**Would you rather be lectured, or get the silent treatment?**

The lecture! I can take those, and make them into weird conversations! It always works!

Like the time in muggle studies, when Burbage was going on about when she was young…

And I started talking about the weird things muggles did when she was growing up!

And their lectures about walking through the snow for five miles to get to school…

Why not just whip out their broomsticks?

Well… anyway, the silent treatment is just another awkward silence, to me…

**What if you had a pushover for a teacher?**

Oooohh…. Good memories there… good memories…

Like that time when a bunch of girls and I just got together for the entire class, and talked about hot guys….

Especially Kingsley Shacklebolt….

…drool…

**First thing you do when you get to a meal?**

Instigate a weird conversation! Oh, there have been so many…

Like the one where my friends and I all told our own versions of Babitty Rabitty and her Cackling Stump!

That was fun…

I never pictured Babitty as being a gangsta….

**Wish for human advancement?**

That we could create even weirder topics to discuss….

Like how phlegm should be a letter of the alphabet!

**Have you ever been in a conversation you couldn't understand?**

Yeah… it was with nerds… and about trigonometry.

See, they were going over a test, and I wanted to join in! So I did!

I will never be as scarred...

Do you KNOW what tangents, and sines, and cosines, and _theta_ are?

Well I don't!

That conversation was DEFINITELY weird (it wasn't even in ENGLISH), but I DIDN'T enjoy it!

**Muggles or wizards?**

Muggles. I can have weirder conversations with them. Cause they think magic is fake, and so aren't serious about it, like wizards.

So fun… so fun…

-&-

AN: Yeah… I don't like it. But, I'm running out of ideas…sigh… Now, Rufus Scrimgeour is the last ministry member left! Then I'm moving on to the next generation (about that, I know J.K. Rowling mentioned some extra names, but I'm staying STRICTLY to the names mentioned in the book. i.e. Teddy, Victoire, Rose, Hugo, James, Albus, Lily, and Scorpius. That's IT). Review!


	157. Rufus Scrimgeour

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rufus Scrimgeour, and since this is going to be in a BOOK, everyone will know my age!

_This is Romilda Vane. I'd like to point out, that BECAUSE you write your age, people will know your age. _

_--Romilda Vane_

NO! They will look up my age! Even stalk me for it! Because they love me so! Since I was in a book!

**Describe yourself.**

About to be in a BOOK!

**Where are you right now?**

Filling out this questionnaire.

Which'll be in a BOOK!

_This is Romilda Vane. Woww…. That's original…_

_--Romilda Vane_

**What are your likes?**

BOOKS! Especially when I'm IN them!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those other people who think that they're so awesome. Because they're NOT!

I AM!

Because I'm going to be in a BOOK!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

BOOKS! And their immense power….

It must be so fun hitting someone over the head with _War and Peace_…

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm going to be in a BOOK!

_This is Romilda Vane. I wasn't expecting THAT…._

_--Romilda Vane_

**Who made the biggest difference in your life?**

Me! Because I'm going to be in a BOOK! It's so WONDERFUL!

_This is Romilda Vane. What about ME? I BROUGHT you that questionnaire! I'M PUBLISHING that book! It's MINE! MINE, YOU HEAR?_

_--Romilda Vane_

Pft. You're just jealous that I'm going to be in a BOOK!

_This is Romilda Vane. Grrrr….._

_--Romilda Vane_

**How famous do you think you are?**

Very! I'm going to be in a BOOK!

_This is Romilda Vane. Jeez… come up with something new to say! And it's not like that many people actually read books… not with all this new technology!_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Would you rather be interesting or famous?**

No need to choose! I'm BOTH! See, I'm going to be in a BOOK!

**What if there was a giant book burning of your favorite book?**

NOOOOOOOO! DON'T! I WAS GOING TO BE IN THAT BOOK! BURN HARRY POTTER INSTEAD! BURN HIM!

_This is Romilda Vane. Nice priorities._

_--Romilda Vane_

**First thing you'll do when this book comes out?**

Wait for my adoring fans to come worship me!

I'll be famous when this BOOK comes out, and I'm IN it!

**Wish for your future?**

That people will understand my fame! I don't want to be another Britney Spears!

**Have you ever been very important?**

YES! In this BOOK (which I'm in!)!

I'm the main character, you see….

It's an honor, really…

_This is Romilda Vane. Are you CRAZY? What happened to the other people (about 170) in this questionnaire?! They're just as important (and maybe more than) you!_

_Idiot!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Ooh… someone's PMSing…

_This is Romilda Vane. You. Will. DIE._

_--Romilda Vane_

You know I'm right!

**Book or movie?**

MOVIE? That's IT! A movie will make me even more famous!

So…. Romilda, when does the movie come out?

I'm cracking out my acting skills! Got to practice!

_This is Romilda Vane. Oh, we'll start filming the movie in a few months. I don't think you're needed though. The part of Rufus Scrimgeour will be played by Brad Pitt, and Romilda Vane will be played by some girl named books4evah._

_--Romilda Vane_

WHAT? REALLY? I WILL FIGHT HIM TO THE DEATH!

_This is Romilda Vane. Sorry, but you can't compete with Brad Pitt. In acting skills, looks…. Or brains._

_--Romilda Vane_

NOOOOOOOO! I WILL STILL WIN!

_This is Romilda Vane. Haha… just kidding…_

_--Romilda Vane_

Yay! I can still make my debut as an actor!

_This is Romilda Vane. Uh…. There is no movie…._

_--Romilda Vane_

Ah MAN! I was counting on starring on 'Hannah Montana' after my debut!

_This is Romilda Vane. Loser._

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: I'm so horrible… actually putting myself in there. I couldn't resist! And WAY too much Romilda Vane. She had 14 messages in there! So… next chapter will be from the next generation! Wow… I'm almost done… Review!


	158. Teddy Lupin and Victoire Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Sorry that I haven't updated this weekend! I was on a weekend trip, and I forgot to give prior notice! I haven't deserted this story! : ) Happy memorial day to my fellow citizens of the U.S. and A!

-&-

_This is Romilda Vane. Okay. Contrary to those rumors circulating about how I hate twins (which I must put down. I mean, okay, so maybe I do force them together. But they are half a person! I mean twins come from the splitting of a fertilized egg! So twins make up one person together! Hah!). Well, anyway, I didn't shove these two together because they are twins (they aren't even twins!) and I definitely didn't shove them in because they're both halfbreeds (one being part werewolf, the other part veela). No. In fact, I just think that those idiots need to finally realize that they are meant for each other! This is just a little shove in the right direction!_

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Teddy Lupin. I'm eighteen.

_Victoire Weasley. Sixteen._

See?! She's two years younger than me! I shouldn't be forced to get together with her!

_And he's going to be old and wrinkly before me! I don't want to kiss old and wrinkly! Ew!_

Thanks.

_No problem._

And isn't that illegal?

_What's illegal?_

Me. An adult. Dating you. A minor.

_It's only really illegal if we, er, well, do that thing…_

Wow. You can't even say _**CENSORED.**_

_Well there are probably children reading this! I don't want them to be mentally traumatized! And anyway, you were censored when you say __**CENSORED**__!_

Why do they need to censor the word _**CENSORED**_?

_It's traumatizing!_

The word _**CENSORED**_is traumatizing? I doubt that.

_To little children!_

Pish, posh. I will say _**CENSORED**_ as much as I like! _**CENSORED**_, _**CENSORED**_, _**CENSORED**_!

_Stop it! think of the children!_

I bet you wish you had children, huh? Well, to have them, you have to have _**CENSORED**_!

_This is Romilda Vane. Alright! Stop already, Lupin, you idiot! That word CAN be mentally traumatizing to children! Just move on to the next question!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Meh…

_Hah!_

Shut up.

**Describe yourself.**

A metamorhphagus.

_Wow… so original…_

Well, what would YOU say?

_I would say you're obsessed with __**CENSORED**_.

WHAT?

_Well, you were talking about how us dating would be illegal. But it only would be if we were having __**CENSORED**_.

So…?

_SO, you think that dating means __**CENSORED**_, _and most likely just that._

Hey, I'm a guy! Don't blame me.

_So that's our description of Teddy Lupin. A guy. Brilliant…_

What about our description of Victoire Weasley?

_Better than Teddy Lupin._

Nah… I was thinking a total nag.

_Well it's hard NOT to be one, when you're around!_

**Where are you right now?**

Well… Victoire's in a hot threesome…. Trying to get that baby she's always dreamed about.

_Are you sure that you aren't talking about yourself? Cause I remember that it was YOU who was always jealous when I got the baby dolls when we were little, and you hated your toy brooms compared to my baby dolls… interesting…_

Shut up!

_Couldn't even come up with something better to say back… so denial…_

**What are your likes?**

_Teddy likes baby dolls._

Well, Victoire likes _**CENSORED**_!

_Teddy, your name isn't Victoire. _

Lalalalalalalalalalalal! I'm not LISTENING!

_Wow… regression to the limit…_

**What are your dislikes?**

Teddy.

_Teddy._

Urgh! I meant Victoire!

_Nice going. Can't even remember your own name._

Stop SNICKERING!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

_Ten thousand ways to brutally murder Teddy Lupin…_

Same with me.

_You're suicidal? I should tell Andromeda!_

Shut up! I meant then thousand ways to kill Victoire Weasley!

_Didn't your mother tell you not to hit girls? Cause that's the same princiapal!_

Die, Weasley, die.

_Aw…. You know you love me!_

I do know- I mean, I will NEVER love you!

_You love- never mind. You didn't mean it. I hate you too!_

**What's your favorite saying?**

_Die Lupin!_

Die Ted-urgh! Die Weasley!

**Who is the hottest guy you've ever seen?**

I refuse to answer that.

_Oh dear Merlin…. There are so many…_

Like me, right? I'm the hottest guy you've ever seen, right?

_Like Kingsley Shacklebolt!_

He's like three times your age!

_So? Oh! There's also Lucas Jordan…. Drool…_

I will have to murder Jordan…

_What was that?_

Nothing!

**How angry do you think you are?**

Very.

_At Vane._

She shoved us together!

_I'm also angry at Lupin. He's to ugly for his own good._

I thought you loved me!

_Dream on, sucker._

**Would you rather kiss Harry Potter, or never get together with your true love?**

_Kiss Uncle Harry? Ew! That's incest!_

You would rather not end up with me?

_Whoa, who said YOU were my true love?_

Um…

_Cause you AREN'T! _

Well I USED to be, right?

_NEVER was, NEVER will!_

WHAT? This is bad… very bad…

**What if you and your best friend were to only human beings left on the planet?**

_No way! I'm not reproducing with Lupin! No way!_

Wait… you consider ME your best friend?

_NOT EVEN FOR THE GOOD OF MANKIND! Wait… what?_

I'm your best friend?

_Of course! I may never love you, cause you're butt ugly, but you're still my best friend!_

Thanks. Loved the comment about my ugliness.

_This is Romilda Vane. Aww….._

_--Romilda Vane_

_Hey! This is private!_

_This is Romilda Vane. This will be published in a BOOK. I don't know how private it's going to be._

_--Romilda Vane_

Oh, _**CENSORED**_.

_This is Romilda Vane. Stop blushing! You guys might break a vein, and I don't want to be liable._

_--Romilda Vane_

Nice, isn't she?

**Last thing you do at night?**

Plot stuff.

_Really? Me too!_

What do you plot?

_How to kill people who want to get the two of us together. And you?_

How to get the two of us- actually, never mind. Nothing important.

**Wish for your future?**

_A giant metal baseball bat._

What for?

_To give to my dad. He likes to be able to ward away suitors of mine._

Um… actually, now that I think about it…forget you. I'm going after Rosie, even if she is half my age.

_What was that?_

Nothing!

**Have you ever been short of breath?**

After running a lap!

_After looking at Teddy…_

Why? Because… you love me?

_Uh… no! Yeah! Because you're so ugly! Hehe…_

**Metamorphagi or Quidditch commentators?**

Er… metamorphagi… I'm one.

_Lucas Jordan is a Quidditch commentator… _

Oh, so you think he's so hot, don't you? Gr…

_Well… actually, if all metamorphagi are like I think they are, then I'd go for them…_

What do you think they're like?

… _you…_

DEAR MERLIN HAVING _**CENSORED**_ WITH MORGANA _AND _AGRIPPA!

_And, besides, with a metamorhphagus, I can have my wildest fantasies with Lucas Jordan…_

Okay, well, I'll ignore that, and say this, cause if I don't, I'll burst.

_Yes…?_

I love you, Victoire Weasley.

_I love you too, Teddy._

YES!

_This is Romilda Vane. That was extraordinarily cheesy, wasn't it? Quite tacky, if you ask me- OI! STOP WITH THE SNOGGING! THIS IS A BOOK FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY!_

_--Romilda Vane_

…..

…..

…..

_This is Romilda Vane. I said, STOP SNOGGING! STOP IT! Ah… what the heck. Apparently you can't hear. Well… it IS interesting to watch, I guess, in a nauseatingly cute sort of way… maybe I can base a steamy romance novel off of it…_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: I can't see this being a book for the whole family… but whatever. So, yes, I'm starting with the new generation! I will be staying strictly with those mentioned in the books, though. So don't be disappointed in the future. Review!


	159. James Potter II

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

James Potter, and my age? Surely you've heard that through the grape vine!

**Describe yourself.**

The gossip queen of the world!

Well… at least the gossip queen of Hogwarts…

**Where are you right now?**

Eavesdropping…

On Teddy and Victoire.

They have the juciest things going on with them.

**What are your likes?**

Money.

And, oh… the parents will pay me a good sum when I'M the one to tell them those Victoire and Teddy are getting engaged…

**What are your dislikes?**

That I have to be the QUEEN of gossip!

Can't people understand that guys gossip as well?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Bringing people to JUSTICE! One day, they WILL realize that guys gossip too!

I will bring their DOWNFALLS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Did you hear about…

Oh, that saying has brought me much joy over the years…

**Who is the biggest hindrance you know?**

The boys in my dormitory!

They don't gossip!

So I can't catch up on my gossip!

That's the ONLY time I wish that I was a girl!

**How talkative do you think you are?**

Very! I AM the gossip queen of Hogwarts!

I have been, since my second year… when I snuck up on Teddy and Victoire snogging, and then told everybody…

That was my first taste of gossip, and after that, I couldn't go back!

**Would you rather only talk about scholarly topics or political topics for the rest of your life?**

No gossip? NOOOOOO!

I'd probably choose the political topics… at least then I can talk about political scandal!

That's always fun! And it's close enough to gossip!

**What if gossip was an international sport?**

I'd get all the gold medals in the Olympics… boo-yaa! I'm not even a muggle!

Yet I can still claim I'm the only wizard that can gossip about muggle stuff.

Like how all the American celebrities are in rehab.

Said, that is…

Oh! And how scandalous some of the American politicians are!

It's scary, really, it is….

**First thing you do after the school day ends?**

I check the notes from my informers, about the newest gossip, and update my gossip chronicle. Yes, I have one of those.

**Wish for you future?**

That I can become the gossip queen of the WORLD!

Then using my gossip power, I can cause the downfall of certain people, and climb the ladder of power…

And eventually, CONQUER THE WORLD! HAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry… but everyone goes insane on this questionnaire. Yes, I know that. I'm the gossip queen of Hogwarts. I was told by some people who've already taken this. Anyway, since everyone else goes insane, I should be entitled to the clichéd 'conquering the world' gig too, right?

**Have you ever not been the gossip queen?**

Yes! I was going through this AWFUL relapse! And -shudder- Romilda Vane's DAUGHTER was the gossip queen! Instead of ME! It was HORRIBLE!

Of course, I brought about her downfall, saying that she had a cat named Orlando Bloom, and she abused it.

People do love Orlando Bloom…

_This is Romilda Vane. Seeing as I'm from the past, giving this questionnaire to James Potter, let's get a few things straight. I have a DAUGHTER? And you brought about her DOWNFALL? DIIIIIIIIEEEE! Don't EVER hurt MY spawn!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Psh… drama queen.

You're just jealous cause YOU were gossip queen when you were in Hogwarts, and now I'm a better gossip queen than you!

**Harry Potter or Ron Weasley?**

Uncle Ron.

Mum said I was like him, and so, that led me to wonder. Is he a gossip KING like me?

Cause, if he is, we have to pool our info…

-&-

AN: I could just see this. Like, how he spied on Victoire and Teddy in the epilogue in the seventh book. Review!


	160. Hugo Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hugo Weasley! And your mum's got an age! And she's OLD!

**Describe yourself.**

Pretty. Unlike your mum! She's so ugly, she looks like a cow, and she's not even a mammal!

_This is Romilda Vane. I was informed by his parents that he is currently going through a phase of 'your mum' retorts, instilled by his Uncle George. Thanks a lot, Weasley. Anyway, if you're going to insult someone, PLEASE get better insults._

_--Romilda Vane_

**Where are you right now?**

With your mum! In bed! Hahahahha!

_This is Romilda Vane. That's sick. What are you? Ten?_

_--Romilda Vane_

Twelve, idiot.

Your mum's more of an idiot, though!

**What are your likes?**

Your mum! Bwa-hah-hah-hah-hah!

I'm hilarious, right?

_This is Romilda Vane. Umm…. NO. NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU FUNNY._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What are your dislikes?**

Your mum is disliked! By EVERYONE! Hehe…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How YOUR MUM can't think!

**What is your favorite saying?**

The way to a man's stomach is through his heart.

What? Did you think it was going to be 'your mum'?

**Who is the fattest person you've ever met?**

Your mum!

Obviously… some people these days…

**How stupid do you think you are?**

Not as stupid as YOUR MUM!

**Would you rather run a lap around China, or pass a house?**

China. At least it's smaller than YOUR MUM, who lives in that house!

**What if there was a genius diet plan?**

Your mum would use it! And end up the weight of a blue whale, even though she lost more than half of her weight! Hah!

**First thing you do before bed?**

Your MUM goes to bed! Hehe…

**Wish for the starving children in third world countries?**

Your MUM wishes SHE was a starving child in a third world country! Maybe then she'd only be the size of a BABY elephant!

**Have you ever Dudley Dursley?**

Don't need to! Your MUM puts him to shame!

**George Weasley or your mother?**

George Weasley! He started me with the 'your mum' insults. And once you go mum, you NEVER go back.

_This is Romilda Vane. Jeez… boy, get better jokes. And insults. Actually, just get a sense of humor, That'd be nice. Now, I must go, and brutally murder a George Weasley…_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Yes… extremely cruddy… well… sorry. I've written 160 chapters, and am getting really uncreative. I know I use that every time, but it would be nice, if, even you aren't sending in chapters, if you could send in ideas! Review!


	161. Lily Potter II

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: Consider this a late memorial day post…. I don't know if I'll still be writing this when July 4th comes around! Yep… this story is coming to an end… sigh…

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Lily Potter II! And I'm as old as America is! Except, take away a few hundred years…

**Describe yourself.**

English. Jeez… England's cool and all… what with our funny accents… but I wish I was AMERICAN!

**Where are you right now?**

Washington D.C.! The capital of an AWESOME country!

**What are your likes?**

The UNITED States of AMERICA!

**What are you dislikes?**

I don't live in America… sob… it's so dreadful….even if England IS so awesome…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How it's so awesome that the U.S.A. became one of the strongest countries in the WORLD, in only about two hundred years…

I'm not sure (I've never really brushed up on my English history), but didn't it take England longer to gain power?

**What's your favorite saying?**

GO AMERICA! WOOT! WOOT!

**Who is the smartest man you've ever known?**

Well… I don't know him PERSONALLY, but I think that BUSH must be pretty smart.

I mean, he IS the president of the U.S.A.

And, Americans wouldn't vote for someone STUPID, right?

**How patriotic do you think you are?**

Er… if I was American… very.

**Would you rather eat Chinese or Italian?**

That's one of the great things about America…

The cuisine there, is sort of a mixing pot of other cultures.

So, you can eat anything you want, practically!

And you don't feel like you should be eating that culture's particular cuisine!

**What if Britain won America's revolutionary war?**

That'd be sad… very sad…

But then I could love America, and still be patriotic to England!

Awesome!

**First thing you do after you reach legal, adult-age?**

Get an American citizenship!

**Wish for the world?**

That everywhere was America…

Suppose that'd put a stop to terrorism?

Hm….

**Have you ever read a whole textbook?**

Yeah! And it was on American history! That was FUN!

Hehe…

**Seattle or L.A.?**

Hm… L.A. perfected the movie-industry…

Seattle invented Starbucks…

So, the real question is, movies or coffee?

Hmm… I don't know…

-&-

AN: So… I would do something about how awesome England is… but American schools don't typically teach English history as a required course… Oh, and funny fact. If you look at the 'who is the smartest person…' question, read the capital-letter words (U.S.A. doesn't count). I didn't realize that it said that, until now. Review!


	162. Rose Weasley

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: So… I collected the names of all the characters I have yet to type up and post. 21 of them, including this chapter. So, in about a month, this story will be complete. I feel like squealing!

Oh… and, also, I'll be introducing a mystery character, who BETTER be near and dear to your hearts… hehe… and you will just have to wait and see to find out who it is…

Unless you guess who it is beforehand.

-&-

**What is your full name and age?**

Rose Weasley. Ugh, I hate my name SO much, its way too girly! Even if I DID have to be born a girl, why couldn't my parents have named me something like Alex or whatever not something gross like ROSE.

Oh, and I'm 12.

**Describe yourself.**

Proud tomboy!

**Where are you right now?**

In the locker room getting ready for Quidditch practice. This year I'm the only girl on the team! I play beater.

**What are your likes?**

Quidditch, hanging out with my guy friends like Al and Scorpius (But not the way most girls enjoy that!), uhm…Quidditch

**What are your dislikes?**

Girls! Especially the girls in my dorm. It's always like "OMG gossip! Clothes! Makeup! Like, OMG!" and its GROSS. And speaking of gossip, I also hate my incessantly girly cousin James. Always wrapped up in whatever "juicy rumors" are going around. He calls himself the "Gossip Queen" but then complains because he wants to be king not queen. Well, James, if you're reading this, you will never be a king. You will always be a FLAMING QUEEN and everybody but you knows it.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Quidditch and how incredibly awesome it is.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Girls are stupid!

**Who is your best friend?**

I don't have a best friend. The guys are still in their "Eww, girls have cooties!" phase and the girls all hate me.

**How manly do you think you are?**

Well, all the girls in my dorm make fun of me for that, so very, I think. I don't see why that's a bad thing though!

**Would you rather never play Quidditch again or wear Hollister for the rest of your life?**

Oh god…no Quidditch? I couldn't survive. But Hollister. I would die of humiliation. So either way it is death…wait. Hollister makes guys clothing. Slightly less disgustingly preppy. I'll go with the Hollister

**What if someone gave you a girly makeover?**

NO!

**What time do you wake up?**

About 5 minutes before breakfast, because, unlike all the other girls, I don't have to spend FIVE HOURS primping

**What do you wish you could change about yourself?**

The fact I was born a girl. Guys are so much cooler!

**Have you ever worn makeup?**

…That was a traumatizing experience and I would prefer not to relive it.

I hate you Aunt Fleur.

**Dresses or skirts?**

Oh, the horror…I remember when my mother used to force me into those. I'd have to say skirts, because dresses are way too constricting sometimes.

-&-

AN: Chapter by xlostangelx! Thanks!


	163. Albus Severus Potter

Disclaimer; I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer; I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Albus Potter… and I'm eleven… old enough NOT to be going to Slytherin…

**Describe yourself.**

A future GRYFFINDOR. No way I'M going to be a Slytherin!

**Where are you right now?**

Standing in line to be sorted into a Gryffindor.

Did you hear me say Slytherin?

NO! Cause I'm not going there!

**What are your likes?**

GRYFFINDOR!

Yeah! Hold up the family legacy!

**What are your dislikes?**

Slytherin! Don't make me go there! Hell, I'd settle for HUFFLEPUFF, just don't make me go there!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I'm going to be the BEST Gryffindor EVER!

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm a future Gryffindor! WOOT! WOOT!

**Who is your hero?**

Godric Gryffindor!

**How brave do you think you are?**

Very! Because I'm going to be a Gryffindor! I'm the bravest of the brave!

**Would you rather get a locket or a sword?**

You know, Dad, Uncle Ron, and Uncle Neville all used Gryffindor's sword…

I'm going to be the next to get Gryffindor's sword!

I'm NOT getting Slytherin's locket, no MATTER what James says!

**What if Salzaar Slytherin had never been a founder?**

The world would be able to sigh in peace… then the bad people of the world would all be gone…

Wait… or would they?

Where would they go?

Ravenclaw?

Aw man! Then they'd have the smart people!

So… maybe it's a good thing Slytherin was a founder….

I might have to think this over…

**First thing you'll do when you become a Slytherin, after being sorted?**

Well… eat dinner, obviously.

Wait, did you say SLYTHERIN?

DIIIIIEEEEEEEE, YOU FIEND! YOU MENACE!

**Biggest wish, currently?**

That you die… you wanted me to be a SLYTHERIN.

**Have you ever felt out of place?**

YES! With SLYTHERINS. Which is why I SHOULDN'T be in Slytherin!

**Hat or stool?**

Well… speaking of those…

I've just been called up to use them…

Wish me luck.

Oh, and I'm MURDERING that hat if I'm in Slytherin.

If such a thing happens, then my answer is the stool.

Got to go, McGonagall's glaring!

I'm probably too much like James…

-&-

AN: So… I only have to do Scorpius, and then I'm done with the next generation. Then I'll be doing some pretty random characters, who I've forgotten thus far (thus… it's a funny word…). Review!


	164. Scorpius Malfoy

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Scorpius Malfoy. I don't have an age…

**Describe yourself.**

…because I'm a SCORPION! TAA-DAH!

**Where are you right now?**

Avoiding my father… he says I'm not a scorpion… pish-posh… he NAMED me Scorpius, didn't he?

What did he expect, huh?

**What are your likes?**

Stingng people… GRRR!

Yes! I am a manly scorpion! Run away in fear you cowards!

**What are your dislikes?**

Meer cats… those freaks like to EAT me…

And to think I used to LIKE Timon, from the Lion King…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

My awesome reflexes!

Someone comes up on me, and BAAM! I sting them, with my awesome, fast tail reflexes…

**What is your favorite saying?**

Scorpions have favorite sayings…?

Ah well, I'll just go with my scorpion song…

"STING, and STING, and STING some more! That is my life! And back to STINGing!"

It's such a great song…

**Who makes your bed?**

Well… dear old dad provides many maids to do it, but I don't sleep in my bed. I sleep in a pile of dirt I conjured in my room.

Cause that's what scorpions do.

**How animalistic do you think you are?**

Very! I'm a SCORPION, aren't I?

But, my dad?

He's a HORRIBLE scorpion… and he's supposed to be one, too, right?

Because, how else would I be a scorpion?

And I AM a scorpion!

**Would you rather be called a liar, or lie?**

Er…. Well, I don't lie (I AM a scorpion!), and I am called a liar (Again, people I'm a fricking scorpion!)… so, I suppose the first one…?

**What if the meer cats suddenly seemed impermeable to death?**

NOOO! THEN I'D DIE! GRRRR…. BAD MEER CATS!

**First thing you do after waking?**

Eat my breakfast… I'm usually served something like eggs, or maybe French toast, but I usually skip that, and go outside, and fetch some insects to eat…

**Wish for all of humanity?**

Humanity? It can die for all I care. I'm a SCORPION.

**Have you ever wished you weren't a scorpion?**

Yes… when I see that red-headed girl… Weasley, or something…

Mother says she's a girl.

And girls don't like to go out with scorpions.

But I want to go out with her.

And I'M scorpion…

Sigh…

**Meer cats or humans?**

Er… do I have to answer?

-&-

AN: So… I know a lot of people wanted to have Scorpius in love with Rose. But, I thought that may be a little to much romance, after I put in the thing with Teddy and Victoire, which I know you all loved. So, I compromised, and did put in a little about Rose. Review!


	165. Andromeda Black and Ted Tonks

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

AN: I know I haven't updated in a LONG time (yes! Very long for me!). I'm sorry! I had chapters and everything! But I couldn't access fanfiction without my internet dying… Sorry!

-&-

_This is Romilda Vane. Hello! I've shoved another future couple together! Isn't this fun? I swear, though… I must be PMSing… cause lately, I've been craving romance… Teddy and Victoire was an example of that… Well, anyway, READ. I'm off to go get my popcorn…_

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Andromeda Black. Seventeen.

_Ted Tonks._

You forgot your age, _**CENSORED**_.

_I know! I was trying to get a dramatic buildup!_

Oh… SO sorry…

_And then you came along and completely RUINED it!_

Somehow, I don't think anyone would have cared…

_Hmph!_

Well… anyway, people, this dip-_**CENSORED**_ is sixteen.

_Almost seventeen!_

Who cares?

_M-_

And don't say 'Mummy'.

_Drat…_

**Describe yourself.**

_A bringer of joy to all peoples!_

In other words, the most ANNOYING (yes, it must be in capital letters) person you will EVER meet.

_Aww…. You know you love me!_

No. No, I don't love you.

_But you will!_

And never will.

_Well… SHE'S the grim reaper reincarnated._

I do NOT kill people!

_But you might as well be, with all the gloom you bring to the world._

My last name is BLACK. What do you expect?

**Where are you right now?**

Charms.

_It's one of my favorite classes!_

No wonder. It's full of –shudder- happiness…

_It's just so bright!_

Yeah… I prefer Potions.

_But, but, it's so DARK, and DAMP down there! How do you survive?!_

Again, I'm a BLACK. I was meant to survive like that.

_?_

Look, I'm better than Bellatrix.

_Why?_

She's in LOVE with cutting up the little critters in that class.

_GASP! That's what I really HATE about that class!_

That is SO surprising…

**What are your likes?**

_Rainbows… ponies…unicorns… teddy bears…smiley faces…flowers…pink… _

Witches… curses… potions… snails…

_Little puppy dogs… kitty-cats…princesses... fairies…_

On second thought, everything that he hates.

**What are your dislikes?**

_Er… well, I hate to say this… but….._

For Merlin's sake, SPIT IT OUT.

…_everything she likes…_

What a coincidence! I hate everything you like!

_What a coinkydink!_

Don't. Just don't say that. Ever again.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

_Rescuing all the dark people! And giving them eternal happiness! Yay!_

Killing him.

**What is your favorite saying?**

_Happy, happy, HAPPPPY! I'M SO HAPPY! _

_Or…_

_I love the world! I love the world!_

_Or…_

_Peace! Love! Happiness!_

_What about you, Andromeda?_

I'm with stupid.

**Who is your soul mate?**

Not him.

_Everyone says that we'd be perfect together._

Not him.

_I think it was something along the lines that we're opposites._

So? And, not him.

_And opposites attract._

Again, not him.

…_I kind of wouldn't mind if we were soulmates…_

I repeat, if there are ANY gods above, it will NOT BE HIM!

**How happy do you think you are?**

_I'm as happy as the flowers that bloom in spring, as trees regaining their leaves, as a parched man drinking water…_

I do NOT want to hear this… oh, and I'm NOT a happy person. At least around him.

…_as a hunter as he hears the satisfying crack of his prey dying, as-_

You know what? SHUT UP!

**Would you rather bring world peace, or terrorism?**

_PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!_

Hm… I'd say terrorism, but then I'd be stuck with more insane peace advocates like this idiot I'm stuck with…

_PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!_

I'll say peace…

_YAAAAAAAAYY! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE! PEACE!_

**What if you met Mahatma Gandhi?**

_GANDHI? HE'S MY HERO! HE'S THE REASON FOR WHY I BECAME WHAT I AM TODAY!_

What he did was great and all, but I'd curse him, for causing this idiot to become what he is today.

_I LOVE YOU, GANDHI! SQUEE!_

**What is your goal for the day?**

To make sure I'm still passing all my classes. And maybe kick some _**CENSORED**_ along the way…

_To make the world a better place!_

Sorry, Ted, but that's not happening. Not with my family.

_Curse you, Blacks!_

Hey! I'm a Black!

… _er… well, you're a GOOD Black! Not like that scum, being your sisters…_

Thank you!

…_boy, this is awkward…_

What was that?

_NOTHING!_

Hey! I just realized something!

_What?_

Ted! You CURSED something!

…_?_

This means that you aren't as happy as you always say you are!

_What? I blew my cover- I mean, NOOOOOOOOO! I DON'T MEAN TO CURSE SOMETHING! ARGH!_

Right…

**Wish for the world?**

_Um… to have ponies and unicorns rule the Earth! Hehe… yeah!_

That everyone could have their happy ending!

_What?_

There's too much poverty, depression, war, and even divorce in the world! Why can't everyone have their fairy tale ending?

_Er…._

What?

_That was surprisingly… not dark for you…_

So?

_Does this mean that you're not really a dark person?_

WHAT? NO! I'M A DARK PERSON! Yeah! Ehehe….

_Somehow I don't believe you…_

**Have you ever pretended to be something you weren't, because you thought that the person you liked would like it?**

Yeah!

_All the time!_

When?

_I could ask you the same thing…_

Well, who's going first?

_You._

You.

_Not me!_

I'm definitely not!

_Fine, I'll start._

Finally!

_But don't laugh at me._

I promise, as long as you don't laugh at ME.

_Well… I'm actually pretending to be all happy, because you had been so happy, and I thought you'd like it. But now you're not happy anymore._

Hey! That's weird! I'm pretending to be dark because you had been dark, and I thought you'd like it!

_But, then, I was only pretending to be dark, because you had been dark then, and I thought you'd liked it!_

And I had been acting happy, because you had been acting happy before that, and… and, this is really confusing…

_You're telling me…_

… so what does this make us?

_Huh?_

What are we? Happy or dark?

_I don't know…_

Neither do I…

_I think we're just normal people…_

I think you might be right…

**Unicorns or Thestrals?**

Thestrals.

_Unicorns._

Unicorns.

_Thestrals._

Aw man! We're doing it again!

_This is so stupid!_

_This is Romilda Vane. I would just like to say that you guys need to get on with the SNOGGING already! What's the point of watching romance if the couple isn't even going to SNOG?_

_--Romilda Vane_

What? You can't just tell us to snog! It's not right! Unethical!

_Andromeda… let's just snog…_

You sure?

_Definitely._

Okay then!

_This is Romilda Vane. Finally! Now we're at the good part! So, this makes me Romilda Vane, cultivator of ten wizarding relationships! Past, present, AND future!_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: This did feel a lot like writing the Teddy/Victoire chapter… But, I think the number ten (for the relationships Romilda's cultivated) is about right… Oh, and from now on, I'll be doing fairly random characters. There are about twenty or so left for me to do (plus my guest character)! Review!


	166. Tom

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Tom the bartender. Fifty-two.

**Describe yourself.**

I am the walrus.

**Where are you right now?**

Across the universe.

**What are your likes?**

Yellow submarine(s).

**What are your dislikes?**

Helter Skelter.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Something.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I want to hold your hand.

**Who do you love above all other things?**

Dear Prudence.

**How successful do you think you are?**

With a little help from my friends….

**Would you rather eat a blackbird, or a bluebird?**

Blackbird.

**What if your face was suddenly covered in acne?**

Let it be.

**First thing you say to people who disappoint you?**

Don't let me down.

**What do you wish everyone could understand?**

Love is all you need.

**Have you ever wanted to do something really bad, but never been able to?**

Revolution!

**Blueberries or strawberries?**

Strawberry fields forever!

-&-

AN: In case you haven't noticed yet (don't worry if that's so… I wouldn't have noticed myself), but Tom is only speaking (other than the first question) using Beatles song titles. Tom is the Leaky Cauldron bartender, to those of you who can't remember. Review!


	167. Florean Fortesque

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Hola! Bonjour! Kunnichwa! Guten Tag! Nihao! Buon giorno! In other words, hello!

I'm Florean Fortesque! And io ho sessanta-tre anni!

I'm guessing you don't know Italian, so you'll never know how old I am! Hahahahaha!

_This is Romilda Vane. I'm starting to regret asking people's ages… I mean, barely anyone actually answers it! I can't believe how incredibly stupid and naïve I was when I started this… I actually TRUSTED people back then! Now I've been introduced to the horrors of the world, and know I can never trust anyone…_

_--Romilda Vane_

**Describe yourself.**

Well, I live in a culturally diverse area, and own a popular store. So I learn a lot of different languages through that.

And I use them frequently.

**Where are you right now?**

At my gelato shop.

Gelato is Italian for ice cream.

I'm not sure who invented ice cream, but in my opinion, the Italians perfected it.

**What are your likes?**

To cook for people to the point of slappare (Italian for eating everything, right up to licking the plate).

And working hard making things more the pleasure of it than the lechuga (Caribbean Spanish for money).

**What are your dislikes?**

Kusat' sebe lokti.

Russian for biting one's elbows.

Which is pretty annoying, if you ask me…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Well, I have to get to my ingredient supplier (for my ice cream store).

I'll walk. It's good for me. Until I start to tenjack.

Tenjack is 'to limp' in Malaysian.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Carpe Diem.

That's Latin for 'seize the day'.

**Who do you hate above all **other** occupants of the Earth?**

Well, I'm a generally positive person, so I don't have one of those.

But if I did, I'd call that person a Backpfeifengesicht.

That's German. It means a face that cries out for a fist in it.

**How insane do you think you are?**

Well, I'm not nicht alle Tassen im Schrank haben.

That's German for a person not having all of their cups in the cupboard.

**Would you rather eat food or not have to work?**

Both. See, I'm pretty haochi-lanzuo (Chinese for being fond of food, but averse to work). But, I overcome it, and work.

**What if something backfires on you?**

Hehe… sorry, stuff backfiring on me isn't fun, but it reminded me of a phrase in Japanese that means something that backfires.

Yabu hebi ni naru.

It literally means to poke at a bush and get a snake… hehe…

**What is the first thing you do every morning?**

Well, whatever I do, I definitely don't taghairm.

It's Scottish. Scottish highlanders wrapped a man in a freshly butchered bullock's skin and took him to some wild and deserted place where the answer to his problem was supposed to be given to him by the spirits who live in such places. That's taghairm.

**What is your biggest wish?**

To be able to jeito. That takes a lot of gut. See, it's Brazilian Portuguese for finding a way to get something done, no matter the obstacles.

Also, to be tubli (Estonian for being orderly, productive, hardworking, and properly behaved).

**Have you ever solved problems by talking it out?**

Ooh! Ho'oponopono, which is Hawaiian for solving a problem by talking it out.

That would prevent a lot of wars, don't you think?

**Mushrooms or carrots?**

Hm… I like both flab and moron.

Oh? You don't understand?

Flab is Gaelic for mushroom, and moron is Welsh for carrot.

-&-

AN: I want to state that I'm not completely sure on whether those words have the correct meanings (I think they do, but I can't be sure). See, I can only really check the Italian, because I take it, so, I'm just trusting my source. (Most of the words came from the book Twice Upon a Marigold). Review!


	168. Rosmerta

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rosmerta. And age? Who cares about that? But, I've been, er, tending my bar, so to say, since the marauders were at Hogwarts.

**Describe yourself.**

The marauders' devoted bartender… Not romantically! Ew… that's like incest… No, but they were some of my best customers.

Fine… maybe they were kind of cute…

And I _might_ have had some sleepless nights spent drooling over a picture of James Potter….

**Where are you right now?**

At my bar, reminiscing of times when I served those four boys and talked to them, as they sat on those vinyl covered bar stools…

**What are your likes?**

The marauders… Couldn't you tell that?

**What are your dislikes?**

Snape. That boy seemed to be such a bully to those wonderful boys. After a while, he took the hint (thankfully), and stopped coming to the Three Broomsticks.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

James Potter's smile… it was to die for… Too bad Lily Evans snatched him up. And it's a pity that Harry never inherited that smile. I would have totally gone for him if he did inherit it. Forget the fact that he's twenty years younger than me!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Mischief managed.

I never understood what it meant, but if the marauders said it, I loved it!

**Who is your hero?**

Drat… hard choice… all four of them are so great! But, in the end, I must say Peter. He worked so hard just to fit in. And, hey, what can I say? I go for underdogs.

**How pretty do you think you are?**

Well, people say I am, but I don't think so. If I was, I would have been able to snatch up one of the marauders.

James was in love with another girl! How sad!

Sirius went to prison… He may be dreamy, but I don't do criminals.

Remus was always engrossed in his books.

And I think Peter's a distant cousin.

**Would you rather take your life, or never get a chance with the guy you love?**

James Potter… Well, if I died, I might have a chance with him in the after world…

**What if the marauders never met?**

Well, I doubt we'd live in the society we live in today! The marauders are important to the history of the world!

**Last thing you do before bed?**

Rip the eyes out of my Voldemort voodoo doll…. _What?_ He killed the marauders!

**Wish for the world?**

That the marauders were alive again! Think of how it could advance society!

All of those girls, motivated to do something important for the world, so it might catch the marauders' eyes, and they'd get to marry one…

Not as though I seriously dream this cheese up, though… hehe…

**Have you ever used tarot cards?**

Yeah, to divine my future with the marauders.

Needless to say, it did not end happily.

**Sirius or Remus?**

Well, they're both pretty cool, so I suppose it doesn't matter…

Or I could have both!

-&-

AN: Not up to my usual standard… I'm getting pretty uncreative… Well, there are less than 20 chapters left, so the torture of uncreativity should be over soon. Review!


	169. Viktor Krum

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Viktor Krum! And I will not tell you my age! I will not make myself seem inferior! No! I will not!

**Describe yourself.**

Very important! I will NEVER be inferior, got that?

**Where are you right now?**

Playing Quidditch, and so proving my non-inferiority.

**What are your likes?**

Influence, importance, superiority!

**What are your dislikes?**

Feebleness, triviality, and inferiority!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

If I get my face on a muggle Wheaties box, suppose I'll hold more sway over the vast peoples of the world?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Er… I'll go with whatever my agent says will make me more famous and beloved of the common folk.

**Who is your hero?**

Me! I'm so wonderful, I am a hero to everyone across the world! Or at least, I should be! And if I'm not, people will DIE!

**How inferior do you think you are?**

DIEEE! YOU DESERVE TO, FOR MENTIONING THAT I COULD BE INFERIOR! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

**Would you rather win all of your games, or be a famous Quidditch-playing heartthrob?**

I'm already the latter one. And it suits me fine. See, I'm still at the top, even if I lost that game to Ireland! And it was a Quidditch cup… But, ah well!

I'm still beloved of everyone!

Except for that Weasley kid. What is it that redheads hold against me?

**What if you got your own line of clothing?**

Ooh! All the important celebrities have those! And when I have one of my own, I can die happy!

**First thing you do after getting up in the morning?**

Kiss my beautiful biceps, and exercise them. Hey, they're the reason that I'm here and happy!

**Wish for the world?**

That they all had posters of me above their bed, to help lull them to sleep.

Pretty as a mother's lullabay, but much sexier. And more important.

It'd help insomniacs across the world.

**Have you ever had an inferiority complex?**

No! Why would you suggest such a thing! People with inferiority complexes aren't important! And I am!

…Right?

**Bread or crumbs?**

Bread! Definitely not crumbs! No matter what you say, I'm not crumby Krum! No way!

-&-

AN: So, that last answer was the inspiration to the whole chapter. Review!


	170. Fleur Delacour

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Fleur Delacour. And I could live to be pretty old… if it weren't for the grindylows.

**Describe yourself.**

Scarred, ever since those grindylows attacked me during the Triwizard Tournament…

**Where are you right now?**

Swatting the ocean tide with a flyswatter… if it goes away, so will the grindylows…

**What are your likes?**

Land! Air! Wherever there aren't grindylows!

**What are your dislikes?**

Grindylows… but, didn't we already establish this?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

The horrors of grindylows… as I'm always haunted by…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Having a fear of Grindylows has taken away any spare time to come up with favorite sayings, because I'm busy worrying about grindylows in my free time…

But I do have a favorite pose!

Every time I see a grindylow, or think about them, really, I go into fetal position!

It saves lives!

**Who is your arch nemesis?**

Anyone who likes grindylows, or even better, grindylows themselves…

**How scarred do you think you are?**

Don't make me go through bad memories again…

**Would you rather go swimming in a lake or a grindylow infested pool?**

Neither. The pool would have grindylows, but the lake… I can't go into lakes anymore, not since the first lake (and last) I went in, I was attacked by grindylows…

**What if your sister had a pet grindylow?**

Eurgh… I don't get her.

I went into that lake to save her, but get viciously attacked by grindylows…

I've explained to her the horrors of grindylows…

And yet she still loves grindylows!

There's definitely something wrong with her…

**First thing you would do as president?**

Kill all grindylows!

**Wish for the world?**

To kill off grindylows, duh!

**Have you ever been grossed out by anyone?**

Well, he's great and all, but I still can't get why Remus Lupin has a pet grindylow… it's kind of creepy.

**Grindylows or giant hedges?**

Grindylows. Shall I tell you of my other life-scarring experience in the Triwizard Tournament?

-&-

AN: Heh-heh… Review!


	171. Gabrielle Delacour

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Gabrielle Delacour. And I'm only five years younger than Harry!

**Describe yourself.**

Harry's number 1 fan!

**Where are you right now?**

I may or may not be sniffing Harry's boxers…

**What are your likes?**

Harry Potter! Squee! I saw his ABS, when he saved me from the mermaids! And they're definitely there!

**What are your dislikes?**

Ginny Weasley… grr… don't steal MY man, girl…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Yeah… don't go there, Weasley. Harry is MINE.

I'm sorry, what was the question?

**What's your favorite saying?**

I love you, Harry!

Strangely enough, though, Harry runs away from me every time I yell it wildly at him…

**Who makes your bed?**

Me. But, I've always dreamt of making my bed, with Harry in it! Hehe….

_This is Romilda Vane. That is vaguely creepy… you know, this would have been me, if I didn't fall in love Ron instead… Okay, fine, this IS me, if you paste a picture of Ron over Harry… Does this mean I'm creepy?_

_--Romilda Vane_

**How devoted do you think you are?**

Very! I haven't missed any sightings of Harry Potter in public yet!

**Would you rather watch Harry Potter marry another woman, or watch him die?**

Harry DYING? I couldn't BEAR that torture! On the other hand… if I watched him marry another woman, I'd have to kill him….

**What if giant slugs took over the world?**

I'd somehow take charge of the slugs, and threaten the world with world domination, unless they hand over Harry Potter on a silver platter, with the keys to the presidential suite at the nearest five-star hotel.

**Last thing you do before going to bed?**

Hope to dream of Harry Potter… those are the best dreams! Any dream without him is a NIGHTMARE.

**Biggest wish as a kid?**

Erm… I don't know. But, when I was nine, I met Harry Potter, and he became my biggest wish!

**Have you ever stalked anyone?**

No. That's creepy. See, I carefully observe people.

**Tonks or Lupin?**

You know, Harry refuses me cause I'm supposedly 'too young for him'. But Tonks and Lupin are fifteen years apart! I'm only five years younger than Harry!

I need to send in a letter of complaint…

-&-

AN: I know… yet _another_ stalker. But, I thought this fit to the actual plot of the books. Review!


	172. I Karkaroff

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

I. Karkaroff. If I tell you my first name or age… I'm afraid it'll get me….

**Describe yourself.**

Scrawny… because of my worries about it…

**Where are you right now?**

Hiding from it…

**What are your likes?**

Being young and naïve, and not knowing about it.

**What are your dislikes?**

It.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

It. But you can't know what it is! It'll ruin your lives! You'll live in fear!

**What's your favorite saying?**

RUN! RUN AND HIDE, EVERYBODY! IT'S IT!

**Who is the epitome of fear?**

Him… the guy who runs it…

**How brave do you think you are?**

I was, until it came along…

**Would you rather face it or die?**

Facing it IS death…

**What if it was nothing?**

Nothing is nothing… it is at large, and it's terrifying… Run while you still can!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Get into the fetal position I stay in all day…

**Wish for the world?**

Easy. That it would die… But it can't die! So, it can't be more than a wish…

**Have you ever been frightened out of your wits?**

Oh… no… what do you think I'm doing now? Running around happily?

Pft… idiot…

**To save others or yourself?**

You're right! I'm just an ugly, scrawny, old man! Who cares about me?

So, I will warn you all!

The Dark-Mark monster is at large! And You-Know-Who is running him! Run while you still can!

Do yourselves all a favor!

-&-

AN: I know the ideas aren't that great, and neither are the chapters, but I'm running out of ideas, and chapters too, so please bear with me. Review!


	173. Olympe Maxime

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Olympe Maxime. And I'm not as old as that stupid Warner Brothers movie made me look!

**Describe yourself.**

Voluptuous, brunette, blue-eyed, French, PRETTY.

All that the movie DIDN'T portray me as!

Well… maybe it portrayed the French part…

**Where are you right now?**

In the middle of composing a letter of complaint to send to Warner Brother's pictures.

And if that doesn't work, I'm SUING!

**What are your likes?**

Being pretty. And it's and INSULT that the casting director thought I shouldn't be pretty!

**What are your dislikes?**

The movie "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire."

It KILLED my self image!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

About getting a manicure.

You know, I bet the Olympe Maxime that THEY portrayed wouldn't even THINK of getting her nails done!

**What's your favorite saying?**

I'm so pretty, and witty, and gay!

But they took that all away from me with that wretched movie!

**Who do you think deserves to die?**

That actress who played me! She obviously doesn't respect giants!

And she's WAY to short…

**How smart do you think you are?**

Smart enough to know that I'm definitely smarter than THAT Olympe Maxime…

**Would you rather play yourself, or someone else in a movie?**

Hm… I wouldn't want someone else to make a fool of me in a movie, but people might laugh at me, because I might make a fool of myself…

And if I play someone else, I can play that idiotic director… and make HIM seem like a fool…hehe…

**What if you had Zeus' power of controlling lightning?**

Well… several people are going to end up dead… oh, that'll be FUN…

**First thing you do after a meal?**

Wipe my mouth daintily with a napkin.

But I bet SHE burps! And loudly, too!

**Current wish?**

That those books were never popular, so there never would be a movie, and I'd never be made a laughingstock in the movie!

**Have you ever been sad?**

No duh… What do you think this horrible movie-me made me feel? Happy?

**Denial or anger?**

I think I'm past that stage… I think I'm in depression now…

Waaaaaahhh!

I just wanna cry now, okay?

-&-

AN: I really don't think I have anything to say… (well, I suppose I'm sorry about the bad quality of this…) Review!


	174. Marvolo and Morfin Gaunt

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_This is Romilda Vane. Unfortuntely, Morfin Gaunt only speaks in Parseltongue, which when written down turns out as a bunch of grunts and mumbles. So, to solve this, he is filling out a questionnaire with his father, Marvolo Gaunt, who interprets what he's saying. But, sometimes Marvolo isn't always right, so I am adding translations to what Morfin writes. The translations will be in parentheses, and underlined._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Marvolo Gaunt. And I'm old. That's all you need to know.

_Grunt, mmuuumble. Grumumble. _(I'm Morfin Gaunt. I'm twenty-seven)

That's right. He's Morfin.

**Describe yourself.**

_Parmumble._ (I speak Parseltongue)

He's a serial killer. Just like me!

**Where are you right now?**

_Wimuuumble, grunt. _(Next to my father. It sucks)

With me! And he's so excited! We're in our house, you see.

**What are your likes?**

_Hamumble, muuuumble, grunt. _(Happiness. Peace. Love.)

Depression, war, and hatred. And this proves that Morfin is a chip off the ol' block!

**What are your dislikes?**

_Grunt. _(Him)

Morfin says everything that isn't me! And I must agree with that.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'm thinking about death. And I'm sure Morfin is too!

_Muumble, deamuuumble. _(His death)

**What's your favorite saying?**

_Hagrumble. Mumble. _(Happy days are here at last. And that will first be used when he dies)

That's right, Morfin. That's a great saying. Hail to Marvolo Gaunt. What a wonderful phrase!

**Who is your hate focused on?**

Mudbloods and muggles, right Morfin?

_Grumummble. _(No, idiot. You)

**How evil do you think you are?**

I'm a Gaunt! I'm related to Slytherin! What do you think?

_Mumble, mumble, grunt._ (Actually, I never wanted to be evil. I wanted to be a bunny)

**Would you rather pet a bunny or kill the bunny?**

_Grumbble, mumble. _(I don't know…)

He said the second one. Duh. You're SO right, Morfin.

_Muuuummmmble… grumble? _(Depends… does the bunny have fangs?)

**What if there was a deer in the middle of the road?**

_GRUNT! _(STOP!)

That's so RIGHT! KILL IT!

**First thing on the to do list?**

Kill that muggle my daughter's in love with.

_Grumble. _(Hug the muggle)

**Wish for your family?**

_Stumble mumble insanumble. _(Stop the insanity)

That's right! Stop the infiltration of muggle blood into our ranks!

**Have you ever gone hunting?**

Yes! Muggle hunting! Best. Sport. EVER!

_I dumble humble. _(I don't know him)

C'mon Morfin! After this, we're definitely going muggle-hunting! It's a unsatisfiable urge! I know you want him!

_Mumble! _ (I swear, he is just a hobo that wandered into my house one day, while my sister and I were sleeping, and he murdered my father, put on his clothes, and pretended to be him. There is no blood relationship! I swear I don't know him!)

**Mudbloods or mudpies?**

_Whumble grunt qumble? _(What sort of question is that?)

Ooh! That's an awesome idea, Morfin! Throwing mudpies at the Mudbloods! Sounds fun!

_Dumble mumble shumble humble. _(I hate you)

-&-

AN: I know, not up to my usual standards (yes, I have those). But, there are about ten chapters left in this whole fanfic (I'm pretty excited!), and I'm just trying to get this done. But I promise I'll do my best on the very last chapter! Review!


	175. Merope Gaunt

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Merope Gaunt. And apparently I'm old enough to have a baby. Who would have guessed?

**Describe yourself.**

Just a bit grossed out…

**Where are you right now?**

Well, in the afterlife (I surprised that Vane person could get up here…), looking down on my son.

**What are your likes?**

Little kids, babies, all that stuff….usually…

**What are your dislikes?**

...my son, I suppose…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Okay, I have to admit, my son is _**CENSORED**_ UGLY!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Babies are so cute!

Yeah… and then I saw my son…

**Who is the ugliest thing you have ever seen?**

My son. It's so true. There is not an OUNCE of cuteness in him!

**How ugly do you think you are?**

I always was aware that I wasn't the prettiest thing out there, but I didn't think I was THAT ugly.

I mean, his father was hot, so where does that mean the ugly genes came from?

**Would you rather kill a baby, or the rest of the world?**

Well, that's a hard choice. But, if it's my son… then I regret the fact I didn't just kill him.

I could have saved the world. Be a hero.

Albeit an unrecognized one…

**What if you crossed a snake with a human?**

Ha! That's already been done. Just look at my son!

**First thing you do each morning?**

Regret getting pregnant.

Actually, I don't really regret what I did to get pregnant.

I just regret the result of my pregnancy.

**Wish for the world?**

That I was never born…

**Have you ever fainted from ugliness?**

Ha! I want to, every time I look at my son! But, also, I just can't believe what he's done, that's made him so ugly. He used to be such a good looking boy!

**Father or husband?**

I tried to honor both of them, through naming my son, but…

I can't believe his cheek! If it weren't for those people, he wouldn't EXIST!

Yet, still, he exchanges the name Tom Marvolo Riddle for 'Lord Voldemort'.

What is it supposed to induce fear, or something?

Oooh… I'm _so _scared!

Ha! The idiot…

Does he really want to be known as Moldy-Wart, or something?

Cause if anyone was ever a kid, they'd know that'd be the oldest nickname in the book for 'Lord Voldemort'.

How did I give birth to an idiot?

…must have had his father's brains…

-&-

AN: Yeah. I always wondered what Merope would think of her son if she saw him later on. Review!


	176. Lee Jordan

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Lee Jordan… and I'm not telling my age! Stalkers are everywhere!

**Describe yourself.**

NO! You just want to know so you can STALK me! Aaargh! I shouldn't have told you my name!

**Where are you right now?**

STALKER!

**What are your likes?**

The fetal position. It's impenetrable to stalkers!

**What are your dislikes?**

Stalkers… duh.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I bet your team of stalkers would like to know that! Wouldn't they?

**What's your favorite saying?**

Stop STALKING me!

**Who do you think has a problem?**

Romilda Vane! I'm being forced at wand point to fill this out! And she's making a guide for stalkers! Sheesh! What ISN'T wrong with her?

_This is Romilda Vane. That's it. I'm getting Rita Skeeter on you!_

_--Romilda Vane_

ARGH! Skeeter's like the queen stalker!

**How open do you think you are?**

Pft. Open? Yeah right… those people ATTRACT stalkers…

**Would you rather get a muggle myspace, or attract stalkers?**

What sort of question is that? It's the SAME thing!

**What if you had no stalkers?**

That's impossible! Have you SEEN my beautiful dreadlocks? All my stalkers are after my hair!

My luscious hair!

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Go to my martial arts class. I can smash a guy's head in half with my bare hand!

It helps with stalkers, you see…

But I shouldn't be telling you this!

**Three things you would wish, if you found a genie's lamp?**

Number 1: Kill all of my stalkers.

Number 2: Kill Romilda Vane.

_This is Romilda Vane. I'LL SKIN YOUR HIDE OFF, BRAT!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Number 3: Stop stalking me, you stupid genie!

**Have you ever been a stalker?**

Er… that MIGHT be why I know about stalkers so much…heh-heh…

**Stalker or stalkee?**

Stalker! Definitely! Haven't you ever wanted to stalk Angelina Johnson? C'mon! You KNOW she's hot!

-&-

AN: I've always thought someone would realize that this could make a very good guide for stalkers… Review!


	177. Firenze

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

_This is Romilda Vane. I just wanted to mention that Firenze is the only centaur featured in this book. I couldn't get close enough to the other centaurs, and, so couldn't ask them to fill it out. I doubt they'd want to fill something out for a human's book, anyway._

_--Romilda Vane_

**What is your name and age?**

Firenze. Centaurs don't keep track of age… That is one of the many trivial things humans deem important.

**Describe yourself.**

The messenger of the stars, in a way. Humans will never understand them, I fear.

**Where are you right now?**

Staring at the stars. And killing my neck while doing so.

**What are your likes?**

The stars. I must say, that Mars I my absolute favorite.

**What are your dislikes?**

Environmental pollution. Humans, and more so muggles, seem to think that the sky isn't important, and kill the night sky with light pollution.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Mars is bright tonight.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Mars is very bright tonight.

**Who is your hero?**

The stars.

**How pensive do you think you are?**

Very. I spend much of my day pondering over the meaning of the stars I saw the night before.

**Would you rather stop light pollution, or kill off all humans?**

The first one, but, unfortunately, my fellow centaurs think that the only way to complete the first one is to kill of all humans.

**What if there were no stars?**

Then I doubt we exist. Because, on some other planet, we are probably a star for a form of life living there.

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Sleep, as I stayed up all night, watching the stars.

**Wish for the world?**

To end light pollution.

**Have you ever wished you were part of the sky?**

Yes, but I am contented that there is already a centaur in the sky. Our great ancestor was put up into the sky by the Greeks, and is called today a constellation.

**Starry Night or Mona Lisa?**

The Mona Lisa is quite interesting to wonder over, but I must say that Starry Night much more catches my eye.

-&-

AN: So, like Romilda said, no more centaurs. I'm sorry if you were excited to read Bane, or whats-his-name, but they're much too minor characters (yet I put up Eloise Midgen…). Review!


	178. Grawp

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Grawp. What age?

**Describe yourself.**

Big. Green-ish. Hairy.

**Where are you right now?**

Forest.

**What are your likes?**

Vane-y!

**What are your dislikes?**

Vane-y no like me.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Vane-y.

**What's your favorite saying?**

Me like Vane-y.

**Who do you think is really cool?**

Vane-y.

**How lovable do you think you are?**

Me no lovable. Vane-y no like me.

**Would you rather be with Hagrid or Fang?**

Hagger?

**What if no one liked you?**

Vane-y no like me, people no like me.

**First thing you do in the morning?**

Me get up.

**Current wish?**

Vane-y like me.

**Have you ever had an unrequited love?**

Unrequited? Maybe.

**Hermione Granger or Romilda Vane?**

Vane-y! Vane-y! Vane-y!

_This is Romilda Vane. ALRIGHT, WE GET IT! NOW PUT ME DOWN! ARGH! I'M AFRAID OF HEIGHTS! I DON'T LIKE THIS! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!_

_--Romilda Vane_

-&-

AN: Review!


	179. Myrtle

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Myrtle. And age? I'm DEAD. Do you think I have an age?

**Describe yourself.**

DEAD…. Woo-whee…

**Where are you right now?**

In the bathroom where I DIED.

**What are your likes?**

I don't know… being ALIVE.

**What are your likes?**

Being DEAD… surprising, huh?

**What are you thinking about right now?**

How I bet you're laughing at me right now, cause I'm DEAD.

**What's your favorite saying?**

I don't know. I DIED before I could determine it.

**Who bugs you?**

Olive Hornby. She was the bane of my existence, and a complete bully to me, yet _she's _the one who's ALIVE.

**How lively do you think you are?**

How many times must I tell you, I'm DEAD.

**Would you rather climb up a very sheer cliff with only your hands, or walk a tightrope across a vat of acid?**

It doesn't really matter what I choose, because I'm already DEAD.

**What if you died?**

Noooooo… that'd NEVER happen to me…

**First thing you do when you wake up?**

DEAD people don't wake up.

**Your dying wish?**

Too late, already DEAD.

**Have you ever been dead?**

No _**CENSORED**_, Sherlock.

**Dead or alive?**

Does is look like I'm DEAD, or what? Cause I swear, you people are _blind_.

-&-

AN: Review!


	180. Mundungus Fletcher

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Mundungus Fletcher. And I'm as old as the dirt on my back.

**Describe yourself.**

Dirty. And proud of it!

**Where are you right now?**

At the pool, but it's not like I'd actually go in it! Water burns! Not really… but it cleans you! Eww…

**What are your likes?**

Dirt… mudpies… slugs… mud-wresting… mud fights…gas… you name it!

**What are your dislikes?**

Baths… water… soap…shampoo…hygiene… that stuff.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Cutting the cheese right now… whooo… that'd stink… and it be BRILLIANT. If I do it right, it could knock down that entire row of people over there…

**What's your favorite saying?**

Beans, beans, the magical fruit.

Eat them up, they make you TOOT!

Or…

Beans, beans, the best legume

Eat them up, and you'll go BOOM!

Hehe…

**Who scares you?**

People who have MORE THAN ONE BATH a decade. Talk about creepy…

**How dirty do you think you are?**

You're talking to the champion of dirt, right here! Don't go there!

**Would you rather wash your hands, or your feet?**

Hands! See, feet collect more dirt. And I want to keep my large collection of dirt!

**What if you were forced to take a bath?**

Don't go there! That's like forcing a dog to take a bath! Are you calling me a dog?

**Last thing you do before bed?**

Whatever I was doing. Then I just plop down where I'm standing or sitting, or whatever, and start snoring!

**Wish for the world?**

That parents would realize that dirt is GOOD, and so the children of the world would grow up dirty, and do the same for their children!

**Have you ever had a bath?**

When I was little, and couldn't help but be put into the bathtub… so sad how I was treated under the submission of my mother…

**Bath or shower?**

STOP IT! I WON'T HAVE EITHER!

-&-

AN: Not so good… I know… I'm feeling uncreative today… Review!


	181. Rita Skeeter

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Rita Skeeter. And I'm young, that's all you need to know.

**Describe yourself.**

I work for the Daily Prophet.

**Where are you?**

Stalking Sirius Black. You see, I'm a professional stalker. The Daily Prophet pays me to stalk people, and then write about them.

**What are your likes?**

Well, when I stalk my clients, as we shall refer to them, I like a degreee of anonymity.

**What are your dislikes?**

But, it seems that Sirius Black doesn't agree with that anonymity.

And that, I don't like.

**What are you thinking about right now?**

Why did no one warn me about the Sirius phases?

_This is Romilda Vane. Cause no one likes you?_

_--Romilda Vane_

Quiet, you little brat. We all know you'll end up exactly like me in the future.

_This is Romilda Vane. Well, I never!_

_--Romilda Vane_

Yes, just keep up the innocent act…

And, anyway, why did no one warn me that Sirius was in his secret agent phase, of all possible phases?

**What's your favorite saying?**

It used to be 'Skeeter. Rita Skeeter.'

Then Sirius ruined it for me. It definitely doesn't work as well with his name!

**Who is the most delusional person you've met?**

Black! He keeps calling me Q, or M, or whatever…

My name is Rita! And I don't hand out secret agent gadgets!

**How tolerant do you think you are?**

Very! I've had to stalk the strangest people! Like Lockhart, who was CONVINCED that he was a pimp. But who's ever heard of a white pimp?

There was Hermione Granger, who's in a serious case of denial, when it was so EASY to see that she loved that Weasley kid!

And then I had to stalk Lucius Malfoy… he was just plain MESSED UP.

But no one's ever cracked me! Not like Black, anyway!

He's BLOODY MENTAL!

**Would you rather be a bad guy, or give out gadgets?**

Ohh… don't even get me STARTED on that!

When Black pesters me for his secret agent gadgets, he doesn't leave me alone until I give him something! And when it isn't cool enough, he throws it back at me and pesters me some more!

And when I'm the bad guy he tries to defeat me McGiver style! You know, with only a mirror, a dictionary, and an eraser!

It's so _**CENSORED**_ ANNOYING!

**What if you were a secret agent?**

I'd report Black to my boss, and have him sent permanently to a room with padded walls.

**What's usually in your bag?**

Lipstick and a camera, but I might have to start packing a straightjacket, too…

**If you met a genie, what would your three wishes be?**

The first to would be the usual 'I want to be rich' and 'I want to be famous'.

The third would be that 'I wish I was a professional assassin, like Molly Weasley.'

Then I could kill Black SO much more neatly!

**Have you ever killed a person?**

No… but I wish I could kill Black, who keeps on bragging that he has a license to kill, and can kill ten meaty guys at once, with one hand tied behind his back, and only a sewing needle.

**James Bond or Jacques Clouseau?**

Well… Black says he's a James Bond. I think he couldn't even get to the standard of Clouseau.

-&-

AN: I'm figuring that you know who James Bond is, and Clouseau is the guy from the Pink Panther (I really commend the Peter Sellers version of the Pink Panther). I thought you guys might have wanted to get a bit more Sirius before this fanfic was finished! Review!


	182. Bathilda Bagshot

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views

Disclaimer: I own nothing, this doesn't represent my personal views.

**What is your full name and age?**

Uh, I'm pretty sure it's Bathilda Bagshot... maybe... I DON'T KNOW! STOP ASKING ME HARD QUESTIONS! And do you happen to have any snakes on you? KEEPTHEM AWAY!

**Describe yourself**

CHEESE COOKIES! Is that the right answer? Ooh, I've never been good at these things! okay, is it purple monkeys? I hope the answer's not snakes!

**Where are you right now?**

GAH! Brain... hurting... 7! Okay, where... where... where... Oh! I'm at the little house next to Godric's Hollow where the young Lily and James Potter live with their son Harry! ...is that his name?

**What are your likes?**

James Potter. Talk about sexy! And Lily doesn't look too bad either. Just think of how Harry will turn out to be! No way in Merlin will he be able to look like a snake!

**What are your dislikes?**

SNAKES! I've never even seen one in my life, though! But for some reason, I feel like I'm going to come to my untimely death by one that is on the side of darkness and be possessed by it... wait, is that right? ELEVNTY FOUR! AND THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER!

**What are you thinking about right now?**

JELLY! ...wait, I know this one! I'm thinking of how today I'll go over and visit James and Lily, a.k.a. the most sexyfinest couple you can find, later and tell them all about my paranoia of snakes. SNAKES!

**What's your favorite saying?**

Tell me the right answer and I can hook you up with James and/or Lily Potter. Maybe even Harry if you want...

**If you were to do anything before you died, what would it be?**

KILL EVERY SNAKE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! That way, I can't die! I will be immortal! IMMORTAL, I SAY, IMMORTAL! MWAHAHAHAHA!

**What's the last thing you do before bed?**

Well, I do things. I spray snake repellent on every freaking item in the house, and then I make out with the picture I have of Lily and James on my bedstand. BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!

**If you were forced to write a book, what would it be about?**

Well, it definitely wouldn't be about snakes or something stupid like the history of magic. Maybe it'd be about how hott the Potters are. KITEFLYERS! FINAL ANSWER!

**What do you fear most in life?**

SNAKES! SNAKES! SNAKES! And the threat of Lily and James moving! AND taking their son with them!

**What kind of tree would you be?**

Er... electric blanket? Oystereating llama?! CURLY FRIES?! I DON'T _**CENSORED**_ KNOW!

**Lily or James?**

Neither. I just noticed a certain Harry Potter crawling by...

AN: Thanks to Tang Si Ming-Yue for the chapter! I was cracking up while I was editing it, and copy and pasting it! I swear, I'm still laughing! Snaps for Tangy!


	183. Newt Scamander

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This doesn't represent my personal views.

-&-

**What is your name and age?**

Newt Scamander. And I was born the year that wizards discovered that dragons existed. Yes, I'm old.

**Describe yourself.**

The speaker for magical beasts! I understand them so well!

**Where are you right now?**

Stroking my pet purple monkey…

**What are your likes?**

My book 'Magical Beasts, and Where to Find Them.' It helps spread awareness of magical beasts!

**What are your dislikes?**

Those creeps who abuse animals! Grrr…

**What are you thinking about right now?**

I'm wondering where my invisible pink-horned, one-eyed cat is…

**What's your favorite saying?**

You can never have too many animals!

**Who is your favorite person?**

I don't know about person… I love my pets above all others!

**How sensitive do you think you are?**

Depends… are we talking about with humans or animals?

Cause it's REALLY hard to be sensitive to humans…

**Would you rather read a dictionary, or be friends with poachers?**

Is it a dictionary of animals? Otherwise I'll be friendly to the poachers… and THEN murder them.

**What if there were no such things as animals?**

Well, I'd die. Cause I'm NOTHING without animals!

And the food chain would have ceased to exist.

At least that takes care of poachers.

**First thing you do after breakfast?**

Pet all my animals! And that takes me about until lunch…

But, if you think THAT'S hard, just wait till feeding time…

**Wish for the world?**

That we would stop killing off animals! Did you know multiple species become extinct each day? I know! It's HORRIBLE!

**Have you ever been sympathetic towards humans?**

Humans? What's there to be sympathetic towards! They decide their own futures! It's not like animals, which have no choice!

**Garfield or Tiger?**

Tiger! I mean, both were created by humans, but Garfield doesn't retain half of the wonderful characteristics of animals! He's been humanized!

-&-

AN: I love Garfield! That isn't my personal view, but it's Newt Scamander's view. That's how it turned out, it isn't meant to be offensive! There's one chapter left (GASPETH, I _know_), and it's a surprise character! Review!


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